"It's so nice to have the family together for dinner."
- The DVD Menu
. The title selection screen is a set of nine windows arranged in a square, each with one of the characters in it with the selection (Play Movie, Scene Selection, Special Features, etc.). And they talk. Specifically, Donkey asking "Shrek 2? What kind of title is that?" before launching into a list of various titles parodying various Hollywood films that heavily feature himself (Shrek 2: Day of the Donkey, Shrek 2: The Donkey's Revenge, Shrek 2: A Donkey Will Rise, Shrek 2: 2 Fast 2 Donkey, Shrek 2: The Fellowship of The Donkey, Shrek 2: The Donkey King, Shrek 2: The Dead Donkey's Society, Shrek 2: The Real Jackass Movie, Shrek 2: Donkey Reloaded). All of the others get increasingly irritated with him, even Queen Lillian, until Shrek finally explodes:Shrek: How about this? Shrek 2: Dude, Where's My Donkey? Oh, There He Is, Cut From The Movie Because He Talks Too Much! (Fiona and the others can be seen giggling or smiling)
Donkey: What kind of title is that? - The very start of the film has Prince Charming enter the room where Princess Fiona was, only to discover that the Big Bad Wolf was in there.Big Bad Wolf: What?
Prince Charming: (very hesitantly) Princess... Fiona?
Big Bad Wolf: (angrily) No!
Prince Charming: Oh, thank heavens! Where is she?
Big Bad Wolf: She's on her honeymoon. (goes back to reading his magazine — 'Pork Illustrated', with a pig in a bikini on the cover!)
Prince Charming: Honeymoon?! With whom?! - During the ''Accidentally in Love'' sequence at the beginning of the film:
- Shrek tries to bridal-carry Fiona into the gingerbread house, but she doesn't fit in the doorway. Instead of trying to maneuver, Shrek simply crashes her through the doorframe. And Fiona doesn't even care or flinch!
- Shrek and Fiona run towards one another as an angry mob tries to attack them both, all while smiling and happy music continues playing in the background.
- Shrek and Fiona go through their morning rituals, where we see that they both shave their faces.
- While on a beach picnic, a tide sweeps Fiona away and replaces her with a mermaid (that looks a lot like Ariel). Shrek notices just a few seconds too late, and Fiona proceeds to throw the mermaid back into the ocean... to be eaten by sharks.
- Shrek and Fiona come home to find that Donkey has been house-sitting for them... and not very well. There's garbage strewn all over the place, the mail is in an unsorted pile by the door, and the goldfish is dead. The last of these Shrek finds particularly odd, given that he doesn't own any fish.
- This loses something in writing, but early in the film, when the King and Queen's messengers arrive at the swamp, dozens of buglers line up and play a typical fanfare as the messenger strolls through the centre of them. The fanfare ends, save for one guy who goes off into a solo of the Hawaii Five-O theme. Without so much as breaking his stride, the messenger whacks him over the head with the scroll:Messenger: Enough, Reggie.
- And Shrek is immediately against going, both because Fiona's current form is that of an ogress and because he's skeptical at best when Fiona says that they'll love him:Shrek: Yeah, right. Somehow I don't think I'll be welcome at the country club.
Fiona: Will you stop it? They're not like that!
Shrek: (Gestures to departing messenger and entourage) Then how do you explain Sgt. Pompous and the Fancy-Pants Club Band?
(Messenger pointedly turns away with his nose in the air before striding off)
- And Shrek is immediately against going, both because Fiona's current form is that of an ogress and because he's skeptical at best when Fiona says that they'll love him:
- The bit near the beginning as Shrek, Fiona, and Donkey are traveling Far Far Away.Donkey: Are We There Yet?
Shrek: No.
Donkey: Are we there yet?
Fiona: Not yet.
Donkey: Hey, are we there yet?
Fiona: No.
Donkey: Are we there yet?
Shrek: No!
Donkey: Are we there yet?
Shrek: Yes.
Donkey: Really?!
Shrek: NO!!!
Donkey: Are we there yet?
Fiona: No!
Donkey: Are we there yet?!
Shrek: No, we are not!
Donkey: ARE WE THERE YET?!
Shrek & Fiona: NOOOOOOO!!!- Eventually, Donkey complains of boredom. Shrek retaliates his "Are we there yet?" by mimicking him, and after suggesting he find some way to entertain himself, Donkey makes popping sounds. Over and over and over again. The last pop causes Shrek to go berserk.Donkey: *pop*...*pop*...*pop*
Shrek: (groan) For five minutes, could you not be yourself? FOR FIVE MINUTES?!? - After a long beat of silence, we can see Donkey's snout silently creeping forward to deal out one last pop. Shrek is oblivious, but Fiona notices and visibly cringes in preparation for Shrek's freak out.
- And it is truly a glorious freakout.
- Pause the movie quickly & look closely at the gnome driving the carriage; eventually even he can't take it anymore and is covering his ears.
- Eventually, Donkey complains of boredom. Shrek retaliates his "Are we there yet?" by mimicking him, and after suggesting he find some way to entertain himself, Donkey makes popping sounds. Over and over and over again. The last pop causes Shrek to go berserk.
- When Shrek and Fiona arrive at Far Far Away; first the shock of the crowd upon seeing Fiona as an ogre is hilarious. And then Shrek, Fiona, King Harold, and Queen Lillian have an increasingly rapid overlapping dialogue sequence.Shrek: [as the four begin walking to meet each other] So... you still think this was a good idea?
Fiona: [nervous laugh] Of course! Look- Mom and Dad look happy to see us!
King Harold: [quietly and through a smile, to his wife] Who on earth are they?
Queen Lillian: I think that's our little girl.
King Harold: That's not little! That's a very big problem! Wasn't she supposed to kiss Prince Charming and break the spell?!
Queen Lillian: Well, he's no Prince Charming, but they do look—
[cut to Shrek and Fiona]
Shrek: [quietly, to Fiona, while forcing a smile] Happy, now? We came, and we saw them. Heh-heh, now let's go before they light the torches!
Fiona: [aghast] Shrek, they're my parents!
Shrek: Hello, they locked you in a tower.
Fiona: Hey, that was for my own—
[cut to the King and Queen]
King Harold: Good! Now here's our chance! [begins to back away] Let's go back inside and pretend we're not home!
Queen Lillian: Harold! We have to be—
[cut to Shrek and Fiona]
Shrek: Quick! While they're not looking, we can make a run for it!
Fiona: Shh, Shrek! Stop it! Everything is going to be—
[cut to the King and Queen]
King Harold: - a disaster! There is no way—
[cut to Shrek and Fiona]
Fiona: You can do this!
Shrek: But I really—!
[cut to the King and Queen]
King Harold: [skeptically] Really?
Queen Lillian: [firmly] Really.
Fiona: Don't—
King Harold: — want—
Shrek: — to—
Queen Lillian: Be—
Shrek/Harold: — here!
[both parties come face to face]
Fiona: Mom! Dad! [hugs them] I'd like you to meet my husband— Shrek!
Shrek: [smiles awkwardly]
[Queen Lillian smiles, doing her best to look polite and welcoming and not quite succeeding. King Harold has an open look of WTF on his face]
Shrek: Well! It's...easy to see where Fiona gets her good looks from! [nervous laughter]
[King Harold gives Shrek a Death Glare]- Note that at the "light the torches" line, in the background the peasants have gotten out clubs, and pitchforks. No wonder Shrek's worried.
- Don't forget the part where a passing dove, released from a basket in celebration, sees Shrek and Fiona and gawks at them before flying straight into the wall and landing at Harold and Lillian's feet, in the middle of the stunned silence. And then, in the dead silence, a lone baby starts crying offscreen.
- Donkey's reaction to the Stunned Silence:Donkey: Uh... Why don’t you guys go ahead? I’ll park the car. (jumps back into the carriage as it quickly takes off)
- Another sequence of funny is Shrek and Harold being extremely unpleasant to each other over dinner. Meanwhile, Lillian and Donkey are, by contrast, trying to make polite conversation and being very friendly, and poor Fiona is stuck in the middle of it all.
- The pleasantness lasts until Harold, as only John Cleese can, breaks the ice:Shrek: [on children] It's a bit early to be thinking about that, isn't it?
Harold: Indeed. I'd just started eating. - One thing Shrek says during the argument is, "Daycare or dragon-guarded castles?!"
- The dramatic montage of Shrek and Harold biting on a turkey, pulling out lobster meat, squeezing a banana, crushing saltine crackers and walnuts, grinding pepper, breaking a wishbone, and slicing fish.
- Then there's Lillian's utterance of "It's so nice to have the family together for dinner..."
- The characters begin berating each other by shouting each other's names. This results in the exchange "Harold!" "Shrek!" "Fiona!" "Fiona!" "Mom!" "Harold!" (Donkey:) "DONKEY!"
- After the roast pig lands on the table, followed by Fiona leaving, the storyboard version has an extra part.Donkey: (to Lillian) So... What's for dessert?
- The pleasantness lasts until Harold, as only John Cleese can, breaks the ice:
- Donkey’s delight to see Fiona’s puppy, given to her amid the Fairy Godmother’s gifts, noting all he got was shampoo.
- Amid Shrek and Fiona’s arguing, the puppy continously barks at Shrek up until he roars right in its face. Made funnier by Donkey imitating Shrek saying “I’m an ogre” and said roar.
- The dog is seen at the end, flattened by Shrek going for a stage dive. (Although the dog is later seen all fine dancing on the stage with everyone.)
- Amid Shrek and Fiona’s arguing, the puppy continously barks at Shrek up until he roars right in its face. Made funnier by Donkey imitating Shrek saying “I’m an ogre” and said roar.
- The whole encounter between Harold and the Fairy Godmother. From her and Charming getting angry at Harold to her stopping the car, threateningly telling Harold that he has made her do something she REALLY didn’t want to do. “My diet is ruined! I hope you’re happy.”
- The initially somber scene where Shrek contemplates his place in Fiona's life while the two are sleeping at the castle, and then stumbles upon her diary from childhood. All through the diary are Fiona's proclamations of eventually becoming "Mrs. Fiona Charming", which echoes through Shrek's head with an increasingly insistent and assured tone as he frantically thumbs through the pages.
- Then there's this gem when Harold knocks for him:Harold: Oh, so sorry! I didn't mean to wake you...
Shrek: [Playing it cool and casual] What? Oh no, no, no. No, I was just reading a... scary book. - When finding the diary, a music box tune plays, shutting off the song playing beforehand with Shrek having an hilarious Oh, Crap! face when he closes it and looks to Fiona sleeping. He quickly opens, takes the diary and closes it, the jingle playing for barely a second.
- Then there's this gem when Harold knocks for him:
- When Shrek picks Puss up by the scruff of his neck, the cat goes limp and is helpless. Donkey suggests using his sword to neuter him, calling it "the Bob Barker treatment."
- This exchange between Shrek and Donkey when the two become human and a stallion, respectively:Donkey: And let’s face it. You are a lot easier on the eyes. But inside you’re the still same old, mean, salty, cantankerous, stinky, foul, angry ogre you always been.Shrek: And you’re still the same annoying donkey.
- The following...Fiona: Shrek?
Donkey: Princess!
Fiona: Donkey?
Donkey: Wow, that potion worked on you too, huh?!
Fiona: Uh, w-what potion?
Donkey: Well, it's kind of a long story. But me and Shrek took some magic potion, and well, now... we're sexy!
Fiona: (notices somebody on Donkey) Shrek?
Puss: (Licking himself, turns around) For you, baby... I could be.- And purring while he does it. When sprung he doesn't miss a beat and turns on the charm.
- When Shrek, Donkey, and Puss In Boots are in the dungeon:Donkey: What about my Miranda Rights? You're supposed to say, "You have the right to remain silent." Nobody said I have the right to remain silent!
Shrek: Donkey, you have the right to remain silent. What you lack is the capacity.- And Puss' reaction:Puss: I must hold on before I, too, go totally mad.
Pinocchio: Shrek? Donkey?
(Puss looks up to see the gang staring down the grate, then sags in defeat)
Puss: Too late.
- And Puss' reaction:
- After Puss and Shrek are freed from their restraints, they hit the floor of the dungeon, where one of the Three Blind Mice (who attempted to lit the fuse only to fall down the grate) is still down there. Puss lands near him. Then, when Shrek is looking out towards the castle, he hears a muffled "excuse me". Wondering what it is, he sees that Puss in fact has the mouse in his mouth, with only his tail shown. Puss immediately retches the poor mouse from his mouth, with a mere "Sorry, boss".
- While Shrek, Donkey and Puss are being arrested on K.N.I.G.H.T.S., the knights find some catnip in Puss' pockets.Puss: That's- uh- not mine!
- And if one looks closely, they find Puss is telling the truth: the knight pulled it out from his other gauntlet.
- Shrek trying to outrun the knights on Donkey, who is currently at the moment a white bronco heading east into the forest. Donkey crying out about knight brutality just further enhances it.
- In lieu of pepper spray, the Knights grind pepper into Shrek's eyes.
- Puss In Boots following seeing a touching moment between Shrek and Fiona. "Whatever happens: I must not cry. You cannot make me cry...!" And he promptly starts to cry.
- When Shrek interrogates Puss when they first meet as to why Puss is after Shrek, Puss blurts out that King Harold, Fiona's father, paid him to kill the ogre. Shrek promptly drops the cat, leading to this exchange:Shrek: (sigh) Well, so much for "dad's royal blessing."
Donkey: Aw, Shrek, don't feel bad. Almost everyone you meet wants to kill you.
Shrek: Gee, thanks. - Puss In Boots puking a hairball. While Shrek and Donkey look on in increasing confusion and disgust, leaning backwards to keep out of the line of fire.
- Puss: (laughs nervously) Hairball.
Donkey: Oh, that is nasty!
- In an interview, Antonio Banderas said that the first scene he recorded was this one, spending a good 45 minutes in his recording sessions making strange choking sounds, and it temporarily left him voiceless. Keep this in mind: he voices Puss both in English and in Spanish, and starting by Shrek the Third, he voices him in Italian too.
- Donkey describing the saddest night of his life:Donkey: ...And then they all got drunk, and started hitting me with sticks, yelling out "Piñata! Piñata!" What is a piñata anyway?!
- Followed shortly by the schadenfreude of Puss succeeding in getting a tear from donkey… by stamping down hard on his hoof.
- The three girls who discover the newly human Shrek dramatically gasp (and smile) when Donkey says "First thing's first: we need to get you out of those clothes."
- Donkey accidentally nailing Shrek in the groin when trying to kick Puss in Boots, causing the poor ogre to slump to the ground holding his crotch in pain.Donkey: Did I miss?
Shrek: No... you got them! - Finally, there's Puss realizing how noble Shrek is, and the ogre's response to it.Puss: Stop, ogre! I have misjudged you.
- When the eavesdropping heroes overhear Charming calling the Godmother "Mother", Donkey loudly blurts out "MOTHER?!?"Shrek: (trying to act like an anonymous bystander) Uh... Mary! A talking horse!
- Later in the movie, when Charming throws the wand to Fairy Godmother with a cry of "Mummy!", Fiona looks just as confused as Donkey was!
- Fiona: Mummy?!
- Later in the movie, when Charming throws the wand to Fairy Godmother with a cry of "Mummy!", Fiona looks just as confused as Donkey was!
- Shrek examines his new appearance after being turned human. The confusion in his voice makes it even funnier."A cute button nose? Thick, wavy locks? (feels his ass, his eyes widen, and he turns around) Taut, round buttocks?!"
- Additionally, before he first sees his face as a human, we get a shot from his perspective. The camera pans across the girls fawning over him... including one cradling Puss in Boots in her arms, who is milking the attention for all its worth.
- Additionally, before he first sees his face as a human, we get a shot from his perspective. The camera pans across the girls fawning over him... including one cradling Puss in Boots in her arms, who is milking the attention for all its worth
- The fact that Jill and the girls were remarkably unfazed by the strange man that acted as if he'd never seen himself before, or the talking horse and cat. Or the fact that he'd apparently named his steed "Donkey".
- When Donkey turns into a horse, he runs around and boasts about the random things he can do.
- When Donkey talks about how he's trotting, only for Shrek and the women to give him a "WTF" look after.Donkey: "Look at me, Shrek! I'm trotting! Trot-trot-trottin' in place! Trottin' in place! Yeah!"
- Just as Puss is reading out how the potion can have side effects (such as itching, burning, oozing, or weeping), and isn't intended for heart patients or anyone with a nervous disorder.
- Then there's Puss' sarcasm at Donkey enjoying the side effects of the potion.Puss: "Oh, don't take the potion, Mr. Boss, it's very bad." Puh!
- Shrek's perfect reaction to hearing the terms and conditions of the potion.Puss: Senor, to make the effects of the potion permanent, the user must obtain true love's kiss... by midnight!
Shrek: Midnight?! Why is it always midnight?
- When Donkey talks about how he's trotting, only for Shrek and the women to give him a "WTF" look after.
- Fiona belching at dinner. All the funnier since it's pretty quiet before that happens. Well, except for the loud *crunch* as Shrek eats a snail with the shell still on. Shrek also mistakes the hand-washing bowl for soup during the same scene.
- Donkey's reaction when he becomes a donkey again after he was a horse.Donkey: No, no-no...No!
- Right after Donkey first drinks the Happily Ever After potion:Shrek: How do you feel?
Donkey: I don't... feel any different. Do I look any different?
Puss: You still look like an ass to me.- When Shrek drinks the potion, there's a major build-up as if something extravagant is going to happen... leading to him breaking wind.
- Shrek's apology to the nobles he's robbed is practically the motto of every Kleptomaniac Hero:"Thank you, gentlemen! Some day I will repay you!... Unless, of course, I can't find you, or if I forget."
- When Shrek gets his "Eureka!" Moment, and he and Gingy rush to see the Muffin Man — cut to the outside of the Drury Lane bakery, complete with Dramatic Thunder, Mongo chuckling and Gingy screaming ecstatically, "It's aliiiiiive!!!"
- While Mongo is rampaging through Far Far Away, a group of panicking folks flee from a "Farbucks Coffee" ...into another Farbucks across the street.
- Pinocchio needs his nose to grow longer but can't think of a lie on the spot:Donkey: Say something crazy like, "I'm wearing ladies underwear"!
Pinocchio: I'm, uh, wearing ladies underwear. (Beat as nothing happens)
Shrek: Heh. Are you?
Pinocchio: I most certainly am not! (nose grows)
Donkey: Looks like you most certainly am are!
Pinocchio: I am not! (nose grows again)
Puss: What kind?
Gingy: [pulling the underwear out from Pinocchio's lederhosen] It's a thong! [snaps the underwear back]
Pinocchio: Oww! They're briefs! (nose continues to grow)
Gingy: Are not.
Pinocchio: Are too! - The French dub name for Mongo the gingerbread giant? Cake Kong.
- Early in the film, the Fairy Godmother blows up at Harold for telling her that Charming not reaching Fiona was his fault, stops her floating carriage, and tells him that he's forced her to do something she really didn't want to do as she rolls down the window and her Giant Mooks crack their knuckles. The panicked Harold asks where they are and then we hear this...Woman at Drive-Thru: Well hi there! Welcome to Friar's Fat Boy, may I take your order?
Fairy Godmother: My diet is ruined! I hope you're happy!- While she's ordering, she casually asks Harold if he wants anything.
- Charming asks for a Medieval Meal. He puts on the cardboard crown it comes with. And the toy? An authentic, full-sized battle axe.
- Even better, the cardboard crown says "Fat Boy" on it.
- Right before all that:Fairy Godmother: You remember my son... Prince Charming?
Harold: Charming! Is that you?! My gosh, it's been years! Wh-When did you get back?
Charming: (casually) Oh, about five minutes ago, actually... (furiously) after I endured blistering winds, scorching deserts, I CLIMBED to the highest room of the tallest...
Fairy Godmother: (cutting him off) Mummy can handle this... (finishes the rant, in a just-as-hammy fashion)
- Fairy Godmother tries to convince Shrek that Fiona is upset that her story isn't a perfect fairytale. She taunts Shrek by listing off fairytales that don't have ogres in them, like the Little Mermaid, Snow White, Cinderella... and Pretty Woman.
- Pinocchio getting zapped with the wand and transforming mid-air.Pinocchio: I'm a real boooooy!
- Soon, during the fight, a misfire causes a magic blast to hit Pinocchio a second time, turning him back into a puppet.Pinocchio: I'm a rea- awww.
- Soon, during the fight, a misfire causes a magic blast to hit Pinocchio a second time, turning him back into a puppet.
- The "Far Far Away Idol" short from the DVD. Especially if you select someone other than Shrek and Fiona, Donkey, or Puss, then Simon Cowell will throw away the winner's envelope and declare himself the winner, launching into a rendition of "My Way".Simon: And the next Far Far Away Idol is... No. You've gotta be joking.
- There's also the judges' collective reaction to the Three Blind Mice singing "We Can See Clearly Now". Once two of the mice bump into each other, Shrek, Fiona and Simon immediately do a Monkey Morality Pose. Shrek covers his eyes, Fiona covers her mouth in shock, and Simon, being Simon, sticks his fingers in his ears.
- The morning after the dinner, Harold tries a dish Cedric has and asks what it is. Cedric replies it's dog food, and Harold awkwardly wipes off his hand and dismisses Cedric.
- Harold actually went to speak to Cedric to avoid Fiona, who came out to talk to him. Lillian tells her to use small words because "he's a little slow this morning."
- Shrek, Donkey, and Puss arrive at Fairy Godmother's factory, only to be told by her receptionist elf that she isn't taking any appointments that day:Shrek: That's okay buddy. We're from the union.
Elf: The union?
Shrek: We represent the workers in all magical industries, both evil and benign.
Elf: [perks up] Oh, oh right.
Shrek: Are you feeling at all degraded or oppressed?
Elf: [turns away the microphone connecting him to Fairy Godmother] Uh, a little... we don't even have dental.
Shrek: [to Donkey, disgusted] They don't even have dental. [starts walking inside] Okay, we'll just have a look around. Oh by the way, I think it would be better if the Fairy Godmother didn't know we were here. Know what I'm saying? Huh?
Donkey: Huh? Huh?! HUH?!
Shrek: Stop it. - After the seeming failure of the potion, Shrek, Puss and Donkey shelter from the rain in a barn and Donkey tells Shrek things will seem better in the morning.Donkey : Things just seem bad because it's dark and rainy and Fiona's father hired a sleazy hitman to whack you.[Puss-in-Boots, who happens to be said "hitman", promptly hisses at Donkey]
- Donkey then starts singing 'Tomorrow' from Annie, only to trail off as the potion begins to affect him.
Donkey: The sun'll come out... tomorrow... bet your bottom...Shrek: Bet my bottom?Donkey: I'm coming, Elizabeth! [collapses] - Shrek trying to get a clueless Donkey to give him and Fiona some alone time after returning from their honeymoon.Shrek: But Fiona and I are married now. We need a little time, you know, to be together.
[cut to a smiling Donkey, not taking the hint that Shrek wants him gone]
Shrek: [slightly irritated] Just with each other.
[cut to a smiling Donkey, still not taking the hint.]
Shrek: [more irritated] Alone.
Donkey: Say no more. Say no more. You don't have to worry about a thing. I will always be here to make sure NOBODY bothers you.
Shrek: [very irritated] Donkey!
Donkey: Yes, roomie?
Shrek: You're bothering me. - Blink and you'll miss it, but when Mongo starts attacking a Starbucks, the terrified patrons run outside, and when the camera follows them it turns out they're running towards another Starbucks directly across the street.
