Shrek and its sequels are simply packed with tons of hilarity, but this page is for examples from the first film, as well as any Shrek media without its own page. Keep examples from the other films on their own designated pages.
- "WHAT?! ARE YOU DOING?! IN MY SWAMP?!" (pictured)
- There's Donkey realizing that Dragon is a girl dragon, and starts complimenting her on reeking of feminine beauty and babbling about not being ready for a relationship of this magnitude.
- The entire ogres are like onions bit.Shrek: For your information, there's a lot more to ogres than you think.
Shrek: Example? Okay, umm... ogres... are like onions.
Donkey: [Sniffs onion in Shrek's hand] They stink?
Shrek: Yes- No!
Donkey: Oh, they make you cry!
Donkey: Oh, you leave 'em out in the sun, they get all brown, start sproutin' little white hairs?
Shrek: NO! [peels an onion] Layers. Onions. Have. Layers. Ogres have layers. Onions have layers... you get it, we both have layers! [sighs and walks off]
Donkey: [Beat] Oh, you both have laaayers... [sniffs onion on ground and makes face] You know not everybody like onions... CAKE! Eeeeverybody likes cake! Cakes have layers!
Shrek: I DON'T CARE... what everyone likes. Ogres... are not... like cakes. [walks off]
Donkey: [Beat] You know what everybody likes? Parfaits! Have you ever met a person, you say, "Let's get some parfait," they say, "Hell no, I don't like no parfait"? Parfaits are delicious!
Shrek: NO!! YOU DENSE, IRRITATING, MINIATURE BEAST OF BURDEN! OGRES ARE LIKE ONIONS! END OF STORY! Bye-bye!.... See you later. [walks off]
Donkey: [beat] Parfaits may be the most delicious thing on the whole, damn planet...
Shrek: You know what? I think I preferred your humming.
- These two moments of Comically Missing the Point:Farquaad: [He notices Shrek] Oh! What is that? It's hideous!
Shrek: [turns to look at Donkey and then back at Farquaad] Ah, that's not very nice. It's just a donkey.
Shrek: We? Donkey, there's no "we". There's no "our". There's just me and my swamp. The first thing I'm gonna do is build a ten-foot wall around my land.
- And this:
Donkey: You cut me deep, Shrek. You cut me real deep just now. You know what I think? I think this whole wall thing is just a way to keep somebody out.
Shrek: No! D'ya think?
- This bit of Donkey coaxing Shrek at their camping spot.Donkey: Are you hiding somethin'?
Shrek: Never mind, Donkey.
Donkey: Oh, this is another one of those onion things, isn't it?
Shrek: No, this is one of those drop-it and leave-it-alone things.
Donkey: Well, why don't you wanna talk about it?
Shrek: Why do you want to talk about it? (turning to his side)
Donkey: Well, why are you blocking?
Shrek: I'm not blocking. (turning to his other side)
Donkey: Oh, yes, you are.
Shrek: (getting up) Donkey, I'm warnin' you!
Donkey: Who are you tryin' to keep out, just tell me that, Shrek, who?
Shrek: Everyone, okay?!
Donkey: (Beat) Oh, now we're gettin' somewhere.
Shrek: Oh, for the love of Pete!
- "We can stay up late, swappin' manly stories, and in the morning — I'm makin' waffles!"
- When Shrek crashes into Fiona's room in the castle, he goes over to the bed and she puckers up her lips, expecting a kiss. Instead of kissing her, Shrek grabs her by the shoulders and shakes her.
- When Shrek and Donkey leave the swamp to go to Duloc, Shrek picks up a torch with an elf still holding it, and shakes it to make the elf let go. As he and Donkey walk away, the elf can be briefly seen waving goodbye to them.
- When Shrek and Fiona start making balloon animals, from real animals.
- "What you're doing is the opposite of help!"
- "Now hand me that big old rock, the one that looks like your head."
- "You're so wrapped up in layers, Onion Boy, you're afraid of your own feelings!"
- "Celebrity marriages...they never last, do they?"
- Donkey's just made of these. He IS voiced by Eddie Murphy, after all.
- Whenever Donkey appears onscreen while singing "I'm a Believer". Same thing with the Shrek Karaoke Dance Party, where he sings "Baby Got Back" (with Dragon shaking her backside to his tune).
- Gingy's interrogation is made of funny.Gingy: (distressed) Do you know the muffin man?
Farquaad: The muffin man?
Gingy: The muffin man.
Farquaad: Yes, yes, I know the muffin man... who lives on Drury Lane?
Gingy: Well, she's married to, the muffin man.
Farquaad: (invested) The muffin man?!
Gingy: (crying) THE MUFFIN MAN!
Farquaaad: (Completely in awe) She's married to the muffin man...
- Even better; that conversation goes absolutely nowhere and raises more questions than answers, the exact opposite of what an interrogation is supposed to do.
- Donkey pleading Shrek to let him stay over for the night:Donkey: Can I stay with you, please?Shrek: Of course!Donkey: Really?Shrek: No.
- Duloc is indeed the perfect place.Keep your feet off the grass. Shine your shoes, wipe your... FACE!
Donkey: Wow...let's do that again!
Shrek: NO! (Stops Donkey) NONONONO...no.
- When Shrek is taking on Farquaad's knights at the tourney, he wins over the audience with his fighting prowess, and then a random bloodthirsty granny in the crowd really takes things over the top.
- Shrek takes a groin shot while he, Fiona, and Donkey are escaping from the dragon's castle (Shrek's holding the smaller two while sliding down a stone banister that has a large bump appropriately placed). His eyes cross, but (being an ogre) he shakes it off more quickly than a human would.
- While eating his dinner, Shrek hears his door suddenly creak open and he gets up from his table.Shrek: I thought I told you to stay outside!
Donkey: (from the window) I am outside!
(Confused, Shrek looks around. He sees a shadow scurry across the room. He looks under the table when he hears a voice. He spots the Three Blind Mice scurrying on his table.)
Blind Mouse 1: Well, gents, it's a far cry from the farm, but what choice do we have?
Blind Mouse 2: It's not home, but it'll do just fine.
Blind Mouse 3: (bouncing on a slug) What a lovely bed.
Shrek: GOTCHA! (Grabs a mouse, but it escapes and lands on his shoulder)
Blind Mouse 1: I found some cheese! (bites Shrek's ear)
Blind Mouse 1: Blah! Awful stuff.
Blind Mouse 2: Is that you, Gordon?
Gordon: How did you know?
Shrek: ENOUGH! (grabs the three mice) What are you doing in my house?!
- Immediately followed with Shrek discovering that the Seven Dwarfs have placed Snow White's coffin on his kitchen table.Shrek: Oh, no no no no no! Dead broad OFF the table!
Dwarf: Where are we supposed to put her? The bed's taken!
Shrek: Huh? (Sees Big Bad Wolf, in night dress, laying in his bed)
Wolf: (Irritably) What?
- "I just know, before this is over, I'm gonna need a whole lot of serious therapy. Look at my eye twitchin'."
- Donkey, after Shrek roars at him to try to scare him away. "Wow...That was really scary! Now, if that don't work your breath would certainly get the job done because you definitely need some tic tacs or somethin' cause your breath STINKS!"
- The nervous Donkey has to be goaded into crossing a rickety rope-and-plank bridge over a volcano. He says, before they set out, "Don't look down." Donkey actually manages not to, though he seems like he's about to try once or twice... and then he puts a hoof wrong and ends up with his face poking through a gap in the planks. "SHREK! I'M LOOKIN' DOWN! AAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!"
Donkey: (after Shrek shakes the bridge) DON'T DO THAT!
- After that, there's this part:
Shrek: [beat] Oh, I'm sorry! Do what? Oh, THIS? (sways the bridge)
Donkey: Yes, THAT!
Shrek: Yes? Yes, do it? Okay! (begins swaying the bridge some more)
Donkey: (backing away) No! Stop! STOP THAT! STOP (realizes he's now on the other side of the bridge) ...Oh!
Shrek: That'll do, Donkey. That'll do.
Donkey: Cool. So where is this fire-breathing pain in the neck, anyway?
Shrek: Inside, waiting for us to rescue her.
Donkey: I was talking about the dragon, Shrek.
- The whole sequence with Shrek and the angry mob at the beginning. The mob plot the best way to attack the ogre, as they think he'll make bread from their bones, until Shrek appears out of nowhere to explain, no, that's giants. After a graphic description of what ogres make from their victims, one villager gets brave enough to wave his torch in Shrek's face; the ogre just calmly douses the flame with a moistened finger. Then Shrek unleashes the mother of all roars that gets the mob screaming...and they keep screaming long after the roar has ended.Shrek: (Hushed) This is the part where you run away. (Mob flees, Shrek laughs) And stay out!
- Donkey and Shrek are making their way up the volcano when Donkey smells something foul. Naturally, Donkey assumes Shrek let one rip, prompting the following response:Shrek: Believe me, Donkey, if it was me, you'd be dead. (sniffs) It's brimstone. We must be getting close.
Donkey: Yeah, right, brimstone. Don't be talkin' about brimstone, 'cause I know what I smell, it was no brimstone, they come off no stone either.
- When they see the dragon-guarded castle surrounded by hot burning lava:Shrek: Sure, it's big enough, but look at the location!
- Right after Shrek and Donkey rescue Fiona, she goes on for a bit about how noble they are for rescuing her and about how she's waiting for Shrek to kiss her.Fiona: No, it's destiny! Oh, you must know how it goes! A princess, locked in a tower and beset by a dragon, is rescued by a brave knight, and then they share true love's first kiss...
Donkey: Hm? With Shrek? You think- wait, whoa, whoa, wait a sec- you think that Shrek is your true love?
Princess Fiona: Well, yes!
[Shrek and Donkey look at each other]
Donkey: AHA!! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA...!!
Donkey: You think Shrek is your true love! Hoohoohoo...
- While Shrek just wants to barge into the wedding, Donkey gets Genre Savvy by suggesting he wait for the "Speak Now or Forever Hold Your Peace" portion.Donkey: Wait. What are you doing? Listen to me! Look, you love this woman, don't you?
Donkey: You wanna hold her?!
Shrek: (irritably) Yes.
Donkey: Please her?!!
Donkey: Then you got-ta got-ta try a little TENDERNESS! The chicks love that romantic crap!
Donkey: Mother Fletcher, he already said it!
- Then they find out they missed that bit and Shrek barges in anyway, but still just in time to say "I OBJECT!"
Shrek: OH, FOR THE LOVE OF PETE! (goes to barge in, neglecting to catch Donkey)
- "BUT YOU'VE GOTTA HAVE FRIEEEEEEEEEEENDS!"Shrek: STOP... SINGING!
- Donkey's reaction to seeing Ogre!Fiona for the first time.Fiona: Donkey, I'm the princess. It's me, in this body.
Donkey: Oh, my God, YOU ATE THE PRINCESS!
Shrek: (awkwardly) Well. Uh... that explains a lot.
- When Donkey does realize Fiona is the ogress in front of him Donkey asks her if she suddenly became ugly because of the rats she and Shrek were eating.
- On top of that, when Shrek realizes this after getting over his Third-Act Misunderstanding:
- There's a bit of Black Comedy when the Magic Mirror answers Lord Farquaad's question of "Mirror mirror, on the wall, is this not the most perfect kingdom of them all?" with "Well, technically you're not a king." He simply says "Uh, Thelonious?", who takes a small mirror and breaks it with his fist as a warning. Lord Farquaad then smirks and states "You were saying?"
- Lord Farquaad doing his Evil Laugh when entering the dungeon to interrogate Gingy and when he walks up to the table Gingy's on, we see he's too short to look over it. He clears his throat and the table is lowered to the point where he can interrogate Gingy.
- Before that, there's also when we see him make his introduction looking all important before coming to the dungeon's doors and being revealed to be much shorter than the guards.
- On Fiona and Farquaad's wedding cake, the figures of them on the top are the same height, so Fiona pushes Farquaad's figure down further into the cake to make it more accurate.
- Doubles as irony since his VA John Lithgow stands 6'4" and is one of Hollywood's tallest actors.
- "You didn't slay the dragon!?" "It's on my to-do list!"
Fiona: But this isn't right! You were meant to charge in, sword drawn, banner flying! That's what all the other knights did!Shrek: (Nodding at an armor clad skeleton on the floor with a scorched outline of a knight burnt onto the wall behind him) Yeah, right before they burst into flame!Fiona: That's not the point!
- Directly after the above:
- When Shrek and Donkey first get to Duloc, they come across Lord Farquaad's castle, and after glancing at the bland and featureless appearance of it, Shrek delivers this gem:"Do you think maybe he's compensating for something?"
Shrek: Hey, you!(attendant panics and starts running through the rows of rope)Shrek: Wait a second! Look, I'm not gonna eat you! I just I just (sighs in frustration as the attendant keeps panicking and running)(Shrek and Donkey walk straight through the rows; the attendant tries to get through one of the gates, but instead, the head of his costume just bounces off the wall, and he falls to the ground unconscious. Shrek and Donkey are both left befuddled)
- Almost immediately after that, there's his attempt to ask an attendant in a Farquaad-like costume where Farquaad is which fails miserably.
- The scene where Fiona is walking through the forest singing. She meets a little bird on a branch who begins singing along with her. However, Fiona's pitch keeps rising as the bird struggles to keep up, eventually getting so high that the bird explodes. The look on Fiona's face is priceless.
- "Blue flower, red thorns. Blue flower, red thorns... this would be a lot easier if I weren't colour-blind!"
- After the church windows shatter when the curse is broken, one single pane is left intact, and it's one with Farquaad on it. Dragon promptly punches the pane and smashes it.
- This entire scene, also a throwback to the first movie.
- Also, in Scared Shrekless, when Gingy is telling his story. When the first clone of his deceased girlfriend Sugar, visits Gingy she bangs on the door very loudly, and the way she says "Together forever." to Gingy especially her face after she says that when Gingy answers the door. She says it like a weird pervert.
- Puss and Donkey each trying to out do each other when telling a scary story.
- Shrek's reaction to Christmas trees.Shrek: The tree goes inside the house?!
- If you look closely in the background when Fiona comes out of the house holding the triplets, you see them reacting to the snow. Felicia is trying to catch snowflakes on her tongue.
- David Liebe Hart showing up in usual fine form to display his horrifying puppets, fumble his way through "Hallelujah", and offer Shrek some semi-coherent life coaching. He doesn't seem to know Fiona's name, only that she's Shrek's wife "who became a Shrek." When the camera-man tries to correct him, he tells that he knows she's a Shrek because he "has all the videos".
- Jacy Catlin, who in lieu of a scene, offers a review of the movie despite never having seen it and pronounces "Shrek" differently every time.Catlin: Shrimp attempts to kill Lord Farmquartz by throwing him into a shallow, well-cushioned pit. It doesn't work, so the movie ends without resolution, teaching children the important lesson that not all things come to an end.
- He also keeps referring to Shrek as a goblin.
- "So what was it like for me to finally see this children's classic for the first time as a 40 year old man who has actually seen Shrend hundreds of times and is lying?"
- Due to the nature of the collab, Khonjin's part begins with a hard cut from Shrek freaking out over the amount of strangers on his land to... him calmly (though exasperatedly) asking everyone to leave.Shrek: Alright, all of you get off my lawn. Right now. Get outta here. And... I own a baseball bat, so don't drag your feet.
- Another hilarious emergent gag from the collab's nature: in the film's climax, Shrek whistles for Dragon, whose ever-growing silhouette begins looming behind a massive stained glass window. In the next shot, Dragon gently opens a small, unassuming window... then bursts through the wall.
- The mere fact that they managed to get the legendarily infamous Chris-chan to do a segment. And she doesn't even remember Lord Farquaad's name.
- The opening segment. Set to the tune of a folksy version of "All-Star", Shrek's morning routine is... slightly different. For one, Shrek bursts out of his outhouse like the Kool-aid man, revealing him to be a guy wearing a giant, creepy Shrek mask that's always grinning. Then, the "So ugly the mirror cracks" gag is taken Up to Eleven where every time Shrek grins at something (complete with a little 'Ding!' noise and sparkle), random things explode. This culminates in Shrek becoming aware of the gag and attempts to use it on a log he's chopping for firewood. His head explodes instead.
- Combined with Awesome Music, the fact that the movie ends on an 80's pop rock cover of "I'm a Believer", sung by a man in a Donkey outfit.