Quotes / So Bad, It's Horrible

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Sometimes, sometimes bad is bad
Huey Lewis and the News, "Bad Is Bad"

Everything about this is bad!
Dipper Pines on the Show Within a Show "Shimmery Twinkleheart and Cinnamon", Gravity Falls, "Little Gift Shop of Horrors"

Elliot: Why did we watch this?!
Susan: You were the one who wanted to know why it got a four percent approval rating!
Elliot: Why did we play god?!

That was… just bad. Not "So Bad, It's Good". Just plain terrible.
The Sims 3: Late Night had this as a tooltip for the moodlet "Saw Awful Film"

This is so bad it's gone past good and back to bad again.
Enid, Ghost World

That man has committed murder here this evenin' and the victim's name is 'theater'! This is the kind of mind-numbing schlock that's turning our society into a cultural wasteland! This isn't art! This isn't even entertainment! This… blows!
Lois Griffin on Peter's Production of The King and I, Family Guy ("The King Is Dead").

Butthead: Whoa! I think I just figured something out, Beavis.
Beavis: What?
Butthead: This sucks!
Beavis: Yeah! It really sucks!
Butthead: This sucks more than anything that has ever sucked before.

Aubrey: If that had sucked any more, the TV would have imploded upon itself.
Jason: If a movie's that bad, it should be required by law to have three silhouettes in the corner making fun of it.

They're bad. But not in the hilarious way.
Knives Chau on some clothes, Scott Pilgrim's Precious Little Life

George Phblat's new film, Benji Saves the Universe, has bought the word bad to new levels of badness. Bad acting. Bad effects. Bad everything. This bad film just oozed rottenness from every bad scene… simply bad beyond all infinite dimensions of possible badness.''"note 
Opus, Bloom County

Eminem: How's orders looking for the first week?
Steve Berman: It would be better if you gave me nothing at all. This album is less than nothing. I can't sell this fucking record... I'm gonna lose my fucking job over this.
Steve Berman (Skit), from The Marshall Mathers LP

This is an unholy demon! I'm sending this back to Hell where it belongs!
Judge Claude Frollo's opinion on The Irate Gamer, The Frollo Show ("Frollo Gets AIDS")

Maybe this story is a new form of torture!
Wildberry Princess, on the Ice King's Fionna and Cake fanfiction.

That was honestly the worst movie I've ever seen... Is it even okay to call it a movie?
Nagito Komaeda on Monokuma's The Wizard of Monomi movie, Super Dangan Ronpa 2

    Anime and Manga Reviews 

This show is an abomination. Thankfully, it seems to realize this, and compresses the awfulness into 6 minute episodes. Even then, there is nothing worth watching about this show. Avoid it like the plague. That is all. Thank you.
RandomRedneck on Gokujo

It's not even an anime like Garzey's Wing, where you can sit in front of the TV with your friends and make fun of it for an hour. That novelty wears off within the first five minutes.
American Anime Otaku on Master of Martial Hearts

Very seldom do I come across an anime that I can honestly say I didn't enjoy at least a little bit. In this case, however, I had to stomach each episode as its flaws grew more and more grotesque. Each sliver of hope for redemption was spat on as the plot continued to drive itself into obscurity and chaotic pointlessness. Should you come across this title, do the world a favor and bury the DVD where no one else will have to suffer its torment.
Nihon Review's Godai, on the anime adaption of Koi Koi Seven

    Comic Reviews 

Errors: This comic was produced.

Jesus fuck, there is nothing right with this story. Nothing, on any level. The villains were ridiculous and ill-motivated, at least two of the characters involved were functionally invincible and lacked any sort of real motive, Spider-Man is an asshole, Scarlet Spider just battles things randomly, and we’re supposed to sympathize here with motherfucking Kaine, who just wants the Jackal to love him? This story could only be redeemed if it could somehow kill off the Jackal and Spidercide twenty or so more times within its pages, and even then it would only be somewhat passable.

I would set this comic on fire right now if I wasn't afraid that I would breathe in the fumes and grow dumber as a result.

It’s essentially The Room for comics… It’s tempting to just leave it at that, because really, there’s not much you can add to 'Green Arrow’s sidekick does heroin because he can’t get a boner' that would make it sound worse than it already is.
—-ComicsAlliance on Justice League: The Rise of Arsenal #3

For years it seemed this project would remain a rumor, a cruel trick being played on all the men in their thirties still reading the same things they read in their teens. But after all the fallouts and reconciliations, oustings and bad schedules, the Image founders (kind of) were finally able to come together on Image United #1, just making the deadline for Worst Comics of the Decade… the book goes down about as smooth as a crushed-glass martini.

    Fanfiction Reviews 

I tried SO HARD to at least read chapter 1-2. I TRIED. This is absolutely PAINFUL. I experianced physical PAIN from this story. But hey, if anyone is ever doubting their writing skills, I'll direct them to this story. It'll make them feel much more secure about their abilities.

To be quite frank, this story cannot be described with any word(s) associated with/related to/have anything to do with anything positive in any way whatsoever. It is a waste of space, which is certainly saying something, taking into consideration the fact that it is posted online and therefore physically cannot actually take up space, much less be a waste of space... Please don't abuse such a wonderful thing by posting utter garbage. It's a disgrace.

6,000 years ago, in an ancient city, mankind came together to build a tower out of dicks. And God did say, "that is way too many dicks", and smote them, and made many languages; and from the ruins, YOU ATE! THE DICK! TOWER! OF BABYLON!"
Matt of BAD CREEPYPASTA, to the author of How Jeff Killed Christmas

    Film — Animated Reviews 

...whether it was made for 65 million dollars or 65 dollars, there is nothing to be proud of in this movie. Everyone should be ashamed for even acknowledging it exists.

The Wild just constantly TAKES… and TAKES and TAKES AND TAKES until there's nothing LEFT OF YOU!
Duckyworth's review of The Wild

If you ate a copy of the worst cartoon you can think of, you’d still probably crap something better than Ratatoing.
Ed Liu, ToonZone

Parents should take their children to Hoodwinked Too! Hood Vs. Evil, if only because kids are never too young to learn the important and liberating skill of walking out of a movie and demanding a refund.
Kyle Smith' review of Hoodwinked Too, New York Post

This movie hurt me. It’s worse than Home on the Range. It’s worse than Chicken Little. It’s worse than the live-action bits of Osmosis Jones. It’s worse than Rock-A-Doodle. DO NOT ALLOW YOUR CHILDREN TO SEE THIS MOVIE. Bury it deep underground where it cannot harm anyone. Send it to a place of rock and metal where nothing grows. And tell your damn wife where that is, so she doesn’t send him to Central freaking Park instead.

"Describing this as the 'best' of the abysmal animated Madagascar trilogy is like indicating a slight preference for being locked in a sweatbox instead of waterboarded: Either way, you feel enormous gratitude when it’s over.
Lou Lumenick on Madagascar 3: Europe's Most Wanted

    Film — Live-action Reviews 

This film is frequently hampered by the fact that it's horrible.
James Lileks, on A Study in Scarlet.

If you liked this movie, then you probably don't exist.

This movie doesn't scrape the bottom of the barrel. This movie isn't the bottom of the barrel. This movie isn't below the bottom of the barrel. This movie doesn't deserve to be mentioned in the same sentence with barrels.

There's camp-fun bad and interestingly horrible bad, and then there's just awful. Movie 43 is the Citizen Kane of awful.
Richard Roeper's review of Movie 43

This was not made, it was committed. This cannot be screened, it can only be inflicted.
Oancitizen, on Sweet Movie

Should the makers of Nukie wish to use computer graphics imaging to retroactively enhance their movie, we recommend they digitally remove the whole movie.
Jabootu on Nukie

I have a really hard time not calling Highlander: The Source the single worst movie I have ever seen. Triumph of the Will has always stood out as the iconic terrible film to me, with monstrous content supporting the Nazi party and a pace that makes it feel like a week of torture, but it at least had some artful directing to it.

Matt: It’s like a kid’s painting made into a movie.
Chris: The script, the direction, the wardrobe, the props —BloodRayne’s swords are rounded at the end! — nobody cares.
Matt: The movie’s just this collection of perfunctory elements that an alien might think should be in a human film… What I’m saying is that Uwe Boll may not be human.
—Chris Sims and Matt Wilson on Bloodrayne

Mike: One, in particular, might have been the worst movie I have ever seen in my whole life. And I'm sure everyone at this table would agree.
Rich: No, it's not the worst of my whole life. It's bad though. Things. Things! How can you ever say that after seeing Things?
Jessi: You know… you know, Things had redeeming qualities. This movie had no redeeming qualities.
Mike: Things is more entertaining. This is just loathsome.
Best of the Worst on National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation 2: Cousin Eddie's Island Adventure

… once in a while there is a movie so bad that it takes you to a place beyond good and evil and abandons you there, shivering and alone.
Dana Stevens' review of The Love Guru in Slate

Hey, don’t blame me… I had nothing to do with writing or filming this.

I didn’t put together a storyboard with 'RALPHIE HUMPS MANNEQUIN' on it.

That was someone else.

Someone evil.

Possibly Satan himself.

No "Director's Cut" and no "fan edit" could restore any semblance of dignity to this egregious pile of shame. Beastmaster 2 single-handedly torpedoed a once-promising sword & sorcery movie franchise and turned a cult favorite into a punchline. It was cheaper, dumber, and far more annoying; a complete betrayal of Don Coscarelli's original classic by relocating the Beastmaster into modern Los Angeles. It's so bad, you can't even get it on DVD. I mean, Highlander 2? Pfft, no problem. But this? Sheeeeet.
Noah Antwiler on Beastmaster 2: Through the Portal of Time

*start scene*

Eddie walks into (location): School/Police Station/Old Navy/Nightclub and looks creepy

Actor initiates dialog to find out why Eddie Murphy looks like a creepy bastard.

Eddie remains silent and creepy/will mimic the actor in an annoying game of mirror mirror.

Actor defies all reason and continues to talk to the creepy man instead of calling police.

Eddie continues to try to milk the joke.

I die a little inside.

* end scene*

And speaking of Bay et al excusing themselves—there’s a brief diversion where the screenplay dabbles in Texas consent laws to explain why it’s okay for the 20-year-old boyfriend to be dating a 17-year-old—I’m almost impressed at this commitment to being completely horrible.

It's so bad that I almost want other people to see it too so that they can see just how bad a movie can be. The only thing is, I'm not that cruel. I would never recommend anyone waste their money on this movie. It would only encourage the filmmakers to make more movies.

It's not just bad; it's a different kind of bad. It's the kind of bad you're watching, and you look at God, and you're like, "I-Wha-? I'm sorry! Whatever it was...Whatever I did to piss you off, I'm really sorry."
Jeremy Jahns, on The Legend of Hercules

A movie that made me hate the idea of movies.

PIXELS so bad it requires a new review scale: in lieu of stars, "how many fingers should the filmmakers be allowed to KEEP?"

Sarah Jessica Parker sort of kind of teased that a Sex and the Retirement Community 1 Sex and the City 3 movie was happening, but Warner Bros. pretty much shat on that rumor by saying that a third one isn’t in the works. Besides, if there were talks for a SATC3 movie, we’d definitely know it. Every Razzie voting member would immediately turn in their membership, because their tolerance for watching dried cinematic turds stops at another SATC movie.

Just thinking about writing a review for this movie gave me a headache. Accurately representing the shittiness that is "Don't Be Scared" almost certainly requires something more along the lines of a novel. (And of course, it would be a pretty shitty novel.)
Black Horror Movies, on Don't Be Scared

I highly recommend seeing this film, as it will elevate the standing of every bad film you ever see.
An IMDb review of Going Overboard

It’s terrible, awful, horrible, dreadful, unpleasant, horrid, repulsive, and I’m running out of synonyms.
Chronicle-Herald's review of The Devil Inside

It is memorably awful. It is stunningly awful. It is so awful that we are fortunate that 'awful' has an adverbial use that means 'very' or 'extremely.' This movie is awfully awful.
Neil Genzlinger, on In-APP-ropriate Comedy in The New York Times

The Upside: At some point, it ends.
The Downside: The true downside of the film is that it even exists.
Kate Erbland, on In-APP-ropriate Comedy

What if nothing is ever funny again? What if the movie has obliterated your sense of humor? And then it's over—thankfully it's only about 80 minutes long, even if it feels like 80 days—you leave and go outside into the sunlight and get an ice cream and suddenly everything's okay again.
Dave White, on Vampires Suck

This is the worst thing that no one should ever have to see! It's awful, it's terrible, it's... it's so bad I am forced to make up my own words to describe how bad it is. This movie is... is... Horribufuckus!

It's a Russian-American co-production, and I have to say that on the basis of this I want the Cold War to start again now. I want missiles out, I want full-on aggression, because if this is what cooperation looks like, I'm not having any of it.

    Live-action TV Reviews 

The most jarring gap in quality in Doctor Who’s history. The most colossal lapse of judgment in Doctor Who’s history. A story that had everything riding on it that just completely blew it. Every single thing about this story is a bad idea. It’s outright impossible to figure out what they were thinking. On top of that, you have the Doctor and Peri in a creepy domestic violence/Stockholm syndrome scene. No wonder the series was cancelled.
Dr. Phil Sandifer on Doctor Who, "The Twin Dilemma"

The script feels as though it has been written by a teenage horny illiterate geek; there is no moment of sophistication or charm or relief. As far as I know this is the only time I will ever give this mark: 0/10

They say an infinite number of monkeys and an infinite number of typewriters could eventually reproduce all the works of William Shakespeare, but this? Three monkeys, no typewriters, just a whole lot of masturbation and shit-throwing would've accomplished the same thing. There is a vault where copies of all the greatest works of our culture are placed so that they'll never be lost. I am petitioning to have an even deeper one made for this so it can never be found.

'Threshold' is an episode of Star Trek: Voyager. And it is the only indefensible hour in the entire history of Star Trek. I don't mean it's the only hour I can't defend. I mean it's the only hour nobody can defend. And nobody does. This is important, because while there are worse things in the world than Star Trek, there is no fanbase more diverse in opinion. And they all hate 'Threshold'.
Bryan Lambert, You Are Dumb

    Literature Reviews 

This book doesn't deserve a number. It doesn't even deserve to be listed. To list it implies some value, even as a marker for the lows of the series. But this book doesn't deserve the attention it will garner just by virtue of its position... Chicken Chicken very nearly ended the blog two years ago, but I ultimately decided to push forward.
Troy Steele, on why he didn't give the Goosebumps Book #53, Chicken Chicken a rating.

    Music Reviews 

I hate every second of this. Everything about this song is unpleasant. This actually smells bad. I can smell this through my speakers… This is what all pop music must sound like to people who hate pop music. And if you DO hate all pop music, I can't even imagine what this sounds like to you. To you, this must sound like armpit farts and the screams of innocent children.
Todd in the Shadows, on Ke$ha's "Blah Blah Blah".

Oh, God, it hurts! It hurts so much! Oh, God, it's so awful! It's like the worst parts of five different genres rolled into one! So bad! It's...I'm sad all the time...I can't sleep at night, I have these horrible thoughts in my head and I can't fight them off, and....what's the point? What's the point of anything?! What am I even doing here?! Why don't I just go ahead and...oh, it's over. Thank God. Sorry. That song sends me to some weird places.
Todd in the Shadows, again, on the "Hoedown Throwdown" from Hannah Montana: The Movie

Lovin' you may be easy because you're beautiful, but hating this song is dead simple because it's awful.
Bennett the Sage, on Minnie Riperton's "Lovin' You" (in "The Top 20 Worst No. 1 Hits")

I wholeheartedly believe that [Lionel Richie's] "Ballerina Girl" is responsible for 90 percent of the violent crimes in North America today.
A submission to Dave Barry's Worst Song Survey

...she'd play "Don't You Care" by the Buckinghams, and I'd make a noise like a person barfing up four feet of intestine, and Marcy would say, "OK, that's a 'Don't Like.'"
Dave Barry, again, "Mustang Davey"

    Video Game Reviews 

Pong is better. And Pong is only, like, three lines and a ball. Those little Tiger electronic wrist games, those are better than Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde... Okay, you've seen the game. Now that should satisfy all your curiosity.

If you are curious enough to play it, just do yourself a favor and don't. I mean, if you're like a hardcore Nintendo fan as I am, and you have to have every single game in your collection, please do yourself an enormous favor and just stay the fuck away from this awful piece of shit. Don't even buy it used for, like, 1¢ or whatever. That shiny gold copper will be worth a fortune someday compared to this awful pile of steaming goat shit.

I mean, don't even download it. No matter how curious you are, just do yourself a favor and never play it, because, you will be wishing for the rest of your life that you could invent a time machine and go back to the day you played that game and just fuckin' kill yourself. If you ever find that game, if you ever see it, smash it. Smash it with a hammer. Smash it 'til every tiny fragment is like, is so small, it's invisible. I mean, you'd rather super-glue your asshole shut than play that game.
The Angry Video Game Nerd on Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde (NES)

You know, sometimes I wish that instead of just a power off button, the Nintendo had a FUCK YOU button that launched the cartridge out fast enough it would shatter on the wall. It might kill a few kids, but once you show how much Wayne's World needs to be destroyed, any judge would rule all the deaths as acceptable losses.

There comes a point when something can no longer be a believable mistake and has to be a result of intentional malice. Double Dragon II: Wander of the Dragons runs screaming past that point within the first five minutes and then proceeds to spend the next couple of hours desperately trying to ruin everything you ever loved about Double Dragon, video games in general, and the concept of happiness itself.
Hardcore Gamer's Nikola Suprak, on Double Dragon II: Wander of the Dragons.

Even at the base price of $4note , this game is an absolute waste of money. I've lost more cash than this and been more satisfied with how I used it, because at least I knew somewhere someone was buying something with it that wasn't Final Fantasy: All the Bravest.
Nikola Suprak, again, on Final Fantasy: All the Bravest.

You don't play it. It happens to you. You survive it. Maybe you pick up a few entertaining stories along the way. Maybe you just walk away with a hefty dose of emotional trauma. Either way, you're still out 50 bucks and your last pale glimmer of faith in humanity.

Aquaman hit store shelves for a full $20 and received such crowning scores as: RUN! RUN! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, RUUUUUUN!
JonTron, on Aquaman: Battle for Atlantis

Perhaps the plan was to release this game right at the start of the year so that it might be forgotten about by now, or at least eclipsed by something even worse like, for example, a game that comes with free crystal meth. Yes, it's Amy, an uncontroversial choice perhaps, but my god, there's offensively bad and then there's the kind of bad that dresses up like Hitler and starts doing impressions of people with cerebral palsy.
Zero Punctuation, "Best and Worst of 2012"

Sonic Boom taught me to hate. I thought I hated before Sonic Boom's existence, but I realize that was a child's daydream of loathing... Sega's final insult, Sonic Boom, is a reminder that we're all going to fucking die.

At one point Postal III tasks you with collecting HIV-infected cats; I'd rather do that in real life than play this awful game again.
Phil Kollar, in Game Informer's review of Postal III.

… I mentioned it made little kids cry. Upon further review, I was wrong: it makes grown men weep like babies.

Shmorky: Trying to tell someone that they're playing this game 'wrong' is like trying to tell someone that they're playing in the sewers wrong.
Lowtax: If they're playing the game, yes, it's inherently wrong.
Shmorky: It's like trying to tell someone they jumped off a cliff the wrong way.

I hate this game. I hate it more than I have ever hated anything before in my life. I hate the endlessly looping ten seconds of music, I hate the way Chu can stand on thin air and fall through solid objects, and I hate that such a cool name was wasted on a game like this. Most of all, I hate that I can't give this game the score it deserves because the SA rating system won't let me use scientific notation.
Taylor "Psychosis" Bell, on Master Chu and the Drunkard Hu

It's actually pretty rare that we run across a game this bad… I'd rather run over it, and I'd definitely back up just to make sure it was totally destroyed.

Ubisoft and AMA Studios didn't drop the ball on this; they weren't even invited to the sport in which the ball exists.
GamesRadar, on Fighters Uncaged

Do yourself a favor and avoid this game like the plague. In fact, avoid it like you would avoid something that you avoid more than the plague.

The fun never stops with Super Boxing. That is only because you can't stop something that doesn't start.

You know what?

Fuck you Sonic, fuck you Tails, fuck you balls, fuck you Aquatic Base, fuck you Shadow, fuck you Silver, fuck you laser fence, fuck you Elise, FUCK EVERYONE! FUCK THIS GAME!

Simon Cowell couldn't find words strong enough to berate this game.

This is truly one of the most unplayable piles of excrement on the face of the planet. Don't buy it, don't give it a try, don't even look at the cover art! In fact, I recommend never to watch this review ever again... seeing this abomination displayed more than once might result in complications.
Aqualung Game Reviews, on the Atari 2600 Karate

Fortress Of Fear was of course the sequel to Ironsword: Wizards And Warriors II and in that NES game's packaging the protagonist Kuros had on the cover the romance-icon Fabio shortly before he inexplicably transcended into an international celebrity. However while Fabio was ostensibly the player's avatar in Ironsword it was Fortress Of Fear that made people truly feel like Fabio. Specifically it made them feel like Fabio that one time when a bird smacked him into the face while riding a rollercoaster. Yes, Wizards And Warriors X (or is that Wizards and Warriors 10?) is the video game equivalent of being smashed in the face with a bird at high velocities. It is not a good game.

In fact it is arguably the worst we have seen today on Gameboy. There have been some rough entries so far to be sure: Hyper Lode Runner had no learning curve, Castlevania: The Adventure utterly failed to live up to its legacy and poor Shogi, that involved such complex AI-manoeuvres that it nearly broke the Game Boy. None of those games were legitimately bad. All of them offered some sort of redeeming factor. Even the lackluster and badly dated Baseball was decently entertaining as a 2-player fare. With Fortress Of Fear however there is nothing of value.

This is the worst game I have ever played in my life. That's not something I say lightly, I've played countless bad games because I really like bad games. I find them to be a lot of fun. But this is so bad, I can't find it that much fun. It just makes me uneasy. To the very core, it actually affects me. It is just so... fucking bad.

And now... what was the worst game? Can you think of one? Is there one still stuck in your brain? There was one I just couldn't get out of my brain for being quite possibly the worst game in the world- in fact, I'd say quite possibly the worst game in the universe, because I don't think there's an alien species fucking stupid enough to come up with something as bad as Galactic Hitman. The same level repeated with the same enemies repeated that wouldn't fire at you if you weren't looking at them and if you crouched they'd miss and you could see bits of the level through it and there was no real point to any of it and you could fire your gun without actually hitting the fire button and... just... so bad. Like so... seriously, I think we should get Geneva involved, because it's technically a weapon of mass destruction. If you air-dropped that shit onto North Korea, they would surrender immediately, but you'd be morally bankrupt forever and everyone would hate you. It just should be destroyed. You know they buried E.T. in the desert because there were too many copies of it? I think we should bury all copies of Galactic Hitman in the sun, just to make sure that [every copy of Galactic Hitman was] absolutely, positively, 100% destroyed, removed, and obliterated from this fucking planet so no one ever has to suffer through that piece of undeniable... shit ever again.
NerdCubed, on Galactic Hitman

    Webcomic Reviews 

This comic tops the chart in every criteria this website uses to gauge the value of its review subjects. The worst art, most awful writing, most insane plot, biggest Mary-Sue characters ever, craziest and most insufferable author. In short: This truly is the worst comic ever made.
The Bad Webcomics Wiki, on Sonichu

It can be described as "existent" and "on the internet", however please do not confuse it with Goatse, which satisfies both criteria and is a far superior piece.
Encyclopedia Dramatica, on Electric Retard

    Western Animation Reviews 
What can I say? That was the most excrutiating thing I may have inducted yet. Abysmal animation, unlikable characters, not an entertaining segment in the bunch. And most importantly, the jokes just weren't funny. I know this was intended for kids, but this is crap that kids wouldn't laugh at. It's unfunny, unlikable, and detestable garbage that I'm glad never went further than this. This is the image of tooncrap above, and beyond.
Tooncrap, on Madballs: Gross Jokes