Characters from the first 15 episodes
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The Sign (parts 1 and 2)
Cops
He's not their only victim
Two police officers who strictly enforce what the sign says.- The Bad Guys Are Cops: They're police officers, and rotten individuals.
- Car Fu: To a baby, no less.
- Can't You Read the Sign?: Both parts are centred around this premise, where the sign reads "DO NOT READ".
- Curb-Stomp Battle: There are two of them, and they have nightsticks. Mothers and babies don't exactly have a fighting chance against them.
- Disproportionate Retribution: Did you read the sign? Prepare to have your ass kicked.
- Even Evil Has Standards: Subverted. While one of the police officers has reservations about attacking a baby, he quickly changes his mind when he sees the no-baby sign.
- Flat Character: Their motivation starts and stops at attacking anyone who reads the sign.
- Karma Houdini: They never receive punishment for violence against hapless civilians and babies.
- Laughably Evil: They're so cartoonishly despicable that they come across as hilarious rather than the monsters they are.
- Loophole Abuse: Anyone who reads the sign will instantly get hurt by an officer. If you are an officer, apparently you can avoid getting punished and abuse the system to hit anybody.
- Police Brutality: They react violently to people who read the sign.
- Refuge in Audacity: They're so monstrous that they use a baby as a baseball. Somehow this turns the skit from disturbing to hilarious, despite a baby being brutally attacked.
- Sequel Escalation: They go from beating up a man in a green shirt, to a mother, and then her baby. In two minutes, over two episodes.
- Starter Villain: The first two villains in the series, out of many.
- Villain Protagonist: Despite being the main villains, they're the stars of the first two episodes.
- Would Hit a Girl: A mother no less. This is just their warm up for unleashing their violence on her baby.
- Would Hurt a Child: They use a baby as a baseball after kicking the tar out of him.
I love noodles
Noodle lovers
How much do you love noodles?
Two men who really like noodles- Brain Bleach: Blue shirt guy is rightfully horrified when he sees his friend having sex with his noodles.
- Casual Kink: Red shirt has a fetish for noodles, it seems. He's rather shameless about it.
- Dreadful Musician: Blue shirt guy can't exactly sing that well, to put it mildly.
- Obsessed with Food: Both men are absolutely obsessed with noodles, so much so that red shirt guy starts having sex with a bowl of noodles.
- Song Parody: The "I'll always love noodles" song has the same tune as "I will always love you."
- Tempting Fate: After asking red shirt guy how much he loves noodles, Blue shirt guy finds out the answer in the worst way possible.
- Trademark Favorite Food: Guess.
The magic hat
Magician
The Magician entertaining several kids
A magician entertaining several children.- Gone Horribly Right: One of the boys asks for a little brother. He pulls a bloody fetus out of his hat, scaring all the kids away.
- Harmful to Minors: The baby brother is a bloody, red-eyed fetus, especially terrifying to the small children watching as it's pulled out of the magician's hat.
- Maybe Magic, Maybe Mundane: His magic tricks are this. Either he's got special powers, or he just so happens to carry a bleeding fetus with him at all times. Though considering his horrified reaction, it's probably the former.
- Nice Guy: It's highly likely he was only trying to entertain the children, being friendly and well liked until pulling the baby brother out of his hat.
- Oh, Crap!: He starts screaming in terror after seeing what he's pulled from his hat.
- Rhymes on a Dime: Part of his persona.
- Screams Like a Little Girl: He does this when he realises what he's pulled out of his hat. Though since a bloody fetus is far from the nicest of sights, it's completely justified for him to be screaming this way.
The hard way
Mobsters
The mobsters torturing some hapless green shirt
Some mobsters trying to extract information from someone- Bait-and-Switch: The mobster's gun is actually a blank pistol used for starting races.
- Cold-Blooded Torture: Their method of extracting information from their victims involves having them trampled on by a bunch of marathon runners.
- Dark Is Evil: They're mobsters who are torturing someone, so they're obviously this.
I did it
Fat guy
I did it!
A guy on a treadmill trying to lose weight- Bait-and-Switch: When it seems like something bad might happen to him for changing the direction the treadmill goes, it merely lifts him over the stairs. He does distract some other gym member, who painfully falls off their treadmill.
- Earn Your Happy Ending: Well, it's happy only because he's too stupid to realise he's accomplished nothing. He presses the lever which changes direction of the treadmill, allowing him to skip the workout and just stand on top of the treadmill. To him, he's completed his task.
- Fat Idiot: He sees standing on top of the treadmill as some sort of accomplishment, despite the fact it completely negates the point of the workout. While he has little personality, there's enough to show that he's not the sharpest man in the gym.
- Tempting Fate: Due to being cyanide and happiness, pressing the switch is expected to have a disasterous consequence. The plot twist is that it doesn't, it only ruins the point of his workout.
- Unwitting Instigator of Doom: A (likely) minor example. He causes someone to fall off their treadmill. Whether it kills them or merely hurts them is unknown.
No brainer
Doctor
The doctor
A doctor performing a brain transplant- Jerkass Has a Point: While referring to the organ donor as "some retard" isn't the nicest way to put it, he's right that driving off a building on a motorcycle is stupid.
- The Polly Anna: He's a very cheerful fellow, even when mentioning the horrible demise of the organ donor.
- Unwitting Instigator of Doom: He accidentally causes Mr Mackey's death by mentioning how the organ donor died.
Mr Mackey
Mr Mackey
A man getting a brain transplant.- All for Nothing: His surgery is rendered null and void as he dies moments afterwards.
- Death by Irony: He dies the exact same way his brain donor did.
- Didn't Think This Through: He forgets that driving off a tall building is an insanely stupid idea, realising that he's likely going to die from his idiocy right as he drives off the building.
- Disney Villain Death: He dies by driving off a tall building, for no other reason than he's an idiot.
- History Repeats: Like the guy whose brain he got, he also drives a motorcycle off a building.
- Naked People Are Funny: His butt can be seen as he's driving to his death.
- Oh, Crap!: He has this after realising that he's inadvertedly killed himself.
- "Shaggy Dog" Story: His surgey doesn't save him from his own stupidity.
- Too Dumb to Live: He drives a motorcycle off a tall building, despite knowing that the guy whose brain he had transplanted into him died from doing the same thing.
Hopscotch
Hopscotch man
Hopscotch man moments before his demise
A businessman playing hopscotch- Cruel and Unusual Death: He's eaten by a hopscotch monster.
- Eaten Alive: How he meets his untimely end.
- Not So Above It All: He stops what he's doing to play hopscotch, despite his formal business attire.
Hopscotch monster
An evil hopscotch monster
An evil hopscotch monster- Attack of the Killer Whatever: It's an evil hopscotch monster.
- Karma Houdini: It gets in no trouble for eating the man.
- Killer Rabbit: It looks like a crude hopscotch outline, it's actually a murderous creature who preys on vunerable pedestrians.
- Knight of Cerebus: The first one of the shorts, and far from the last. In seconds, it turns the skit from lighthearted to terrifying.
- Walking Spoiler: It's sentient and evil. Oh, Crap!.
Superjerk saves the day
Superjerk
Meaningful Name indeed
A superhero with some unpleasant character traits.- All Men Are Perverts: He likes boobs. He doesn't like when women don't show them to him.
- Antagonist Title: Despite claiming that he saves the day, he's most certainly the evilest character in the short.
- Bald of Evil: Like most of the characters in the early C&H shorts, he has no hair on his head. He also has no good in his heart.
- Card-Carrying Villain: Well, he is called Superjerk, so that's not surprising.
- Disproportionate Retribution: He kills a woman for not showing him her boobs.
- Entitled Bastard: He believes a woman has to show him her breasts after he saves her, and turns violent when she rejects him.
- Eviler than Thou: The robber wasn't a murderer or rapist. Superjerk is.
- Fan Disservice: He lifts his shirt to explain what he wants the women to do. It's as repulsive as it sounds.
- Fat Bastard: He's heavier than most characters and a vile douchebag.
- Hate Sink: The first in the shorts. He's a murderous, perverted rapist and necrophile.
- Hollywood Heart Attack: How he kills people.
- I Love the Dead: He begins to rape the woman he "saved" after killing her.
- Jerkass: So much so that it's in his name.
- Meaningful Name: Superjerk is an apt name for him.
- Rape Is a Special Kind of Evil: What he does to the woman after killing her. Thankfully, his heinous acts aren't shown.
- Would Hit a Girl: Would rape and murder one, even.
Robber
some The robber after meeting Superjerk
A robber robbing a woman.- Asshole Victim: Even if he's not as bad as superjerk, he still held a woman at gunpoint and tried to rob her. No tears are shed when he's killed.
- Dark Is Evil: He wears black and is a bad guy.
- Flat Character: His personality is evil robber.
- Obviously Evil: He's a pretty blatant robber.
Woman
A woman being robbed
The woman
- Be Careful What You Wish For: She asked Superjerk for help. He did, then he killed her.
- Butt-Monkey: She's robbed at gunpoint, sexually harrassed, then murdered and molested by her "savior."
- Buxom Beauty Standard: Her large bust is ogled by superjerk. She's killed for not showing it to him, so it wasn't better for her.
- Damsel in Distress: Her being robbed kickstarts the short.
- D-Cup Distress: Her bust earns her unwanted attention from Superjerk.
- Fan Disservice: A Panty Shot is shown of her, after she's been killed and right before she's molested offscreen.
- From Bad to Worse: She goes from a victim of a robbery to one of a murder and rape.
- What the Hell, Hero?: She gives one to Superjerk for trying to force her to flash him. Subverted as he's not a hero in the first place, just a perverted rapist.
Beer run
Drunk guy
He's not that drunk
A drunk who goes to get beer for his friends.- Accidental Hero: He kills a robber holding a woman at gunpoint due to his drunk driving. He also puts out the fire consuming some unlucky purple shirt. In an example of Rule of Three, he also feeds a homeless man, completely unintentionally.
- Accidental Murder: He kills his friend by hitting him with his car while drunk. He doesn't seem to care.
- Affably Evil: Of the Obliviously Evil type. He's a rather nice guy who just so happens to be a danger to everyone around him.
- Alcohol-Induced Idiocy: He's not the brighest person around, especially when pissed out of his mind.
- An Aesop: Parodied then played straight. While his drunk driving starts off inadvertedly helping people, he ends up running over his friend, showing how destructive and dangerous driving under the influence is.
- Anti-Villain: He's a dangerous idiot, yet he's more stupid than outright malicious.
- Blatant Lies: He tries to tell his friend he isn't that drunk, while slurring his words and stumbling around.
- Car Fu: He unintentionally does this to several people and items, including his own friend.
- Drives Like Crazy: He does this due to being drunk while driving.
- It's All About Me: The main reason why he drives drunk to get beer, despite the obvious danger he's putting other people at.
- Obliviously Evil: He's irresponsible to the point of being lethal, yet doesn't seem to realise the danger he poses to other people.
- Oh, Crap!: He freaks out when he realises he forgot the ice. Never mind the fact that he accidentally killed his friend.
- Skewed Priorities: He is more concerned about forgetting the ice after the Accidental Murder of his supposed friend.
Barbershop Quartet hits on girl from taxi/performs surgery
Taxi Driver
You've got nice tits
A taxi driver- Dirty Old Man: He's older than the quartet and far more perverted.
- Distracted by the Sexy: He crashes his taxi (and breaks his window) trying to hit on a passing woman.
- Epic Fail: You've got nice tits is generally considered a faux pas when it comes to attracting women. This skit is no exception.
Barbershop Quarter
Four singers who tend to use music to express their point.
Oh shit
- Death by Adaptation: They get killed by the drunk driver in the alternate cut.
- Manly Facial Hair: Three of them have moustaches of various sizes.
- Oh, Crap!: They use a variation of this after the taxi driver ruins their pick up attempt.
- Refuge in Audacity: They somehow thought it was a good idea to try and perform surgery on a patient despite none of them being doctors or having any medical knowledge. Unsurprisingly, the patient didn't make it. They also weren't stopped by the doctors and perhaps even allowed to attempt the surgery, something outrageous even for cyanide and happiness.
Dogs
Dogs
Two dogs
Two dogs eating spaghetti- Mood Whiplash: Their meet cute is abruptly ended when a crazed hobo kills them both.
- Nice Guy: One of the dogs are willing to share the spaghetti with another dog, despite also being hungry.
- "Shaggy Dog" Story: Their meet cute ends with a hungry hobo eating one of them, turning them into a hat, then coming back to murder the other one.
- Shout-Out: To Lady and the tramp, minus the part where a crazed hobo kills one of them.
- Surprisingly Sudden Death: One of them is randomly killed by a homeless man in order to eat them. The other one is killed moments later for no reason.
Homeless man
The first dog killer of the series
A hungry homeless man- Anti-Villain: An ambiguous type. While he's almost certainly desperate for food due to being homeless, he's also a ruthless dog killer and all around asshole.
- Bad People Abuse Animals: He killed a friendly dog, turned them into a hat, then killed the other dog as well.
- He appears several episodes later to kill a random pigeon, so this is a regular occurance for him, it seems.
- Bald of Evil: He has no hair nor morality.
- Beard of Evil: He has a long, unshaved beard and is a cruel man.
- Crazy Homeless People: He's obviously not right in the head.
- For the Evulz: Why he returned to kill the second dog.
- Hate Sink: He's a despicable bastard who kills two friendly dogs in his ten seconds of screentime.
- Knight of Cerebus: He turns a story from sweet to somber in seconds.
Hungertube
Hungertube guy
Scrumpadoochus
A salesman for hungertube- Berserk Button: Saying that his hunger tube is not scrumpadoochus is a surefire way to piss him off.
- Catchphrase: Scrumpadoochus.
- Cool Shades: They go with his Totally Radical persona.
- Fate Worse than Death: Ends up in a coma for the rest of his life by the end of the short.
- Hope Spot: It seems like he might recover after whispering scrumpadoochus during his coma. It's actually just a coincidental vocal reflex.
- Too Dumb to Live: Skateboarding off a small house is understandably disasterous for him.
- Totally Radical: His entire gimmick.
The man who could sit anywhere
Sweet seats salesman
Welcome to sweet seats
A salesman of chairs.- Brain Bleach: His understandable reaction when Cliff Miller donates him his ass.
- Butt-Monkey: He gets his shop trashed and has an ass delivered to him by Cliff Miller with no explanation given.
- Curse Cut Short: By the short ending. It's clear what he was going to say though after seeing Cliff's ass delivered to him.
- Nice Guy: He's pretty pleasant, as he should be for a salesman.
- Only Sane Man: He's the only major character apart from Cliff Miller, the man who could sit anywhere, so this is a given.
Cliff Miller
His ass is the most comfortable thing in the world
The man who could sit anywhere.- Fan Disservice: In the alt cut, he moons a lot of horrified people, including the salesman. His severed ass is also not the prettiest sight.
- It's All About Me: He tends to sit on other people, no matter how uncomfortable they are because of his actions.
- Laughing Mad: He laughs manaically and starts trashing sweet seats after realising his ass is the most comfortable thing in the world.
- Mooning: What he does in the alt cut.
- Pet the Dog: After trashing the salesman's store, he donates him his ass. Unfortunately, the salesman is more repulsed than grateful.
- The Pollyanna: He only loses his smile when he's dying of ass cancer.
- Spared by the Adaptation: He (possibly) survives his ass cancer and moons the store salesman instead of donating his ass to him.
- Too Dumb to Live: He thought it was a good idea to sit on radioactive waste. It wasn't.
- Uncertain Doom: It's unknown if he dies from ass cancer in the alternate cut.
