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Tony Zaret
Played by: Tony Zaret
A 40-year-old man trying to appeal to an audience in the 18-24 year old demographic.
- Adam Westing: The real-life Tony Zaret plays himself as an out-of-touch middle aged man trying and failing to understand 2010s meme culture.
- Ambiguously Bi: Has had multiple ex-wives, but commonly expressed admiration toward gaming streamers that borders on romantic.
- Author Appeal: In-universe; he constantly tries to insert his love of Steampunk into his content.
- Butt-Monkey: Thrown into a job he knows nothing about, constantly threatened with firing, breaks his whole body trying to save a company that doesn't care about him, and forced to live with a "Munion" for a year.
- Characterization Marches On: Early on, he wanted to avoid making political statements and had to be talked into it.
- Determinator: Will go through great lengths to keep his job.
- Disco Dan: A contemporary variant; Tony was supposedly the cheif Nu-Metal correspondant on an entertainment website in 1998, and sometimes tries to bring that into his current content.
- Malaproper: Gets everything from names to basic sentence structure mixed up.
- Serial Spouse: He's been divorced and remarried a number of times, mostly because his wives couldn't decide what to eat. His most recent divorce was from Sexy McDonalds.
- Took a Level in Jerkass: In "Relatable Content", he was a well-meaning but out-of-touch man who just wanted to keep his job, help his niece, and avoid controversial issues. Any jackassery was due to misunderstandings. Later on, he seems to have fully embraced a reactionary worldview and regurally trolls people For the Evulz.
- Undying Loyalty: To his employer, Digipop, until they fire him and he has to strike out on his own.
Introduced in "Relatable Content"
Other Content Creators and Social Media Personalities
Brongulus
You know, rap? Rhyming swears that make you think?
Played by: Tony Zaret
Brongulus Plumburger is an aspiring rapper and current YouTuber.
- Cool Uncle: To Bunguloj. (What side he's on is unclear)
- Heterosexual Life-Partners: With Jongulo.
- Piss-Take Rap: "Dog... Bog... Frog!"
- Too Dumb to Live: Uploaded a funny rap for geeks... while working at the Anti Funny Raps League.
- Pretty Fly for a White Guy: An aspiring rapper and pretty damn white.
Jongulo
"Yes, I am a Chad. And yes, Chad is very funny."
Played by: Tony Zaret
A prankster and content creator who doesn't like liberals and has epic beef with SmockaWaga.
- Heterosexual Life-Partners: With Brongulus.
- Happily Married: To Pew-doh-pie at the end of "A Simp IS a Chad?!"
- Hoist by His Own Petard: In "A Simp IS a Chad?!"; he creates a Simp of the Week report. Then when he's caught simping for "A Girl", he ends up on it.
- Hypocrite: Hosts a "Simp of the Week" report where he mocks other men for "simping", but as soon as A Girl messages him he goes to her house to give her money.
- Karmic Jackpot: Realizes that some things are more important than appearances and agrees to marry a f***ed up pig based on their mutual love for gaming. When he kisses her, she turns into Pew-doh-Pie; which he's clearly happy with.
- Manly Bi: Is unashamedly attracted to both the Girl and to Pew-Doh-Pie, and on a man's-man personality for his videos.
- The Prankster: Some of his most prolific videos are of him pulling f*dged up pranks, like spilling water on his grandma's floor.
- The Rival: Him and SmockaWaga are always having epic beefs.
- Tomato in the Mirror: In "A Simp IS a Chad", he simps for A Girl and ends up being the #1 Simp of the Week.
SmockaWaga
"Uh... no. Just... no.
Played by: Tony Zaret
Christopher Hamburger, known by his YouTube channel alias SmokaWaga, is a controversial commentator who publishes videos that are critical of those made by other content creators
- Deadpan Snarker: He loves snarky cliches like "No. Just... no". And "...said no one ever!"
- Hypocrite: Thinks people who complain about their content being used in YouTube Poop are horrible... then promptly gets offended when Bunguloj makes a poop from his content.
- Jerkass: Never misses an opportunity to shit on other content creators, and is overall pretty rude.
- Small Name, Big Ego: He only has ten subscribers, but acts as if he's a huge star.
- The Rival: Constantly feuding with Jongulo.
Bunguloj Zaret
"What's up, dudes?"
Played by: Tony Zaret
Tony's beloved son.
- Catchphrase: "What's up dudes!"
- Fan Boy: Of his uncle Brongulus.
- Vague Age: Is at different points presented as a school kid and "my adult son".
- Heel–Face Revolving Door: He's constantly going back-and-forth on whether he wants to be woke and intersectional or based and redpilled. Justified, as he's a child still finding himself.
- Hilariously Abusive Childhood: Comes with having a father obsessed with content creation. Tony ignores him to make content then walks out on him completely because he stumbled on r/childfree.
- Keet: Very energetic and hyper.
- Strong Family Resemblance: He looks just like Tony if he were shortened and stretched out in photoshop.
- Wise Beyond Their Years: According to his father.
Brinley / My Awkwardsauce Life
"I'm attracted... to intelligence?!
A quirky individual who tells stories that make you say so... um... THAT happened.
- Deadpan Snarker: Declares sarcasm as their second language.
- Furry: An active member of the anthropomorphic animal community.
- Serious Business: Furry fanart.
- Straw Liberal: Of the internet-age idpol variety.
- Take That!: To "storytime" animators.
Brarndin / My F*dged Up Stories
"Worst. Job. Ever.
A guy who rants about f*dged up stuff that happens.
- Can't Get in Trouble for Nuthin': Constantly tries to poke the bear to get interesting stories for his videos, but everyone around him is too gracious.
- Expy: Of TheOdd1sOut.
- Jerkass: Rude to his boss, customers, parents, etc. And regards them as beneath him.
- Ultimate Job Security: Somehow keeps his job at the "libory" despite listening to music when he's supposed to be helping a customer.
- Unreliable Narrator: Presents himself as a rational, witty Unlucky Everydude and everyone around him as angry, vindictive morons. This... obviously isn't the case.
Jonathan Commentar
"is this SATIRE? Unfortunately theres no way to tell (Poes Law). Im thinking this IS real because people these days (except me) are so STUPID"
A social media Reply Guy who likes to lecture people about Poe's Law.
- Hate Sink: While other characters cal be assholes, they're over-the-top enough that you really don't feel actual hatred to them. Commentar, on the other hand, is a more grounded parody of unpleasant people, making him genuinely hateable.
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Jerks Are Worse Than Villains: Causes more ire than outright villains like Grinch or Obama because of this trope. - Know-Nothing Know-It-All: He thinks he's the only person with any common sense who "tells it like it is" to the ignorant masses. In reality, he's kind of a moron.
- Take That!: To Jerkass internet trolls; and to smug people who share Tony's content without getting the joke.
- This Loser Is You: At one point, Tony actually copied something a rude commenter wrote word-for-word and put it in the mouth of Johnathan Commentar.
- Took a Level in Kindness: After Poe's Law was repealed, which allowed him to determine if videos were jokes or not before leaving comments.
- Troll: Leaves unnecessary rude comments on other people's post for his own amusement.
Spanky McCranky
A cringe TikTok star who seems to have a decent home-life. Also possibly Tony's brother?
- Cool Uncle: Is apparently Bunguloj's uncle. (Making him either Tony or Sexy McDonalds's brother)
- Nice Guy: Lampshades this, stating he's too wholesome to be canceled.
- Happily Married: To his wife. Which of course, in Jongulo's view, makes him a simp.
- Henpecked Husband: Treated like one for agreeing to pick up food from the grocery store.
- Informed Attribute: His aforementioned status as a "Simp". In real life of course, agreeing to a text from your spouse to pick up groceries is a normal thing in an egalitarian relationship. But Jongulo admonishes him for "getting the food" when he "won't get nothing in return".
The Funny Twins
Brett and Bre-at are two twins who try to be funny.
- Attention Whore: They'll do anything for views.
- They Killed Kenny Again: One or both of them dies in every video.
- Chronic Backstabbing Disorder: They will one-up each other for clout.
- Vitriolic Best Buds: Always hanging out and working together, but they're pretty cruel to one another.
Celebrities, Memes, and Intellectual Properties
The Munions
A Darker and Edgier version of the Minions introduced in Relatable Content. One of them lives with Tony.
- Darker and Edgier: Than the Minions.
The Riddler
"Stay tuned til the end of this 'Character Page' for a 'RIDDLE'!"
The Riddler from Batman.
- Card-Carrying Villain: "Ah ha ha! I am 'the Riddler'!"
-
Chaotic Evil: Shows up to scare people with nonsensical "riddles"... if you can call them that. - The Dreaded: Treated so in-universe.
- Insane Troll Logic: His "riddles" are based on this.
Big Chungus
"I am the meme that is most funny!"
A popular 2018 meme of fat Bugs Bunny; who's treated as something of a superstar celebrity in the Zaretverse.
- Always Someone Better: Is challenged as "funniest meme" twice; first by The Big Blungus, and then by Big Baby Bungo.
- Humor Dissonance: Treated in-universe as the objectively funniest meme.
- "I Am" Song: "Big Chungus Ooh Nah Nah".
- It's All About Me: Being the world's funniest meme got to his head, to the point he goes irate whenever somebody pays attention to a new meme.
- No True Scotsman: He and his fandom are notorious gatekeepers.
- Pet the Dog: As long as they don't challenge his spot as the funniest meme, he'll praise other memes like Soyjack, Edgy Spongebob, and even Big Baby Bungo for making him laugh.
Obama
Ahhh! A liberal!
Barack Obama is the 44th President of the United States and leader of the liberals.
- Big Bad: Comes with being a major Democratic President in a series where our "heroes" hate liberals.
- Historical Villain Upgrade: As a politician, he has supporters and detractors in real life; but in Zaret's videos he's blatantly the bad guy.
- President Evil: He's always scheming to take away rights from gamers.
- Retired Monster: Now that Obama 2 and former VP Joe Biden have taken the reins of the liberal establishment.
- Straw Liberal: Their leader.
Dumbass the Hog
"I'm a dumb*** hog!"
An original character made by Tony. He's a dumbass hog.
- Informed Attribute: He's crosseyed and wears a dunce cap, but doesn't actually do anything particularly stupid.
Grinch
"Now wash my green a***le!"
The Grinch from the Dr. Seuss books.
- Adaptational Jerkass: He seems to have never had his Heel–Face Turn in this universe; and his crimes are a lot more severe here. In the original story, he was a petty burglar who stole peoples' shit just because they were too loud, but here he downright tortures them.
- Catchphrase: "I am Grinch! I have a green a**hole!" And "I hate Christmas!"
- The Dreaded: Especially by Americans, who all have a phobia of Grinch.
Stupid Joe Brandon
"Cut the malarkey!"
Joe Biden is the current 46th and current President of the United States, an avid Twitch streamer, and Tally Hall superfan.
- Big Bad: As the current Democrat President, taking over for Obama.
- Catchphrase: "Cut the malarkey, Jack!"
- Cool Old Guy: In his 80s, but still plays video games and loves fabloo music.
- Disproportionate Retribution:
- Drone strikes Tony twice just for calling his favorite band mid.
- Turns Smocka Waga into a soccer ball and forces him to be kicked around by Riddler for filing a DMCA complaint. Of course, this was Smocka Waga's idea for a law in the first place.
- The Faceless: Only seen from behind until the "Woke Bathroom" video.
- Serious Business: Treats his gaming streams and favorite bands as way more important than running the nation.
Harambe
"Boo hoo boo hoo! I wish I had a friend here who wanted to play Warhammer40k with me!"
A gorilla killed to protect a child who fell into his enclosure at the Cincinatti Zoo in 2016, sparking both a lot of genuine grief and memes. In the Zaretverse, he lives in Regular Heaven and plays Warhammer 40,000.
- Heterosexual Life-Partners: Becomes this with Tony when the latter dies and goes to Heaven. Tony even chooses to stay in Regular Heaven with Harambe rather than play epic video games in Gamer Heaven.
- I Just Want to Have Friends: Wants somebody to play tabletop games with him in Heaven. Unfortunately, most people take the "reincarnation option" to get into Gamer Heaven.
- Karmic Jackpot: Ended up in Heaven with his favorite tabletop game (with models that paint themselves) after going through a rather traumatic, tragic death.
- Manly Tears: When Tony leaves him to go to Gamer Heaven.
- Nice Guy: One of the nicest Zaretverse characters; he welcomes newcomers into Heaven and eagerly shares his games with them.
- I Want My Beloved to Be Happy: A platonic example; he'd obviously love to play Warhammer with Tony for eternity, but he still tells him about the reincarnation option and doesn't blame Tony for taking it; only crying when he thinks he's in private.
- Yank the Dog's Chain: Twice. First, he thinks he's finally found a friend content to stay in Regular Heaven, only for said friend to try and get into Gamer Heaven. Then, said friend comes back, only to be sent to H*ll for calling Tally Hall "mid".
The Wokemans
"You're supposed say 'theyfriend!' Ahhh I'm triggered!"
A satire of woke libcr*ds; a married liberal couple and their daughter Obamaly.
- Butt-Monkey: Nothing ever goes right for them, due to being cringe liberals.
- Failure Is the Only Option: They'll never succeed in their liberal schemes.
- Knight Templar: They want to ban dip, force veganism on everybody, and censor any media that isn't "Minions: Rise of Obama" because they believe that would make the world a better place.
- Named After Somebody Famous: Obamaly is named after the 44th president of the United States.
- Straw Liberal: Parodies of this type of character.
- Unsympathetic Comedy Protagonist: They're the protagonists in a show made by Tony to mock "woke liberals".
Ronald McDonalds
The mascot of McDonald Resturaunt.
- Flat Character: Doesn't really do much other than appear.
- Limited Vocabularly: "HAMBORGOR!"
Sexy McDonalds
A female version of Ronald, Tony's ex-wife, and Bunguloj's mother.
- Amicably Divorced: She and Tony try to be.
- Distaff Counterpart: To Ronald McDonalds.
- Ms. Fanservice: Treated so in-universe.
Eilish
"Why this taste bad?!"
Billie Eilish is a famous singer who appears in multiple sketches.
- The Chessmaster: The actual mastermind behind Jongulo's Grandma's channel.
- "I Am" Song: "I am Eilish, the famous singer..."
- Potty Failure: Has to go to the b*throom when she eats an uncooked burger from Burger King, but can't use it because Big Chungus is in there.
Cosmic Beings
The Devil
"You're in H*ll, bro!"
The ruler of H*ll and Gamer H*ll.
- Affably Evil: Rules H*ll, but is a pretty nice guy who will sometimes send you back to Earth if you ask.
- Evil Sounds Deep: Has a deep filter on his voice; subverted in that he's not particularly "evil" so much as doing his job.
- Mr. Exposition: To Smocka Waga, explaining why he's in H*ll (he hurt his Uncle's feelings).
- Punchclock Villain: He's not particularly sadistic; ruling H*ll is more a job than anything. He gets along well even with the people sent there and is more interested in "getting horny".
- Satan: Obviously.
- Took a Level in Jerkass: Takes a lot more pleasure in tormenting Tony in Gamer H*ll than he did SmockaWaga before.
- Unusual Euphemism: "Send me that video so I can get horny!" is an... odd way to phrase that.
Saint Peter
"I'm Saint Peter. Welcome to Heaven!"
The man who holds the keys to Heaven.
- Fan Boy: Of 'flaboo' music. Enough that he'll send you to H*ll for calling them mid.
- Good Counterpart: To Devil.
- Good Is Not Nice: Almost bordering on God Is Evil; he sends Tony to H*ll just for insulting a band he likes.
- Mr. Exposition: Gives Tony the information he needs to get reincarnated and earn enough reddit comment karma to get into Gamer Heaven.
- St. Peter: In his most common position in media as the man outside Heaven.
- The Pearly Gates: Guards the outside and welcomes newcomers.
Gamer G*d
"Excuse me? You're in Gamer Heaven! You can build the gaming rig of your dreams for a fraction of the retail price here!"
The ruler of Gamer Heaven.
- Big Good: To gamers.
- Blue-and-Orange Morality: Judges people solely on how much reddit comment karma they can get. Even if his standards are based around gaming skill/love of gaming rather than morality, this is still an... odd metric.
