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Funny / Goodbellas

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As a fanfic of a work by Rooster Teeth, this is an absolute given.

Spoilers are unmarked.

  • The sheer number of puns within the work count on their own. The title of the work is a Shout-Out to Goodfellas, while the first and eighth chapters have titles that reference The Manchurian Candidate and the song "What a Fool Believes" by the Doobie Brothers.
  • Ruby asks Blake if they're getting help on their first mission in "The Mancunian Candidate". Cue this scene.
    Right on cue, the front door opened, and Ruby found herself resisting the urge to shag the daylights out of the goddess who now dominated her vision. This woman, tanned and tall, was everything Ruby could have wanted in a partner. Light auburn hair, green eyes, luscious curves … Ruby felt like drooling at the sight of her. However, with great presence of mind, Blake had decided to snap her newest employee's trance painfully short (and prevent said drooling), by means of pinching Ruby's shoulder with the strength of a scorpion's pincer.
    “As a matter of fact,” Blake continued as Ruby's attention reasserted itself, “we do have help. Ruby, meet our driver, Pyrrha Nikos. And Pyrrha, this is our latest recruit, Ruby Rose.”
    “Pleased to meet you, Ruby,” said Pyrrha maternally.
    Ruby stood up to shake her hand, and did so with a twinkle in her eye. “Likewise, Pyrrha,” she said with a sultry tone that outranked her age.
    Pyrrha, to her credit, managed to retain her composure – though Blake spotted the slight blush that manifested on Pyrrha's cheeks.
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  • Ruby's sniping scene in "The Mancunian Candidate". Just ... all of it.
    Having managed to flee the sudden carnage, the importer and his associates ran outside the building. After waiting until the bullets stopped, they got through the front gate and wedged themselves between the fence and the black minibus – landing right in Ruby's line of fire.
    “Shit,” their second-in-command cursed between breaths, “that got close. Let's hope that madwoman didn't get a sniper involved.”
    “That's bollocks,” the leader said haughtily. “The parking building is too obvious for the standard mob sniper to take an undetectable shot, and the next high ground is two blocks away. You wouldn't be able to hit a beached whale at that dist-”.
    The four watched in abject horror as their boss became a scatter-brained man. As it turned out, the importer actually had been right about the difficulty of the untrackable shot, but his assailant wasn't a standard mob sniper.
    Ruby, who'd picked up the conversation at the edge of her hearing, found this to be juicily ironic.
    “Well,” the newly-minted delegation leader stated shakily, “best not to tempt fate”. He earned a perforated brain cavity for his trouble.
    Let's just live and run,” advised the next new leader, as he turned to run before Ruby dropped him.
    Let's stop talking and -” said the next piece of sniper fodder, pausing as he became sniper fodder.
    “AND WHAT?!”, whispered the last man with extreme panic. As he started to crouch behind a thick tree next to the minibus, he adopted a pant-shitting expression that seared itself in Ruby's memory; it would give her delight aplenty in the following years.
    Don your brown pants, arsehole!”, the red reaper called out. Unwisely, her target stood up indignantly.
    These are brown pants, you bit–” “Pew!”
    And Ruby's mind-blowing performance was complete, just in time for Blake to get out of the club and approve of the carnage.
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  • The poker scene in "1989" gets in. Yang forces Pyrrha, Weiss and Ruby to go all in during a game of Texas Hold 'Em when she gets four nines. Pyrrha's full hand gets beaten, as does Weiss's queen-high straight. Then Ruby reveals her hand.
    Ruby, after a brief pause, calmly put her queen of clubs and queen of spades down. “Four queens!”
    The entire table gasped, then promptly exploded in laughter, Ruby smiling sweetly as Yang went ballistic.
    For fuck's sake! Of course I'm the sap who just has to lose with four of a bloody kind in my hand. Mother-fucker!
  • Pyrrha's advice to Dew during "Business As Usual" contains a scorching one-liner from the former.
    As Octavia fetched her drink and put the dounts onto the table, Dew retrieved her coffee from her boss. “Pyrrha, do you have a moment?”
    Pyrrha gave her Irish employee her full attention. “What's on your mind, Dew?”
    “I'm kind of stuck deciding which of the mechanics I want to get involved with.”
    Pyrrha snorted with an amused expression. “Dew, you've probably bonked half the gang by now; I'm sure you'll know which beefcake appeals to your tastebuds more.”
    Dew scowled as Octavia unleashed a spit take for the ages.
    • After Pyrrha turns Dew's attention to Brawnz, Octavia thanks her for steering Dew away from Roy, whom she'd been seeing at the time.
  • The Pink Lemonade scene in "Business As Usual" qualifies. Not only does Yang unleash a cringe-worthy double-pun after Nora squeezes lime juice on her buttocks, Nora teases Yang by slowly eating a banana, before Yang purposefully turns Nora on past the point of salvage. Nora proceeds to bonk Yang hard enough to wreck her double-edged dildo and cause the chaise lounge they bonked on to break once Ruby sat on it the following day.
    • The narration itself provides this passage:
      Most folks tended to be passionate, yet somewhat gentle when it came to the art of making love. Yang and Nora, however, weren't “most folks”. Instead, they took the same approach to sex that the Klingons did in Star Trek; they were both passionate and aggressive in equal proportions, which had given rise to some monumental escapades over the years. It had led to a long-running joke amongst the Bellas; “How can you tell if Yang's had a good day? When she just can't sit still!”
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    • This one also deserves a mention:
      As they reached the first orgasm, Yang wished that she'd filmed one of her escapades, for the first and only time in her life. I mean, me and Nora could've submitted a thesis on 'The subtle art of fucking a woman's brains out' with a taped version of this, she lamented – despite really feeling the heat from Nora's vaginal rampage.
  • On a similar note, Pyrrha's birthday climaxes (pun intended) with a Ruby-instigated romp in "The Goon Show Incident". It ends with Pyrrha climaxing hard enough to cause a piece of "fluid" to hit Ruby in the left eye.
    • And before that, Ruby and Blake made her a lemon-meringue pie with a difference - it was shaped like a dick.
  • Cardin's backstory contains the only notable piece of humour in "Untouchable"; he fought alongside Ren in Vietnam, and they were on leave together once in Vung Tao. During a bar brawl they were involved in, Ren noticed a Vietcong sniper about to headshot Cardin and saved his life ... by kicking him in the nadgers.
  • "Enter The Pigs" has this towards the end, when Ruby goes to report her mission to Blake.
    When Ruby made it to Blake's house later that night, she heard a series of loud drunken shouts coming from the lounge, and quickly entered the room with a written plan in her hands. Upon discovering her boss making an ungodly scene in an unusually messy lounge, Ruby promptly surmised that only one thing was on her employer's mind.
    How in the fucking fuck did my beloved Panthers get steamrolled 28-8 by the bloody Broncos?! After the Eels beat the Eagles 22-20 and the Sharks walloped the Raiders 32-14, no-one's going to give me a break this week!”
    Ruby sighed as she sat her boss down on the couch. It was going to be a really long night.
  • "Lines Drawn" features a magnificent dinner scene with Ruby, Cinder, Yang and Pyrrha discussing the first round of the NRL season. Too long to print here in it's entirety, highlights include Yang unleashing another Incredibly Lame Pun, Cinder getting roasted, and this instance of Ruby indulging in shameless blackmail.
    “Anyway,” Ruby began, “Blake was completely plastered when I returned with the footage that night. Apparently, watching the Panthers get mauled like that will cause our boss to raid her own wine cellar.”
    “Tell me you've got something to show for her drunken rampage, Ruby,” Yang pleaded with an impish brand of glee.
    Smiling sweetly, Ruby retrieved and held up a Polaroid from her purse. It showed Blake ignominiously slumped face-first on the couch, with a bottle of Jacob's Creek in her left hand and her white skirt splayed on the floor – giving the viewer a pleasant shot of Blake's backside in all its glory. After three seconds of stunned silence, the women all roared with laughter.
    “I can see this in a gallery exhibit now,” Yang joked between rapid breaths. “Ruby Rose presents: The Bellabooty, the place where male virginity comes to die!”
    Pyrrha unleashed a spit take, while Cinder and Ruby were keeled over giggling.
  • In the same chapter, Yang starts walking from Ruby's house to her's, only needing to traipse across Blake's front yard. This happens when she notices Blake came home early and decides to tell her about Ruby's successful mission.
    Walking towards the front door, the mechanic heard a variety of noises that indicated the presence of Blake's latest boy-toy. Creeping towards the window, Yang beheld a sight she'd never expected from the dignified, cultured head of her gang. Blake was wearing a pair of knee-high purple tights, with a white skirt, black blouse and dress shoes, and most unsettlingly, wore a pair of fake cat ears.
    The man she was on top of looked like a blonde beefcake, with his denim shorts around his ankles and white button-down shirt completely opened. He had a yellow dildo taped to an equally yellow stocking, which had been stuffed with newspapers and tied to the small of his back. Taking a quick picture and running, a deeply-unsettled Yang came home and failed to rinse her brain of the memory with tequila.
    As it turned out, mafia business could be postponed sometimes.
  • "Watts The Fool Believes" has this piece of narration describing how the mechanics felt about him, after detailing how pleased Watts was with their level of service after importing and fixing up his Jaguar.
    However, what Watts didn't know was that all eight staff members were in the employ of the Bellas.
    The sudden oil leaks were their doing, if only for the purpose of increasing their business with a rich client. They'd felt justified in doing so, considering they all saw him as a pompous Brit who felt buying local-made cars was beneath his station. The Yang-induced notion that the man was a crook seemed obvious to them as well. The easy smile, the aristocratic demeanour, the glint in his jade eyes … he seemed too good to be true. And after the events of the last five weeks, they realised their prediction was true to the nth degree.
  • "Roman Invasion" has a subtle amount of these in how the narrative describes how seriously Ruby, Qrow, Yang, Pyrrha and Blake take Dungeons & Dragons.
  • "Revelations and Rumours" has Sun and Blake's dinner and a "show", which is laden with references to ship names and other works and ends with an angry Velvet punching Sun downstairs once Blake leaves.
  • In an otherwise tense "Fall Of The Roman Empire", this happens when Mercury gets pinned down by Pyrrha and relieved of his leg braces.
    Without any further prompting, Russel and Dove began to fence with them, much to Mercury's ire.
    "Can you please give my leg-braces back to me? I need those to walk properly, you arseholes!".
    Without a word, Russel and Dove gave the braces to Mercury – by bashing him up with them.
    "I DIDN'T WANT YOU TO HIT ME WITH THEM!", Mercury loudly protested.
  • "All Bad Things ..." mentions that Winter's nickname in the military is the German translation of "Ice Queen".
  • How does Jaune's escape attempt end in "Bunny Hopping"? The man in front of Jaune on the stairs to the aeroplane turns around and throws up on him. When Jaune's cleared the mess, Sun's running up the staircase with a gun in his hand, and Jaune decides to get on the plane. The man that hurled into his face shoves Jaune off the staircase onto the ground, where Velvet pins him down.

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