Funny / Blade: Trinity

Per wiki policy, Spoilers Off applies here and all spoilers are unmarked. You Have Been Warned.

Film

• Ryan Reynolds as Hannibal King.
  • Particularly any of his scenes with Parker Posey. "Unlike most vampires, her fangs are located in her vagina."
  • Parker stole the Crowning Moment right out from under Reynolds with "And how about everyone not saying the word "dick" anymore? It provokes my envy."
  • "What did the one Lesbian Vampire say to the other? See you in 28 days."
  • Don't forget King's time with Blade, Jarko, and Jarko's vampire dog.
    Blade: How do you finance this operation?
    King: I date a lot of older men.

    King: (sees Jarko's dog, which is a vampire Pomeranian) Oh, fuck me. (two big scary dogs join it) Oh, fuck me sideways. Nice doggies. (the dogs reveal reaper mouths and chase him)

    Jarko: Hey dickface, have you seen my dog?
    King: (who just made the dog and the two others fall out a window after they tried to eat him) Have you tried the lobby?

    King: So Blade, if this works, and all the vampires go bye-bye, what's left for you? I don't really see you teaching karate at the local gym. (Blade looks annoyed and walks away) He hates me, doesn't he?
  • Even better, King's remark about Blade hating him? It was Reynolds remarking to Biel about Snipes, who is a method actor and had been standoff-ish with both of his co-stars^note The prevalent rumor is that Blade Trinity was a case of Money, Dear Boy for Snipes, and he was VERY temperamental while on-set. The cameras picked it up, and the director thought it worked well in the context of the characters and kept it in the film.
• When Blade is interrogating the police commissioner on the vampires' plans:
  Commissioner: I can't tell you, they'll kill me.
  Blade: Kill you? Motherfucker, I'll kill you! I'll just enjoy it better.
• This banter between Drake and Blade:
  Drake: Blade, ready to die?
  Blade: I was born ready, motherfucker.
  Drake: "Motherfucker". I like that.
• This one scene where Blade, Hannibal, and Abigail are dangling a familiar off of a multi-story car park when someone's cellphone goes off. Blade looks around to his teammates, then down at the guy he's dangling.
  Blade: Oh, it's you!
  • And then Blade takes the call for him, in the process of getting the info he was after, and passes the phone back.
    Blade: It's for you.
    Familiar: Hello? (screams as Blade promptly drops him to his death)
• When being interrogated:
  Dr. Edgar Vance: How about the president? You know who that is. Who's in the White House right now?
  Blade: An asshole.
  (This handily avoids dating the movie, since regardless of who's in office, someone will believe them to be an asshole).
• Blade coochie-cooing at a baby… and the baby immediately crying.

Meta

• For the sequence when Abby shoots Drake with her bow, Jessica Biel was coached to aim directly into the camera's lens, which was protected with plexiglass except for a tiny opening right in front of the lens. But her aim was so true that her arrow went straight through that tiny opening and destroyed the camera (valued at around $300,000) - in the outtakes, she sees what she has done, and bursts out laughing.

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