- "Oh, FAWKES! You and your BLOODY GUNPOWDER!!"
- This:Sir Roger: Your majesty, may I make a suggestion?Henry VIII: This is no time to get suggestive, Roger.
- Henry VIII comes to this conclusion:Henry VIII: I've got no choice. I must have an annul.Cardinal Wolsey: "An old" what, Sir?Henry VIII: Annul the marriage, you FOOL!!
- "Not on your Bonaparte!"
- "You have my hand on it." His hand comes off. Cue an Aside Glance.
- Queen Marie arguing with Cromwell, and pointing out his cruelty to the Catholics that were burned to stakes some time ago.Thomas Cromwell: Of course I was nice to them! Didn't you see me go around to each and every one of them and say "How d'you like your steak?"?Cardinal Wolsey: That's right. He did, you know.
- "Oh, yes, Mistress Scrubb!"
- Roger's first confession.Thomas Cromwell: Sign this!Sir Roger de Lodgerley: Without even reading it?Thomas Cromwell: I'll read it to you. It's just a simple little confession... "In as much as I, Roger de Lodgerley, of Bedside Manor, Wilts -- hereinafter referred to as the party of the first part -- did unlawfully, with malice aforethought and without taking due precaution, on the night of October 4th last, admire, covet, blandish, cosset, seduce"
— and otherwise, "get at" —
"Marie, spouse to Henry Tudor — hereinafter referred to as the party of the second part — I do now hereby solemnly declare, and in witness thereof I append my signature below, that the resulting issue — hereinafter referred to as the party of the third part — is the direct consequence of the joining together of the party of the first part's and the party of the second part's parts."
- Cromwell sets up a Sex Enjoyment tax in a hope to get enough money for an annulment.Henry VIII: Tricky. ...D'you think they'll be able to stand for it?Thomas Cromwell: [scoffs] Well... stand for it, sit for it, lie down for it... who cares? As long as we get the money.
- Sir Roger hiding on top of the Royal couple's four-poster bed, and launching a ladder to the ground when the Queen frets over Henry VIII's disappearance. Followed by a smug smile and a wink.
- Henry VIII leaves for hunting:Thomas Cromwell: "Hunting"? Oh... I see. What on earth for?Henry VIII: Something to eat. I'm starving. [cackles with Sir Roger]
Henry VIII: Call me Henry.Young woman: [disgustedly] "Henry"? Just like that miserable sot who rules us.Henry VIII: [angrily] "Miserable" what??!!Young woman: "Sot".Henry VIII: Oh.
- When he finds a young woman to ravish:
- The Queen's annoyed comment over Henry's actions. "Well, you're a cold old bastard."
Funny / Carry On Henry