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Batman (Bruce Wayne)Gotham City's resident superhero, Batman is a dark and gritty loner, constantly angsting about the deaths of his parents, the horrible event that inspired him to become a hero in the first place. Or so the people of Gotham would prefer. Batman, on the other hand, just wants to be somebody's buddy, and finds a friend in Dick Grayson, soon to be known as Batman's sidekick Robin. Played by Joe Walker.
- Antagonist in Mourning: He misses the Joker, who dies off-screen near the beginning of the play.
- Broken Ace
- Combat Pragmatist: He beats Superman through the use of Kryptonite.
- Idle Rich: He claims to have never worked a day in his life. But then again, bats are nocturnal...
- I Just Want to Have Friends: Very much so.
- Large Ham: Complete with Christian Bale-esque Batman voice.
- Little Guy, Big Buddy: With Robin, who he can pick up and carry around with ease, despite there not being much of a height difference.
- Lonely at the Top: Despite being absurdly rich and a popular superhero, Bruce has no friends. At first.
- Man Child: Bruce Wayne's emotional development stopped abruptly on the night when his parents died. He and Robin bond over their shared love of juice boxes, Alfred has to tell him to stop sulking in his pillow fort and let's not forget "Batman loves the circus."
- Pre-Asskicking One-Liner: To Superman, at the beginning of 'To Be a Man'Batman: I am a man of vengeance. I am a man of the night.
- Pungeon Master: Especially when hanging out with Robin.
- Screams Like a Little Girl: After Superman calls him a "butthead", Batman responds with a scream of rage. A drawn-out, incredibly high-pitched scream of rage that wraps around from being annoying to the 'most hilarious sound on Earth'.
- Sociopathic Hero: Is he ever! He enjoys frightening Gotham's citizens for the fun of it, views everyone as "criminals who just haven't committed any crimes yet", and opts to save Robin and let the entire city die at the end until Robin gives him a What the Hell, Hero?.
- Troll: Bruce makes Twitter accounts for people he doesn't like (like Superman and Obama) and posts about how stupid they are.
Superman (Clark Kent)
- Broken Ace
- Butt Monkey: He gets very little respect from either the superhero community or the population at large.
- Coconut Superpowers: His flight is achieved either through Jim Povolo carrying him or Brian Holden sticking his arms out and making whooshing noises like a five-year-old.
- Dude, Where's My Respect?: Superman is really annoyed about Batman having more fans despite him having more powers and, in his opinion, better villains.
- I Just Want to Have Friends: He really has to work at fulfilling his longing for friends.
- Large Ham: "And that's why they call me Superman!"
- Paper-Thin Disguise: Parodied. All the other superheroes know that Superman is Clark Kent. When challenged to prove it, Batman simply pulls out a pair of glasses and sticks them on Superman's face. The Green Lantern wasn't even aware that it was a secret!
- Pre-Asskicking One-Liner: To Batman at the start of 'To Be a Man'.Superman: I am a man of justice. I am a man of might.
- Serious Business: Twitter followers.
Robin (Dick Grayson)
The Super Friends
People of Gotham
- Adaptational Attractiveness: In the cartoon he was obese and has a long nose.
- Big Bad
- Expy: Of the Joker.
- Oh Crap!: After ranting for a minute about how he's thought of everything, he has a minor freak-out when he finds out Batman has a plane.
- Pungeon Master: Candy puns, auuugh!
- Expy: Of Harley Quinn.
The Rogues Gallery
- Even Pungeon Masters Have Standards: Even they groan at Two-Face's 2 puns.