A vampire character's arm has just been accidentally sheared off at the shoulder. He glances at it, then frowns at the sidekick. "You ruined my new jacket!" He then looks at his vampire henchmen and orders, "Kill him a lot!"
This same character's death scene, near the end of the movie. An exceptionally hammy Paul Reubens milks it for all it's worth.
This exchange:
Buffy: You were my friend! Grueller(now a vampire): Now, I'm a god! [Buffy kicks Grueller in the face, knocking him right back into Pike, who promptly stabs him through the heart with a slab of wood.] Pike: And now, you're a coat rack!
A TV news reporter notes that eyewitnesses have compared a vampire victim's neck bite to "a really gross hickey."
The principal walking around and dropping detention slips on all the dead vampires on the gym floor.
TV series: Season 1
Welcome to the Hellmouth (1x01)
Xander's entrance which cements his Butt Monkey status.
Witch (1x03)
Xander: I laugh in the face of danger. Then I hide until it goes away.
Buffy has several funny moments in the early stages of having Catherine's Bloodstone Vengeance spell cast on her, such as perkily singing "Macho Man" in front of a bewildered Joyce.
The Pack (1x06):
Giles: Xander's taken to teasing the less fortunate?
Buffy: Uh-huh.
Giles: And there's a noticeable change in both clothing and demeanor?
Buffy: Yes.
Giles: And, well, otherwise all his spare time is spent lounging about with imbeciles.
Buffy: It's bad, isn't it?
Giles: It's devastating. He's turned into a sixteen year old boy. Of course, you'll have to kill him.
I Robot, You Jane (1x08):
Moloch The Corrupter: [A demon, who has been released into the Internet, tries to turn Willow] Don't you see? I can give you everything! I can control the world! Right now a man in Beijing is transferring money to a Swiss bank account for a contract on his mother's life. [Beat] Good for him!
Buffy: Hey, did you forget? The one boy I've had the hots for since I've moved here turned out to be a vampire.
Xander: Right, and the teacher I had a crush on? Giant praying mantis?
Willow: That's true.
Xander: Yeah, that's life on the Hellmouth.
Buffy: Let's face it: none of us are ever gonna have a happy, normal relationship.
Xander: We're doomed!
Willow: Yeah! *All laugh, then stop as what they're saying sinks in. They sit in quiet realization until the credits roll*
The Puppet Show (1x09):
Principal Snyder cracked me up repeatedly in this, his introductory episode. I don't know whether it was his deadpan delivery or his cynical portrayal of kids. It was probably his berating the late former principal's school policies and his horrible fate of being eaten, though. Regardless, his were most the lines in that episode worthy of remembrance.
Snyder: "Kids today need discipline. That's an unpopular word these days, discipline. I know Principal Flutie would have said, 'Kids need understanding. Kids are human beings.' That's the kind of woolly-headed, liberal thinking that leads to being eaten."
Another gem from Snyder:
Snyder: There are things I will not tolerate. Students loitering on campus after school. Horrible murders with hearts being removed. And also smoking.
"Does anyone else feel like we've been Keyser Soze'd?"
When the curtain lifts: Buffy is holding Sid, Willow carries an axe, and there's a dead demon beneath the guillotine.
Snyder: I don't get it. *credits roll* Is it avant-garde?
The "Oedipus Rex" scene over the end—especially when Willow freezes and then bolts.
Snyder: There are no dead students here. This week.
Cordelia: People who think their problems are so huge craze me. Like this time I sort of ran over this girl on her bike. It was the most traumatizing event of my life, and she's trying to make it about her leg! Like my pain meant nothing.
Xander's pun regarding a student having seemingly been attacked by a sentient baseball bat (this is prior to the gang discovering that the culprit is the invisible girl, Marcie):
Giles: I've never actually heard of anyone attacked by a lone baseball bat before.
Xander: Maybe it's a vampire bat. (everyone stares at him) ...I'm alone on that one, huh?
Willow and Xander distract Snyder so Buffy can sneak past him to investigate the locker room:
Snyder:(to Buffy) And you need to stay away from the crime scene. Always sticking your nose in.
Willow: Sue? What did you say? Mitch was gonna sue the school?
Snyder: Sue? Who?
Xander: Well, his dad is the most powerful lawyer in Sunnydale.
Snyder: Hold on. What have you two heard?
Xander: His dad, the lawyer. You haven't heard of him?
Willow: Other lawyers call him 'The Beast'.
This also comes up later, after Marcie pushes Harmony down the stairs, breaking the latter's ankle:
Snyder: Don't sue.
When Cordelia eventually turns to the Scoobies for help:
Cordelia: Buffy, I, uh, I, I know we've had our differences, with you being so weird and all, and hanging out with these total losers... Well, anyway, despite all of that, I know that you share this feeling that we have for each other, deep down...
Willow: Nausea?
Nightmares (1x10):
Cordelia's nightmares, getting horrifically frizzy hair and being forcibly conscripted into the chess club.
Prophecy Girl (1x12):
The Master. During an earthquake, the Master gives a hammish monologue about how it is a sign of the apocalypse. When it is done, he turns to the Anointed One, and does what any Californian would do after an earthquake:
The Master: What do you think? 5.1?
"That's cool. I'm going to go home, lay down and listen to country music... the music of pain."
TV series: Season 2
"When She Was Bad" (2x01):
Snyder: There are some things I can just smell. It's like a sixth sense.
Buffy being bitchy to Cordelia: "Cordelia, your mouth is open, sound is coming from it. This is never good."
This exchange.
Willow: What's making Buffy act like such a B-I-T-C-H? Giles: Willow, I think we're a little old to be spelling words out. Xander: A... "bit-kuh"? (awkward silence)
"Some Assembly Required" (2x02):
Buffy tells Giles while on patrol, she and Angel found some empty graves:
Giles: Grave robbing? That's new. Interesting.
Buffy: I know you meant to say gross and disturbing.
Giles: Yes, of course. Terrible thing. Must put a stop to it... dammit.
Cordelia is whinging about no one giving her sympathy, so without missing a beat Giles pats her on the shoulder, obviously mocking.
Xander: Okay, that's it. I'm putting a collar with a little bell on that guy.
"Reptile Boy" (2x05)
Xander: Angel Angel Angel. Does every conversation we have have to come around to that freak?
Angel appears right behind him.
Xander, seamlessly: Hey man, how you doing?
Angel: Buffy.
Buffy: Angel.
Xander, in a deep voice: Xander.
The whole time this exchange is happening Xander is busy reading a newspaper. Nicholas Brendon's delivery absolutely seals it.
Also this, after the gang rescues Buffy from the frat house party turned attempted human sacrifice:
Buffy: (shamefacedly) I told one lie. I had one drink.
Giles: Yes, and you were very nearly devoured by a giant demon snake. The words "let that be a lesson to you" are a tad redundant at this juncture.
"Lie to Me" (2x07)
Angel laments the shallow vampire fanboys:
Angel: These people don't know anything about vampires. What they are, how they live, how they dress...
*Cue a teen walking past in an outfit identical to his*
Spike(after Ford walks into the factory): Do I have anyone on watch? It's called security, people! Are you all asleep? Beat Or have we finally found a restaurant that delivers?
"What's My Line" (2x09)
—>Cordelia: What am I, mass transportation?
Xander: That's what a lot of the guys say, but it's just locker-room talk.
Angel is having his hand wrapped up in gauze, but the pained expression he has is from Buffy complaining about Ted. When she says she's sick of everyone talking about him, before playing sweetheart Angel gets this dig in.
So you going to talk about something else at some point?
Willow: The sad thing is, the real Ted must have been a genius. There were design features in that robot that predate-
Buffy: (horrified) Willow, tell me you didn't keep any parts.
Willow: ... well, not any big ones?
Buffy: Oh Will, you're supposed to use your powers for good!
Spike: You can't see the stars. That's the ceiling, Dru. Also, it's day.
Dru: I can see them. But I've named them all the same name, and there's terrible confusion.
This shows how broken she is.
Spike: (to the newly soulless Angel when he says he doesn't want to kill Buffy) ...Now, I know you haven't been in the game for a while, mate, but we do still kill people. It's sort of our raison d'être, you know.
Phases (2x15)
After several werewolf attacks the students are being taught self defense. After the instructor explains these are simple techniques Buffy offers an idea mostly to herself.
Here's a suggestion: move away from the Hellmouth.
Larry is tormenting Theresa during self defense class, before trying to get her to be his partner. This fires up Buffy who steps in and we get this exchange.
Theresa: There's actually a few others who need partners.
Buffy: And I'm one of the few.
Buffy's all smiles, her thought process along the lines of, Yeah, okay, Larry's going home short a couple of limbs, until Willow pulls her aside.
Willow: Buffy, just remember, you're meant to be a weak girl. You can't go all Slayer on him.
Buffy: Spoil my fun.
After pouting she does anyway, when she pretends to struggle with the moves she was shown to do and Larry grabs her ass.
Oz: (after seeing Larry thrown down hard) That works too.
What about Xander talking to Larry about being a Werewolf, telling him he'd gone through the same thing when he was part of "The Pack"
Xander: Hurting me isn't going to make this go away, people are still going to find out.
Larry: (Looking scared) Alright. What do you want? Hush money? Is that what you're after?
Xander: I don't WANT anything, I just wanna help!
Larry: What, you think you have a cure?
Xander: (Talking about his time in The Pack) No, it's just... I know what you're going through because I've BEEN there. That's why I know you should talk about it.
Larry: That's easy for you to say. You're nobody. I got a reputation.
Xander: Larry, please, before someone else gets hurt!
Larry: Look, if this gets out, it's over for me. Forget about playing football, they'll run me out of this town! I mean, come on, how are people gonna look at me after they find out I'm gay?
Larry: I said it... and it felt... okay! I'm gay! I am gay!
Xander: I heard you the first time.
Larry: I don't believe it. It was almost easy. I never felt I could tell anyone, and then you... you of all people... you bring it out of me... Knowing you went through the same thing... made it easier for me to admit it!
Xander: The same thing... Larry, no, I'm not-
Larry: (Pats Xander on the shoulder) Don't worry. I wouldn't do that to you. Your secret's safe with me. (Gives Xander a thumbs up and walks out, leaving Xander there, shocked)
Bewitched, Bothered and Bewildered (2x16):
Due to Axe Deodorant a failed love spell, Xander is being chased by every girl in the town. He goes to the library and shoves a dresser-sized thing up against the door to barricade it. Then Buffy pulls the door open from the other side.
Buffy responds a little too forcefully to Xander joking about a lap dance giving him comfort. His mental gears start turning and he works out something's not right, so he goes home where Willow is wearing one of his shirts, and nothing else. She does everything in her power to seduce Xander, going to lengths not seen even when she later tries to make up with Oz. Xander decides he has to be a man, and hide.
Don't forget when Drusilla goes to declare her love to a terrified Xander and much to the confusement of Angelus. It was like watching King Kong with Xander unable to escape.
Angelus: I guess I really did drive you crazy!
Amy starts casting another spell on one of Xander's rivals (having turned Buffy into a rat previously), only for Xander to clap his hand over her mouth.
Xander: Would you quit it with the Hecates!?
To top it all off, Buffy sums up her part in the episode with this gem:
Buffy: I remember coming on to you... I remember begging you to undress me... and then a sudden need for cheese.
"Killed by Death" (2x18)
When no one is singing:
Buffy: Shh, hospital zone, no singing.
When Giles and Cordelia are researching demons:
Cordelia: Eww, what does this do?
Giles: It extracts vital organs to replenish its own mutating cells.
Cordelia: Wow! What does this one do?
Giles: It elongates its mouth to engulf its victim's head with its incisors.
Cordelia: Ouch! Wait, what does this one do?
Giles:(incredibly irritated) It asks endless questions of those with whom it's supposed to be working so that nothing is getting done.
Cordelia: Boy, there's a demon for everything!
As they're discussing the existence of Buffy's demon-
Cordelia: So this isn't about you being afraid of hospitals 'cause your friend died, and you want to conjure up a monster that you can fight so you can save everybody and not feel so helpless?
Giles: Cordelia, have you ever actually heard of tact?
Cordelia: Tact is just not saying true stuff. I'll pass.
Go Fish (2x20)
For this troper it'll always be the episode 'Go Fish' where Xander came across a mutant fish monster and tries to tell the others about it. Though some aren't quite buying how he faced it.
Cordelia: Admit it, you ran like a woman.
And just a few minutes later,
Xander: What about me, what do I do?
Cordelia: You could go into the parking lot and practice running like a man.
This exhange:
Buffy: So, something ripped him open and ate out his insides?
Willow: Like an Oreo cookie, well, except for, you know, without the... chocolatey cookie goodness...
Becoming (2x21 and 22)
After a long and very grim explanation by Giles, of how the demon Acathla, if awakened, would pull the entire world into a Hell dimension, where every non-demon would suffer eternal torment, we suddenly cut to the view Angel, Spike, and Drusilla looking at the stone that's holding Acathla:
Spike: It's a big rock. Can't wait to tell my friends. They don't have a rock this big.
Angelus attempts to perform the ritual that will awaken Acathla, but is thrown across the room when it doesn't work. Spike's response?
Spike: (singsong) Someone wasn't wooooorthy.
Spike explaining why he doesn't want to destroy the world, ending with his description of people as 'Happy Meals with legs'.
Same episode, Buffy: "I lost a friend tonight. I might lose more. The whole earth may be sucked into Hell... and you want my help 'cause your girlfriend's a big ho? Well let me take this opportunity to not care!"
Or just as Buffy and Spike are finalizing their temporary alliance, while the police officer that tried to arrest Buffy lies unconscious nearby.
Buffy: All right. Talk.
Spike: (idly) Just let me kill this guy and...
Buffy: *clears her throat loudly*
Spike: (looks puzzled, then insincerely sheepish) Oh. Right.
The scene with Joyce and Spike sitting together in the living room is hilariously awkward.
Joyce: Have we met?
Spike: Er... You hit me with an axe one time. Remember, er, "get the hell away from my daughter"?
Joyce: Oh. - pause - So, do you live here in town?
For some reason, Spike's reaction when Angelus is standing over Buffy with a sword.
Spike(holding Drusilla in his arms): *in shock* He's really going to kill her. *shrugs, then keeps walking*
On being unable to prepare for the finals because of yet another impending apocalypse:
Xander: First of all, what was with the acrobatics? How did that happen?
Oz: Wasn't Andy Hoelich on the gymnastics team?
Xander: That's right, he was! [yells at Andy] Cheater! [turns back] Okay, and the, uh, second problem I'm having — "Come and get it, Big Boy"?
Willow: Well, w-w-well, the Slayer always says a pun, or-or a witty play on words, and, I think it throws the vampires off! And, and it makes them frightened, because I'm wisecracking. Okay, I didn't really have a chance to work on that one, but you try it every time!
Oz: Uh, if I may suggest, "This time it's personal." I mean, there's a reason why it's a classic.
And the scene before that, with Willow confronting the vampire.
Giles (Imitating Joyce): Oh bloody hell...Do you like my mask? Isn't it pretty? It raises the dead! Americans!
Giles hotwiring his car:
Giles: Like riding a bloody bicycle!
Jonathan getting caught in the middle of a verbal spat between Buffy and her mother and friends
Buffy: "Great, anyone else want to weigh in on this? You there, by the dip."
Jonathan: "No, thanks."
Faith, Hope and Trick (3x3)
When Snyder is forced to rescind Buffy's expulsion:
Buffy: So let me get this straight. I'm really back in school because the school board overruled you. Wow. That's like having your whole ability to do this job called into question, when you think about it.
Joyce: Buffy, sit down. (to Snyder) I belive what my daughter is trying to say is...Nyah nyah, nuh-nyah nyah!
Band Candy (3x6)
This troper maintains that the funniest moment in the entire series is Snyder's line in this episode:
Principal Snyder: Woo, Summers, you drive like a SPAZZ.
This actually comes back up in Season 8, when Buffy accidentally goes to the future, and meets the Slayer of that time.
Pretty much the whole scene of the Scoobies finding The Bronze infested with old people.
How's about this bit at the end, when Buffy appears to be trying to come to grips with the events of the Band Candy rampage, when in fact she's talking about something else entirely?
Buffy: (portentuously) There was just too much to deal with. It was like nothing made sense anymore. The things that I thought I understood were gone. I just felt so alone...
Giles: Was that the math or the verbal?
Buffy: Mostly the math.
Buffy is training with Giles, but she wants to rush off to see Angel. Nonetheless she allows herself to be blindfolded and handed a ball.
"Okay, you're just doing this to take silly photos of me."
Giles tells her to throw the ball at him. She turns away and lets fly, causing him to smirk before the ball hits the wall and thwacks him.
"You see it's not that..." BOP "...ow."
Lovers' Walk (3x8)
Cordelia: Get out of Sunnydale, that's a good thing. What kind of moron would ever want to come back here?
(cut to Welcome to Sunnydale town entrance sign being smashed down by Spike's car on his way in - for the second time in the series)
It helps that Spike is completely smashed in this scene.
Then there's Spike taunting Angel, standing behind Joyce pulling a Lugosi pose.
(A bit later, when the First is bragging about her not having any idea what she is dealing with)
Buffy: Could it be...evil?
So exactly what does Willow do after she makes up with Oz? She pulls out every trick in the book to try and seduce him. It's...overwhelming for him to say the least.
Gingerbread (3x11)
Cordelia: I came over here to tell Buffy to stop this craziness and found you all unconscious... again. How many times have you been knocked out, anyway? I swear, one of these times, you're gonna wake up in a coma.
Giles: ...Wake upin a--?! Oh, never mind. We need to save Buffy from Hansel and Gretel.
Cordelia: Now let's be clear. The brain damage happened *before* I hit you.
And a little later:
Giles: It's about, uh, lifting a veil. Um, it should, uh, make the demons appear in their true form, which with any luck, will, uh, negate their influence. And, uh, drop a toadstone into the mixture.
Cordelia: (picks up the toadstone) This? It doesn't look like a toad.
Giles: No reason it should. It's from inside the toad.
Cordelia: I hate you.
Buffy and Willow threatening to turn the Burn the Witch! mob into vermin. And fish.
In which an old folktale will never be the same again:
Buffy: Is Sunnydale any better than when I first came here? Okay, so I battle evil. But I don't really win. The bad keeps coming back and getting stronger. Like that kid in the story, the boy that stuck his finger in the duck.
Once they have been taken prisoner by the Monster of the Week - Balthazar, a grotesquely obese demon in a large bath who is looking for a powerful amulet. The expected interrogation begins thus:
Wesley: What is that creature?
Giles: That would be your demon. You know, the dead one?
Wesley: The important thing, is to stay calm!
Giles: *deadpans* Well, thank God you're here, I was planning to panic.
Balthazar: You know what I want.
Giles: (completely deadpan) If it's for me to scrub those hard-to-reach places, I'd like to request you kill me now.
Willow’s summation gets a call back in “Tabula Rasa” (6x8).
According to Word Of God, they weren't planning on making anyone gay at that point. That's right, it's a joke that's so funny it turned someonegay.
And her evil twins reaction to waking up in Willows fluffy clothes: "Well, look at me. I'm all fuzzy."
Later in the episode, Willow shoots Vamp!Willow with a dart gun, steals her clothes and locks her in the library cage, where Cordelia finds her. Instead of letting her out however, she discusses the ethics of boyfriend stealing, with Willow's evil twin hanging on the bars with an expression that just screams bored now.
Cordelia: What is it? Is there something on my neck?"
Vamp!Willow: Not yet.
"I'm a blood-sucking fiend! Look at my outfit!"
This:
Buffy: It was exactly you, Will. Every detail. Except for your not being a dominatrix... as far as we know.
Willow: (rolling her eyes) Oh, right. Me and Oz play "Mistress of Pain" every night.
*Giles frowns*
Xander: Did anyone else just go to a scary visual place?
Buffy:Oh yeah.
Some fans who put The Wish out of their minds get a meta one.
Angel: (sees Willow standing over in the corner) Oh, hey Willow. (jumps back) Wait a second-!
(Giles rolls his eyes)
Xander: We're right there with you, buddy.
Earlier, when everyone thinks that Willow has become a vampire:
Giles: She was truly the finest of us all.
Xander: (choked up) Way better than me.
Giles: (matter-of-factly) Much, much better.
Willow's reaction to The Glomp upon the gang seeing her alive and well leads to this tremendous line:
Willow: It's really great that you guys missed me. Say, you didn't all happen to do a bunch of drugs, did ya?
Anya tries to order a beer:
Anya: God, what a day... Gimme a beer.
Barkeep:(deadpan) ID.
(Anya stares at him in disbelief)
Barkeep:
Anya: I'm eleven hundred and twenty years old! Just gimme a frickin' beer!
Barkeep: ID.
Anya:(sigh) Gimme a Coke.
Willow is disguised as Vamp Willow:
Buffy:(regarding the corset) You okay in that thing?
Willow: It's a little binding. I guess vampires really don't have to breathe. (looks down at her cleavage) Gosh, look at those.
The scene where Wilkins gives Faith her own apartment. Just before it ends, you can clearly see Eliza Dushku trip.
Which fits. The Mayor wants to kill everyone. Even her. And Faith's all for helping him. Of course the girl's trippin.
Vamp Willow's send-off. First, Willow's heartwarming hug to her vampire counterpart leads to some "friendly" groping ("Hands!"), and then Vamp Willow gets to enjoy being back in her own reality... for all of three seconds before getting staked.
After everyone thinks Willow's a vampire, Xander shoves a cross in her face. When it doesn't do anything, he shakes it like a faulty Etch-a-Sketch.
Enemies (3x17)
The Mayor: There is more than one way to skin a cat and I happen to know that this is factually true.
Just how Affably Evil is the Mayor? Well Faith is moping that she didn't kill Buffy, so the Mayor tries to cheer her up.
"I have two words that will make all the pain go away. Miniature. Golf." (Faith stares at him for a moment, all "Are you serious?" then cracks up.
Willow is trying to convince Buffy there's nothing going on between Angel and Faith, but both realise that Faith is drop-dead gorgeous and Really Gets Around.
Willow: I mean, please, does Angel come up to Faith's standards for a guy? Let's see, is he breathing?
Buffy: Actually, no.
Giles thanks the powerful sorcerer who faked removing Angel's soul for his help, with the sorcerer remarking that his debt to Giles had now been repaid. After he leaves, someone asks what the debt was he'd owed Giles:
Giles: I introduced him to his wife.
Earshot (3x18)
A great Oz moment comes when Buffy hears his thoughts:
Oz: [thinks] I am my thoughts. If they exist in her, Buffy contains everything that is me and she becomes me. I cease to exist. [out loud] Huh.
And Cordelia's thought-to-speech:
Cordelia: [thinks] I don't see what this has to do with me. [out loud] I don't see what this has to do with me.
How can we forget Xander?
Xander: What am I gonna do? I think about sex all the time! Sex! Help! 4 times 5 is thirty. 5 times 6 is 32. Naked girls. Naked Women! Naked Buffy! Oh stop me!
"You had sex with Giles! You had sex with Giles? On the hood of a Police Car? TWICE?!"
And the episode's conclusion.
Giles: I'm glad to see you've recovered from your psychic encounter more or less intact. Feel up to some training?
Buffy: Sure! We can work out after school. You know, if you're not too busy having sex with my mother.
Giles: (walks headfirst into a tree)
Which Anthony Stewart Head ad libbed.
Revealed in "Who Are You" (4x16) that Joyce's exact words were "He's like a stevedore in bed". Buffy doesn't know what a stevedore is.
Earlier in the episode Xander and Oz are watching the pep rally and sharing snarks.
Xander: I think they're much better this year.
Oz: Well their spelling's improved.
There's a reason this is Sarah Michelle Gellar's favorite episode. When Buffy reveals she can hear other people's thoughts she hears Xander's.
XANDER: What am I going to do? I think about sex all the time. Sex. Help. Four times five is thirty. Five times six is thirty-two...Naked girls. Naked women. Naked Buffy. Oh, stop me.
BUFFY: God, is that all you think about?
XANDER: Actually...(bolts) bye.
Buffy knows where Xander's thoughts are going and shoots him a filthy look, then rolls her eyes when they predictably go to girls, then reacts with anger when he thinks of her naked.
And after Xander is busted...
WESLEY: Xander has just illustrated something. Chances are, you're all going to find yourself thinking whatever you least want Buffy to hear. It's a matter, of course, of mental discipline...
Only to immediately think...
WESLEY: Look at Cordelia. No! Don't look at Cordelia! She's a student! Oh, I am bad. A bad, bad man.
He then spots Buffy smirking at him. Given her thoughts of him she could easily be saying one of several things.
When Buffy fears just what aspect of the demon she might get she notices Willow's eyes bug out at one possibility.
One of the first things Joyce sees when she visits Angel's house is the shackles attached to the wall. She says nothing, but it's obvious what she's thinking.
Buffy has a little freak out when her friends are scared to go to the prom because some loser threatens it with hell hounds.
Oz: And once again, the Hellmouth puts the "special" in special occasion.
Xander: (angrily slams down a pile of books) Why do I even buy tickets to these things, I ask you?!?
Willow: (worried) I wonder if I can take my dress back.
Buffy: (leaps up) Don't you dare!
Willow: But Tucker's gonna-
Buffy: No. (inspirational music starts to swell) You guys are gonna have a prom. The kind of prom that everyone should have. I'm gonna give you a nice, fun, normal evening... (triumphantly) if I have to kill every single person on the face of the earth to do it.
Xander: ....yay?
Later, after finding Tucker, we get this exchange.
Willow: We can't just leave you, Buff-
Giles: Buffy, they're right. You need-
Buffy: To see tail lights. Hit the door. I've got everything under control.
I'm just gonna go ahead and say any scene with the Mayor is an utterly brilliant mix of '60s sitcom humor (I half-expect to hear a Laugh Track whenever he's on screen) and standard Buffy villain shock value. There truly will never be a villain like him in television again.
Mayor: [reading from an ancient tome, in front of the Scoobies] "The Beast shall walk upon the Earth, and darkness shall follow. The several races of man will be as one in their terror and destruction" aww, that's kind of sweet! All those different races, coming together?
This troper's favourite is the Scoobies trying to come up with a way to defeat the Mayor.
Cordelia: I personally don't think it's possible to come up with a crazier plan.
Oz: We attack the Mayor with hummus.
Cordelia: I stand corrected.
Oz: Just keeping things in perspective.
Cordelia: Thank you.
And then, later on:
Angel: Well, he wasn't too crazy about germs.
Cordelia: Of course! That's it! We'll attack him with germs.
Buffy: Great! We'll get him cornered and then you can sneeze on him.
Cordelia: No! No. We'll get a container of Ebola virus and . . . and . . . or, it doesn't even have to be real. We can get a box that says Ebola on it and . . . um . . . chase him! (silence) With the box.
Xander: I'm starting to lean towards the Hummus Offensive.
Also, the fact that the image is, essentially, a centerfold.
TV series: Season 4
The Freshman (4x1)
"Uh, are we gonna fight? Or is this gonna be, like, some big monster sarcasm rally?" That line had this troper (kalel32688) and his mom in stitches.
The best part was when you ragged on your clothes. She was like "No! Not the ensemble!"
Sunday looking through Eddie's CD collection:
Boring, boring, boring, boring, boring, boring, (sigh) astonishingly boring. We, we have to kill some cooler people. Will somebody remind me?
Living Conditions (4x2)
Buffy's Death Glare when her roommate Cathy spills ketchup on the sweater she "loaned" and later when Willow takes a bite from Buffy's sandwich. The Slayer's got serious ownership issues.
(to Giles in his own home) "I need to talk to Xander. Go away".
Fear Itself (4x4)
Willow is all sunny discussing Halloween, after Parker dumped Buffy.
"We need to make sure Buffy has fun. Force fun upon her. And if Parker shows up we'll just ax murder him. That's Halloweeny."
Giles: The summoning spell for Gachnar can be shut down in one of two ways. Destroying the Mark of Gachnar...
Buffy destroys the mark
Giles: ...is not one of them, and will in fact immediately bring forth the Fear Demon itself.
*''cue three-inch high demon
The exchange between Xander and Giles that follows the fear demon's appearance:
Giles: Don't taunt the fear demon.
Xander: *alarmed* Why? Can he hurt me?
Giles:No, it's just tacky.
This wraps up with Giles finding the information on Gachnar in an old book. Under the image it says (in another language) Actual Size.
Buffy: There's no problem that cannot be solved by chocolate. Willow: I think I'm gonna barf. Buffy: Except that.
The sombrero.
Giles and Anya trying to gain entrance to the magically sealed house:
Giles:[Reading through a magical text] We need to... open a door. Anya: You can do that? Giles: [Pulls a chainsaw out of nowhere and starts cutting.]
Beer Bad (4x5)
It’s the episode we took our edit password from:
Xander: And was there a lesson in all of this? What have we learned about beer?
Buffy: Foamy!
Xander: Good. Just so that's clear.
The Initiative (4x7)
Harmony's fight with Xander. First, they square off. Then, Harmony slaps Xander. Then, Xander kicks Harmony in the shins. Then they start pulling each other's hair. Then it goes to slow-mo...
What's even better about this episode is that it's the only fight in either series in which any of the actors actually were hurt afterwards. Not badly, but they had to wear shin guards and knee pads so they didn't get too bruised.
The scene with Spike's being unable to attack Willow as a metaphor.
"Why don't we wait half an hour and you can try again? ...or..." *hits Spike over the head with a lamp*
This exchange:
Xander: Every man faces this moment. Here. Now. Watching, waiting for an unseen enemy that has no face. Nerve endings screaming in silence. Never knowing which thought might be your last.
Giles: Oh, shut up.
The scene where Willow is advising Riley on how to initiate conversation with Buffy:
Willow: Keep eye contact. Funny is good, but don't be glib. And remember, if you hurt her, I will beat you to death with a shovel.
(Riley looks back at her, very surprised)
Willow: A vague disclaimer is nobody's friend. Have fun.
Pangs (4x8)
Pangs wasn't the best of episodes in the series, with awkward conflict over Native Americans in the Scooby Gang and Angel being...well, having barely any role in the story at all. But James Marsters delivers some stellar performance that actually made me sympathetic towards a blood-sucking demon, for not being able to suck blood! Then he does some hilarious propwork hopping around in a chair all tied up while the Shumash indians are firing arrow after arrow at him. But the crowning moment of funny comes right towards the end of the encounter, where...
And there's Giles being inducted into the ritual of Thanksgiving dinner...
Buffy : (on mashing potatoes) You don't have a ricer? How can you not have a ricer! ...What's a ricer?
Giles: (irritably) We'll mash them with forks, much as the Pilgrims must have!
The scene where Willow, Xander and Anya are rushing to help Buffy and Giles... on stolen bicycles. Complete with heroic music.
The way everyone keeps assuming Angel is evil again, for absolutely no reason.
Something Blue (4x9)
The scenes where Spike and Buffy plan their wedding, and Xander's reaction to it:
Xander: Yeah. Right. You're marrying Spike because you're so right for each other.
Buffy: Xander!
Spike: That's it! You're off the usher list.
And...
Buffy: Honey, we need to talk about the invitations. Now, do you wanna be William the Bloody or just Spike? 'cause either way, it's gonna look majorly weird.
Spike: Whereas the name "Buffy" gives it that touch of classic elegance.
Spike: Look at that lip. Gonna get it. Gonna get it (starts kissing)
Buffy Oh, stop.
Giles: Yes, please stop.
And this:
Buffy: (referring to a crypt) ...and oh my God! wouldn't this be a great place to take pictures?
Spike: I'm not posing for chuff all (monster arrives)
Buffy: All right, now we're gonna do this without destroying the foliage.
Riley finds out about the engagement.
Okay. It's late. And I'm... I'm very tired now. So... I'm just gonna go far away and be... away.
Then Xander finds out...
Buffy: Spike and I are getting married!
Xander: How? What? How?
Giles: Three excellent questions.
Followed almost immediately by Spike and Buffy going full speed with the kissing:
Xander: C-can I be blind too?
Willow finally changing Amy back into a human, and accidentally changing her back before she could speak.
Hush (4x10)
Giles' overhead presentation in "Hush," complete with stick figure drawings (using copious amounts of red pen for blood), Anya nonchalantly munching popcorn throughout, and best of all, Buffy's easily-misinterpreted "staking" motion. Then her outraged 'my hips aren't that big!' gesture.
Personally I enjoyed Xander's "boobs?" gesturing and Willow's miming of what would happen once she played a screamo CD.
Xander picking up the phone, calling Buffy, and...hanging up. Xander shouting random things to see if he could vocalize a sound, blaming Spike at the top of his lungs, and Spike (still tied to a chair from his arrival the previous day) flipping him the V. Really, the half-an-act starting after Buffy wakes up has enough funny parts to be humorous if you can't read lips, but is truly hilarious if you can.
Spike has to stay in Xander's bedroom and is tied to a chair by his bed, he says the following with the funniest girly voice you have ever heard:
Spike: Xander, don't you care about me?
Xander: Shut up.
Spike: We never talk.
Xander: Shut up!
Spike: Xaaaaander...
Xander: SHUT UP!
Walsh pointed out the IN CASE OF EMERGENCY USE STAIRWAY sign to Riley & Forrest after they had just survived the Initiative's poison gas countermeasures.
This exchange:
Spike: We're out of Weetabix.
Giles: We are out of Weetabix because you ate it all. Again.
Spike: Get some more.
Giles: I thought vampires were supposed to eat blood.
Spike: Yeah, well, sometimes I like to crumble up the Weetabix in the blood. Gives it a little texture.
Giles: Since the picture you just painted means that I will never touch food of any kind again, you'll just have to pick it up yourself.
Spike: Sissy.
The sheer terror the Gentlemen inspires kills it a bit, but Doug Jones does a hilarious "oh shucks, you shouldn't have" gesture when the others applaud his presenting the hearts they've gotten.
Riley and Forrest are in the elevator not able to get the vocal recognition thingy to work, and Riley is trying to remember the manual override password. Behind him Forrest takes the time to write on his little scrap of paper.
Forrest: (held up behind Riley's head) Come on! Come on!
Doomed (4x11)
Giles informs the Scoobies that the Monsters Of The Week are planning to bring about the end of the world. Their response:
Buffy, Willow, Xander: AGAIN??
Can we have a moment of appreciation for Buffy and Riley discussing their similar career choices in public?
Riley: I mean, you're a...fry cook, and so am I!
Buffy: Yes, but you're an amateur fry cook, and I come from a long line of fry cooks who don't live past 25!
At the end of the episode:
Spike: What’s this? Sitting around watching the telly while there’s evil still afoot. That’s not very industrious of you. I say we go out there and kick a little demon ass! What, can’t go without your Buffy, is that it? Too chicken? Let’s find her! She is the Chosen One after all. Come on! Vampires! Grrr! Nasty! Let’s annihilate them. For justice...and for...the safety of puppies...and Christmas, right? Let’s fight that evil! Let’s kill something! *after the screen fades to black* Oh, come on!"
A New Man (4x12)
Giles: Oh who am I kidding? Nothing is going to happen. (Closes the door)
Ethan: (Coming out of the shadows) I wouldn't say that, I wouldn't say that at all. In fact, Ripper, old mate, I'd say something rather interesting was about to hap-
Giles: (Comes back in) Is someone-?
Ethan: Oh Bugger! I thought you'd gone!
Demon!Giles chasing Prof. Walsh down the street in "A New Man". Petty yet satisfying.
Buffy's interview with Prof. Walsh:
Prof. Walsh: Agent Finn here, alone, has killed or captured— how many is it?
Spike has a tracer planted (read: shot) into his shoulder by the Initiative. Giles calls Willow in to use a spell to disrupt it's beacon. The spell that Willow chooses has the effect of ionizing the air around them. After the spell is finished, all the lights in the house burst, and when the camera pulls back to the Scoobies... Words fail this troper. Their hair looks like they all got struck by lightning. Or, to put it another way, like they raided Angel's hair-styling gel stash and used it. All. At once.
Willow's hair is truly spectacular. Its defiance of gravity rivals any Final Fantasy character.
Willow: Did it work? Is the atmosphere ionized?
Giles: ..... I'd venture 'yes'.
Goodbye Iowa (4x14)
Buffy's delivers what could have been one of her more badass speeches.
Buffy: You guys research the Polgara demon. I want to know where it is. When I find it, I'm going to make it pay for taking that kid's life. I'll make him die in ways he can't even imagine.
(everybody glares at her)
Buffy: .....that probably would've sounded more commanding if I wasn't wearing my yummy sushi pajamas.
This Year’s Girl (4x15) / Who Are You (4x16)
Riley's in-universe Continuity Lockout: After the rest of the Scoobies have a lengthy, intensive discussion about Faith waking up and what she could be doing, he sheepishly asks "Who's Faith?"
Xander and Giles ask Spike for help finding Faith.
Xander: For your information, smarty, we've got a rogue Slayer on our hands. Real psycho-killer too.
Spike: Sounds serious.
Giles: It is. What do you know?
Spike: What do you need?
Xander: Her. Dark hair. Yay tall, name of Faith, criminally insane.
Giles: Have you seen her?
Spike: Is this bird after you?
Xander: In a bad way, yeah.
Spike: Tell you what I'll do then. I'll head out, find this girl, tell her exactly where you are and then watch as she kills you. (Sees their looks of surprise and irritation.) Can't any one of your damn little Scooby club at least try to remember that I hate you all? Just because I can't do the damage myself doesn't stop me from aiming a loose cannon your way. And here I thought the evening would be dull.
Xander: Go ahead. You wouldn't even recognize her.
Spike: Dark hair, this tall, name of Faith, criminally insane. Like this girl already.
Xander and Giles watch him leave.
Xander: We're dumb.
Faith, as Buffy, outguesses Spike.
Spike: You know why I really hate you, Summers?
Fuffy: Because I'm a stuck up tight ass with no sense of fun?
Spike: Yeah, well...that's a large part of it.
"Who Are You?" after Faith and Buffy switch bodies and Buffy tries to tell Giles what happened. Eliza Dushku does a dead perfect Sarah Michelle Gellar impression as she tries to convince him she's really Buffy.
"What's a stevedore?"
Faith in Buffy's body comes to a church to save people held hostage by vampires and runs into Riley.
Xander: So we're saying he did a spell just to make us think he was cool?
Giles: Yes.
Xander: That is so cool!
Where the Wild Things Are (4x18)
This troper thinks that this episode, quite possibly the stupidest goddamn episode of the entire series, is worth it just to hear Anya angrily shouting "Me too! WHOOHOO!" What makes it gold is that she isn't being at all sarcastic - she's actually trying to sound like she's having fun, but is so furious that the attempt fails utterly.
When Willow, Anya, Tara and Xander go to find Giles and see him singing and playing guitar in a cafe. Cue stunned looks from the girls, in particular Willow whose mouth falls open, and this line from Xander:
Xander: Could we go back to the haunted house, because this is creeping me out.
Made all the more funnier when the girls all agree that voice is sexy (it is) and Xander nearly starts a Heroic BSOD.
Xander: I'm fighting total mental breakdown here, Will. No more fuel on the fire, please?
All of Xander's dialogue in this scene is just utterly hysterical.
Tara: Does he... do this a lot?
Xander: Sure! Every day the Earth rotates backwards and the skies turn orange!
They went looking for him after Giles told them he needed some along time. He spots them mid song and nearly falters.
Willow moaning at how good he is, before remembering why she had such a crush on him. Subtext? Where?
The Yoko Factor (4x20)
"The Yoko Factor" had Giles' off-screen "Bloody Hell!" after Willow finally came out as well as this reference to The Wizard of Oz.
Spike: You haven't been much of a whiz lately.
Willow: I am a whiz!
Tara: She is a whiz!
Willow: If ever a whiz there was.
Angel's uncharacteristically snarky comment to Buffy about Riley:
There's also Angel's parting words; he turns to Buffy, saying "About Riley..." It's set up as a "take care of her" moment, but gets mercifullysubverted when he says "...I don't like him."
What improves this is that they clearly did not get along; had the trope not been subverted, it would have been bad writing.
Restless (4x22)
Xander's dream sequence in Restless (4x22), where Xander is Benjamin L. Willard and Snyder is Colonel Kurtz. Made it into the series because Armin Shimmerman does a fantastic Brando impression.
Principal Snyder: I walked by your guidance counselor's office one time. A bunch of you were sitting there, waiting to be shepherded. I remember it smelled like dead flowers, like decay. Then it hit me. The hope of our nation's future is a bunch of mulch. Xander: You know, I never got the chance to tell you how glad I was you were eaten by a snake.
Buffy: Well, at least you all didn't dream about that guy with the cheese. (Giles, Xander and Willow look up in surprise) I don't know *where* the hell that came from. (All share confused glances at each other as Buffy leaves.)
Willow's dream interpretation of Death of a Salesman in "Restless". It involves a cowboy.
Flapper!Buffy: But what else could I expect from a bunch of low-rent, no-account hoodlums like you? Hoodlums, yes, I mean you and your friends, your whole sex, throw 'em in the sea for all I care, throw 'em in and wait for the bubbles, men with your groping and spitting all groin no brain three billion of you passing around the same worn-out urge. Men! With your ... sales!
For an episode as Mind Screw-y as Restless was, Buffy got a good one in on the First Slayer at the end, after she completely subverts the whole "Your Mind Makes It Real" gig.
Buffy: (To the very wild-haired First Slayer) Also, in terms of hair-care, you want to be asking yourself "What kind of impression am I making in the workplace?"
Giles, as the director of Willow's nightmare Death of a Salesman production, explaining to the cast (which includes all the regulars) that they have to be good because "everyone that Willow's ever met is out in that audience, including all of us." If the speech itself wasn't enough, then Harmony repeatedly jumping up to try to bite Giles's neck (he's a head taller than her at least) and Giles's nonchalant reaction ("Stop that, it's very annoying") seals the deal.
Riley and Human!Adam discussing their plans for world domination ("the key element is coffee makers that think") and their reaction to an Initiative security breech ("This could be serious." "We should build a fort." "I'll get some pillows.")
The Initiative alarm in that scene: "The demons have escaped. Please run for your lives."
Riley's declaration that "I showed up early, so I got to be cowboy guy."... Always thought of that as the explanation of how Marc Blucas got on the show in the first place.
TV series: Season 5
Buffy vs. Dracula (5x1)
Xander is trying not to let everyone else know that he's been brainwashed by Dracula:
Xander: Like any of that's enough to fight the Dark Master!
(Everybody looks at him funny.)
Xander: ...bator.
It gets even funnier later on:
Xander: I think you're drawing a lot of crazy conclusions about the Unholy Prince.
(Everybody looks at him funny again.)
Xander: ...bator.
Xander being dismissed by Dracula as "strange and annoying".
Xander again:
"Where is he? Where's the creep that turned me into a spider-eating manbitch?"
Real Me (5x2)
Three Words: "Harmony has minions?" Buffy completely loses it with laughter, making this an In-Universe CMOF.
"Sire-whipped".
This line from Giles after he takes over the magic shop.
Giles: I've was a librarian for years. This is no different except now people pay for the things they never return.
For that matter when Buffy sees him he's dressed in a full wizard outfit. Buffy stares at him, Giles stares back. She still stares at him, he still stares back. Buffy still stares at him, and Giles finally takes the hint and slowly, reluctantly, removes the hat.
Let's not forget this.
Buffy: Wow, you've really thought this through. How bored were you last year?
Giles: ... I watched "Passions" with Spike. Let us never speak of it.
Or Xander's adventures in babysitting:
Joyce: (to Dawn) Be good.
Xander: Oh, we will. We're just gonna play with matches, run with scissors, take candy from... some guy, I don't know his name. (winks at Dawn)
I always get a kick out of:
Dawn: She (Tara) and Willow are both witches. They do spells and stuff which is so much cooler than slaying. I told mom one time I wish they'd teach me some of the things they do together...and she got really quiet and made me go upstairs.
The way the Show went all Does This Remind You of Anything? regarding Willow and Taras Wiccan Magic got kind of silly after a while. But when the characters themself started doing it? Hilarious!
[Talking about Taras birthday]
Buffy: "Thinking there will be a lot of Wiccans there? Heavy Wiccan crowd?"
Xander: "That's sort of her deal. Her and Willow are all Wiccie. Swinging with the Wiccan lifestyle."
Xander: "With Willow, it is like she got this... whole new thing in her life. But she is still Willow, so I can always figure her out. But Tara, all I know is that she likes Willow. She already has one of those."
The whole gang defends Tara when her father arrives to take her away.
Spike: Except for me.
Xander: Except for Spike.
Spike: I don't care what happens.
Fool for Love (5x7)
Many of the Smash Cuts in the show are funny but the one that sticks out for me is the one in this episode, when Spike described himself as "always been bad" then we see the nerdy William trying to write a poem for his beloved Cecily.
Drusilla's odd reaction to Angel and Spike's quarrel.
Darla (sing song):I think our boys are going to fight!
Drusilla: The King of cups is expecting a picnic, but this is not his birthday!
Darla (beat): Good point.
Listening to Fear (5x9)
Giles describes the Monster of the Week as a "Killer snot creature from outer space".
Giles: ...I did not say that.
Into the Woods (5x10)
Anya: That's so very humorous. Make fun of the ex-demon! I can just hear you in private: "I dislike that Anya. She's newly human and strangely literal."
It's better in context—she's talking to a chicken foot as she imagines them making fun of her.
The large banner celebrating Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanzaa & Gurnenthar's Ascendance in Giles' shop.
Don't forget the Winter Solstice.
Triangle (5x11)
Xander and Anya are wondering how Buffy is dealing with Riley leaving. Cut to a convent.
When Olaf the troll asks Spike where there are babies (to eat), Spike turns to Xander and says, in total seriousness, "What do you think? The hospital?"
"They've got this onion thing..."
Buffy's "They (Xander & Anya) have a miraculous love" rant in "Triangle".
Checkpoint (5x12)
During a reminder that the Scooby Gang (quote circa late season 5) is hardly a group of civilians:
Buffy: "We're talking about two very powerful witches and a thousand-year-old ex-demon."
Anya: Anya Christina Emmanuella Jenkins. Twenty years old. Born on the fourth of July — and don't think there weren't jokes about that my whole life, mister, 'cause there were. "Who's our little patriot?" they'd say, when I was younger and therefore smaller and shorter than I am now.
Phillip: So... you spell it A - N - Y - A, then?
So does Willow's and Tara's interview.
Nigel: Well, I need to know a little bit more about the Slayer. And about both of you. Your relationship, whatever you can tell me.
Tara: O-ou-our relationship?
Willow: We're friends.
Tara: Good friends.
Willow: Girlfriends, actually.
Tara: Yes, we're girlfriends.
Willow: We're in love. We're... lovers. Lesbian, gay-type lovers. [She puts her hand on Tara's leg.]
Nigel: [Deadpan] I meant your relationship with the Slayer.
Buffy brings Joyce and Dawn over to Spike's to have him protect them:
Spike: And don't make a lot of noise. Passions is coming on.
Joyce:Passions? Oh, do you think Timmy's really dead?
Spike: Oh! (He and Joyce each sit on his armchair) No, no, she can just sew him back together. He's a doll, for god's sake
Joyce: Uh, what about the wedding? I mean, there's no way they're gonna go through with that.
Made even funnier by Dawn's total look of exasperation.
Buffy calls for no interruptions from the Watchers as she call them out. When one tries, she just throws a sword, landing in the wall directly across his chest, cutting him off.
Blood Ties (5x13)
After Buffy knocks Spike into the tomb he was sitting on:
Careful. These (his nails) are wet.
I Was Made to Love You (5x15)
Joyce's final scene is quite possibly the most laugh-out-loud funny moment in the series, which makes it extremely bittersweet.
Joyce: Gosh, I'd forgotten how much fun dating can be.
Buffy: I dunno. I was standing right here. I didn't even see Prince Charming. I didn't even see a good night kiss. It all looked pretty tame to me.
Joyce: Well, I suppose by your standards, it could seem pretty... Oh, dear.
Buffy: What?
Joyce: I left my bra in his car.
Buffy: MOTHER!!!
Joyce: I'm kidding.
Buffy: Good God, that's horrible. Don't do that.
Joyce: I left it in the restaurant.
Buffy: (running upstairs with her hands over her ears): No more! No more! No more!
This episode is one long Tear Jerker, but contains a gem of funny from Anya, after Xander punches a hole in the wall of Willow and Tara's apartment and Tara returns from the laundry room.
Tara: Did I miss something?
Anya: Xander decided that he blames the wall.
Intervention (5x18)
After having seen the Buffybot with Spike, the Scooby Gang confronts the real Buffy with what they believe to be the truth, and Hilarity Ensues.
Xander: Buffy, we care about you, and we're worried about you. The way you're acting, the things you're doing-
Anya: It's wrong.
Willow: Wait. This shouldn't be about blame.
Buffy: Blame? There's blame now?
Willow: No, there's only love. And... some fear.
Anya: We're just kind of thrown by the you having sex with Spike.
Buffy: (jawdrop) The who whatting how with huh?
Anya: Okay, that's denial. That usually comes before anger.
Buffy: (heatedly) I am not having sex with Spike!
Anya: Anger.
Xander: (soothingly) No one is judging you. It's understandable. Spike is strong and mysterious and sort of compact but well-muscled.
Buffy: (firmly) I am not having sex with Spike! But I'm starting to think that you might be!
Xander struggles not to laugh at the accusation.
Or, after the mystery of the Buffybot has been revealed.
Xander: Spike must have had her built so he could program her to-
Buffy: (horrified) Oh God!
Willow: Yikes! Imagine the things-
Buffy:No! No imagining, any of you!
Xander: (raises his hand sheepishly) Already got the visual.
We actually get to see the visual, which is about what we'd expect of Faith.
After finding the Buffybot...with Spike, Xander and Anya have to warn Willow and Tara, not knowing it's the bot yet. Tara doesn't want to judge Buffy, knowing what she went through, then...
Anya: Buffy's boinking Spike.
Willow: (struggling to understand) Oh. Well, Tara's right, grief can be powerful and we shouldn't judge -
Tara: What are you, kidding? She's nuts!
The script gets one for Xander's and Anya's reactions to Spike and the bot.
As she bumps into him, then she sees what he sees. Xander looks like he just took a bite of Hell. Anya, however, is intrigued and a little turned on.
"Oh Spike. You're the Big Bad. You're the Big Bad."
Tough Love (5x19)
After Willow claims that she doesn't know if she could sleep without Tara.
Anya: You can sleep with me! (Pause) That sounded a lot less lesbian in my head.
Spiral (5x20)
Anya's suggestion on how to deal with Glory:
Anya: Drop a piano on her. It always works for that creepy cartoon rabbit when he's running from that nice hunter with the speech impediment.
And this conversation between Spike and Giles while driving the old bus.
Spike: Step on it, gramps!
Giles: Step on what? I've driven tricycles with more power than this!"
The Gift (5x22)
Glory isn't exactly the brightest god in the heavens;
The Slayer's a robot! Did everybody else know that the Slayer was a robot?
Buffy puts the grand plan into motion to stop Glory, and in lieu of her usual pep talk, we get this:
Buffy: Hey, everybody knows their jobs. Remember, the ritual starts, we all die. And I'll kill anyone who comes near Dawn.
Buffy drinking alcohol and shuddering with disgust. Again. And again.
Buffy snarking during the demon poker game.
Spike: Somebody's gotta stake me.
Buffy: I'll do it!
Warren, Andrew, and Jonathan fighting over who's the best James Bond. It starts as an offhand comment by Warren and escalates into all-out war.
Warren: Connery is Bond. He had style. Jonathan: But Roger Moore was funny. Warren: Moonraker?! The gondola turns into a hovercraft? Retarded! And the guy had, like, no edge. Andrew: Dalton had edge. In License to Kill, he was a rogue agent. That’s edgy. And he was amazing in The Living Daylights. Jonathan: Which was written for Roger Moore, not Timothy Dalton. Warren: This is stupid. We're wasting time. End of discussion! (beat) There was a shot of, like, pigeons doing doubletakes when that gondola blasted by! Moonraker is inexcusable!
Eventually, it culminates in this priceless line.
Andrew: Timothy Dalton should win an Oscar and BEAT SEAN CONNERY OVER THE HEAD WITH IT!!!
"Life Serial" is one of only two (the other being the more serious "Sleeper") to be written as a collaboration between the show's funniest writers, David Fury AND Jane Espenson. That should explain why this episode has so many classic moments.
All the Way (6x6)
Buffy: Didn't anyone come here just to make out? [two raise their hands] Awww... that's sweet. You run. [the couple does so] (to vamps) You scream.
Anya's Halloween costume.
Anya: (Dressed up in a Charlie's Angels costume for Halloween) Um, no, this is a special kind of angel called a Charlie. We don't have wings, we just skate around with perfect hair fighting crime.
"The Dance Of Capitalist Superiority", Anya pulling out a wad of cash and doing a happy dance with it, as Dawn joins in completely carefree for a few minutes. Then Anya reveals she does it every night, and you just know it's true.
Xander's "vigorous use of his tongue" leads to this exchange between Buffy and Giles:
Buffy: Is that why you're always cleaning your glasses? So you can't see what we're doing?
For some perspective, 'The Mustard' is the conclusion to a big band song with the citizens of Sunnydale performing backflips with their dry cleaning. Over MUSTARD being removed from a SHIRT.
The part that gets this troper is the deadpanned line immediately following:
Buffy: It's not just us.
From "Going Through The Motions"
Demon: She's not half the girl she [gets stabbed] OWWWWW!
Or this...
Buffy: Will I stay this way forever. Sleep walk through my life's endeavor...(Frees a hot guy who was tied up)
Sexy Open Shirt Bystander: How can I repay-
Buffy: Whatever...
From "I've Got a Theory"
Anya: I've got a theory...It must be bunnies!
The Scoobies: (Cricket Chirp)
Tara: I've got a theory-
Anya: Bunnies are not cute like everyone supposes! They've got those hoppy legs and twitchy little noses! And what's with all the carrots?! What do they need good eyesight for anywaaaays!? BUNNIES!! BUNNIES!!! IT MUST BE BU-UN-NAAAAAYS!!!!!
Xander: It could be witches, some evil witches *sees Willow and Tara glare at him*...which is ridiculous, 'cause witches, they were persecuted, Wicca good and love the Earth and women power and...I'll be over here.
The woman singing about getting a parking ticket.
The women singing: Hey, I am not wearing underwear.
This bit:
Dawn: Oh my god! You'll never believe what happened at school today!
Buffy: (Without looking up) Everybody started singing and dancing?
Willow: "Those boys were totally checking you out."
Tara: "They were? I'm cured! I want the boys!"
Giles, Xander, and Anya, walking down the street. First they discuss how Xander and Anya's song was, Giles provides some exposition about the demon responsible, and then it drifts to discussing Buffy's recent difficulties in life. All the while, there are people performing in the background (and the foreground, as the camera focuses on the parking ticket lady as they talk).
Giles: I was able to examine the body while the police were taking witness arias.
Dawn's response to Sweet taking him back to the Underworld as his bride.
Well I mean / I'm fifteen / so this queen thing's illegal
Dawn getting cut off two lines into her song, likely to the great relief of the audience as it was clearly going to be a Wangst fest about people not spending time with her.
Tabula Rasa (6x8)
This part, where Spike thinks he's Giles' son and reads the name inside of his suit jacket:
Spike: Randy? Randy Giles?! Why not Horny Giles or Desperate-For-A-Shag Giles?!?!
Or the mutual discovery of their nationality.
Spike: Oh, listen to Mary Poppins. He's got his crust all stiff and upper with that nancy-boy accent. You Englishmen are always so... (stops and notices his own accent) Bloody hell! (ticks off on his fingers) Sodding, blimey, shagging, knickers, bollocks... oh God! I'm English!
Giles: (dryly) Welcome to the nancy tribe.
How about Giles and Anya as a married couple? Or Willow and Alex (Xander) as a couple with Willow's attraction to Tara? Or JOAN THE VAMPIRE SLAYER?!?
Anya attempts to counter the memory spell, and summons a hoarde of bunnies, a sinister green cloud, a sword weilding skeleton, and some kind of ferocious beast that we never even see.
That look of fright on their faces when they saw vampires. So funny it gets used in the season 7 opening.
Spike learning that he's a vampire in Tabula Rasa. First Buffy insults Anne Rice, then...
Spike/Randy: I must be a vampire with a soul. I'm a good guy on a mission of redemption. I help the helpless!
Buffy/Joan: How lame is that?
The callback to "Doppelgängland" (3x16) to Willow's summation of her vampire counterpart—minus the "evil and skanky" part.
"Stay away from Randy!"
Spike and Giles bickering.
Spike/Randy: *lays arm chummily on Giles' shoulders* Dad'll have a car. A mid life crisis thing, long, red and shaped like a penis.
Gone (6x11)
Head and shoulders of Spike as he finishes pouting at an invisible Buffy for only coming around to use him. He tells her to take her clothes if she can find them and get out...then looks crotchward suddenly, "That's cheatin'!"
And before, when Xander walked in on them having sex, and Spike told him he was exercising.
Buffy hearing the message that her invisibility will kill her: not so funny. The camera panning to her approximate position to simulate a reaction shot, on the other hand...
Doublemeat Palace (6x12)
Halfrek's introductory scene is priceless. She threatens Xander's life and offers to dismember him in this horribly low, demonic voice, until she recognizes Anya, adopts a much girlier voice ("Anyanka?? Oh my GOD!") and hugs her, with Xander shitting bricks the entire time.
Older and Far Away (6x14)
Tara asking Spike about the "cramp" in his pants.
Maybe he'd like to put some ice on it?
As You Were (6x15)
Buffy's embarrassment when Riley found her working at the Doublemeat Palace.
Riley: I've been up 48 hours straight tracking down something bad. Now it's come to Sunnydale,
Buffy: My hat has a cow...
Normal Again (6x17)
Willow: "Hello, Tara. Would you like to go out with me for coffee, food, kisses and gay love?"
Grave (6x22)
Buffy's attempts in "Grave" to fill Giles in on everything that's happened since he left. Anya's a vengeance demon again, Dawn's been stealing, they're running out of money... "And I've been sleeping with Spike." Giles stares at her solemnly for a long moment, then cracks up.
Another bit:
Giles: I can see...
Anya: It's a miracle!
TV series: Season 7
Beneath You (7x2)
A woman asks the Scoobies if there's anyone among them who hasn't had sex with each other. Cue glances from Xander and Spike.
The combinations get even smaller as of S8. Xander and Dawn are together now, Angel S5 mentioned that Angelus and Spike did it once and Buffy had a one night stand with another Slayer.
Spike's insane ramblings inside the church are a Tear Jerker, except for one, very brief moment of lucidity.
Buffy: Are you insane?
Spike: Well, yeah; where have you been all night?
Same Time, Same Place (7x3)
Paralyzed Dawn is a goldmine of comedy, especially considering how increasingly muffled Dawn's lines become as her face gets more and more frozen.
Dawn: "Stop saying vomit!"
"...She's posable?"
Buffy leaving the TV remote in poseable Dawn's hand.
Help (7x4). On Buffy's first day as a high school counselor, Dawn shows up to complain about her control freak sister who keeps stealing all her clothes.
Selfless (7x5)
D'Hoffryn, upon seeing the Anya's murdered frat boys in season 7's "Selfless": "Oh, Breathtaking! It's like someone slaughtered an Abercrombie & Fitch catalogue."
Anya's flashbacks to when she was human.
"It's a troll! Hide your babies and your beadwork!"
Buffy, Willow, and Anya trying to win Jacket-Boy's love. To sum up:
Buffy attempts to kill Principal Wood. With the rocket launcher.
Not to mention the scene where she attempts it. Principal Wood is listening to quiet jazz while marking papers. In the window behind him we see Buffy appearing with the launcher, then Spike running in and doing a flying tackle, knocking Buffy out of view to stage right. They come back into frame with Buffy hanging off of Spike's shoulders beating him repeatedly over the head, vanishing to stage left. Then Spike comes back into view again running away with the rocket launcher and Buffy chasing after him like something straight out of Looney Toons, exit stage right again. Wood remains completely oblivious the entire time.
Willow tries to fix the problem with Jacket-Boy's physical form.
And Anya is implied to have committed multiple robberies somewhere, but turns the radio off before we can find out where and lies to the others about it when they ask.
Anya: Oh! I wrote...a poem. Comparing him to daisies and forests and diamonds, and that sort of thing.
Buffy and Willow fighting over RJ.
Buffy: Anya could be seducing RJ as we speak.
Willow: You really think she would do that?
Buffy: She was recently evil.
Willow: So was I. Why should I miss out?
Also:
Buffy: Willow, you're a gay woman! *beat* And he isn't!?
Willow: This isn't about his physical presence! It's about his heart.
Anya: His physical presence has a PENIS!
Willow: I can work around it!
Let's not forget the scene earlier in the Bronze:
(RJ is dirty dancing with a beautiful scantily-dressed girl, seen only from the back)
Willow: (ogling the girl) Check out his fan club.
Xander: (ogling likewise) Ooo, daddy like.
Buffy: (rolls her eyes) What is that shirt made of? Paint?
Buffy: Glad Dawnie isn't here to see her precious boyfriend getting all thrusty with some slut-bag hussy-
(the girl turns around, and everybody jawdrops when they see that she is Dawn)
Xander: (horrified) Oh... oh no! Daddy no... I wasn't... when I was lookin' I wasn't... oh God!
Willow: (ashamed) Right there with ya.
The line "Right there with ya." Is one of the funniest lines in the entire show.
Conversations with Dead People (7x07)
Andrew's mistranslation of the Arc Words, "From Beneath You, It Devours" (he'd just been in Mexico and heard it in Spanish):
Andrew:(somberly) It eats you, starting with your bottom.
Well, everyone spoke Mexicoan!
Also, the whole Buffy/Holden scenes can get pretty funny, especially the part were Buffy is lying down on a grave with Holden going all psychoanalystic on her.
Never Leave Me (7x9)
Andrew failing to kill a pig.
Bring on the Night (7x10)
Giles makes his return.
We're having a slight...apocalypse.
Kennedy meets Willow.
Willow: You wanna organize the sleeping arrangements?
As Molly and Rona are fighting over who gets to drive for their spirit quest (Rona won and stuff Molly in the trunk,) Giles busts Buffy on how the Potentials were apparently told the spirit quest apparently involves driving them out into the middle of the desert, doing the hokey pokey until a spooky rasta fari Slayer appears and speaks to them in riddles.
Andrew's recount of Faith's backstory is mostly accurate...up until the point where she's suddenly fighting SPOCK, complete with the "Amok Time" battle music playing and Spock attempting to use the Vulcan nerve pinch on Faith.
Amanda: What the hell are you talking about? I thought Faith killed a volcanologist.
Andrew: Silly, silly Amanda. Why would Faith kill a person who studies Vulcans?
Amanda: He studied volcanoes. He was a professor...?
Andrew:: Ah, yes. Well, regardless...
The Chinese potential didn't have a clue what Andrew saying and all she can respond with is "There's a girl doing gymnastics in the backyard". Andrew nods solemnly, thinking she said something completely different.
Faith's and Spike's meeting, where they discuss going bad, sexual fetishes and Buffy.
Faith:: (referring to the body swap) Shoulda known it wasn't blondy behind the wheel. She'd never throw down like that.
Spike:: Oh you have been away.
Faith:: Don't tell me miss tightly wound is gettin' her naughty on.
Empty Places (7x19)
Anya is giving an informative presentation to the potentials in the basement, while Andrew writes the key points on an easel-pad.
Anya: OK... I know you're all upset... and I, myself, would much rather be sitting at the bedside of my one-eyed ex-fiance than killing time here with you people in this over-crowded and might I add increasingly ripe-smelling basement. And I would be, too, if not for a certain awkward discussion he and I recently had right over there on that cot, immediately following some exciting and unexpected breakup sex. (the girls sitting on the cot move to the floor; Andrew writes "breakup sex", then underlines it).
Chosen (7x22)
Angel's petulant reaction to the news that Spike has regained his soul.
Angel: That's great. Everyone's got a soul now.
Buffy: He'll make a difference.
Angel: You know, I started it. The whole having a soul. Before it was the cool new thing.
Buffy: Oh my god, are you twelve?
Two words. "Wheelchair fight."
What do you do the night before the final battle? Play Dungeons & Dragons, of course!
Also, from that scene, Andrew and his outfit.
And for all the Homestar Runner fans, the reference to Trogdor the Burninator really sealed the deal.
Faith and Wood are barricading the school, after they'd slept together and Faith dumps him. When she starts up how men are only interested in her for her body Wood claims he's much more attractive. Faith is shocked and tries to deny his claims, before trying to go at it with him again.
Comics
Season 8
After Xander is forced to ride Centaurette Dawn (causing her to get soaking wet), this exchange happens:
Xander: How're you feeling?
Centaurette!Dawn: Like I was ridden hard and put away wet.
"I investigate farther. Further. I investigate more."
From the Season 8 comic, there's this bit - We see Angel putting on the Twilight mask for the first time, with the narration stating that he has to do it so that Buffy won't know that it's him. Cut to Spike, sat at a computer & watching the footage of Twilight's first public appearance as it's being made.
Spike: So that's Angel, then.
The E-Comic Harmony Comes to the Nation. It's a S8 tie-in. The plot? It's a two page comic showing an interview with Harmony after her show. The interviewer? Stephen Colbert! Oh, and he, in his trademark style, points out her hypocrisy and stupidity.
In No Future For You Faith is sent undercover to bag a British Slayer who'd gone evil, a story she should be familiar with. Even after being trained she still has a bit of trouble with local slang, which leads to this exchange.
Evil Slayer: Mind if I bum a fag?
Faith: What do I care? You can bum whoever you...oh.
Earlier in The Long Way Home Buffy is angsting over the things she misses, sex among them. Later she is trapped in a dream state with Ethan Rayne who claims to know all her secrets, before revealing Buffy's fantasy of her in a nurse outfit chained to a nakedAngel and a nakedSpike.
"No. That's nothing worth...it's just been a slow year."
The Unreveal of Twilight's identity. "Sorry, itchy neck."
Everyone piling into Buffy's' bedroom and catching her and Satsu together.
Should I sound the alarm?
I wasn't aware that we *had* an alarm for [Buffy sleeping with a girl]. But yes. Sound it.
For that matter, Willow tries to gently steer Satsu away from Buffy, fearing they'll get hurt. She then grills her on what Buffy's like in bed.
Then there's a vampire mentioning that Buffy tastes sweet. Satsu stakes him and replies, "You have no idea." She cringes upon saying it.
Buffy hits on Xander.
Xander: Hey, that's a big deal! I'm a potential romantic interest! I'm on the list—right after being gay. I rate almost as good as trying to change your sexual orientation. You went—through gay— to me.
"Nobody say a fucking word." Buffy glares at the reader when making this comment, which makes the scene Lampshade Hanging and ever funnier.
"Oh my God... this is the crappiest ritual dagger I've ever seen."
The Angel & Faith comic In Perfect Harmony. Just...all of it.
Angel reminisces about his love for private detectives, how he enjoyed playing one for Angel Investigations, the cliche of a stormy night when a lady requests the detective's help. Well it is a stormy night and a lady requests his help, and when Angel sees that it's Harmony he remembers why he quit being a detective.
Faith complains that she's meant to be a slut when Spike had slept with everyone except her.
Harmony shows a sex tape where she sires someone despite Angel repeatedly begging not to. And Faith reasoning they're meant to boost the popularity of celebs with no talent.
Angel brings Angelus levels of snark.
"Y'know, when you started this story I didn't think it was possible for me to care any less. But here we are."
When trying to narrow down the list of suspects Faith has a suggestion.
"Anyone who really hates you...y'know what, never mind."
Faith's idea to blackmail Harmony then release the tape.
A vampire calls Harmony a slag with a fat ass, sending her into a Berserker Rage.
When asked about the sex tape the vampire who slagged her off turns out to be a huge fan who has all the other videos she made.
Angel tries to say he didn't realize how famous Harmony was, but the words get stuck in his throat.
When the idea is made to make a list of people who really hate Harmony Faith calls dibs on top spot.
Harmony shares advice she got from Charlie Sheen. Faith offers some herself.
"When all else fails, bust some heads."
Harmony gets the idea of paying Angel by making him look good, even proposing a sex tape for him, before remembering he'd probably lose his soul. Not that it stops her from continually discussing the idea.
Harmony getting upset over her image in publicity campaigns.
Spike's amused when Buffy loses an am to discover not only might she not be pregnant, but she's actually a Buffybot, which leads her to swear again.
Spike... I'm a f&^king robot!
Daddy Issues was really heavy and we needed something light. We got it with Women of a Certain Age which revolved around Giles' aunts and they're no better than Harmony.
They invite themselves in and when challenged said how All residents of the country home" are allowed, as per the will. Faith abashedly admits she thought it was referring to horses.
Angel typically tries to apologize for killing Giles. They brush him off on account of magic but when he tries to claim it was his choice he's told that his hair is much more cause to be sorry for.
Turns out one of the reasons they are there is because they had made a lot of deals with demons, and now an army of them are looking to collect. At this point Faith asks the aunts if Giles hates them as much as she does.
After fighting several of them one enters and says he just wants a kiss, chasing after Giles' aunts. When the next demon enters Angel proposes a truce, not wanting to miss the funny scene. The demon readily agrees.
As a boy Giles wanted to be a fighter pilot, and was constantly playing with a toy plane. After he nearly tears a hole in one of his aunt's minidress they claim they should have called the little blighter Ripper.
When they're alone Angel thinks Vivian is trying to seduce him. As well as the whole losing his soul issue she freaks him out. When she sees what he thinks she laughs it off and says she would have gotten married if she wanted to shag a corpse. Meanwhile Giles is thought to be Faith's sugar daddy, and denials of this are ignored.
When the aunts stay one of them rummages through Faith's drawers and says she found earplugs where the Slayer keeps her vibrator. Faith maintains they're stakes, but she alluded to using them as dildos before.
Before they leave, Angel warns Giles' aunts to be careful,
In the first Spike issue:
Elizabeth: "I have never seen his majesty like this before."
Angel: "If I avoided people who want to kill me, I'd never leave the house."
In Death & Consequences when Spike is called in to help he's about to use a chalice as an ashtray, to the horror of the magic expert that had been helping Angel and Faith, when Angel thinks Buffy dumped Spike. Shit's on.
Faith: "Okay, I missed an episode. These guys are selling juice that grows back people's arms?"
Angel: "Not just arms. That was the blood of a Mohra Demon. It can regenerate any organ. Any wound. Even necrotic tissue."
Faith: "You saying it could raise the dead? Ain't that kind of a leap?"
Angel: "I've seen Mohra blood bring a dead body to life. Mine.
Giles goes from explaining about the apocalypse to despairing about the lack of attention without missing a beat.
"Morgala's exact nature eludes us but we have narrowed it down to not listening to a word I'm saying."
Why oh why was this not made?
Buffy: No need to get all coronary on us. I'll slay the followers of Morgan Freeman...
Giles: Morgala...
Video Game
Buffy sees a control panel of some sort which is obviously malfunctioning, electricity shorting out and everything. So she tries to use it anyway, only to be thrown back twenty feet and through a window.
"Right. Let's give this a whirl. Oh eternal and all powerful Lord, to whom the darkness itself bows down, from whom flows the damnation of humankind...who writes this dross?"
