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  • The very start of the film has Prince Charming enter the room where Princess Fiona was, only to discover that the Big Bad Wolf was in there.
    Prince Charming: (very hesistantly) Princess...Fiona?
    Big Bad Wolf: (angrily) No!
    Prince Charming: Oh, thank heavens! Where is she?
    Big Bad Wolf: She's on her honeymoon. (goes back to reading his magazine)
    Prince Charming: Honeymoon?! With whom?!
  • During the "Accidentally in Love" sequence, Shrek and Fiona run towards one another as an angry mob tries to attack them both.
  • The bit near the beginning as Shrek, Fiona and Donkey are traveling to Far Far Away, and near the end, Donkey complains of boredom. Shrek retaliates his "Are we there yet?" by mimicking him, and after suggesting he find some way to entertain himself, Donkey makes popping sounds. Over and over and over again. The last pop causes Shrek to go berserk.
    Donkey: *pop.*...*pop*...*pop*
    Shrek: (sigh) For five minutes, could you not be yourself? FOR FIVE MINUTES??!?
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    • After a long beat of silence, we can see Donkey's snout silently creeping forward to deal out one last pop. Shrek is oblivious, but Fiona sees and visibly cringes in preparation for Shrek's freakout.
      • And it is truly a glorious freakout.
    Shrek: DEAUGH!!! Are we there yet?
    Fiona: Yes!
    Donkey: Oh, finally!
    • Pause the movie quickly & look closely at the elf driving the carriage; eventually even he can't take it anymore and is covering his ears.
    • This:
    Donkey: Are we there yet?
    Shrek: Yes.
    Donkey: Really?!
    Shrek: NO!!!
  • When Shrek and Fiona arrive at Far Far Away; first the shock of the crowd upon seeing Fiona as an ogre is hilarious. And then Shrek, Fiona, King Harold, and Queen Lillian have an increasingly rapid overlapping dialogue sequence.
    Shrek: [as the four begin walking to meet each other] So... you still think this was a good idea?
    Fiona: [nervous laugh] Of course! Look- Mom and Dad look happy to see us!
    King Harold: [quietly and through a smile, to the Queen] Who on earth are they?
    Queen Lillian: I think that's our little girl.
    King Harold: That's not little! That's a very big problem! Wasn't she supposed to kiss Prince Charming and break the spell?!
    Queen Lillian: Well, he's no Prince Charming, but they do look—
    [cut to Shrek and Fiona]
    Shrek: [quietly, to Fiona, while forcing a smile] Happy, now? We came, we saw them. Heh-heh, now let's go before they light the torches!
    Fiona: [aghast] Shrek, they're my parents!
    Shrek: Hello, they locked you in a tower.
    Fiona: Hey, that was for my own—
    [cut to the King and Queen]
    King Harold: Good! Now's here's our chance! [begins to back away] Let's go back inside and pretend we're not home!
    Queen Lillian: Harold! We have to be—
    [cut to Shrek and Fiona]
    Shrek: Quick! While they're not looking, we can make a run for it!
    Fiona: Shh, Shrek! Stop it! Everything is going to be—
    [cut to the King and Queen]
    King Harold: - a disaster! There is no way—
    [cut to Shrek and Fiona]
    Fiona: You can do this!
    Shrek: But I really—!
    [cut to the King and Queen]
    King Harold: [skeptically] Really?
    Queen Lillian: [firmly] Really.
    Fiona: Don't—
    King Harold: — want—
    Shrek: — to—
    Queen Lillian: Be—
    Shrek/Harold: — here!
    [both parties come face to face]
    Fiona: Mom! Dad! [hugs them] I'd like you to meet my husband— Shrek!
    Shrek: [smiles awkwardly]
    [Queen Lillian smiles, doing her best to look polite and welcoming and not quite succeeding. King Harold has an open look of WTF on his face]
    Shrek: Well! It's...easy to see where Fiona gets her good looks from! [nervous laughter]
    [King Harold gives Shrek a Death Glare]
    • Note that at the "light the torches" line, in the background the peasants have gotten out clubs, and pitchforks. No wonder Shrek's worried.
    • Don't forget the part where a passing dove, released from a basket in celebration, sees Shrek and Fiona and gawks at them before flying straight into the wall and landing at Harold and Lillian's feet, in the middle of the stunned silence.
      • And then, in the dead silence, a lone baby starts crying offscreen.
  • Another sequence of funny is Shrek and Harold being extremely unpleasant to each other over dinner. Meanwhile Lillian and Donkey are, by contrast, trying to make polite conversation and being very friendly, and poor Fiona is stuck in the middle of it all.
  • This loses something in writing, but early in the film, when the King and Queen's messengers arrive at the swamp, dozens of buglers line up and play a typical fanfare as the messenger strolls through the centre of them. The fanfare ends, save for one guy who goes off into a trumpet solo of the Hawaii Five-O theme. The messenger whacks him over the head with the scroll:
    Messenger: Enough, Reggie.
  • The initially somber scene where Shrek contemplates his place in Fiona's life while the two are sleeping at the castle, and then stumbles upon her diary from childhood. All through the diary are Fiona's proclamations of eventually becoming "Mrs. Fiona Charming", which echoes through Shrek's head with an increasingly insistent and assured tone as he frantically thumbs through the pages.
    • Then there's this gem when Harold knocks for him:
    Harold: Oh so sorry! Didn't mean to wake you...
    Shrek: (Playing it cool and casual) What? Oh no, no, no. No, I was just reading...a ''scary'' book.
  • The following...
    Fiona: Shrek?
    Donkey: Fiona! That potion worked on you too!
    Fiona: What potion?
    Donkey: "Well, you see, it's a long story. But me and Shrek drank this magic potion, and now well, we're sexy!
    Fiona: Shrek?
    Puss: *Licking himself* *Turns around* For you baby, I could be.
    • And purring while he does it. When sprung he doesn't miss a beat and turns on the charm.
  • When Shrek, Donkey, and Puss In Boots are in the dungeon:
    Donkey: What about my Miranda Rights? You're supposed to say, "You have the right to remain silent." Nobody said I have the right to remain silent!
    Shrek: Donkey, you have the right to remain silent. What you lack is the capacity.
    • And Puss' reaction:
    Puss: I must hold on before I, too, go totally mad.
    Pinocchio: Shrek? Donkey?
    (Puss looks up to see the gang staring down the grate, then sags in defeat)
    Puss: Too late.
  • While Shrek, Donkey and Puss are being arrested on K.N.I.G.H.T.S., the knights find some catnip in Puss' pockets.
  • Puss In Boots following seeing a touching moment between Shrek and Fiona. "Whatever happens: I must not cry. You cannot make me cry...!" And he promptly starts to cry.
  • At the beginning Fiona throwing the mermaid kissing Shrek back into the ocean (with a couple of sharks diving after the unlucky mermaid) and Shrek doing the Bridal Carry to Fiona carrying her through the door—literally—smashing her into the doorframe.
  • Donkey describing the saddest night of his life, "... And then they all got drunk, and started hitting me with sticks, yelling out 'Piñata! Piñata!' What is a piñata anyway?!"
  • The three girls who discover the newly human Shrek dramatically gasp (and smile) when Donkey says "First thing's first: we need to get you out of those clothes."
  • Donkey accidentally nailing Shrek in the groin when trying to kick Puss in Boots, causing the poor ogre to slump to the ground holding his crotch in pain.
    Donkey: Did I miss?
    Shrek: No... you got them!
  • When the eavesdropping heroes overhear Charming calling the Godmother 'Mother', Donkey loudly blurts out "MOTHER?!?"
    Shrek (trying to act like an anonymous bystander): "Uh... Mary! A talking horse!"
    • And the OJ Simpson reference that occurs when the resulting escape is shown on K.N.I.G.H.T.S afterwards, in a helicopter shot of Shrek fleeing on Donkey, the pilot says, "We've got a White Bronco headed east into the forest. Requesting backup."
      • Later in the movie, when Charming throws the wand to Fairy Godmother with a cry of "Mummy!", Fiona has just as confused reaction as Donkey did!
  • "Look at me, Shrek! I'm trotting!"
    • Trot-trot-trottin' in place! Trottin' in place! Yeah!"
      • Just as Puss is reading out how the potion can have side-effects (such as itching, burning, oozing or weeping), and isn't intended for heart patients or anyone with a nervous disorder.
    • Then there's Puss' sarcasm at Donkey enjoying the side effects of the potion.
  • Fiona belching at dinner. All the funnier since it's pretty quiet before that happens. Well, except for the loud *crunch* as Shrek eats a snail with the shell still on.
  • Donkey's reaction when he becomes a donkey again after he was a horse.
    • "No, no-no..."
  • An extra slightly meta one from the DVD version. The title selection screen is a set of nine windows arranged in a square, each with one of the characters in it with the selection (Play Movie, Scene Selection, Special Features, etc.). And they talk. Specifically, Donkey asking "Shrek 2? What kind of title is that?" before launching into a list of various titles parodying various Hollywood films that heavily feature himself (Shrek 2: 2 Fast 2 Donkey, Shrek 2: The Donkey's Revenge, Shrek 2: The Fellowship of The Donkey, Shrek 2: The Real Jackass Movie). All of the others get increasingly irritated with him, even Queen Lillian, until Shrek finally explodes:
    Shrek: How about this? Shrek 2: Dude, Where's My Donkey? Oh, There He Is, Cut From The Movie Because He Talks Too Much! (Fiona can be seen giggling)
  • Right after Donkey first drinks the Happily Ever After potion:
    Shrek: How do you feel?
    Donkey: I don't...feel any different. Do I look any different?
    Puss: You still look like an ass to me.
  • Shrek's apology to the people he's robbed is practically the motto of every Kleptomaniac Hero:
    "Thank you, gentlemen! Some day I will repay you!... Unless, of course, I can't find you, or if I forget."
  • While Mongo is rampaging through Far Far Away, a group of panicking folks flee from a "Farbucks Coffee"...into another Farbucks across the street.
  • Pinocchio needs his nose to grow longer but can't think of a big enough lie:
    Donkey: Say something crazy like "I'm wearing ladies underwear"!
    Pinocchio: I'm, uh, wearing ladies underwear.[beat as nothing happens]
    Shrek: Heh. Are you?
    Pinocchio: I most certainly am not! (nose grows)
    Donkey: Looks like you most certainly am are!
    Pinocchio: I am not! (nose grows again)
    Puss: What kind?
    Gingy: (looking in the back of Pinocchio’s lederhosen) It's a thong!
    Pinocchio: Oww! They're briefs! (nose continues to grow)
    Gingy: Are not.
    Pinocchio: Are too!
  • The French dub name for Mongo the gingerbread giant? Cake Kong.
  • Early in the film, the Fairy Godmother blows up at Harold for telling her that Charming not reaching Fiona was his own fault, stops her floating carriage and tells him that he's forced her to do something she really didn't want to do as she rolls down the window and her Giant Mooks crack their knuckles. The panicked Harold asks where they are and then we hear this...
    Woman at Drive-Thru: Well hi there! Welcome to Friar's Fat Boy, may I take your order?
    Fairy Godmother: My diet is ruined! I hope you're happy!
    Fairy Godmother: You remember my son...Prince Charming?
    Harold: Charming! Is that you?! My gosh, it's been years! Wh-when did you get back?
    Charming: (casually) Oh, about five minutes ago, actually...(furiously) after I endured blistering winds, scorching deserts, I CLIMBED to the highest room of the tallest...
    Fairy Godmother: (cutting him off) Mummy can handle this... (finishes the rant, in a just-as-hammy fashion)
  • Fairy Godmother tries to convince Shrek that Fiona is upset that her story isn't a perfect fairytale. She taunts Shrek by listing off fairytales that don't have ogres in them, like the Little Mermaid, Snow White, Cinderella...and Pretty Woman.
  • Pinocchio getting zapped with the wand and transforming mid-air.
    Pinocchio: I'm a real boooooy!
    • Soon, during the fight, a misfire causes a magic blast to hit Pinocchio a second time, turning him back into a puppet.
    Pinocchio: I'm a rea- awww.
  • The "Far Far Away Idol" short from the DVD. Especially if you select someone other than Shrek and Fiona, Donkey or Puss; then Simon Cowell will throw away the winner's envelope and declare himself the winner, launching into a rendition of "My Way".
    Simon: And the next Far Far Away Idol is... No. You've gotta be joking.
  • The morning after the dinner, Harold tries a dish Cedric has and asks what it is. Cedric replies it's dog food and Harold awkwardly wipes off his hand and dismisses Cedric.

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