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Kirk Lazarus: Everybody knows you never go full retard.
Tugg Speedman: What do you mean?
Kirk Lazarus: Check it out. Dustin Hoffman, Rain Man, look retarded, act retarded, not retarded. Counted toothpicks, cheated cards. Autistic, sho'. Not retarded. Then you got Tom Hanks, Forrest Gump. Slow, yes. Retarded, maybe. Braces on his legs. But he charmed the pants off Nixon and he won a ping-pong competition. That ain't retarded. He was a goddamn war hero. You know any retarded war heroes? You went full retard, man. Never go full retard. You don't buy that? Ask Sean Penn, 2001, I Am Sam. Remember? Went full retard, went home empty-handed.

Web Original

"Did you know that there's a new family-audience feature film that implies God nuked Japan because one plucky American moppet dared to dream? ...That God, always eager to smite foreign cities if you just believe!"
Alan Scherstuhl from The Village Voice, on the movie "Little Boy"

Blomkamp’s disastrous film has no real sense of what it wants to be or what it wants to achieve. The unashamedly earnest, father-son relationship between Deon (a saintly sort who wants to selflessly aid human- and robot-kind alike) and Chappie (who serves as Frankenstein’s monster to Deon’s overwhelmed Doctor Frankenstein) speaks to a deep, almost embarrassingly[sic] sincerity at the film’s core. Chappie doesn’t just believe in things. It believes in deeply embarrassing things like childhood innocence, and friendship, and how war and crime are not healthy for children and other living things.

When we covered Cricket on the Hearth I spoke about how sad circumstances are a key ingredient of most successful Christmas specials. The difference between that and this, though, is that those stories use sadness successfully by having the main character learn to overcome it. There is a happy ending and an overall message that things will get better. The makers of ALF's Special Christmas just decided to give people a sad and then leave for Denny's. You don't feel good after you watch it.

Western Animation

Faith and hope and brotherly love is all she talks about.
I can't cope with all her heart-tugging
It makes me want to scream and shout
"Who Is She", Jem


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