Quotes / Suicide as Comedy

Neil: Vyvyan. Is it actually possible to kill yourself with laxatives?
Vyvyan: I dunno, Neil. But I'm going to stay and find out.

—The Young Ones

Cable: Now here's the critical part. *blah blah blah blah*
Deadpool's Childish Voice in his head: It's so BORING...!
(Deadpool starts crying, and turns to the player)
Deadpool:(to the audience) Make it STOP! (he continues crying until the player presses a button which makes Deadpool shoot himself in the head)
Cable: Dammit, Wade!

— Deadpool

Worsely: I saw a poster saying Suicide — ring the Samaritans. So this very pleasant young fellow came round and I told him I want to kill myself and could he help. He said in a very feeling voice he would certainly try. But does he hell. The bastard's always trying to stop me.

— Owners

Finn: Thanks guys. Your blood oath is now fulfilled.
Balloons: YAY! To the Mesosphere! FINALLY, WE CAN DIE!

— Adventure Time

A depressed guy: Depression... Depression is a terrible thing. Terrible thing. I've been depressed now for 14 years. Can't shake it off. My wife says I should kill myself, but it's just a coward's way out, you know. I did try once, though. Locked myself in the garage, started the car. Bloody thing had a catalytic converter. Came out after 7 hours with a slight headache. But mustn't grumble.

— A Bit of Fry and Laurie, Vox Pop segment

Well that was idiotic. Off to hang myself! WATCH AND LEA-! *CRACK*

—Spy doing a backflip off a chair just to show off one last time, Heavy is Dead

Admiral Fuji: Don't do this over just one medal!
Admiral Mifune: Shut up! I'm killing myself!
Admiral Fuji: Then can I help?
Admiral Mifune: What did you just say?!

— Irresponsible Captain Tylor

I need a ride to the morgue
That's what 911 is for
So tag my toe and don't forget
Ooh, to close the drawer

— Megadeth, "Skin O' My Teeth"

Swagmaster: Hey Chris! You know what time it is?!
Chris: FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, PLEASE DON'T-
Swagmaster: I CAN SHOW YOU THE WORLD
Chris: [Beat] Shit...
Swagmaster: Shining shittering SWAGNESS
Chris: I'm gonna jump.
Swagmaster: Tell me, Chris, when was the last time you let your heart decide-
[Chris jumps off the carpet to his death]
[Beat]
Swagmaster: Asshole.

— SMG4, The Movie Audition

Jill: There's an obvious way out.

Mervyn: There are three obvious ways, actually. I could hang myself, shoot myself, or throw myself in the river.

— Raising the Wind

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