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Funny / Alestorm

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  • Swashbuckled:
    "Now this is the tale of Captain Crashride, by his crew condemned and damned
    And if that wasn't bad enough, they replaced him with a baldy man
    Now his ghost haunts the sea, eternally he's doomed to wander
    Mayhap you'll hear his deathly cry: "Come on, son, buy a Honda!"
  • The ending to their cover of "You Are A Pirate", which has one of them muttering "Ya gobshite" at the end.
    • "Yo ho, ahoy and avast! Being a pirate is really badass!"
    • The fact that they covered it in the first place. It's from LazyTown.
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    • And that's not even the only cover a kid's show tune they've done. Ever wanted to hear them cover "Pirate's Scorn?" Wish granted.
  • The entire bonus track "Questing Upon the Poop Deck," especially the penultimate line: "This song's not about anal sex."
  • Fucked With an Anchor is about a pirate who has been cursed with an incredibly foul mouth by a witch doctor. The chorus is especially filthy.
    Fuck! You! You're a fucking wanker! We're gonna punch you right in the balls!
    Fuck! You! With a fucking anchor! You're all cunts, so fuck you all!
    • They also made an even sillier version with all swears replaced with Big, Stupid Doodoo-Head insults. Behold, "Flipped with a Sausage".
      Flip! You! You're a silly sausage! We're gonna poke you right in the leg!
      Flip! You! With a mashed potato! You're all smelly, ploppy heads!
      • This version of the song also changes the line about what they plan to do to the witch doctor, which is funny in and of itself, but made ten times better by the fact that Chris completely deflates upon reaching it.
        We'll bring out our anchor by the light of the stars!
        And donate money to a children's charity...
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  • Rage of the Pentahook which is about a ludicrously evil pirate with five hooks on his hand.
    He'll eat your kids
    And punch your house
    And set fire to your cat
  • The Music Video for Alestorm has to be seen to be believed. The band stumbles through a small desert town, and finds themselves in a bar where apparently they're playing... Only to find that "they" are actually being played by dwarfs dressed like them. A drunken brawl ensues, and it ends with both the band and the dwarfs playing together.
  • Ladies and gentlemen, Treasure Chest Party Quest. Much like the above, it needs to be seen to be believed. Alestorm creates the world's first pirate metal party anthem, with a video consisteng of Chris giving birth to himself (baby Chris still having a full beard), the band in tracksuits driving in a lamborghini, and large amounts of Self-Deprecation. Especially in the video description.
    "Oh wow! We tried our very best to make a video that would alienate as many of our fans as possible. I think we succeeded! This song is about giving birth to yourself, selling out, and driving awful Yugoslavian cars. All the classic elements of pirate metal!"
  • Shit Boat (No Fans). 1 minute, 19 seconds of Alestorm insulting an enemy boat in the most hilarious Cluster F-Bomb way.
    Your pirate ship can eat a bag of dicks
    Your pirate ship can eat a giant bag of dicks
    You better give us all the money in your treasure chest
    Or Kristoff's gonna take a shit on your fuckin' lawn

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