Funny / Sherman's Lagoon

• While on their way back to the lagoon, Fillmore, Hawthorne and Thorton find themselves near Thailand. Fillmore comments that he's always wanted to see one of those magnificent temples. Thornton comments that they seem to be approaching one. Inside...
  Thornton: (drinking a milkshake) It's odd, but I feel at home in this temple.
  Hawthorne: (eating French fries) I know what you mean.
  Fillmore: (agitated) THIS IS A MCDONALD'S!
• When Sherman finds out that Ernest has a ham radio, he pays him a visit - bringing along a knife and fork.
  Ernest: It's not edible.
  Sherman: (angrily) THEN WHY PUT "HAM" IN THE TITLE?!
• After Ernest illegally downloads songs off the internet, he tells Sherman that he's not worried because as a kid and a fish, what could possibly happen? Then a police officer shows up and demands to know which one of them is Ernest.
  Sherman: Shoot. Of all days to wear our new shirts.
  (It's revealed that Sherman and Ernest are wearing shirts reading "NOT ERNEST" and "ERNEST" respectively)
  Police Officer: C'mon! Which one?
• When Sherman subscribes to have Hawthorne be his friend, he at one point tells Hawthorne that he needs to talk to him, only for Hawthorne to tell him that he's busy. Sherman protests that the Friendship Contact he signed says that Hawthorne HAS to, only for Hawthorne to tell him to Read the Fine Print - it says "Me or a facsimile thereof." Which means...
  Hawthorne: (going back into his crab hole) Talk to Hawthorne the Sock Puppet.
  Sherman: (holding "Hawthorne the Sock Puppet", which doesn't resemble Hawthorne in the slightest aside from the fact that it has claws) I'M NOT TRAINED IN THE ARTS!
• One strip has Sherman and Fillmore at the ocean's surface, where Sherman is being annoyed by a fly. In Panel 3, we see Sherman telling Megan, "And then Fillmore had a brilliant idea." To which Megan responds, "Go under water?" They've had this conversation before - previously, the sun was in Sherman's eyes.
  • And while we're on the subject of strips with flies in them...
• "Is that a turtle mask? WHO SENT YOU?"
• In one strip, Hawthorne enlists the help of Sherman and Fillmore to come up with a crab slogan - sharks have "Terror of the Deep" and sea turtles have "Gentle Giants", so Hawthorne thinks that there should be something like that for crabs. Sherman suggests "Little Tyrant" and "Mr. Social", meanwhile, Fillmore suggests "Tick of the Sea" and "Good on a Cracker".
• When Sherman, Megan, and several others find out that Hawthorne's "North Beach Diet" is a total scam, Hawthorne tries to save face by pointing out that at least for a little while they all felt better about themselves. Doesn't work.
  Megan: (as she and the others pursue Hawthorne) GET THE LITTLE JERK!
  Hawthorne: (making a run for it) Oh, sure, NOW you exercise!
• The conclusion to a storyline about a flock of sheep being stranded on the island. When Fillmore asks where they went, Hawthorne explains that they took off in their boat. They asked him before leaving if he knew of some place where people were vegetarians and where sheep can roam free. And where did Hawthorne suggest that they go?
  Hawthorne: Texas.
  Fillmore: Bad crab.
• When a sweater she likes at Sardini's department store is thirty-percent off, Megan devises a plan to prevent anyone else from grabbing it first - she ties a fishing line to the sleeve, and now she's trying to figure out where to put the other end. Sherman, meanwhile, just thinks to himself, "Loopy woman." In the fourth panel, we cut to Sherman and Megan in bed that night.
  Megan: FISH ON!
  Sherman: (with the other end of the fishing hook in his nostril) AUUGH!
  • The next day, Megan drags Sherman back to Sardini's to keep an eye on that sweater. She prevents another woman from buying it by telling her that she's getting a "moustache".
  • Then she sics somebody who's guarding the sweater for his wife on Sherman. Don't worry, she gets her comeuppance the next day when she tries to hide the sweater in another rack and promptly gets beaten up.
  • And despite her efforts, somebody else buys that sweater before she has the chance to. Specifically, Thornton.
• One strip has Sherman, Hawthorne and Fillmore having trouble with their TV. Why? Because Thornton is using the satellite dish as a giant drink glass.
  Fillmore: (angrily) Dump out the drink, Thornton!
  Thornton: But I just got the rim salted!
• Megan's reaction to finding out that she and Sherman were rejected from a club: "THOSE GRAVY-SUCKING PIGS!"
• When Hawthorne's bakery actually succeeds - which Hawthorne is not used to - he decides to sabotage his business by putting a hair in the food. The one problem is that he doesn't have any hair. Thus...
  Sherman: Something in your eclair?
  Fillmore: A note that says "Hair".
• Fillmore meets Klornak, the space alien that Ernest cloned.
  Fillmore: (shaking his hand) Greetings. Welcome to our lagoon, and to life in general.
  (Beat)
  Klornak: Are you taking medication, and is boring one of the side effects?
  Fillmore: (waving) Seeya, Cloney.
  • The next day, he meets Hawthorne:
  Hawthorne: What's it like being made from leftovers?
  Klornak: What's it like having to shave six armpits every morning?
  (Beat)
  Hawthorne: I like you. You're obnoxious.
  Klornak: AND unfairly handsome.
• From a series in which Sherman has to put up with tech support...
  • "THERE IS NO MONKEY FACE!"
  • After waiting for four days, Sherman finally reaches tech support.
  Sherman: I've been on hold for four days in my time.
  Mike From Tech Support: In YOUR time, sir? Sir, are you in comic strip time?
  Sherman: Well, yeah. Why?
  Mike From Tech Support: Transferring you to that department...
  Sherman: NOOO!
  • Finally, he reaches GREG at tech support, who apparently took so long because there was a major line at Starbucks. Greg asks him what his problem is...
  Sherman: It's my e-mail. I'm not receiving any. Haven't for days?
  Greg From Tech Support: Have you considered that maybe you don't have any friends?
  Sherman: Listen, Greg, I'm capable of biting you in half.
  Greg From Tech Support: Sir, this is tech support. I hear scarier threats from my mom.
• Sherman creates a sculpture for Megan, who isn't too thrilled by it and says that she knows just the place to put it. Then...
  Sherman: (holding the sculpture) Somehow, it ended up behind the toilet.
  Megan: AUUGH! IT'S BACK!
  • The next day, Sherman discovers that his sculpture is on the cover of National Geopelagic magazine. When Fillmore asks how the sculpture ended up at the bottom of a sea canyon, Sherman admits that he doesn't know. The answer, unbeknownst to Sherman, is that Megan got rid of it in the middle of the night and told Sherman that somebody named "El Nino" snuck in and took it.
  Fillmore: It doesn't seem suspicious to you that El Nino just took it away?
  Sherman: No. He took my kazoo once, too.
  • Long story short, Sherman's sculpture is assumed to be some geothermal mound that's connected to the planet's origins. Eventually they make an entire one-hour documentary, which enrages Fillmore.
  Fillmore: IT'S A LOUSY SCULPTURE MADE BY A STUPID SHARK!!
  Ernest: Someone jealous?
  Fillmore: (holding up his poetry) LOOK AT THESE POEMS! I'VE BEEN CREATING HORRIBLE ART FOR YEARS!
• Fillmore uses a power polisher on his shell... and fails epically at it.
  Thornton: Dude, you got sand in my smoothie.
  • From the same story arc, Hawthorne reveals to Fillmore that he's been able to get a lot of projects started... which isn't to say that he's gotten around to finishing them. For example, he built half a roller coaster. Which he's still letting somebody ride.
• Fillmore trying to use the ACE Shrink Wrap Tool to fight off tiger prawns... and failing epically at it, too.
• One storyline starts with Fillmore getting hit with a can, becoming enraged, and going onto dry land to chew out Thornton for it.
  Fillmore: Thornton! You can't just throw your old peanut cans in the ocean!
  Thornton: How do you know it was me?
  Fillmore: (crosses his arms) Is it not "Root Beer and Peanuts" Friday?!!
  Thornton: Curse my beloved routines.
  • In the next strip, Fillmore holds a meeting to discuss how filthy the lagoon is and announces that he's going on a cleaning spree and invites everyone else to join in. After the meeting is adjourned...
  Fillmore: (discovers that everyone left their trash in front of him) HEY!!
• "Permission to sing while we run?"
• Hawthorne's trip to anger management therapy. All of it.
  • First, he is grabbed by Sherman and Fillmore, Bound and Gagged, and left on the therapist's doorstep.
  • Once therapy begins, he starts complaining about cell phones... which gets his therapist riled up.
  Hawthorne: Whoa, Doc. My vent time here.
  • Then Hawthorne complains about Starbucks, and how he always ends up behind the guy who can't order.
  Hawthorne: WHEN IT'S YOUR TURN, STEP UP AND ORDER! HOW HARD CAN IT BE?
  Therapist: YEAH! AND THEN HE WANTS HIS MUFFIN HEATED UP!
  Hawthorne: Hey, I'm THAT guy.
  • The next day, Hawthorne greets Fillmore and Sherman as a much nicer, happier crab. Therapy was a success - his therapist used a technique called "transference" to help Hawthorne transfer his anger to another place. So where is it now?
  Hawthorne: With my therapist.
  Therapist: (shaking a vending machine) GIMME MY CLARK BAR, YOU EVIL MACHINE!!
• When Sherman takes Megan to a corny restaurant called "Kneeslappers", they discover that the singing waiters have a song about EVERYTHING.
• Sherman is up first on Hawthorne's neighborhood watch. Hawthorne gives him a walkie-talkie and tells him to report any suspicious behavior.
  Sherman: Fillmore watches PBS. Repeat, PBS, over.
  Hawthorne: That's BORING, not suspicious!
• Sherman goes on and on to Ernest about how amazing the Shark Hall of Fame is. Then...
  Ticket Booth Shark: Ten dollars.
  Sherman: FOR THIS DUMP?!
• After arriving in the Zambezi River, Sherman and Megan meet a hippo. Sherman asks if he'd like to be his friend, but he comes on too strong, resulting in the hippo running away ON HIS HIND LEGS.
  • The same storyline has them meeting a Bull Shark.
• "What kind of weird 'Night Before Christmas' did you lend me?"
• While Fillmore is competing in the "Poetry Olympics", Sherman gives him a cup full of piping hot alphabet soup to chug. It works out about as well as you'd expect.
• When Sherman, Hawthorne and Fillmore arrive at Rock 'n' Roll Fantasy Camp:
  Camp Counselor: Are you guys ready to rock?
  Sherman: Sure.
  Fillmore: I believe so.
  (Beat)
  Counselor: I SAID, ARE YOU GUYS READY TO ROCK?
  Hawthorne: I think you shut it up by screaming.
• How Thornton defeats an army of angry shrimp bent on taking over the lagoon.
  Sherman: Are they partying in lime juice?
  Thornton: Partying. Marinating. Whatever.
• Sherman and Ernest encountering Yogi Bear while on a camping trip in Yellowstone.
• What Hawthorne receives in his Christmas stocking.
• This strip has Ernest building Sherman a turtle shell in his shop class so that Sherman can see what it's like to be a turtle. Fillmore is, to put it bluntly, outraged.
  Fillmore: Do you realize how disrespectful this is to turtles? Do you really think wearing that silly shell is going to properly simulate the turtle experience?
  (Beat)
  Sherman: How do we scratch our hineys?
  Fillmore: INDUSTRY SECRET!
• Hawthorne winds up in a coffee shop via a sewer pipe◊...
  Rat: Hello. What brings you to these parts?
  Hawthorne: AAUUGH! A TALKING RODENT!
  Rat: AAUUGH! A RESPONDING CRAB!
  Hawthorne: Touche.
  • The rat introduces himself as "Wallace"◊...
  Hawthorne: Do you live in this coffee shop?
  Wallace: Sure. Rats live everywhere. We're free spirits. Wanderers. You can't pin us down.
  Hawthorne: Except with a piece of cheese and a snap trap.
  Wallace: Well, yeah.
• From a storyline in which the characters find a robot with a camera inside it...
  • "So, we're being videotaped right now?"◊
  • Part of a storyline in which Sherman and Ernest find a robot◊...
  Sherman: That robot is acting more and more lifelike every day.
  Ernest: Indeed. Its artificial intelligence gives it the ability to acquire the characteristics of living things around it.
  Sherman: Scary.
  (Beat)
  Sherman: One of us just tooted.
  Ernest: It wasn't me.
  Sherman: Scary.
• Ernest does an experiment on animal intelligence◊. As a result, he finds out that Sherman has fun watching paint dry.
• Sherman and Hawthorne, after finding a crate full of Rogaine, trick Fillmore into climbing into a tub full of it claiming that it's "macho enhancer".
  • It results in Fillmore growing a MULLET. And the storyline just gets funnier from there.
• This is indeed quite the spat.
• Fillmore spots a lionfish in the lagoon.
  Fillmore: And do you know what lionfish do?
  Sherman: Roar?
  Fillmore: They multiply!
  (Ernest shows up)
  Ernest: What's going on?
  Sherman: Fillmore's afraid of arithmetic.
• Hawthorne teaches Sherman how Facebook works.
• After a computer virus takes down every computer in the lagoon, Fillmore decides to send a letter. Sherman doesn't quite understand how sending a letter works.
  Sherman: Are there elves involved?
  Fillmore: If it helps you understand.
• One storyline has jellyfish stings radically changing the personalities of the characters... Sherman becomes smarter, while Hawthorne becomes nicer. Eventually, this culminates in Fillmore being stung and, as a result, acting like a redneck (and to make it even funnier, Hawthorne admits that he actually prefers this version).
• Here Sherman reassures Ernest, who feels insignificant, that he is unique and one of a kind. Then a swarm of fish that all look exactly like Ernest show up.
  Sherman: (to Ernest, who is glancing at the swarm) Don't look that way, look this way.
• This strip. After Ernest asks why everyone can't just get along, Hawthorne and Fillmore explain that not everyone sees things the same way, and when that happens sometimes they don't get along.
  Hawthorne: Like your cologne.
  Fillmore: Huh?
  Hawthorne: To you, it's fragrant and sublime. To me, it's bilge water.
  Fillmore: Nice example. Or your headbanger music collection. You hear music, yet I hear monkeys being tortured.
  Hawthorne: Touche.
  Fillmore: (to Ernest) You see? That's called "getting along".
  Hawthorne: Not everybody can do it.
  (Ernest swims off)
  Hawthorne: (throws a brick at Fillmore's head) Or this brick. You feel pain, yet I feel pleasure.
  Fillmore: OW! Good one.
• "HE GETS HIS OWN BED!"
• Sherman goes ice fishing.
• While on a camping trip, Sherman offers his fellow campers the chance to buy a can of beans for twenty dollars. Ernest asks why they would want to buy a can of beans for twenty dollars. When Sherman replies that Ernest wants the can of beans, Ernest says that isn't a good enough reason. Then Sherman threatens to eat the entire can of beans, which convinces Ernest to buy it.
• "You bought a TRAP DOOR with public money?"
• Sherman and Herman are filming a sea turtle documentary:
  Sherman: (providing the narration) Here's the green sea turtle swimming along... he thinks to himself, "How do I scratch my butt under this stupid shell?"
  Fillmore: (enraged) I WASN'T THINKING THAT!
  Sherman: Don't look at the camera.
• During a string of robberies...
  Fillmore: (to Hawthorne) You're the mayor. Do something!
  Hawthorne: Like what?
  (Beat)
  Fillmore: First of all, prove it's not you.
  Hawthorne: (angrily) Oh, nice. Real nice.
• A storyline in which Hawthorne goes to the Great Australian Crab Molt culminates in the crabs all getting scooped up by a bottom trawler. Hawthorne comes up with a plan to escape, and tells the others that when they see his signal to make a run for it. Then one of the fishermen sees him and he decides that it's every crab for himself.
  Sherman: And so where are all the other crabs?
  Hawthorne: Red Lobster, I'd imagine.
• "So I can see right through stuff?"
• Hawthorne returns from a trip to Disneyland.
  • Sherman admits that he's always wanted to go to Disneyland.
  Hawthorne: Well, now you can.
  Sherman: You mean, through the belief in magic?
  Hawthorne: No. (gesturing towards pipe) Through this sewer pipe.
  Sherman: Gotcha.
  • Upon arriving, it's revealed that the pipe leads directly into the lagoon where the Submarine Voyage attraction is.
  • Sherman and Hawthorne take a selfie in front of Sleeping Beauty Castle.
  • Hawthorne sneaks onto the Matterhorn Bobsleds ride.
• Hawthorne talks a nosefish^note a fish with a human's nose into letting him and Sherman perform plastic surgery on him.
• Fillmore gives Sherman and Hawthorne invitations to the grand opening of his restaurant.
  Sherman: (reading the invitation) You are cordially invited to the opening of "Fillmore's".
  Beat
  Hawthorne: The opening of your what?
  Sherman: Sounds gross.
  Fillmore: (dryly) That's the name of the restaurant.
• "YOUR KITE HAS LASERS?!"
• Hawthorne has control of a personal submarine... well, SORT OF has control.
  Sherman: (angrily) YOU'RE PAYING FOR THAT MAILBOX!
• When Sherman and Megan arrive in Greece, Sherman suggests that they find Thor's place.
• "Go AROUND the paintball match."
  Fillmore: IS EVERYTHING VIOLENCE WITH YOU PEOPLE?
• Sherman decides to make a movie.
  Sherman: AAAAAND... action!
  (Beat)
  Sherman: You're not actioning.
  Fillmore: There's usually a script involved.
  • Sherman decides that the entire movie is going to be improvised. The first scene, as a result...
  Hawthorne: (dressed as a cowboy) This town ain't big enough for the two of us.
  Ernest: (dressed as an astronaut) You mean this asteroid.
  • And the entire thing is in slow-motion.
  Sherman: When you find a cool app, you stick with it.
• Part of a storyline in which Sherman becomes a magician...
  Hawthorne: Okay, if I'm going to be your agent, I need to see what you've got. Can you pull a rabbit out of your hat?
  Sherman: Underwater rabbits are pretty scarce.
  Hawthorne: Right.
  Sherman: (approaches Fillmore) Can you fit in a hat?
  Fillmore: I'm opting out of this storyline.
• Sherman and Fillmore see a manatee swim by.
  Fillmore: Did the strip get moved to Florida?
  Sherman: I never read the memos.
  • In the next strip...
  Fillmore: Did you see that? A manatee just swam by.
  Sherman: Yep.
  Fillmore: It's a little strange to see one in this part of the world. Shouldn't we check it out?
  Sherman: Did he have free donuts?
  Fillmore: Not that I saw.
  Sherman: Then it's none of our business.
  Fillmore: Right.
• Hawthorne sees the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles up on the beach and brings them a pizza in order to get on their good side.
  Hawthorne: Anybody hungry? Just happen to have a pizza.
  Raphael: Whoa! Excellent!
  (The turtles open up the pizza box)
  Raphael: This is just the crusts.
  Hawthorne: Stalking makes me hungry.
• "NAKED WATERSKIER COMING THROUGH!"
• "Do fish go 'beep beep'?"
• Hawthorne informs Sherman that there's a dog agility contest happening on the beach - and the top prize is a thousand dollars.
  Hawthorne: Think of what you could do with that much money.
  Sherman: Like buy a dog?
  Hawthorne: For starters.
  • The storyline continues with Hawthorne and Sherman having Kahuna turn them into a dog and a human respectively so that they can win the contest. They decide to train for the competition by playing frisbee...
  Dog!Hawthorne: (pointing at the frisbee) There it is! There it is!
  Human!Sherman: So? Go get it!
  Dog!Hawthorne: I'm a pointer, not a retriever.
• Ernest tells Sherman that a newly-discovered species of shrimp has been named after a band.
  Sherman: Backstreet Shrimps?
  Ernest: No.
  Sherman: New Shrimps on the Block?
  Ernest: IT'S NOT A BOY BAND!
• Hawthorne asks Fillmore what he thinks the lagoon needs the most...
  Fillmore: I think an overall sense of caring for each other. A genuine respect for the thoughts and opinions of others.
  Hawthorne: That's just stupid.
  Fillmore: (dryly) Point made.
• Hawthorne opens a store called "Haw-Mart"... what he describes as "a sprawling retail behemoth with everything you need. And more importantly, everything you DON'T need."
  Sherman: (holding a snorkel) Don't need this, but what a great price!
  Hawthorne: That's the magic of Haw-Mart!
• Sherman and Megan wake up one morning, and Megan asks Sherman if he knows what she REALLY wants. The answer, as it turns out, is walls.
• "THIS IS NOT A COSTCO RUN!"
• "WHY IS IT CALLED THE SPIDER-MAN SNAIL?!"
  • "It's not what?"
  • "Snot... snot... snot."
• "WHY'D YOU HAVE TO GET A SHELL FROM IKEA?"
• Megan tells Sherman that their neighbors are scared of them (for obvious reasons). After a Beat panel, Sherman asks if this is about his interpretive dance gnomes.
  • In order to win over the neighbors, Megan plans a scavenger hunt. One of the things players will have to do is eat someone smaller than them.
• This strip. What really makes it is just how RIDICULOUS Sherman looks with those legs.
• Sherman comes up with an idea - since they, as fish, can't do the "March For the Ocean" themselves, they'll send a robot programmed with "a message of hope and a call for unity". Fillmore asks what if they don't listen to the robot. Sherman's response?
  Sherman: It's a hundred feet tall.
  Ernest: With lasers.
• Sherman and Ernest observe animals that can change their color.

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