Hank
As the (self appointed) head of ranch security, Hank has a very important job to do...as he keeps telling himself.
Drover
The assistant head of ranch security, Hank's constant companion and frequent sounding board, Drover is proof that when the going gets tough, the tough get going... right back to the tractor shed until the scary things stop happening.
- A Day in the Limelight: Drover gets his own backstory and POV in "Drover's Secret Life".
- Basement-Dweller: He was basically a dog version of this when he was younger, spending all his time in his mother's yard, refusing to get a job, and looking for any excuse to slack off.
- Believing Their Own Lies: According to Drover's Secret Life, Drover isn't just faking when he claims that his leg hurts and he can't follow Hank into danger, but really does feel a (psychosomatic) pain in his leg that stops him whenever he's trying to work up the nerve to face danger.
- Characterization Marches On: Earlier books gave him a more mischievous side, encouraging Hank to eat all the pills for the cattle and marking tires of a truck with an angry boxer chained up. A few books later and his more cowardly, nice personality would be more prominent. Aside from laziness, Drover's Secret Life would not depict any of these traits when he was younger.
- Comically Missing the Point: This happens at least thrice a book where his wandering mind will cause a conversation to diverge into chaos.
- Cowardly Lion: In The Case Of The Prowling Bear, he runs back to protect Slim from a black bear even before Hank and while he doesn't bite it like Hank does, he does stand his ground and bark.
- Cowardly Sidekick: A Running Gag is that Drover hates anything that contains so much as a hint of danger.
- I Need to Iron My Dog: Whenever Drover suspects the slightest possible risk, he'll complain about his leg hurting.
- Lord Error-Prone: He's just as bad at this as Hank. One of Hank's greatest annoyances is he can cause a conversation to get confusing very quickly, such as his misunderstandings causing a conversation about love to somehow dwell into whether bears eat coconuts.
- Lovable Coward: He hates anything that sounds scary or dangerous, and will frequently try to beg out of it by groaning about his leg or simply running away before Hank can stop him. However, he's still a sympathetic character, and on rare occasions, he has been known to do some brave things.
- Obfuscating Stupidity: Drover isn't the sharpest tool in the shed, but he's not not nearly as dumb as Hank thinks he is, especially when it comes to his own safety.
- Rude Hero, Nice Sidekick: Hank is very prideful, thinks he is smarter than he actually is, and trash talks anyone he does not like. Drover tends to go around with a goofy grin on his face, and would rather avoid stirring the pot by making others mad.
- Too Dumb to Fool: Often when Hank is smart enough to fool himself.
Pete the Barncat
Sally May's pet cat and Hank's Arch Enemy
- Arch-Enemy: To Hank
- Can't Live with Them, Can't Live Without Them: Hank and Drover aren't as interested in scraps when there's no rival.
- Cassandra Truth: Several times, Pete will tell the truth to Hank, and Hank will refuse to believe him (as in his eyes, cats lie even when it is easier to tell the truth). Pete usually counts on this with reverse psychology.
- Cats Are Mean: Pete often teases and takes advantage of Hank and the other characters.
- Cats Are Superior: Pete tells Hank that cats are better at protecting areas than dogs, because they're smarter.
- Cats Hate Water: At times, Pete has gotten wet, and he doesn't like it.
- Karma Houdini: While Hank sometimes causes problems, Pete often tries to bait Hank into getting angry and get him in trouble with Sally May. It usually works with him getting off scott free.
- Too Dumb to Live: Taunted Rip and Snort while being chased by them. He's lucky to have survived.
- Yellow Eyes of Sneakiness: Hank describes his eyes as yellow and he likes to trick and manipulate the dogs in ways that get them in trouble.
High Loper
The head rancher who tries to scrape by with the bare minimum he can pay
- Black Comedy Animal Cruelty: As far back at the first book, he tried to stop Hank's barking by scaring him with his gun. It died down over time, but he still gets annoyed when Hank acts like a bonehead (which is often).
- Cutting Corners: He has shown to use poorly created electric fences to keep cattle in, refuses to sell the broken down pickup under the belief it can still work, and using rusted tools. Even Hank thinks he's too cheap to run a ranch and it's a miracle it's survived this long.
- Deadpan Snarker: He is unafraid to make dry remarks, especially when Slim and Hank are around.
- Foil: To Wallace. The two are are grouchy, love to complain for the heck of it, and struggle with their lives (managing a ranch and finding food). John R. Erickson also uses very similar voices between the two compared to others. However, Loper genuinely cares about his family while Wallace can be teasing of his son at best and verbally abusive at worst.
- Jerk with a Heart of Gold: Under that cranky façade is a man who cares for his hired hand, loves his wife, and spends time with his son.
Sally May
High Loper's wife who gets easily annoyed by Hank.
- Berserk Button: Really, just about anything involving Hank, but if you want to be specific, him bullying Pete (who honestly deserves it) or causing damage to her garden will set her off every time.
- Kind Hearted Cat Lover: Played with. She's a good woman and very fond of Pete, but given that Pete is an antagonist, her favor for him is portrayed as misguided.
- Mama Bear:
- Mother of Little Alfred and Baby Molly. Unfortunately, Hank is quite often the target of her scorn for "corrupting" her children. Still, more than once she's stood up to some pretty serious dangers to keep her kids safe.
- Gets inverted in one book where she spanks Alfred after catching him abusing not only Pete, but Hank of all animals.
- Not So Above It All: She once pranked Slim by hiding firecrackers in his engine.
- Pet the Dog: In The Case Of The Double Bumblebee Sting, she takes pity on Hank when he gets bitten in the face by a rattlesnake and has to convalesce, allowing him to rest inside the house and even carrying him from one place to the next like an overgrown puppy.
- Reasonable Authority Figure: Much as she intensely dislikes Hank's antics, she will praise him if he does something right and isn't above apologizing to him whenever she realizes that she's misjudged or falsely accused him of something. At one point when she's fed up and ready to re-home Hank, she changes her mind after considering how much Alfred loves him.
- Throw the Dog a Bone: When Hank does something great (even if she's not sure it was intentional) she'll reward Hank with love...or bacon.
Slim Chance
A bachelor cowboy who serves as the hired hand.
- Deadpan Snarker: Has his moments
Slim: If a man could get into a dog's mind, he could sure write a book...or get locked up in the insane asylum.
- Dreadful Musician: At least according to Hank and Drover, as they find his songs overly corny.
- Hypocritical Humor: Calls Hank and Drover dumb, when he's no genius himself.
- Lethal Chef: Just listen to his song, "Maters and Taters".
- Meaningful Name: His bonehead ideas usually don't work.
- Men Can't Keep House: He really only cleans it when Viola is coming over...and even then it usually doesn't work. Hank mentions this in "Be Careful When You Drink from the Pot", sung after Slim's unusual interest in cleaning the toilet got the dogs a dose of cleaner.
- Oblivious to Love: Did not understand for a while that Ms. Viola is in love with him...for whatever reason. Even Hank knows she likes him. He eventually does propose to her though.
- The Prankster: He loves practical jokes, often at Hank's expense.
- Trademark Favorite Food: Always seems to have some Beef Jerky on hand. Also loves his Mackerel Sandwiches.
Little Alfred
High Loper and Sally May's son.
- Adorably Precocious Child: Sees his dad as a role-model. He even helped out the ranch during darker times.
- Character Development:
- When the books started, he would sometimes abuse Hank and Pete for his own entertainment. He still gets into trouble but is more good natured and even helped the cowboys during a roundup in a drought.
- At the start of the books, he could talk to animals due to his young age. He eventually grew out of it. He's still good friends with Hank, though.
- Elmer Fudd Syndrome: He pronounces his Rs as Ws.
- Interspecies Friendship: Back when he could talk to animals.
- Platonic Declaration of Love: After Hank gets into the garbage can in "The Garbage Monster From Outer Space" and Sally May threatens to take him to the pound, Little Alfred begs his mom not to take Hank away because Hank is his friend and he loves him. Because of this, Sally May relents and then warns Hank not to get into any more trouble.
Molly:
The baby daughter of Sally May and Loper, who first appeared in the 11th book.
- Age Lift: In the cancelled animated series, she was closer to a toddler than a baby.
- Composite Character: While Little Alfred in the cancelled series took the trouble-making bits, Molly took the earlier books' version of Alfred's ability to communicate with Hank.
- The Unintelligible: Doesn't speak since she's a baby.
Wallace and Junior
A father and son pair of buzzards.
- Abusive Parents: Wallace talks down to his son, discourages his dreams of being a singer, and is implied to only leave him the scraps of whatever food they scavenge.
Wallace: Don't you remember all those dead skunks we shared?
Junior: Yeah, but y-y-y-you always got the skunk, and I always g-g-got the stink!
- Circling Vultures: Actually Buzzards. But as Hank points out, it is never a good sign
- Fantasy-Forbidding Father: Wallace believes Junior is an idiot to want to become a singer.
- Grumpy Old Man: Wallace definitely counts. When he's not complaining about being starving or about his son's dreams, he's asleep.
- Hidden Depths: Junior can play the banjo (don't ask how with no fingers).
- Interspecies Friendship: Junior considers Hank his "Doggie Friend." Wallace on the other hand...
- Speech Impediment / Porky Pig Pronunciation: Junior does this.
- Villain Song: Wallace has one called, "A Pox A Pox on Emily Post".
Miss Viola
A local woman who lives with her dad on a ranch. She is romantically attracted to Slim Chance, and shows up occasionally in parts of the series that involve him.
Eddy the Rac
A mischievous raccoon that was adopted by Slim until he was set free. He comes back to the ranch sometimes and stirs up trouble.
- Character Catchphrase: "Bet me?" Pretty much every time, it ends with Hank losing
- Friendly Enemy: Tends to be this to Hank. At most Hank only gets annoyed with him, but he tends to have fun with him when Hank is not being tricked. Hank even admits he's not a bad little guy.
- Interspecies Adoption: Was adopted by Slim, until he became too much of a nuisance.
- Lunacy: Claims his mischief at night comes from Moonlight Madness. When the moon is out, he has to do something.
- Motor Mouth: Especially in the audio book, where he speaks a mile a minute.
- Rascally Raccoon: Always trying to get Hank caught up in one of his deals.
- Toxic Friend Influence: Hank is not exactly a saint, but Eddy has a tendency to get Hank in situations his usual morality would prevent him from getting in to.
- Trademark Favorite Food: Has a whole song dedicated to Watermelon.
Rip and Snort
Two coyote brothers who often pester Hank.
- The Alcoholic: Hanks sometimes referred to them as drunken. Their first appearance in the series was encouraging Hank to try silage, which had alcohol in it.
- Dreadful Musician: Their singing to so bad, it once caused a plant to wilt.
- Exit Pursued by Two Coyotes:
- If Hank is facing another one of his enemies (Such as Sinister the Bob Cat or Buster and Muggs), he can cause the two villains to fight each other until Rip and Snort chase them off.
- Inverted in The Case of the Missing Bird Dog, where Rip and Snort end up being the ones who depart the story in flight, being pursued by the angry Mama Bear wild hog that Hank tricked them into attacking.
- Sore Loser: In "The Saddle House Robbery", they spend a large amount of energy trying to bark/howl up the sun with Hank, only for it to come up after they've exhausted themselves and J.T. Cluck has started crowing. They send Hank off to "fix" the rooster as revenge for humiliating them.
- Third-Person Person: Snort always refers to himself and others by name. Treated more as a character tic in the podcast.
- Villain Song: Several, "We Don't Give a Hoot!", "We're Proud to be Ignoramouses", and "The Cannibal Way" are some examples, but the most recurring is the "Coyote National Anthem and Hymn."
- The Voiceless: The most that comes out of Rip's mouth usually is some form of "Uh!", which is used as an affirmation or a disagreement depending on the situation. Granted, there are times he gets more eloquent, but they're few and far between. Downplayed in that he joins in on singing exclusively.
- We Used to Be Friends: Hank tries this often to avoid getting eaten by them, reminding them of when he defected from the ranch and went out drinking with them. It has never once worked.
- You No Take Candle:
- They (and other coyotes) talk in broken English. Interestingly, they drop it in a few of their songs, speaking in proper English.
- Averted in the Podcast series, where Snort speaks normally aside from being a Third-Person Person.
Beulah
A female collie who lives near Hank's ranch, and one of the objects of Hank's affections.
- Art Evolution: Looked much more like a collie in later books.
- Damsel in Distress: In The Case Of The Kidnapped Collie.
- Informed Species: She was referred to as a border collie as far back as the first book. She looked like a gender swapped Hank. Averted in later books, where she was redesigned to better look like one.
- Nice Girl: She tries to be considerate of Hank even though she can't return his feelings and during one book when Drover starts yelping about his leg, she shrieks and tries to help, even scolding Hank (who knows it's fakery) for being uncharitable in his remarks on the subject.
- Sickeningly Sweethearts: She and Plato have some lovey-dovey nicknames for each other.
- Unseen No More: Mentioned in the first book, not seen until the second.
- Woman Scorned: Hank has just failed in wooing her away from Plato in Faded Love when one of his other love interests, a beagle named Miss Scamper, happens along and he goes off with her. Beulah, upset, tells him to go be with his "strumpet" and that she doesn't care (even though it's pretty obvious that she does).
Plato
A bird dog that is Beulah's boyfriend. Hank considers him his rival.
- Dark Secret: He was raised by Beulah's grandmother, who basically betrothed Beulah into being Plato's girlfriend.
- Entitled to Have You: Downplayed. He isn't a mean boyfriend or acted overly clingy towards her, but it took a long time for him to drop the pledge Beulah's grandmother made her act.
- Moby Schtick: He's made a life long mission of hunting the Great White Quail.
- Nice Guy: Genuinely considers Hank a friend and acts chipper to him.
- Unseen No More: Like his girlfriend, he had a brief mention in the first book and first appeared in the second.
Madame Moonshine
A witchy little owl who lives not far from the ranch.
- Cloud Cuckoo Lander: Nothing she ever says makes any sense.
- Informed Ability: Actually knowing magic was just an informed ability in her first appearance. Averted in Book 11 where she is able to defy gravity, cause Rip and Snort's song to be sung backwards, and mind control them into not wanting to eat her and Hank.
- Insane Troll Logic: Due to being a witch, she speaks in riddles and nonsense.
- More than Mind Control: Is capable of this. Rather than directly control the coyotes' actions, her magic convinces them they only want to eat a cat (though they were still willing to kill Hank if they didn't get what they want).
- The Owl-Knowing One: Despite her weird speech habits, she does know what she's doing.
- Snakes Are Sinister: She has a bodyguard named Timothy. He is a diamond back rattlesnake and leaves Hank very nervous.
- Word-Salad Humor: This is how she talks. In her own words, she is fluent in Gibberish and Fibberish.
Scraunch the Terrible
The son of the Coyote Chief, and the most dangerous of Hank's enemies.
- It's Personal: Unlike Rip and Snort, who are motivated to kill Hank by hunger, Scraunch has a burning hatred of Hank for stopping his chicken massacres and dating his sister. Even during the brief time that Hank joined the coyote tribe, Scraunch didn't let up on giving him the third degree.
- Knight of Cerebus: The books are very light hearted, and Hank usually comes across the ruthless but stupid enough to be funny Rip and Snort. On the rare occasions he runs into Scraunch, things are treated more seriously. Hank knows he's far more competent.
- My Sister Is Off-Limits: He doesn't approve of Hank being with Missy.
- Names to Run Away from Really Fast: Would you hang out with a guy named "Scraunch the Terrible"?
- Villain Song: He shares the Coyote Hymn and Anthem with the others, but has his own more sinister verse (at least to a dog) to unnerve Hank.
Me smell a something yummy, a floating in the breeze.
With all this dust and pollen, it make me want to sneeze
It smell like something yummy, it smell like something neat
It smell just like a hot dog and hot dog me like to eat!!
- You No Take Candle: Like the other coyotes, he speaks like this.
Missy Coyote
A daughter of the chief of the enemy coyote tribe. She is the only coyote to ally with Hank.
- But Now I Must Go: Although Hank has invited her to the ranch, she knows her tribe is her home. It's not like the higher-ups would be happy with a coyote by their chicken house, anyway.
- The Chief's Daughter: She is the daughter of the head of the coyote tribe.
- Interspecies Romance: Downplayed; she's a coyote in love with a dog. She is notably the only girl to fully return Hank's affections.
- Names to Run Away from Really Fast: Her real name is Girl Who Drinks Blood. Hank got unnerved immediately and gave her a nickname.
- Odd Friendship: In addition to being friends with Hank, Slim Chance found her out in the field and likes to feed her some of the cattle cake. Kind of funny for a guy looking over the very cattle she could be eating.
- Only Known by Their Nickname: Her real name is "Girl Who Drink Blood". Hank prefers to call her Missy, which she doesn't mind.
- Rescue Romance: She fell for Hank after he helped her when her head was stuck in a tin can (with the book implying it was stuck on her for days).
- My Species Doth Protest Too Much: She is the only coyote to ally with Hank.
- Star-Crossed Lovers: Her romance with Hank is complicated by the coyotes, and especially her brother Scraunch the Terrible, disliking Hank and humans typically disliking coyotes.
