Blog / Blogger Beware

Advocate of Platonic Boy/Girl relationships, puns, and BEE THROWING.

Blogger Beware was a Goosebumps blog run by Troy Steele, dedicated to him writing synopses and reviews of Goosebumps books full of humor and snark. The blog opened with a review of Egg Monsters from Mars in January 2006 and continued through Revenge of the Living Dummy, the first Goosebumps Horrorland book, in June 2012.

Troy's work is so full of allusions that a fan of the books and the blog compiled a reference guide called Breeder Beware that can be found here. The blog became so famous among the Goosebumps fandom that, for years, most of the book recaps on Goosebumps Wiki — even some on Wikipedia itself — were just Steele's recaps with all of the snarky parts cut out.^note In recent years, many of Troy's recaps on Goosebumps Wiki and Wikipedia have been removed and/or replaced.

Although Troy intended to eventually review all of the books and all of R. L. Stine's work, he admitted to having an inconsistent schedule, which led to gaps spanning months or even years between posts. He covered all of the original series and Series 2000 books, plus a few odds and ends like the six Tales to Give You Goosebumps books and the novelization of the stage play.

Troy said that reviewing Series 2000 was taxing for him, since it lacked the nostalgic appeal that kept him going through the originals; though he intended to continue with Goosebumps Horrorland, he only covered the first book in 2012 before stopping altogether, later admitting that he simply didn't have the motivation to get through the rest. He periodically posted one-off entries from then on (the most recent one of these was in 2015). As the blog is no longer online (though it can still be viewed through the Wayback Machine, linked above, plus Annotated Blogger Beware), one can assume there are no further updates forthcoming.

R.L. Stine was asked if he knew of the blog's existence during a Reddit Q&A in 2013. His response was "They sure are critical, aren't they? Cringe cringe."

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This blog provides examples of:

• Accidental Innuendoinvoked: Regularly discussed. Troy's name for this trope is "Out of Context Alert," which he uses to announce examples he spots in the books. Commenters are quick to point out any he misses (Monster Blood is the current record holder).
• Actually Pretty Funny:
  • In the Night of the Living Dummy review Troy admitted the joke about Russian and Yugoslavian songs was pretty funny.
  • He praises the "witty little conversation" in Bad Hare Day about the sorcerer named Frank, and jokes that it's the first page in the book that improves upon the blank first page.
  • It tends to come off sort of this way whenever he admits that a book was relatively good.
• Adults Are Useless: Hence the "Questionable Parenting" section. Which also stretches to Questionable Aunting, Uncleing, Grandparenting, Teaching Etc.
• Affectionate Parody:
  • Started off that way, with Troy poking fun at the books but grudgingly admitting affection for them. This didn't last long.
  • It's worth noting, though, that Troy genuinely considers this to be the case for the reviews of the original series, as evidenced by his review of Earth Geeks Must Go!, the penultimate book in the Goosebumps 2000 collection. In that particular review, Troy outright states that he felt "nostalgic glee" in reviewing the classic books, and that, while he does hate a few of those titles, he loved them as a child and used that love to prevent his reviews from being too cruel. In fact, he even explains that part of the reason the 2000 reviews got progressively meaner is because he didn't have the same childish appreciation for them.
• Author Appeal: The blog's references imply Troy loves indie music and old movies, as well as some occasional 80's and 90's nostalgia.
• Berserk Button: Chicken Chicken is the only Goosebumps book Troy legitimately despises. He even admitted that it almost ended the blog prematurely.
• Broke the Rating Scale: In Troy's list of the 10 worst Goosebumps books, Chicken Chicken is rated #0 because the book "doesn't deserve a number".
• Bowdlerize; Troy has quietly edited a few aspects of the older reviewers that haven't aged well. One example is changing him jokingly calling Christopher Pike a "faggot" to "asshole".
• Call-Back: The review of You Can't Scare Me! has "BEE THROWING BEE THROWING BEE THROWING". Return to Ghost Camp follows this up with "BEE EATING BEE EATING BEE EATING".
• Caustic Critic: Usually.
• Chuck Cunningham Syndrome: He often points out the side characters that seemingly drop off the face of the earth halfway through.
• Deadpan Snarker: Troy, in many reviews.
• Dissimile: Troy says that a section of The Werewolf of Fever Swamp is "a lot like The Crucible, but only in that it was written".
• Dude, Not Funny!invoked: Troy's opinion of Chicken Chicken, Bride of the Living Dummy, and Revenge R Us, in all three cases due to being excessively morbid and cruel to the point of being disgusting rather than scary.
• Early-Installment Weirdness: Both on the blog and in the books themselves. The first entry, Egg Monsters From Mars (and to a lesser extent other early entries) has a very short synopsis with very little in the way of snark or obscure references that would come to define the blog's sense of humor. In the books themselves, Troy notes that the first few books are much more gruesome and violent than later entries in the series.
• Flat "What": A running gag, whenever something unbelievable even by the standards of the series happens.
• Hurricane of Puns: His Why I'm Afraid of Bees review is full of obligatory bee puns.
• Hypocritical Humor: "I don't know, an online site devoted to Goosebumps— how popular could that be?"
• I Can't Believe I'm Saying This: Troy's reaction when saying that there aren't any chapter ending cliffhangers worth mocking in Ghost Camp.^note This would prove to be the only book in the original series where this was the case, although it also happened in the Series 2000 book I Am Your Evil Twin
• Mad Libs Catch Phrase: "[person], who [verbs] halfway through the book/[some event which they regularly verb halfway through]"
• Monochrome Casting: According to this post, in all of the original series of Goosebumps novels, there were only 20 explicitly non-white characters, of whom 45% were Egyptians (in novels about Mummies, no less).
• Most Writers Are Adults: Pointed out in the once-a-review "R. L. Stine Shows He Is Down With the Kids" section.
• Nostalgia Filter: Defied. Troy admits he loved (most of) the books as a kid, which doesn't stop him from tearing them apart as an adult. That said, he did admit in his review of Earth Geeks Must Go! that his nostalgic affection for the original-series books prevented him from getting as mean as he really could have, a problem that he didn't have with the Series 2000 books, where he had no problem going into full-bore Caustic Critic mode. According to him, his lack of nostalgic affection for the later books eventually turned the blog into a chore, to the point that he finally decided to wrap it up.
• Platonic Boy/Girl Heroes: Trope Namer. He points out there's the "obligatory platonic boy-girl relationship" in each story.
• Product Placement: Troy's review of The Cuckoo Clock of Doom was overdosed with references to Juno (In Theaters Now), shoehorned in a way that wraps back around to becoming a Running Gag. Many of the comments thought it was just Troy doing a bit, but he referred to being paid by Fox Searchlight numerous times afterward, and jokingly implied that it covered a month's rent.
• Rapid-Fire Descriptors: From Night of the Living Dummy III:
  Wow, no one likes this guy. Maybe the reason he wants slaves is he's lonely and needs a friend. Aww, it almost makes you feel sorry for the camera-smashing, art-ruining, vomit-spewing, kitchen table-sitting, child-beating, child-choking, worm-filled son-of-a-bitch.
• A Rare Sentence: Often lampshaded.
  • In Phantom of the Auditorium:
    The Corn Flakes aren't soggy yet, so the Phantom must be near. I still can't believe that sentence needed to be written by me. Amazing.
  • In The Haunted Mask:
    The evil heads fly after her in single-file as she races through the neighborhoods, searching for her head on a stick. Jesus, read that sentence again.
  • In Revenge R Us:
    Apparently Maggie the magic crow has a sister named Minnie being held captive by Iris' evil sister in a house on Wade's street. If Wade can go into the house and rescue Minnie, Iris will use the collective power of the two magical birds to bring her brother back to life. Let's all pause and marvel at what I had to write just now.
• Reference Overdosed: So much so that a separate fan-made blog dedicated just to compiling all of his references and allusions was made.
• Running Gag:
  • The Flat "What" in response to some of the stranger sentences.
  • The phrase "halfway through", most commonly found under "Platonic Boy/Girl Relationship" in the format "person, who disappears halfway through the book," but if no one Chucks, he will find someone or something that does something some fraction of the way through something else.
  • Mentioning Evan Ross from Monster Blood as frame of reference for a boring protagonist.
  • Mentioning Andrea (Andy) from Monster Blood longingly as the best character in the series and wondering why she can't be the protagonist.
  • Referencing "the one where it turns out they're all dogs or something" (My Hairiest Adventure) whenever a twist comes up.
  • Lampshading the common themes in the series, such as moving to a new house at the beginning of the story, and having parents who are scientists.
  • Reviling at the excess of vomit in the "Series 2000" books.
  • Using the structure of the title in his plot recaps, e.g. "The kids decide that they should stay in of the basement," or "Max doesn't believe that he let's got invisible."
    • Sometimes played with when referencing other books in the series by swapping out the title of another book, such as "Andy rushes off to her piano lesson, apparently unaware that The Werewolf of Fever Swamp^note Piano Lessons Can Be Murder".
  • "And then the car wash cost five dollars" being used as a Faux Horrific gag, after a plot point in Calling All Creeps! where a student car wash is unrealistically expensive.
  • "Oh, cool, I've seen [movie Stine is clearly homaging/ripping off], too."
    • In the Series 2000 recaps, this becomes "Oh, cool, I've read [two or three original series books whose plots Stine is reusing], too."
  • "Juno. In theaters now." during the Cuckoo Clock of Doom review. Troy was apparently paid to promote the movie and decided to do it in the most comedically intrusive way possible.
  • "...and Anthony pulls the old ______ gag" in Horrors of the Black Ring.
  • Characters spilling Coke and things that rhyme with Coke in Ghost in the Mirror.
  • After a scene in Deep Trouble II where Billy attempts to prank his sister by using a gray pillow to pretend to be a Threatening Shark, Troy repeatedly brings up pillows at every instance of sharks. Later, in the Memorable Cliffhanger Chapter Ending, he mentions a giant crab and then says he's going to get his red pillow to reenact the scene.
  • Suggesting that the book/story was ghostwritten by someone other than R.L. Stine - especially when the book in question is above-average by Goosebumps standards.
• Sanity Slippage: Troy's Series 2000 reviews amount to this. Besides taking six months to review Be Afraid - Be Very Afraid!, he basically refuses to review Full Moon Fever, devoting most of the article to a Guys and Dolls parody. His retrospective amounts to Troy admitting that he doesn't remember most of the books and culminates in his throwing a book against the wall. Troy even lampshades this in his Earth Geeks Must Go! review, writing from the point-of-view of a psychiatrist examining him.
• Self-Deprecation: Troy used to link to his Twitter with the caption "What updates with less frequency than Blogger Beware?"
• Shout-Out: In the "It Came From Beneath the Sink!" review:
  Daniel and Carlo go out to look for the dog themselves, as even they at such an early age know 9-1-1 is a joke.
• Space Whale Aesop: Courtesy of Monster Blood:
  Let this be a cautious lesson for bullies everywhere: Don't pick on kids who deserve it because you might get murdered by a sorceress's enchanted gelatin.
• Surprisingly Realistic Outcome: Troy expresses delight at this trope in Werewolf Skin:
  In a refreshing change of pace, Alex our narrator doesn't buy into the ridiculous theory.
• This Is Gonna Suck: Troy's synopsis for Beast from the East begins with him saying "Oh man."
• Title Drop:
  • The entries usually subvert title drops in the actual book by substituting the title of a different book instead.
  • Lampshaded in The Beast from the East.
    "The Beasts explain in perfect English that they are playing a game called 'Beast From the East' and Ginger is now 'the Beast From the East.' HEY GUYS, THAT'S THE NAME OF THE BOOK."
• Token Minority: Frequently Lampshaded.
• Totally Radical: The "R.L. Stine Is Down With The Kids" section of the recaps makes fun of the books' many dubious depictions of children's slang and activities.
• Unfortunate Implicationsinvoked:
  • Troy notes this in Attack of the Jack'O'Lanterns with the black kid who's mentioned as being as "cool as an MTV rapper", unintelligible, and having an afro, in addition to being one of the antagonists.
  • He mentions Slappy punching Jillian and calling it a "love tap".
• Unintentional Period Piece: invokedWhen applicable, a review will include a list of all the references that show it was written in the 90s. Otherwise, it will just humorously list random or especially absurd elements from the book.
• Viewers Are Geniuses: Troy pokes fun at himself for referencing increasingly niche topics. No, Two Guys, a Girl and a Pizza Place isn't readily accessible to that many people.
• Wham Episode:
  • About half of the One Day in Horrorland review is a straightforward analysis of how Goosebumps jumped the shark with that book. Lampshaded as Troy concludes, "But you guys came for the jokes."
  • On a meta level, Cry of the Cat. Troy claims he didn't read the Series 2000 books as a kid, and his reviews of that series grow increasingly bitter and aggravated, even by his standards. It culminates in book throwing.
• What Happened to the Mouse?: A Running Gag whereby Steele often points out when minor characters disappear halfway through the book.

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