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Funny / Field of Dreams

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  • Shoeless Joe's first question when he pops out of the cornfield; what's with the lights?
    Ray: Oh, all the stadiums have them now. Even Wrigley Field.
    Shoeless Joe: Makes it harder to see the ball.
    Ray: Yeah, well, the owners found that more people can attend night games.
    Shoeless Joe: Pssh. Owners.
  • Most of the conversations between Ray and Annie illustrate two things: the depth of their relationship, and just how completely whacked their common sense of humor is. The following conversation takes place the first night the voice is heard and is delivered in bored and annoyed dead-pan style:
    Annie: If you build what, who will come?
    Ray: It didn't say.
    Annie: I hate it when that happens.
    Ray: Yeah, me, too.
  • The entire sequence where Ray tries increasingly desperate means to get Terence Mann to see a baseball game with him. Mann snarks his way through the encounter while trying to get Ray out of his apartment and even sprays him with an old-fashioned insecticide pump. When Ray resorts to a Brandishment Bluff, Mann grabs a crowbar.
    Mann: I'm going to beat you with a crowbar 'till you go away.
    Ray: You can't do that!
    Mann: There are rules here? No, there are no rules here.
    Ray: You're a pacifist!
    Mann: (stops, tosses away the crowbar) Shit...
    • Later on, it becomes a Never Live It Down for Ray.
      Mann: You said your finger was a gun!
    • Terrence has a pretty good retort to a persistent doorknocker.
      Mann: We got a learning disability here?
  • Upon returning to the farm with Terence and Archie, Ray finds that the players have brought friends so they can play an actual game. Joe tells him that the field is already semi-legendary on the other side, and that all the old great ball players wanted to come. To emphasize this, Archie starts pointing and naming several famous ball players of ages past. Then Joe, who has been very reserved and soft-spoken up to this point, delivers a boisterous Take That! that any baseball enthusiast would bust a gut laughing over:
    Shoeless Joe: Yeah, even Ty Cobb wanted to play... but none of us could stand the son of a bitch while we were alive, SO WE TOLD HIM TO STICK IT!! BAAHAHAHAA!!
  • Archie living out his dream of stepping up to the plate and winking at the pitcher to psych him out... didn't quite go how he envisioned it. The next two pitches were "high and tight." Translation: aimed at his head.
    Archie: Hey Ump, how about a warning?
    Umpire: Sure. (waits a beat, glancing at the pitcher, but actually continues talking to Archie) Watch out you don't get killed.
    • In the same scene, Ray, Annie, and Terence all watch the game from the bleachers and act like a full cheering section: they complain to the umpire, hoot and holler, and generally have the time of their lives. Terence even starts doing the Wave!
  • Ray convinces Terrence to go to the baseball game with him. As they walk into the stadium, they discuss Terence's writing, his activism, and his current reclusiveness. Finally Ray asks him:
    Ray: So what do you want?
    Terence: I want people to stop looking to me for answers; begging me to speak again, write again, be a leader. I want people to start thinking for themselves. And I want my privacy!
    Ray: No, I mean... (points at the concession stand) What do you want?
    Terence: Oh... A dog and a beer.
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  • Mark arguing with Ray about his decision to build a baseball field on top of his cornfield:
    Ray: I know a lot about farming, Mark. I know more about farming than you think I know.
    Mark: Oh yeah? Then how can you plow into your major crop?
    Ray: (face falls; turns to Annie in mock puzzlement) ...What's a crop?
  • Mark obliviously walking through a pitch. The players immediately start yelling at him for the interruption, and the catcher has to hold back the batter from taking a swing at him.
  • Mark chews out Ray about the mortgage, unable to see the field or the players and telling Ray in no uncertain terms that he has to accept the bank's deal and get rid of the field, period, and the argument indirectly leads to Moonlight Graham needing to step off the field to save Karin from choking to death. The event opens Mark's eyes:
    Mark: Do NOT sell this field, Ray.
    • The humor is compounded by Annie mockingly treating him as if he's got sunstroke, suggesting he relax and have something cold to drink.
    • There's also Mark's line that reveals his newfound ability to see the truth: "...when did all these ballplayers get here?"
  • When Ray tells Terence about how when he was fourteen, he refused to play catch with his father anymore and basically destroyed their relationship:
    Terence: Why fourteen?
    Ray: (hesitantly) That's when I read "The Boat Rocker" by Terrence Mann.
    Terence: (rolling his eyes) Oh god.
    Ray: Never played catch with him again.
    Terence: You know that's just the kind of crap people always try to lay on me! It's not my fault you wouldn't play catch with your father!
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  • When Annie has a stand-off with the Moral Guardians who want to ban Terence Mann's book.
    Beulah: I experienced The '60s.
    Annie: No, I think you had two Fifties and moved right into The '70s.
  • When Terence's father tries to contact his son and doesn't get any answers, he reports him missing, a story that reaches the national newspapers. Upon finding out from Ray, Terence reaches for the phone to call his father and calm him down...then realizes the insane situation he's in. "What do I tell him?"

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