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Henry VIII: Are you trying to tell me that they will declare war on me if I don't bed 'er?!
Cromwell: Wars have been fought over less, Sire.
Henry VIII and Thomas Cromwell over Queen Marie's love of garlic.
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Carry On Henry is a 1971 film and the 21st Carry On film, as well as another that is an Affectionate Parody of a movie/theater piece that itself is based on historical events, much like Carry On Cleo. It stars regulars Sid James, Kenneth Williams, Charles Hawtrey, Joan Sims, Terry Scott, Barbara Windsor, and Kenneth Connor who each take on historical icons in the time of the Tudor period in a Carry On parody of Anne of the Thousand Days.

Henry is another movie that relies on full-on Anachronism Stew for its Rule of Funny, giving unknown historical figures at the time a bigger role, or just mixing two separate eras to add further drama. A terrorist group work under the nose of the royal family, plotting to blow the Tudor house sky high, which was a moment in history that happened in the Stuart era - after the Tudor era.

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Sid James stars as the famous English king Henry VIII, who's a womanizing sex-pest Dirty Old Man that has just gotten rid of his fourth wife (Patsy Rowlands) for not putting out. Minutes after her execution, he marries again to Marie of Normandy (Sims), who he later regrets the decision after trying to have sex and being repulsed by her breath smelling of garlic. He issues a demand that the marriage be annulled to Thomas Cromwell and Cardinal Wolsey (Williams and Scott) who are against it, but follow through.

The King, meanwhile, has set his sights on marrying Bettina of Bristol (Windsor), but whether or not such a marriage would be bigamous seems to be constantly changing. Sir Roger de Lodgerley (Hawtrey) is constantly accused of high treason for anything to the King's fancy and is sentenced to ludicrous punishments, while the underground extremist group led by Lord Hampton of Wick (Connor) try to bring the Tudor dynasty to an end.

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Expect a Hurricane of Puns, bawdy humour, and Sid James' laugh.


Tropes Included:

  • Action Girl: Queen Marie takes on Lord Hampton and the plotters against King Henry, while armed with only a bedpan, and wins!
  • Actor Allusion: While fitting King Henry's clothes, Moshe Montmorency tells him "Never mind the quality, feel the cloth". At the time, his actor (John Bluthal) was starring as Manny Cohen in Never Mind the Quality, Feel the Width.
  • Affectionate Nickname:
    • Queen Marie calls Cromwell "Tom".
    • King Henry calls Bettina "Bet" and she calls him "Maj" in return.
    • King Henry calls King Francis "Fanny" and he calls him "Gracey" in return.
  • Affectionate Parody: Of Anne of the Thousand Days.
  • Alliterative Name: Moshe Montmorency.
  • All Men Are Perverts:
    • Henry has his fourth wife executed for not having as much sex with him as he wants, then he pawns after other women when his new wife becomes undesirable for him.
    • Cardinal Wolsey is a mild version, who brings himself to groping Mistress Scrub when she serves him wine.
  • All There in the Script:
    • Julian Holloway and David Davenport's character's names are only given outside of the film (Sir Thomas and Major Domo).
    • Also Inverted, as despite Marjie Lawrence, John Bluthal and William Mervyn's characters (Mistress Scrub, Moshe Montmorency and Dr. Finlay) getting names, they are only known as "Serving Maid", "Royal Tailor" and "Physician" in cast lists.
  • All Women Are Lustful: Because of Henry trying to avoid his wife, Queen Marie becomes sexually-frustrated, and doesn't care where (or who) she'll get her sex from. She flirts with Cromwell who accidentally knocks her out, the already aroused Cardinal Wolsey, and Sir Roger who may or may not be responsible for her pregnancy.
  • Anachronism Stew: If you are a historian, you'd probably notice glaring examples.
    • Because of Henry's womanizing ways, the movie doesn't point out or mention whether what number wife Queen Marie is. The queen played by Patsy Rowlands in the film's opening scene is implied to be Anne of Clevesnote , Henry's fourth wife.note  However, there's a throwaway comment that Henry makes about moving on to wife number 4, but no other comment is said on the matter, even after he marries Bettina. Then at one point, he eyes up a new lady-in-waiting called Catherine Howard, which was the name of Henry VIII's fifth wife. Perhaps the writing department knew as much history as most of the audience.
    • The imitation of the extremist group that want to take the Tudor family down (and had a member named Fawkes with his gunpowder plot) was from the Stuart era - after the Tudor periodnote .
    • Sir Roger telling Cromwell "Not on your Bonaparte!".
    • Cardinal Wolsey and Cromwell are executed together in the castle grounds, but when they were accused and arrested during Henry's reign, they were actually sentenced at different times and different ways.
  • Artistic License – History:
    • Henry's friend Sir Thomas tells him that he's got a plan to get Bettina naked, but Henry isn't convinced, making Thomas say "there are more ways to peel a banana", but bananas wouldn't be in Britain for another hundred years.
    • Bathing in the Tudor period was really rare. Many did not believe in taking baths and some believed that it caused illness (the sewage system hadn't been improved at the time and the waste sometimes managed to slip into the water system).note  Bettina taking a bath might have been the case for some rich women, but it was an obvious shot for cheap fanservice.
  • Aside Glance: After Cromwell promises Lord Hampton that he has his hand on it, Cromwell's (fake) hand pops off, leading Lord Hampton to give an unimpressed look at the audience.
  • Ass Shove:
    • After Queen Marie is thrown into the Tower of London she asks Cardinal Wolsley to smuggle a letter out. He says he is searched thoroughly by the guards, but there is one place they don't look, but has second thoughts once Marie produces an enormous scroll.
    • She then assures Cardinal Wolsey her next letter is much shorter. The only problem is its much wider too...
    • Cardinal Wolsey later catchers her making a rather large embroidery and is horrified to think what might happen if she made him smuggle it out.
  • Based on a Great Big Lie: In the opening credits, between the title and the cast list, there is an expository crawl claiming that a manuscript has recently been discovered by one William Cobbler claiming that Henry VIII had two more wives for a total of eight. The document was thought to be the work of Cromwell, but they now know that the story is entirely Cobbler's from beginning to end.
  • Bait-and-Switch Comment: Queen Marie proposes that Cromwell pull act as The Starscream and arrange "an accident" to happen to Henry. Cromwell at first seems horrified before interjecting asking what sort of accident.
    Cromwell: What are you suggesting Ma'am? That I, the King's most loyal and devoted servant should actually plot to do, should stoop to- What kind of accident had you in mind?
  • Berserk Button:
    • Cardinal Wolsey spends the movie being calm, even though Henry throws loads of tasks at him at once, but when Cromwell calls him a "fat ape" in a fit of rage, he almost bites his head off and nearly hits him.
    • King Henry starts off annoyed by Marie's constant garlic breath, and soon the scent of garlic drives him mad, even to the point of flipping a table during dinner.
      Henry VIII: She's stunk the whole place out with it!
  • Big Eater: Queen Marie, who horrifies everyone when tucking into a roast turkey at dinner.
  • Bloodless Carnage: Sir Roger exits the Iron Maiden looking no worse for wear, even with a clean white shirt!
  • Bookends: The film starts and ends with characters being beheaded: the former queen at the start, and Cromwell and Cardinal Wolsey at the end. This in itself could be a Mythology Gag, since Don't Lose Your Head also began and ended with beheadings that involve Kenneth Williams' character.
  • Brick Joke: Cardinal Wolsey's dictionary confuses consummate and consume, but he claims that both words mean to "have a nibble".
    Henry VIII: The answer is no! I neither eaten, consumed or 'ad a nibble!
    • Much later, when the men find out that Queen Marie is pregnant, Henry realizes that he hasn't made love to her.
      Dr. Finlay: Am I to understand Your Majesty has not... er?
      Henry VIII: Not as much as a nibble.
  • Brief Accent Imitation: Cromwell picks up a Scottish accent when looking for Dr. Finlay.
  • Bumbling Sidekick: Both Cardinal Wolsey and Cromwell. Cardinal Wolsey is more of this because he doesn't want to report any sinful behavior to the Roman Catholic Church, who are already annoyed because of Henry's first divorce.
  • Butt-Monkey: Sir Roger, who spends most of the film being tortured for weeks on end to get him to sign false confessions.
  • Buxom Is Better: The reason King Henry is drawn to Bettina in the first place, and he soon becomes obsessed with seeing her bare breasts.
  • The Cameo: An uncredited Peter Butterworth as the Earl of Bristol and the father of Bettina.
  • Canis Latinicus: Old family mottos are full of this:
    • King Henry's family motto "Non crapito suum januum", or "Never spit on your own doorstep".
    • Lord Hampton's family motto "Non fartum contra tornaetrum", or "Fight not against thunder".
  • The Charmer: Henry charms himself into a buxom lass' pants after paying her for sex.
  • Cue Card Pause: When Bettina tries giving her lady-in-waiting speech to Queen Marie, she keeps ending it too early and making it sound like she's been having it off with King Henry (she has).
  • Curse Cut Short: One of Queen Marie's unfinished embroideries.
    HENRY IS A SHI-
  • Damsel in Distress: Queen Marie is repeatedly sent to the Tower of London by King Henry.
  • Dead Hat Shot: Fawkes' hat falls to the ground after he accidentally blows himself up.
  • Deadly Euphemism: Queen Marie asks Cromwell if he could arrange "an accident" to take care of King Henry.
  • Delegation Relay: Conte di Pisa tells Cardinal Wolsey that to annul King Henry's marriage to Queen Marie, the Pope needs to be paid 5000 pieces of gold. Cardinal Wolsey tells Cromwell, but gives the figure as 10000, to skim half of it for himself. Cromwell then does the same when he tells King Henry it'll be 20000 pieces of gold.
  • Dirty Old Man: King Henry. He has one wife executed for not having sex with him, married Queen Marie only because he wants to have sex with her, and later does the same with Bettina. Not to mention that buxom lass he tries to pay for sex.
  • Dirty Old Monk: Cardinal Wolsey. He gropes Mistress Scrub, does a lot of Verbal Backspace whenever he realises that he's accidentally used innuendo and shows signs of sexual frustration. On top of this, he also shows signs of You Need to Get Laid when he becomes horny over a naked Bettina's neck, back and shoulders instead of ogling her curves and bottom like the King is.
  • Disproportionate Retribution: King Henry's reaction to the fact that his dinner is disgusting to him because of all the garlic in it? Flip the table of course!
  • Distressed Dude:
    • King Henry tries to invoke a fake kidnapping of himself to get Queen Marie off his back.
    • Sir Roger is locked up in the Tower of London for weeks so he can be forced to sign various confessions.
  • Does Not Like Spam: None of the British characters (especially King Henry) can stand garlic, but Queen Marie and the French all love it.
  • Either/Or Title: Carry On Henry or Mind My Chopper!
  • Europeans Are Kinky: Henry marries Marie for this reason. He is absolutely delighted all the way to the bedroom to consummate their marriage, until she eats garlic before sex and turns him off.
  • Explosive Stupidity: Fawkes decides the best way to make a keg of gunpowder explode is to stand right next to it, then drop a lit match on it. Unsurprisingly, he manages to blow himself up.
  • Faint in Shock: Queen Marie does so after King Henry catches her getting affectionate with Cromwell.
  • Farmer's Daughter: King Henry tries to have it off with a buxom lass, but is caught by her father the farmer and escapes over a hedge.
  • Fictional Document:
    • Queen Marie reads Ye Joyes of Ye Marriage Bedde while waiting for King Henry.
    • Bettina reads Ball's Book of English Law to try and work out if she and King Henry are married or not.
  • Flirtatious Smack on the Ass: King Henry gives one to Queen Marie after their wedding.
  • Forceful Kiss: Queen Marie gives one to King Henry before Lord Hampton and the plotters break into their bedroom.
  • Framing the Guilty Party: Cardinal Wolsey and Cromwell are incredibly corrupt and Cromwell in particular is very treacherous. But the two are condemned by Henry VIII as traitors for doing what Henry asked them to do just so Henry can save face. Which is not exactly inaccurate for what actually happened.
  • Frying Pan of Doom: Marie uses the bedpan to smack Lord Hampton and his gang away after they came to arrest Henry.
  • Fun Size: Sir Roger after being put on the rack for days and becoming over six and a half feet tall.
  • Gainaxing: King Henry enjoys how Bettina's breasts knock together when they dance.
  • Going Commando: Bettina doesn't wear a bra while she's in the garden with King Henry.
  • Historical Domain Character: Most of the characters except for Queen Marie, Sir Roger and Bettina.
    • Thomas Cromwell (or Earl of Essex) was Henry VIII's chief minister, until the annulment of Henry's fourth marriage landed him in trouble, and he was executed.
    • Cardinal Wolsey was cardinal at the time, but was later accused of high treason and sentenced to imprisonment. He died on the journey there.
    • Lord Hampton's partner Fawkes is believed to be Guy Fawkes, who plotted against King James with twelve other extremists. Given that his full name's never revealed, no one probably would've noticed, except for the fact there was a Deleted Scene where Lord Hampton tells him to leave his gunpowder to his heirs, revealing him to be an ancestor.
    • Francis I of France was the number one enemy of Henry VIII, even though Francis never gave him a reason for the hatred, and even though Henry marries his cousin in this movie.
  • Hypocritical Humor: Conte Filippo de Pisa from the Vatican says that while the Pope is shocked at the idea, a divorce can be arranged... for a price. Cardinal Wolsey asks how much of this money is being skimmed off for his own benefit, which he indignantly denies. As the Delegation Relay brings this message to King Henry, each person doubles the price so he can skim half the bribe for himself.
  • I Call Him "Mr. Happy": When Bettina talks to King Henry about castanets, he mistakenly thinks that's what she calls her breasts.
  • Incredibly Lame Pun: Cromwell makes one when Queen Marie tries to argue how cruel he was to the Catholics that were burnt at the stake.
    Cromwell: Didn't I go 'round every one of them and say "How d'you like yer stake"?
  • Invisible Holes: After Sir Roger has been closed in an iron maiden, he takes a drink of water, and it proceeds to spray out of the many holes in his body.
  • Iron Maiden: Sir Roger is tortured in an iron maiden to force him to make a false confession. After he's let out, he seems unharmed but when he asks for a glass of water the water sprays out of the Invisible Holes in his torso.
  • Karma Houdini: King Henry has Sir Roger tortured for weeks on end, repeatedly has Queen Marie imprisoned in the Tower of London, and has Cardinal Wolsey and Cromwell beheaded, yet his only punishment is that he loses Bettina to King Francis.
    • Although, to be fair to Henry, Sir Roger and Queen Marie deserved it as their affair was high treason. Henry is also punished by knowing a child not of his blood will follow him on the throne (purity of royal blood was Serious Business to 16th century royalty).
  • Last-Second Word Swap:
    • King Henry when trying to guess what Queen Marie's unfinished embroidery says:
      Henry VIII: No, don't tell me, ah, ho yes. "Henry is a shh-ining example to one and all".
    • King Henry looking for Queen Marie's baby.
      Henry VIII: Where is 'e? I must see the little ba... er, fella.
  • Layman's Terms: After Sir Roger's confession rattles off every synonym for lovemaking, it then states "and otherwise, get at".
  • Low Clearance: Sir Roger bangs his head on the Iron Maiden as he enters it.
  • Making Love in All the Wrong Places: King Henry tries to have it off with a buxom lass in a barn.
  • Malaproper: Bettina says "dimensions" when talking about King Henry's intentions.
  • Male Gaze: Henry VIII tricks Bettina into providing fanservice. Wolsey comments on her shoulders, neck and ears. Henry has other thoughts.
    Henry VIII: I'm going the other way.
  • Motor Mouth: Cromwell when reading the confession to Sir Roger.
    Cromwell: Oh, I'll read it to you. It's just a simple little confession... "In as much as I, Roger de Lodgerley, of Bedside Manor, Wilts - hereinafter referred to as the party of the first part - did unlawfully, with malice aforethought and without taking due precaution, on the night of October 4th last, admire, covet, blandish, cosset, seduce, and otherwise, "get at" Marie, spouse to Henry Tudor - hereinafter referred to as the party of the second part - I do now hereby solemnly declare, and in witness thereof I append my signature below, that the resulting issue - hereinafter referred to as the party of the third part - is the direct consequence of the joining together of the part of the first part's and the party of the second part's parts".
  • Mythology Gag: Both this film and Don't Lose Your Head end with Kenneth Williams' character getting beheaded.
  • Nice Hat:
    • Everyone, but mostly the male cast.
    • Cardinal Wolsey has two: a ceremonial one and a traveling one.
  • No Full Name Given:
    • We don't get to know Lord Hampton, Bettina or Charles' last names.
    • The same can be said for Duc de Poncenay, Fawkes, Mistress Scrub, Dr. Finlay and Bidet's first names.
  • "Not So Different" Remark: King Francis is enemies with Henry VIII (even though the hatred is one-sided on Henry's part) but it seems that they treat the wives the same way.
    Francis I: I know 'ow you feel. I only recently lost my last queen you know.
    Henry VIII: No? I didn't know. How?
    Francis I: It was quite sudden. She, ahh, caught 'er neck in ze guillotine.
  • Oh, Crap!: Sir Roger gets one when Henry reveals that Queen Marie's baby can't be his (Henry's) own, because he hasn't been intimate with her. Guess who has...
  • The Oldest Profession: Henry picks up a buxom lass, who demands to be paid for sex.
  • One Dialogue, Two Conversations: The King and Bettina have this when they first meet and talk about Bettina's trip to Spain.
    Bettina: You see, there's these two things...
    Henry VIII: Yes. I'd noticed those.
    Bettina: They call them castanets.
    Henry VIII: Oh, that's a new name for 'em!
    Bettina: And all the time you're dancing, they keep knocking together.
    Henry VIII: Yes, I'd noticed that too.
  • One Steve Limit:
    • Lord Hampton of Wick and Hampton Court.
    • Thomas Cromwell and Sir Thomas (although the latter isn't named onscreen).
  • Overprotective Dad: A farmer threatens King Henry with a pitchfork for trying to pay his daughter for sex.
  • Papa Wolf: When the farmer catches King Henry about to have it off with his daughter, he threatens him with a pitchfork.
  • Powder Trail: Fawkes lays a trail of gunpowder to the keg of gunpowder to blow up open the door to the Tower. The fuse goes out inches from the keg, until, of course, Fawkes goes over and drops a lit match on the keg.
    Lord Hampton: Oh, Fawkes! You and your bloody gunpowder!
  • Precision F-Strike: Queen Marie gives one to King Henry when calling him out on his actions.
    Queen Marie: You're a cunning old bastard.
  • Punny Name:
    • Sir Roger de Lodgerley, an obvious reference to the limerick of Roger the Lodger.
    • Mistress Scrub, a joke on "scrubber" (British slang for a promiscuous woman).
    • Lord Hampton of Wick, a joke on the fact that "Hampton Wick" is Cockney Rhyming Slang for dick. He later gets knighted and becomes known as Hampton, Prince of Berks, with "berk" being rhyming slang for, well...
    • Sir Roger is mentioned as living at Bedside Manor, a play on "bedside manner".
    • Duc de Poncenay, which fits such a campy character.
    • Charles, Earl of Bristol, as both "Charlies" and "Bristols" are Cockney Rhyming Slang for "breasts". Unsurprisingly the film makes jokes on both of these when King Henry sees his buxom daughter, Bettina.
    • One of King Francis' soldiers is called Bidet, a specialized bathroom fixture for washing your rear.
  • Really Gets Around: Because King Henry refuses to have sex with her, Queen Marie moves onto Sir Roger, Cromwell, Cardinal Wolsey, and several others.
  • Real Men Wear Pink: King Francis wears lipstick.
  • Repeat After Me: King Henry mutters a string of exasperated "oh dears" after trying to help Bettina get her lady-in-waiting speech right, only for Bettina to repeat the "oh dear"'s alongside the rest of her speech.
  • Right in Front of Me: Henry goes incognito to make love to a buxom lass, who upon hearing he has the same name as the King, starts insulting him and his way of ruling.
    Henry VIII: Oh, call me 'Enry.
    Buxom Lass: "'Enry", eh? Same as that miserable sot who rules us.
    Henry VIII: "Miserable" what?
    Buxom Lass: "Sot".
    Henry VIII: Oh, "sot". Oh, he's quite a nice fella really.
  • Roll in the Hay: Henry, trying to get with a buxom lass. Unsurprisingly, they are interrupted by a farmer (her father), who threatens Henry with a pitchfork, making making him try to jump over a bush in the fields, landing in manure.
    Henry VIII: Oh come on, we're not just in the 'ay to look for needles are we?
  • Rule of Three: Queen Marie and Cardinal Wolsey's Ass Shove Running Gag occurs three times.
  • Running Gag:
    • Cardinal Wolsey's dictionary mixing up words.
      Cromwell: Oh dear! You really must get another dictionary, Cardinal.
    • Queen Marie giving Cardinal Wolsey things to sneak out of the Tower of London via Ass Shove.
    • Cromwell bursting into the room with a confession from Sir Roger at inconvenient moments.
  • Serial Spouse: King Henry, his wives include the Queen played by Patsy Rowlands who gets beheaded at the start of the film, the garlic-loving Queen Marie, and briefly Bettina of Bristol. Not to mentions he tells Marie about at least four previous wives when trying to stall for time in bed.
    Cardinal Wolsey: Do you, Henry, take this woman to-
    Henry VIII: I do, and so does she. Right love, that's it, through there.
  • Sex God: Sir Roger, who is a keen favourite of the Queen Marie to the point of having it with him after making a pass to King Henry fails.
  • Sex Is Evil, and I Am Horny: Cardinal Wolsey, being the man of the Church. He still pinches Mistress Scrub's bottom though.
  • Sesquipedalian Loquaciousness: Sir Roger's first confession is full of this, for example one section reads "I do now hereby solemnly declare, and in witness thereof I append my signature below".
  • Shaped Like Itself: Sir Roger's confession makes mention of how he had to "admire, covet, blandish, cosset, seduce, and otherwise, get at" Queen Marie.
  • Shout-Out:
    • The theme is a cover of "Greensleeves".
    • King Henry's physician's name is Dr. Finlay, the same name as a fictional doctor in stories written by Scottish author A. J. Cronin. For bonus points, Cromwell picks up a Scottish accent when saying his name.
  • Slipping into Stink: King Henry dives over a hedge into a pile of manure to escape an angry farmer.
    Henry VIII: Oh blimey. In it again!
  • Something Else Also Rises:
    • After spotting a buxom lass reclining in a pile of hay, King Henry's staff rises up with a "boing" sound effect.
    • When Bettina kisses King Henry for the first time, his leg shoots up and his elastic snaps off.
  • Speak in Unison: Cromwell and Cardinal Wolsey do so in the final line of the film.
    Cromwell/Cardinal Wolsey: What? Carry on executioner! Carry on!
  • The Starscream: Cromwell tries to plan an accident to kill King Henry, and tells Lord Hampton that he can feel free to turn the fake kidnapping into a real one if he wants.
  • Strip Poker: A Deleted Scene saw a lengthy game of Strip Croquet played in the castle gardens by King Henry, Queen Marie, Bettina and Sir Thomas.
  • Stuff Blowing Up: Fawkes blows open the door to the Tower of London (and himself) with a keg of gunpowder.
  • Suddenly Shouting:
    • Queen Marie when Sir Roger refuses to sit in King Henry's place at dinner.
      Sir Roger: Her Majesty jests, of course. With your permission, I will take my usual seat.
      Queen Marie: Oh do as I say and shut up!
    • King Henry when in bed with Bettina.
      Henry VIII: Oh Bet, sweet Bet. (Knocking) OH NO, GO AWAY! I'm busy!
  • Take That!: Towards the Labour Party:
    Lord Hampton: Your Majesty! The Queen is in labour!
    Henry VIII: Don't worry. They'll never get back in.
  • The Talk: Dr. Finlay briefly tries explaining the birds and the bees to King Henry to explain why Queen Marie is pregnant.
  • Talking in Bed: King Henry goes on for some time about his past wives to stall having sex with Queen Marie.
  • That Came Out Wrong: Henry introduces Bettina, the pretty new lady-in-waiting, to Queen Marie. Her poorly prepared speech does not reassure her about Henry's fidelity.
    Bettina: Your Majesty. It is a great honour. The King has done me.
    Henry VIII: No no no! No full stop. "A great honour the King has done me".
    Bettina: Oh that's right. Sorry. It is a great honour the King he has done me by making me.
    Henry VIII: "By making me your lady-in-waiting". Dear, oh dear, oh dear.
    Bettina: By making me your lady-in-waiting, oh dear, oh dear, oh dear.
  • They Do: The film ends with King Francis marrying Bettina and taking her home to France, much to King Henry's dismay.
  • Time Skip:
    • Ahead three months after Lord Hampton's kidnapping attempt fails.
    • A week after Cromwell explains the Sex Enjoyment Tax to King Henry.
    • Two weeks after King Henry meets Bettina.
    • Another two weeks after Bettina becomes Queen Marie's lady-in-waiting.
    • A further two weeks after Sir Roger is shut in the Iron Maiden.
    • A week after Lord Hampton explains his plan to rescue Queen Marie.
    • Another week after Cromwell is arrested.
    • And finally the ending skips ahead to the end of Queen Marie's pregnancy.
  • Troll: Bettina promises King Henry he can feel her breasts if he closes his eyes first. He does so, and she places two large marrows in his hands and then lets go, to his shock and disbelief that they had fallen off.
  • Trrrilling Rrrs: Queen Marie does so thanks to her thick French accent.
  • Truth in Television: King Henry has Cardinal Wolsey and Cromwell executed just to save face, which isn't too far from what happened to them in Real Life.
  • Uncertain Doom: We don't find out if Sir Roger died after signing his last confession due to his state after beinf in the Iron Maiden.
  • Undercrank: Played for Laughs in true Carry On fashion.
    • When King Henry dives over a hedge to escape the farmer.
    • When King Henry tries to peep on a bathing Bettina via a rope pulled by Sir Thomas' horse.
  • Unusual Euphemism:
    • Cromwell uses "chandeliers" when talking about testicles.
    • King Henry tells Queen Marie to shut her drawbridge when he wants her to stop talking.
  • Unwanted Spouse: Henry VIII has Queen Marie, a garlic-loving wife he alternately wants and unwants as the political climate changes around him.
  • Verbal Backspace: Cromwell does so when trying to explain to King Henry why he had Queen Marie in his arms.
    Cromwell: I was conversing with the Queen when she suddenly came over faint. Her emotions overflowed an' I just corked her in time- I just caught her in time.
  • Victoria's Secret Compartment: Henry puts a two-shilling piece between the buxom lass' breasts before he tries to have it off with her.
  • Visual Pun: Queen Marie uses a bedpan as a Frying Pan of Doom to attack Lord Hampton.
  • We Are Not Going Through That Again: Cardinal Wolsey and Cromwell call for the executioner to go ahead and chop their heads off rather than help King Henry arrange yet another royal divorce.
  • What Happened to the Mouse?: Sir Roger de Lodgerley is tortured several times after his adulterous adventures with Queen Marie, which led to her pregnancy out of wedlock. After spending a month in an Iron Maiden, he gives in to signing Cromwell's contract, but not before having a drink of water first, which exposes a lot of Invisible Holes in his body. He isn't seen in the film after that, probably implying that he eventually died. If that's the case, at least Cromwell managed to get the contract signed by him before he officially kicked the bucket.
  • What's a Henway?: When King Henry is trying to get Cardinal Wolsey to annul his marriage to Queen Marie.
    Henry VIII: That settles it. Get 'er annulled.
    Cardinal Wolsey: "An old" what, Sire?
    Henry VIII: Annul the marriage, ya FOOL!
  • Who's Your Daddy?: Queen Marie eventually becomes pregnant... to King Henry's astonishment, since they have still not consummated the marriage, yet she has had it off with Sir Roger, Cromwell, Cardinal Wolsey, and many others. However, political considerations eventually force him to regard the child as his own. The father is Sir Roger de Lodgerley.
  • You Need a Breath Mint: Queen Marie has terrible breath thanks to her liking to garlic before sex, which unfortunately is a massive turn off for King Henry..
    Queen Marie: Not only that, it is said to grrreatly incrrrease one's sexual appetite.
    Henry VIII: I got news for ya. Come the morning, you're gonna be starvin'!

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