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JadeThe only so far, though more have been promised to come. Jade was designed with classic OCs from various other kitten stories in mind, and then twisted to become more logical according to the author’s whims.Jade is half-Latino, comes from a relatively rich family, and was orphaned at the age of seven, due to a car crash. She is just under five-foot six, and has chosen to live on her own since the beginning of her junior year, deciding that learning to take care of herself was a priority. Until then, she had been raised by her aunt. She has an older brother in college.
- Brainy Brunette: At the very least, she’s doing calculus in her junior year of high school.
- Badass Normal: So far, she is the only named character to not have any superhuman abilities, but she’s also gotten the only non-omake action scene.
- Conveniently an Orphan: Invoked in concerns to her by the PC. It’s been ten years, so she’s not too cut up about it.
- Guile Hero: She was designed to be more logical than most OCs
- Gun Nut: Yep, that pretty much covers it.
- Medium Awareness: Like everyone else in the story.
- Only Child Syndrome: Unlike many stories, where friends are introduced in early chapters to provide an “outsider’s” point of view and siblings function in the same manner or are eschewed completely, Jade has a brother in college that still hasn’t been introduced and hasn’t introduced the kittens to anyone at all yet (at least, not as who they really are).
- Theme Naming: By complete accident, her name follows the Phoenix Corporation theme of a jewel-based naming system.
They run the universe, as they put it. Their main function is to set the story up, rather than develop the plot the way that the actual characters do. There are eleven members in total, in addition to the authoress herself.The word avatar is used in mimicry of the Hindu usage of the word, which is that of a deliberate descent of a deity to an earthly plane.
- Animorphism: Many of the members have at least one alternate form.
- Backstory: It would be nice to know what theirs was.
- Blonde, Brunette, Redhead: Opal, Goldstone, Diamond.
- Blue and Orange Morality: Since Phoenix is the author, her motivation is to entertain her readers. This causes her to do plenty of things that would be morally questionable under a more normal set of circumstances. Since the Agents work for her, they have similar views.
- Cataclysm Backstory: Whatever the specifics of the collapse were, the Agents were the only survivors, and Phoenix was the one that ‘‘intentionally’’ caused it in the first place.
- Curbstomp Battle: Supposedly any fight they get involved with will be this.
- Four-Element Ensemble: Agent Ruby, Agent Sapphire, Agent Quartz, and Agent Silk.
- Fourth-Wall Observer
- Mr. Exposition: Part of their job.
- Oddly Small Organization: There are only eleven Agents, plus Phoenix.
- Old Shame: One of the few hints we get as to where the Agents come from.
- Only Known by Their Nickname: Subverted by Agent Nightingale and possibly by Diamond and Chimera soon as well, but otherwise played straight and very enforced. Phoenix doesn’t reveal her name since she’s a real person, and the rest keep their names classified.
- Original Character: Everyone except Diamond and Chimera.
- Person of Mass Destruction: Each and every Agent is this to some degree.
- The Pollyanna: Put here because it applies to everyone bar Phoenix herself.
- Powers That Be: … Obviously.
- Red Baron: They each have one.
- Skunk Stripe / You Gotta Have Blue Hair: All the fictional members have a colored stripe or patch through their hair, though the ‘lighter color’ bit is sometimes inversed.
- Story-Breaker Power: Each and every one of them.
- Superpower Lottery: All of them.
- Theme Naming: Jewels for (almost) everyone.
- Tsurime Eyes: At least half the agents.
- Vague Age: The Agents are all labeled as adults, but we don’t really know much else. Phoenix keeps her age hidden for security reasons, like most Fanfiction.Net authors.
"I am my own Deus Ex Machina, my own Diabolus Ex Machina, my own WTF Ex Machina. I'm, like, the AUTHOR Ex Machina. Yeah, that sounds about right."The Author, quite literally. She starts the fic off ranting about the lack of genuinely good fics, and decides to write her own. As the author, she’s the one that controls literally everything, which makes you wonder a little about why she’s gets bashed more than any other character.
- Butt Monkey: She is the one person most insulted and bagged on in the fic. Then again, she states that this was the point.
- Eerie Pale-Skinned Brunette: From what we’ve been told, she’s a brunette that doesn’t get out enough, and you have to admit that some of her lines and actions in the story are at least a little disturbing.
- God: She can do anything, and she is the Big Boss of ‘reality.’ The only life she isn’t omnipotent about is her own.
- Ill Girl: With the advent of chapter 22, we've found that she has a disturbing number of nutritional disorders (e.g. anemia and hypochlorhydria), some of which make it surprising that she can write herself to act as cheery as she does.
- Muse Abuse: In a really… weird way. Mostly, it’s just things like her complaining about how busy she is (then getting told to shut up about it) or her physical state affecting the weather.
- Played for Laughs: Everything about her, really.
- Reality Warper: Well, she is the author. She laments the fact that she can’t write anything good into her own life, however.
- Real Life Writes the Plot: See Muse Abuse.
- Self-Deprecation: Frequently enough that it’s become something of a Running Gag that she’s more of a Butt Monkey than anyone else.
“We get it, Phoenix. You’re all-powerful here. That’s great. Now, can we move on? We’ve got a schedule to keep to.”Agent Goldstone is the second-in-command of the Phoenix Corporation, and very no-nonsense. She is one of the most shown agents, and as such has developed a bit more personality than the others. She normally has brown hair, brown eyes, pale skin, and an irritated or displeased expression. Her height is five feet, seven inches. Specifically, she started out with her base as healing, but she also represents all the things that aren’t covered by the other members of the Phoenix Corporation, such as Life, Fate, Destiny, Power, etc. She is romantically involved with Agent Nightingale, and Agent Chimera is her second cousin.She is the avatar of healing.
- A-Cup Angst: Averted. She has the smallest chest of the Phoenix Corporation, but treats it as a good thing.
- Berserk Button: She doesn’t like it very much when
- Brainy Brunette
- Chainsaw Good: Her preferred weapon. More in-depth: first comes the chainsaw. Then she hits a button and a staff shoots out so that it’s at the end of a five-foot pole. At the level after that, the chainsaw can duplicate itself so that there’s one on either end. Then at the next level the chainsaw either catches fire or turns into a lightsaber chainsaw, usually one on one end and one on the other. Level after that, ropes uncoil between the ends of the staff and the chainsaws, turning it into a chainsaw on fire on a whip on a staff. It’s not as awesome as you’d think, since she doesn’t always keep the fire when she whips them around. Oh, and sometimes the whips sprout blades to make the whole thing even more ridiculously dangerous.
- Deadpan Snarker
- The Dragon / The Lancer: To Phoenix.
- Dragon-in-Chief: It sometimes seems like Phoenix is the boss in name only.
- Good Wings, Evil Wings: Golden angel wings.
- Gold and White Are Divine: Golden angel.
- The Medic: Her power base is healing.
- Monochromatic Eyes: When she’s really angry, or has the intent to intimidate someone, her eyes, hair, and wings all begin to glow gold; her eyes simply seem like gold orbs lodged in her head.
- Our Angels Are Different: She turns into one.
- Self Insert: Was originally this in the Old Shame that the Phoenix Corporation came from, but has since then evolved into a character completely separate from the author (and much more mature).
- Voluntary Shapeshifting: Into an angel, apparently. A terrifying, glowing one.
- You Gotta Have Blue Hair: She has a strip of gold hair, which she doesn’t like.
“We could try electroshock therapy?”She has the position of authority just below Goldstone, which she shares with Chimera, her cousin. She normally has pale blonde hair with a white stripe, fairly mid-tone Caucasian skin, and three scars running from just below her eye to her collarbone. She’s five feet, five inches tall, and reasonably endowed. She is in a relationship with Agent Moonstone.She is the avatar of the mind and electricity.
- Boobs of Steel: -Ish.
- Mind Manipulation: Her specialty.
- Our Werewolves Are Different
- Scars Are Forever: She has a trio of them running from just below her eye to her collarbone. There’s also bite marks on her shoulder. All of it comes from the attack that turned her into a werewolf when she was eleven. It’s worth note that she has them by choice, since Goldstone could easily heal them away.
- Shock and Awe: An outgrowth of her mental powers, since the brain works via small electrical currents between neurons.
- Techno Babble: Shortly, in the chapter eleven omake.
- You Gotta Have Blue Hair: Has a white stripe. It’s nearly invisible since she’s such a pale blonde already.
“My girlfriend is insane. My boss is god here. My best friend recently had a nervous breakdown. And for some unfathomable reason, I’m okay with that.”Chimera is one of the more normal Agents shown so far. He shares the authority level below Goldstone (his second cousin on his dad’s side) with Agent Opal (his first cousin on his mom’s side). He’s a Voluntary Shapeshifter to the extreme, and so chooses to have purple hair and dark blue eyes. He is six feet, one inch tall naturally, through his height varies otherwise; he is the tallest member of the PC. He is in a relationship with Agent Diamond.He is the avatar of fauna.
- Animorphism: His specialty. He’s a one-man portable zoo!
- Badass in a Nice Suit: He’s got a pretty nice suit on most of the time.
- Cloud Cuckoo Landers Minder: To Diamond, though she’s less of a Cloudcuckoolander and more just blatantly insane.
- Crossover: Though we’ve so far got little word of where exactly he is from.
- Curtains Match the Window: Downplayed. His eyes only match his hair’s stripe.
- Huge Guy, Tiny Girl: He’s over a foot taller than his girlfriend.
- Shaped Like Itself: He can turn into a chimera.
- Theme Naming: His Jewel name is technically Agent Tiger’s Eye, but it’s too cumbersome to say.
- Vocal Dissonance: From his alternate form’s snake head.
- You Gotta Have Blue Hair: Purple, and he’s the only member of the corporation that doesn’t have a primary natural hair color; there's also the mandatory color stripe, in his case midnight blue.
“Let’s see what’ll happen if we stab ‘im again!”She is the most developed character of the PC so far. She is blatantly insane, as a result of The Collapse, though she can act normal when she wants to. She is very pale, has bright red hair, brown eyes, and is quite buxom. A body that is terrifyingly beautiful, with a personality that is straight-out terrifying. She’s only four feet, eleven inches tall, a sore spot with her.She is the avatar of blood and demons.
- Attention Deficit... Ooh, Shiny!: She’s very easily distracted.
- Bare Your Midriff: And it’s pretty much the only piece of skin that she shows that’s actually risqué.
- Berserk Button: Don’t call her short. It’s Played for Laughs.
- More seriously, don’t press the issue when it comes to The Collapse. If she says she’s over it, she’s over it. She doesn’t flip out like she does when people tease her about her height, but ends up far scarier with a more Tranquil Fury type of countenance and demonic features. It’s terrifying.
- Blood Knight: She really likes fighting and bloodshed.
- Blood Magic
- Boobs of Steel: The best example in the corporation.
- Break the Cutie: Implied. The effects are obvious.
- Cloudcuckoolander: In her less bloodthirsty moments.
- Combat Sadomasochist: Sort of. Her primary weapon is her own blood, so she stabs her own arms and such to get at the substance. She doesn’t really
- Creepy Child: Some people mistake her for one, because of her height (only when she tapes down her chest, though).
- Crossover: [[Spoiler: She used to be Renesmee Carlie Cullen.
- Cute Bruiser: Tiny with Super Strength.
- Darker and Edgier: Far more so than her canon counterpart.
- Dhampyr: Technically, though the validity of that statement is debatable.
- Evil Redhead: If you consider her less than stable demeanor and childish glee in violent situations to be evil.
- Fiery Redhead: Yes.
- Genius Ditz: Yes, she acts like an idiot. However, Phoenix has stated that Diamond used to be the smartest member of the PC, and is still remarkably intelligent.
- Genki Girl: She’s remarkably bubbly.
- Giggling Villain: Villain or not, she still giggles as she kills people.
- Good Wings, Evil Wings: Draconic wings. Blood red, too.
- Gorn: She loves causing it.
- Killer Rabbit: Diamond, you psychotic short-stack.
- Lightning Bruiser: Ridiculously fast, and enjoys kicking humongous monsters in the face.
- Manic Pixie Dream Girl: She’s labeled as one.
- Master of Illusion: She’s good with that.
- Mr. Exposition: She and Jashin are on the road to becoming this for the other characters.
- Ms. Fanservice: Her outfit may cover a lot of skin, but it’s also quite tight.
- Nigh-Invulnerability: To an extreme.
- Noodle Incident: She keeps bringing up the ‘buffalo and alfalfa’ incident.
- Our Demons Are Different: Her alternate form is supposed invoke the imagery of demons, what with the draconic wings, the Cute Little Fangs, the split pupils and the devil’s tail. Of course, it does little else to her body, so she ends up looking a little more like a succubus than a “standard” demon.
- Perpetual Smiler: The only times she stop smiling are for Rule of Funny and when someone presses her more serious Berserk Button.
- The Pollyanna: More so than the other PC agents.
- Psychopathic Manchild
- Red Oni, Blue Oni: She’s the red to Jashin’s blue.
- Sir Swears-a-Lot: She curses more than most characters.
- Super Strength
- Sweet Tooth: All she ever cooks is meat and sweets, so Agent Chimera does most of the cooking for her.
- Tareme Eyes: Strangely enough, which makes pictures like this one particularly disturbing.
- That Man Is Dead: Her feelings about who she used to be amount to her claiming that she isn't who she was, and no longer responds to that name.
- Vitriolic Best Buds: With Jashin.
- Winged Humanoid
- Whip It Good: Made of her own blood.
“I don’t like bringing back the dead. It leaves this gross and slimy feeling behind, and I can’t eat for hours afterwards.”He is the only OC that we’ve gotten a genuine name for so far. His hair changes frequently within the story, but it is generally short and pale blond, with a black splotch towards the front. He is five feet, eight inches tall, and rather slim. His eyes are grey and he is rather pale. He is fairly laidback most of the time, especially compared to most of his coworkers.He is the avatar of Light and Death.
- Berserk Button: People who mess with the dead. It gives him way too much paperwork.
- Casting a Shadow: A result of his Light 'em Up powers.
- Good Wings, Evil Wings: His half-transformed state, he has what appear to be skeletal black wings with holes in the membrane.
- Light 'em Up
- Necromancer: He can bring back the dead, but his personality doesn’t really fit the rest.
- Slasher Smile: His can be pretty terrifying.
“Please don’t make me say that again. It sounds so stupid.”He hasn’t been shown much, but we do have some information. He’s black, but was born and raised in New Zealand. He is older than his fraternal twin brother, and the stripe in his hair is a silvery cream. He is five feet, ten inches tall. He is in a romantic relationship with Agent Opal.He is the avatar of Time and Space.
- But Not Too Foreign: He’s black and from New Zealand.
- Space Master
- Time Master
- Token Minority: Along with his twin brother.
- Our Werewolves Are Different
“It’s not just sawdust. It’s magical sawdust.”He’s been shown a little more than his brother, so we do have some more information. He’s black, but was born and raised in New Zealand. He is younger than his fraternal twin brother, and the stripe in his hair is green. He is five feet, nine inches tall. He’s not in a relationship of any sort, but makes no secret of the fact that he is gay.He is the avatar of flora.
- Agent Peacock: He’s dressed like a Victorian Era gentleman, but can still kick a**.
- But Not Too Foreign: Like his brother.
- Camp Gay: Discussed and averted.
- Deadpan Snarker: He has his moments.
- Green Thumb: His powers.
- Straight Gay: Despite being a bit of an Agent Peacock, he still isn’t camp at all.
- Token Minority: Like his brother.
“When I look at people, I try to put as much condescension into my expression as I can. It seems to work.”Agent Ruby is the first member of the elemental quad. She is honey blonde and of a rather average build. Her height is five feet, six inches. She has a tendency to treat others in a rather condescending manner. Her powers are nominally fire-based, but it’s mostly heat. Her best friend is Agent Sapphire.She is the avatar of fire.
- An Ice Person: Since what she really controls is heat, the simple removal of such is enough to generate ice, though she copes much better if collaborating with Agent Sapphire.
- Our Dragons Are Different: Her alternate form is that of a large orange-red dragon.
- Playing with Fire
- Red Oni, Blue Oni: The red to Sapphire’s blue. They even match the coloring!
- Smug Snake: She’s a bit condescending to, well, everyone, really.
“I see that you find me attractive. Perhaps the impending wall of water will change that.”Agent Sapphire is the second member of the elemental quad. She has dark brown hair cut into a bob, is slender in build, and is of a height of five feet, seven inches. Her powers are water-based, and she is best friends with Agent Ruby.She is the avatar of water.
- An Ice Person: Though it works best in tandem with Agent Ruby.
- Making a Splash
- Our Mermaids Are Different: Her alternate form is that of a mermaid.
- Red Oni, Blue Oni: The blue to Ruby's red.
“If you are not being useful, please vacate the premises. Otherwise, I cannot be held accountable for where the air in your lungs goes.”Agent Quartz is the third member of the elemental quad. He has long and slightly frizzy brown hair tied down in a ponytail, and is five-foot eleven. His powers are air based.
- Berserk Button: In a side-story oneshot, it turns out that he really, really, really hates Mary Sues and bad Fan Fic.
- Blow You Away
- Deadpan Snarker
- Our Fairies Are Different: His alternate form is that of a fairy. Don’t think this makes him a wimp.
- Scary Shiny Glasses
- The Stoic
- Stoic Spectacles
“Sure. Go ahead. Ignore me. We’ll see who’s laughing when every bit of dirt, down to the tiniest bit of dirt, is all shoved up your rear end.”Agent Silk is the only member of the Phoenix Corporation whose designated jewel is unknown, and Phoenix has mentioned that she’s not giving out the information anytime soon. He has short-cropped light brown hair, brown eyes, and a fairly innocuous look overall. His hair has no stripe. He is five feet, nine inches tall.He is the avatar of earth.
Jashin, Kami, and Shinigami are the three gods that run the Naruto Universe (dimension), each ruling one ‘realm’ of it. They’re a rather dysfunctional group.
- Asexual: Sorry to burst your bubble.
- The Gods Must Be Lazy: Subverted, and big time. It may seem that way, but they’ve actually all been working overtime just to fix the mess with the Sage of the Six Paths.
- Jashin in particular gets only a few hours off every few months. Keep in mind that, as a god, he doesn’t need sleep. Ergo, only about twelve hours of rest between shifts that last several thousand hours. You’ve got to give the guy a little credit.
“And I’m the one in charge of the Realm of Demons. The job sucks, but I’m still awesome.”First thing’s first: Jashin’s a Surfer Dude.No, really.Blue hair, amused smirk, Hawaiian shirt, khaki shorts, surfboard keychain… and he actually goes surfing. He’s the one that controls the demon realm, and he’s not that bad of a guy. It's a Long Story, but all those sacrifices are really just to keep the world from collapsing.He grudgingly considers Diamond to be his best friend.
- Awesome McCool Name: You know how Jashin means “Evil God?” He chose that moniker because he thought it sounded cool.
- Belligerent Sexual Tension: You’d expect his relationship with Kami to be this. Sorry, they really do have genuine reasons to dislike each other.
- Cloudcuckoolander's Minder: He takes over for Chimera once in a while.
- Fourth-Wall Observer: …Ish?
- Green Eyes
- God in Human Form
- God of Evil: Subverted, and without contradicting more than a minimum of canon, at that.
- Hawaiian-Shirted Tourist: He may not be a tourist, but he does have the shirt.
- Hive Mind: Jashin is somehow part of one with other versions of himself within Phoenix’s reality; it’s not exactly clear how it works.
- Hot God: No doubt about it, even if he does look a bit like a teenager.
- Jerkass Gods: Of the three of them, you’d expect it to be him. Thing is, he’s really not. He barely goes past good-natured teasing.
- Mr. Exposition: He takes this role, since he’s already got preexisting connections to Hidan.
- Nice Guy: No, he really is.
- Red Oni, Blue Oni: He’s the blue to Diamond’s red.
- Religion of Evil: Subverted: he proves that needing human sacrifices doesn’t automatically make you evil. Just really, really desperate.
- The Rival: He and Kami do NOT get along well, due to the disagreement about the Juubi that led to the near-destruction of their dimension.
- Secondhand Storytelling: He tells the Akatsuki and Jade about what happed to mess things up badly enough for him to need human sacrifices.
- Surfer Dude: His attitude isn’t quite there, but…
- Tsurime Eyes: Explicitly stated to have them.
- You Gotta Have Blue Hair: Literally blue, though a rather light shade.
“Don’t you even f***ing dare.”Blonde and not particularly pleasant, Kami is the one you expect to be nice, but is really a bit of a Jerk. It’s mostly due to her guilt about her plan about the Sage failing, but she tries.
- Bitch in Sheep's Clothing: Sort of.
- Deadpan Snarker: Especially around Jashin.
- Hot God
- Jerk with a Heart of Gold: She really was just trying to help.
- Mother Nature: As much as she may have messed up, she’s still the one that controls and helps along life in her realm.
- Nice Job Breaking It, Hero: She was the one that created the Sage of the Six Paths to send humanity along a better path. That plan failed. Badly.
“Alright, break it up, you two.”Shinigami is the peacemaker between Kami and Jashin, a position he has to take up far too frequently for his liking. He looks like a man in his forties or fifties, and wears a business suit whenever he’s not visiting Kami’s realm due to someone using a certain seal.
- Anthropomorphic Personification: He’s only ever terrifying in Kami’s realm. Otherwise, he just looks like a banker. Then again, that’s still a little terrifying to some people.
- The Grim Reaper: Well, sometimes. Depends on which part of the world he’s visiting.
- Shinigami: Obviously.
- Silver Fox: To some. Then again, he’s drawn, not live.