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Comedy
You want to play the dozens,
Well, the dozens is a game,
But the way I fucked your mother
Was a God damn shame.
Well, the dozens is a game,
But the way I fucked your mother
Was a God damn shame.
— George Carlin, in one of his earlier comedy albums.
"Dollar twenty five, Willie? Isn't that the same price your mother charges for a blowjob, you piece of dogshit?"
— Bishop Nelson, Toll Booth Willie
Comic Books
Detective Lowe: You're probably in a hurry to get home to your little lady or whatever you call her, huh? The night time is the right time for love and all that, right?
Detective Renee Montoya: That's what your mother tells me.
Detective Renee Montoya: That's what your mother tells me.
Fan Works
Red Priest: I will send you back to the pit of filth and corruption you should never have left!
The Wolf: 'Pit of filth and corruption'? It's true that I was there all through last night, but is that any way for a priest to speak of his mother's cunt?
The Wolf: 'Pit of filth and corruption'? It's true that I was there all through last night, but is that any way for a priest to speak of his mother's cunt?
"Save your sympathy, Captain. You should not trust these creatures. Beggars and thieves the lot of them, always lying and scheming, getting into places where they do not belong. We should have exterminated them when we scoured their world." Nee'Lix screeched something in his own language but the Caretaker was unperturbed. "I was born in a cloning tank so I have no maternal ancestor."
Marco: Who are you texting, anyway?
Tom: Your mom.
Ax: <Ah!I am familiar with this form of human humor. For instance, as the artists The Pharcyde say—>
Tobias: <Okay, first of all, why. Just... why. Of all the Earth humor you could possibly... Ax-man, you’ve been corrupted. Irreparably. There’s no hope for you, man.>
Marco: Second, he’s being literal. At least, I assume he’s being literal and not an asshole.
Tom: Both.
Tom: Your mom.
Ax: <Ah!I am familiar with this form of human humor. For instance, as the artists The Pharcyde say—>
Tobias: <Okay, first of all, why. Just... why. Of all the Earth humor you could possibly... Ax-man, you’ve been corrupted. Irreparably. There’s no hope for you, man.>
Marco: Second, he’s being literal. At least, I assume he’s being literal and not an asshole.
Tom: Both.
— Eleutherophobia: The Thing from Another World
Lincoln Loud: "Hey, Lynn! Lucy didn't write the note. Do you have a clue on who did?"
Lynn Loud Jr. note : "YOUR MOM!"
Lincoln: "Oh yeah? Joke's on you! Our mother is not on the suspect list!"
Film — Animated
Lemon Car: You talked up a lot of cars last night. Which one's your associate?
Rod "Torque" Redline: Your mother. Oh no, I'm sorry, it was your SISTER. Y'know, I can't tell them apart these days.
Rod "Torque" Redline: Your mother. Oh no, I'm sorry, it was your SISTER. Y'know, I can't tell them apart these days.
— Cars 2
Film — Live-Action
Champ Kind: I will smash your face into a car windshield and then take your mother, Dorothy Mantooth, out for a nice seafood dinner and never call her again!
Wes Mantooth: Dorothy Mantooth is a saint! You understand me? Dorothy Mantooth is a saint!
Wes Mantooth: Dorothy Mantooth is a saint! You understand me? Dorothy Mantooth is a saint!
"Your mother sucks cocks in Hell, Karras, you faithless slime!"
— Reagan under Pazuzu's control, The Exorcist
"Your mother is down here, Karras, with us. Would you like to leave a message? I'll make sure she gets it."
— Reagan, again, under Pazuzu's control, The Exorcist
Poe: This is Commander Poe Dameron of the Republic Fleet, I have an urgent communiqué for General Hugs. [...] If you reach him, tell him Leia has an urgent message for him...about his mother.
(Beat)
Hux: OPEN FIRE!!!
(Beat)
Hux: OPEN FIRE!!!
— Star Wars: Episode VIII — The Last Jedi
Student: Nice wig, Janis. What's it made of?
Janis Ian: Your mom's chest hair!
Janis Ian: Your mom's chest hair!
"Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries!"
— French Knight, Monty Python and the Holy Grail
"If your mom's vagina was a video game, it would be rated E for Everyone."
— Coyle, The Predator
Prisoner: I don't belong here! I want to go home! I want my mother!
Another Prisoner: I had your mother, she wasn't that great!
Another Prisoner: I had your mother, she wasn't that great!
Richie: You're not my dad.
Stitches: I could be, you know.
Stitches: I could be, you know.
Bloodsport: Abner! Do you see who that is?!
Krill: [breathing rapidly] Huh?
Bloodsport: It’s your mum!
Krill: [breathing rapidly] Huh?
Bloodsport: It’s your mum!
Brian: Now, go on and tell me where you got your little secret cash stash hid at.
Cliff Bettis: You know that sorry-ass ho-house I used to run on Seventh? On the top floor, way in the back, I got the nastiest crack ho in the city. No pride at all, do anything to anybody. Rumor has it animal control uses her blood to put down rabid dogs.
Brian: So what about her?
Cliff Bettis: THAT'S YO MAMA! I hid the money in her snatch!
Cliff Bettis: You know that sorry-ass ho-house I used to run on Seventh? On the top floor, way in the back, I got the nastiest crack ho in the city. No pride at all, do anything to anybody. Rumor has it animal control uses her blood to put down rabid dogs.
Brian: So what about her?
Cliff Bettis: THAT'S YO MAMA! I hid the money in her snatch!
"I just gave your mamma a piggyback ride...and she weighs twice as much as I do!"
"Your MOTHER—!"
— Egon Spengler, Ghostbusters (1984)
Literature
"The stranger had crossed a sacred line. He had mentioned the men's mothers. Nothing could get him out of a beating now, not even the fact that he was obviously a simpleton. Albeit a simpleton with good vocabulary."
"All of a sudden Yutaka realized he had created a cloud of dust all around him. Oh no! No! This sucks! This blows more than your mama! Hey, now's not the time to come up with stupid jokes!"
"Your mama! Your big fanny granny! Your slap-happy grandpappy!"
— Greg Heffley, Diary of a Wimpy Kid
Draco: And there's a picture, Weasley! A picture of your parents outside their house — if you can call it a house. Your mother could do with losing a bit of weight, couldn't she?
Harry: (trying to hold Ron back) Get stuffed, Malfoy. Come on, Ron —
Draco: Oh yeah, you were staying with them this summer, weren't you Potter? So tell me, is his mother really that porky or is it just the picture?
Harry: You know your mother, Malfoy? The expression on her face — like she's got dung under her nose? Is she like that all the time or just because you were with her?
Draco: Don't you dare insult my mother, Potter.
Harry: (trying to hold Ron back) Get stuffed, Malfoy. Come on, Ron —
Draco: Oh yeah, you were staying with them this summer, weren't you Potter? So tell me, is his mother really that porky or is it just the picture?
Harry: You know your mother, Malfoy? The expression on her face — like she's got dung under her nose? Is she like that all the time or just because you were with her?
Draco: Don't you dare insult my mother, Potter.
Harrow: Hood up. Hide that ridiculous hair.
Gideon: Your dead mummified mother's got ridiculous hair.
Gideon: Your dead mummified mother's got ridiculous hair.
Lucky: Your mothers had fleas! Your fathers were foxes!
Dagger: (Starting to get angry) You little-!
Lucky: You were born in spoil-boxes! You taste so bad, the fleas spit you out! Your mothers were tailless! You hear me, mange breeders? Your fathers licked sharpclaw spit!
Dagger: (Starting to get angry) You little-!
Lucky: You were born in spoil-boxes! You taste so bad, the fleas spit you out! Your mothers were tailless! You hear me, mange breeders? Your fathers licked sharpclaw spit!
Live-Action TV
Archie, the chair was old and rickety.
Old and rickety? You'd say a rotten thing like that about something that I hold dear? Do I ever say rotten things like that about the things that you hold dear? Did I ever call your mother old and rickety? Did I ever bust one of her legs?
But the springs was all loose.
So was your mother's.
And it was covered with beer stains.
So was your mother.
And the stuffin' was all comin' out.
You knew her better than me!
Old and rickety? You'd say a rotten thing like that about something that I hold dear? Do I ever say rotten things like that about the things that you hold dear? Did I ever call your mother old and rickety? Did I ever bust one of her legs?
But the springs was all loose.
So was your mother's.
And it was covered with beer stains.
So was your mother.
And the stuffin' was all comin' out.
You knew her better than me!
"You bowl like your momma. Unless, of course, she bowls well, in which case you bowl nothing like her."
— Sheldon Cooper, The Big Bang Theory
Jimmy Carr: Who managed to set a new world record after spending 71 days crying in the B & Q? [Noel and Richard start laughing.] Richard and Noel! What have you put as the answer to this question?
Noel Fielding: Your mum.
Richard Ayoade: Was it your mum? No seriously, was it your mum?
Noel Fielding: Your mum.
Richard Ayoade: Was it your mum? No seriously, was it your mum?
Saul: Gentlemen, I sense you're discussing my client. Anything you care to share with me?
Hank: Sure. Your commercials? They suck ass. I've seen better acting in an epileptic whorehouse.
Saul: Is that like the one your mom works at? Uh, is she still offering the two-for-one discount?
Hank: Sure. Your commercials? They suck ass. I've seen better acting in an epileptic whorehouse.
Saul: Is that like the one your mom works at? Uh, is she still offering the two-for-one discount?
Fire Marshall Boone: Well, it's too bad we can't all be as awesome as New York's Finest which, by the way, sounds like my mom describing her laundry, which — oh, and she's dead, so let's tread lightly on the response.
Detective Peralta: That's not fair!
Detective Peralta: That's not fair!
"This way, you freak! No! Th- This way, you big, stupid, great... SpongeBob... The only thing I've seen uglier than you is your mum!"
— Rory Williams, trying to deflect Francisco's attention away from his fiancee Amy, Doctor Who, The Vampires Of Venice
Barney: Woah, Ted, that thing you're packing's way too big to fit in that box.
Ted: Yeah, that's what your mom said.
Barney: How dare you!
Ted: No, she actually said that.
Loretta: (walks in) Oh dear, I thought I told you that's just not gonna fit in there.
Ted: Yeah, that's what your mom said.
Barney: How dare you!
Ted: No, she actually said that.
Loretta: (walks in) Oh dear, I thought I told you that's just not gonna fit in there.
Alex Trebek: This is the sound a doggie makes.
Sean Connery: "Moo".
Alex Trebek: That is incorrect.
Sean Connery: Well that's the sound your mother made last night!
Alex Trebek: Aw, come on now, that was totally unnecessary! We would have accepted "bow wow" or "ruff".
Sean Connery: "Rough", eh? Just the way your mother likes it!
Sean Connery: What's the difference between you and a mallard with a cold?
Alex Trebek: What?
Sean Connery: One's a sick duck, and I forget the rest but your mother's a whore.
Sean Connery: Knock knock.
Alex Trebek: Who's there?
Sean Connery: Me. The guy who slept with your mother last night.
Sean Connery: "Moo".
Alex Trebek: That is incorrect.
Sean Connery: Well that's the sound your mother made last night!
Alex Trebek: Aw, come on now, that was totally unnecessary! We would have accepted "bow wow" or "ruff".
Sean Connery: "Rough", eh? Just the way your mother likes it!
Sean Connery: What's the difference between you and a mallard with a cold?
Alex Trebek: What?
Sean Connery: One's a sick duck, and I forget the rest but your mother's a whore.
Sean Connery: Knock knock.
Alex Trebek: Who's there?
Sean Connery: Me. The guy who slept with your mother last night.
— Celebrity Jeopardy!, Saturday Night Live
"Hab SoSlI' Quch!"
— Klingonese for "Your mother has a smooth forehead!", Star Trek
"Something about... your maternal ancestor".
— Evil Hoshi translates for a Tholian captive, Star Trek: Enterprise, "In a Mirror, Darkly"
Drex: (alien language)
Garak: "Actually, I'm not sure Constable Odo has a mother."
— Star Trek: Deep Space Nine, "The Way of the Warrior"
Video Games
"Your mother is like communism... everyone gets a share!"
— Highwire upon killing an enemy, AMC Squad
Gunvolt: Are you the one who turned this place into... this?
Teseo: NO IT WAS UR MOM.
Teseo: NO IT WAS UR MOM.
Bruce Wayne: Your mother deserved Arkham!! You heard me, she was insane! Unfit to walk the streets... and you know it.
Oswald Cobblepot: I'LL KILL YOU!!! I'LL KILL YOU, YOU—
Oswald Cobblepot: I'LL KILL YOU!!! I'LL KILL YOU, YOU—
"If you need to learn how to talk to a lady, ask your mum."
"Y'know, I'm glad now your mother rejected all my advances, because at least I know you're not my son. There aren't many who can say that…"
— Emperor Doviculus, Brütal Legend
"Your mom's an armadillo!"
"You're nothin' but a punk, your daddy's a punk, and your momma's a bitch."
"Didn't your mother ever tell you it's polite to help an old lady carry her bags?"
— Lily Bowen, Fallout: New Vegas
Diego Mendez: ¡Me cago en tu madre! (I shit on your mom!)
Jerry Martinez: ¡Oy esse! ¿Que hay de nuevo? (Hey esse! What's new?)
Diego: ¡Vete a la mierda! (Go fuck yourself!)
Jerry: You first.
Jerry Martinez: ¡Oy esse! ¿Que hay de nuevo? (Hey esse! What's new?)
Diego: ¡Vete a la mierda! (Go fuck yourself!)
Jerry: You first.
— Grand Theft Auto: Vice City Stories, "Last Stand"
Captain Cold: You won't last long.
Green Lantern (Hal Jordan): Green Lantern's proven that, time after time.
Captain Cold: Bet your mama's real proud...
Green Lantern (Hal Jordan): Green Lantern's proven that, time after time.
Captain Cold: Bet your mama's real proud...
Captain Cold: Who the hell are you?
Green Lantern (John Stewart): The new Lantern in town.
Captain Cold: Bet your mama's real proud...
Green Lantern (John Stewart): The new Lantern in town.
Captain Cold: Bet your mama's real proud...
Cyborg: Calm down, Atrocitus.
Atrocitus: I am wrath incarnate!
Cyborg: Your mother must be so proud...
Atrocitus: I am wrath incarnate!
Cyborg: Your mother must be so proud...
June Moone: Fair warning: She's an evil hag.
Supergirl: My god, Rao, will protect me.
Enchantress: Like he protected your mother?
Supergirl: My god, Rao, will protect me.
Enchantress: Like he protected your mother?
Bane: I will hurt you...
Supergirl: Ooh, pinky swear?
Bane: I swear it on your mother's grave.
Supergirl: Ooh, pinky swear?
Bane: I swear it on your mother's grave.
Pike: Lemme guess: it's not that you hate milk, but that you can't stomach it 'less it's fresh from your mother's tits!
The Sundown Kid: [Your mother's, maybe.]
The Sundown Kid: [Your mother's, maybe.]
"I'm going all in... just like I did with your momma last night! Turns out she's a really good Poker player."
"Test subject, I've been told that your mother—"... Mmm. Well, that's just disgusting.
— GLaDOS, Portal 2, Peer Review DLC
"Hey, your mama's so fat, she's got her own daimyo!"
— Musashi Miyamoto taunting an opponent, Samurai Warriors 2: Empires
Bentley: Your mother was a broken down tub of junk with more gentlemen callers than the operator.
Mugshot: Nobody talks that way about my mother! Nobody!
Mugshot: Nobody talks that way about my mother! Nobody!
There once was a maiden from Stoneburry Hollow…
She didn't talk much, but boy, did she swallow!
I had a nice lance that she sat upon…
The maiden from Stoneburry who was also your mom!
She didn't talk much, but boy, did she swallow!
I had a nice lance that she sat upon…
The maiden from Stoneburry who was also your mom!
— Jimmy's "There Once was a Maiden…" song, South Park: The Stick of Truth
SpongeBob: Why would I want to break the Tikis Mr. Krabs?
Mr. Krabs: Uh... Cuz, they were laughing at you and calling you funny names.
SpongeBob: What kind of funny names?
Mr. Krabs: Um... You know. "SpongeBob ButtPants".
SpongeBob: That's not very funny.
Mr. Krabs: Uh... No... But they said your mom was ugly.
SpongeBob: Ugly?! Alright Mr. Krabs, break them I shall! You got a deal!
Mr. Krabs: Uh... Cuz, they were laughing at you and calling you funny names.
SpongeBob: What kind of funny names?
Mr. Krabs: Um... You know. "SpongeBob ButtPants".
SpongeBob: That's not very funny.
Mr. Krabs: Uh... No... But they said your mom was ugly.
SpongeBob: Ugly?! Alright Mr. Krabs, break them I shall! You got a deal!
"Well, off to visit your mother!"
— The Spy's domination quote against a Scout, Team Fortress 2
"Bear in mind, Dwarf, I have seen your mother, and even Nurgle could not manifest such a hideous visage."
— Sigvald the Magnificent, Total War: Warhammer III
Sotenbori Thug: Guy like you should know yer place. Quit struttin' around like a damn peacock.
Dialogue Tree:
Dialogue Tree:
* Yeah, uh… my bad?
* I peacocked your mom.
* I peacocked your mom.
— Yakuza 2
Sam: I say we hit this cheatin' slime receptacle where it hurts the most... right in the mother!
Max: You mean...?
Sam: That's right, Max. It's time to pull out... the "yo mama" jokes!
Max: You mean...?
Sam: That's right, Max. It's time to pull out... the "yo mama" jokes!
Web Animation
Goldblum: I'll review the game footage and get back to you.
Duke Nukem: You'd better, or I'll have your neck! You know what I do to the necks of people who piss me off...
Goldblum: I can probably guess...
Duke Nukem: I shit down them!
Goldblum: ...oh...really?...how do you sleep at night?!
Duke Nukem: With your mom! (the phone catches fire from the sick burn)
Duke Nukem: You'd better, or I'll have your neck! You know what I do to the necks of people who piss me off...
Goldblum: I can probably guess...
Duke Nukem: I shit down them!
Goldblum: ...oh...really?...how do you sleep at night?!
Duke Nukem: With your mom! (the phone catches fire from the sick burn)
— The Gmod Idiot Box, "Update Day"
"Oh Luigi. There's one thing you forgot. Your mom."
— Lawyer Kong, SMG4, "Breaking Luigi"
BLU Scout: What are you, the president of his fan club?
BLU Spy: No, that would be your mother!
(The BLU Spy reveals photos of the BLU Scout's mother romantically involved with the RED Spy, leaving him speechless.)
BLU Spy: Indeed. And now, he's here to f### us! So listen up, boy, or pornography starring your mother will be the second-worst thing that happens to you today.
BLU Spy: No, that would be your mother!
(The BLU Spy reveals photos of the BLU Scout's mother romantically involved with the RED Spy, leaving him speechless.)
BLU Spy: Indeed. And now, he's here to f### us! So listen up, boy, or pornography starring your mother will be the second-worst thing that happens to you today.
Webcomics
"Your mother was a Stheno spook, and your father smelt of Extremely Spicy Mapo Tofu!"
"A whore, your mother was. Sensed the Dark Side in her, I did."
— Yoda, Penny Arcade
"Finally, an attempt at real discourse that operates from a core of cold reason and doesn’t rely upon ad hominem. He does resort to ad mominem, but who can resist."
Web Original
179. "Yo mama" is not "so ugly SCP-096 didn't look at her."
"[SCP-100000-J] has also made disparaging remarks about the Area-100000-J Site Director's mother, which caused the Site Director's mother to die, rejuvenate, [DATA EXPUNGED], die again, then explode."
Websites
''413 Request Entity Too Large"
Web Video
"How did [EarthBound (1994)] tank so bad? Some say it was because the game was overpriced, because it came with a player's guide inside of an oversized box... YOUR MOM HAS AN OVERSIZED BOX!!!"
"This here carrot...was talkin' shiet about my mama!"
— Yosemite Sam, Don't touch the carrot, Doc (Ft. Gamerduck)
Alucard: So, I was just chillaxin' in my room like a baller... and then all of a sudden these schmucks kicked in my door!
[flashback to SWAT officers pour into the room and take aim at Alucard]
Alucard: One of them yelled out—
Flashback SWAT member: Get on your knees!
Alucard: And I responded with—
Flashback Alucard: I'm not your mother last night!
Alucard: ...and they took exception to that.
[SWAT officers start screaming like maniacs as they open full auto on Alucard, reducing him to the consistency of mincemeat pie]
[flashback to SWAT officers pour into the room and take aim at Alucard]
Alucard: One of them yelled out—
Flashback SWAT member: Get on your knees!
Alucard: And I responded with—
Flashback Alucard: I'm not your mother last night!
Alucard: ...and they took exception to that.
[SWAT officers start screaming like maniacs as they open full auto on Alucard, reducing him to the consistency of mincemeat pie]
Will Zeppeli: Tell me, ya bastard! How many lives have ya sucked away to heal those wounds!?
Dio Brando: Do you remember how many breads you have eaten in your life?
Will Zeppeli: In fact, I do… It was enough to f**k your mother last night.
Dio Brando: Well, well! The Monopoly Man has jokes!
Will Zeppeli: The only joke I see is the one that came out of your mother's spasm-chasm. Which lemme remind ya… f**ked her!
Dio Brando: Do you remember how many breads you have eaten in your life?
Will Zeppeli: In fact, I do… It was enough to f**k your mother last night.
Dio Brando: Well, well! The Monopoly Man has jokes!
Will Zeppeli: The only joke I see is the one that came out of your mother's spasm-chasm. Which lemme remind ya… f**ked her!
— Jo Jos Bizarre Adventure Abridged Phantom Blood, Episode 4
"You dare make fun of my mom?! I will break your face!"
Vernias: You're literally going to let him win! Nick wins the whole freakin' contest because of you, Eevee! You and your big fat mouth!
Sophist: ...Your mom.
Vernias: My mother has nothing to do with this!
Sophist: ...Your mom.
Vernias: My mother has nothing to do with this!
Sonic: Now to do things old-school. (spindashes) Spin nice knowing ya, Knux. Ha ha!
Knuckles: (catches Sonic) That was terrible!
Sonic: So is your mom!
Knuckles: (catches Sonic) That was terrible!
Sonic: So is your mom!
— Sonic F
"Well, I told *her* mother that she was a bad musician!"
— Malinda K. Reese, Twisted Translations, concerning someone whose mother insulted her.
Matt: Ahaha! Yeah, you're a real combat specialist!
Pat: Your mom is a fucking combat specialist.
Pat: Your mom is a fucking combat specialist.
Western Animation
"DT Fun Fact: Toot's character is based on your mother's face."
— Drawn Together, "American Idol Parody Clip Show"
"Who is the Princess of Friendship: Your mom?"
— Twilight Sparkle, My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic, "Marks for Effort"
Luke Skywalker: Your overconfidence is your weakness.
Emperor Palpatine: Your faith in your friends is yours.
Luke (under breath as Palpatine starts walking away): Heh, faith in your mama...
Palpatine: (turns around) What was that?
Luke (out-loud): I said, "Your mama's so fat, Jabba the Hutt said, 'DAAAAAAAMN!'"
Palpatine: Well, your mother's so ugly, she put the "Ugh" in "Ugnaught"!
Darth Vader: Oh, "Yo Mama" fight!
Emperor Palpatine: Your faith in your friends is yours.
Luke (under breath as Palpatine starts walking away): Heh, faith in your mama...
Palpatine: (turns around) What was that?
Luke (out-loud): I said, "Your mama's so fat, Jabba the Hutt said, 'DAAAAAAAMN!'"
Palpatine: Well, your mother's so ugly, she put the "Ugh" in "Ugnaught"!
Darth Vader: Oh, "Yo Mama" fight!
"Your Mom has bad science."
— Doyle Blackwell, The Secret Saturdays
Greeley Elementary Principal: A twenty-minute song and dance number with forty seven "Yo momma so poor" jokes directed at Jacob Hallery, which ended in a finale with fireworks.
Cartman: I was just teasing.
Cartman: I was just teasing.
— South Park, "The Poor Kid"
"Who is this? 'Joe Mama?'"
"The one who is called your mother wears the boots that are made for combat!"
— Donatello, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2012)
Miscellaneous
Colin: Am I the only one who doesn't find the "your mom" business funny, by the way?
Colin: as a parody of poor insults it might have been funny
Colin: three years ago
Colin: but you have been doing it for literally years now :P
Asimir: I've been doing your mom for literally years now
Colin: as a parody of poor insults it might have been funny
Colin: three years ago
Colin: but you have been doing it for literally years now :P
Asimir: I've been doing your mom for literally years now
— qdb.us
"I don't go after other people's mothers, but my own was quite enough to attack."
