Quotes: Ax-Crazy

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    Anime and Manga 

But then, bam! Outta nowhere appears Boss Ladd, and you know what he says? I'll tell you what he says. He says, "It's pretty sad, a night with no stars. Kill me."
Then the thugs turn and look at each other like they don't know what's going on and before you know it bam, again! There's a crack and a tinkle, and the boss's fist dismantles the goons' teeth. And then y'know what he says next?
"...They say it's self-defense if someone kills you while you're trying to kill them."
And then y'know what he says?
"In other words, when I tell you to kill me, then sure, you've got the right to kill me. But at the same time, it means I've got the right to kill you, too. Makes sense, doesn't it?"
Does it ever! Philosophy 101, taught by none other than Professor Russo himself! Ain't he the best happiest awesomest most dangerous idiotic dumbass ever?
Graham Spectre squees about his logic professor, Baccano!!

Sounds like death...danger! It sounds bad! Danger, danger! What's happening in the dining car? Is there blood? Who's killing who? Where did they get shot? I have to see! Things are really starting to get exciiiiting...Yes! Yesyesyesyes! YES YES YES YES YES!!

    Comic Books 

RIP AND TEAR, RIP AND TEAR, RIP AND TEAR YOUR GUTS! YOU ARE HUGE! THAT MEANS YOU HAVE HUGE GUTS! RIP AND TEAR!
Doomguy, Doom

Nemo: [firing an automatic harpoon gun into a crowd] Come Forward! Come Forward, men of England! Tell the gods that Nemo sent you!

    Film — Live-Action 

I'm not gonna hurt ya. You didn't let me finish my sentence. I said, I'm not gonna hurt ya. I'm just going to bash your brains in. I'm gonna bash 'em right the fuck in.
Jack Torrance, The Shining (1980 movie)

I am the Night Rider. I'm a fuel-injected suicide machine! I am a rocker! I am a roller! I am an out-of-controller!
The Night Rider, Mad Max

    Literature 

Rhyme: They won't let me watch those, but they allow me to view cartoons. Considering I hold the world record on comically-oversized-mallet-related-murders, does that seem like an intelligent policy to you? Or an even remotely sane one?

Warbeak KILLEE!!!
- Warbeak, Redwall

If you go and kill the ugly little girl right now, won't the steadholder object? And then you'd have to kill him as well. And anyone else upstairs. And all these people here... Why shouldn't we do this again?
Odiana, Furies of Calderon

    Live-action TV 

Who the HELL... put bouillon cubes in the shower head!?! Huh? Hm, did you do it? Hm? Did you? If it happens again... I will wait in my SUV, blast me some speed metal — five point one surround sound, heavy on the bass — and someone... will be getting... mowed... down.
Hooch is crazy!

Roose Bolton: You flayed him.
Ramsay Snow: Peeled a few bits... removed a few others.

Puppet: So there's something I've been wanting to ask you for some time now. You've seen the things I do in the past as well as in the future.
Clyde Bruckman: They're terrible things.
Puppet: I know they are. So, tell me, please, why have I done them?
Bruckman: Don't you understand yet, son? Don't you get it? You do the things you do because you're a homicidal maniac.
Puppet: That... that does explain a lot, doesn't it?
The X-Files, "Clyde Bruckman's Final Repose"

Hyde: Ever killed anyone, Benjamin?
Benjamin: Not personally; I have people.
Hyde: You're missing out. It's like sex, only there's a winner.
Jekyll

    Music 

Bats in the belfry (hoo-ha!)
Rotten on the vine! (ha-ha-ha)
Can't keep my eyes closed (hoo-ha!)
Sunny all the time!
Put your hands where I can see 'em boy
Keep 'em up high!
This place~
Has gone~
Crazy~
— "Viva Discordia", That Handsome Devil

So, I quite like PORN photography
And books on GUNS history
And I'd like to be a POLITICIAN vet
And I feel as I get older,
I'm more in control of my violent tendencies
And when I die KIIIIIIIIIILL
I'll have no regrets
—"Angry (Feet)", Tim Minchin

My only aim is to take many lives
The more the better I feel
My only pleasure is to hear many cries
From those tortured by my steel
The colour of your blood from your open body
Is all I wanted to see
Tasting the blood from your lips as you die
Means satisfaction to me
Pleasure to kill!
— "Pleasure to Kill", Kreator

    Tabletop Games 

KILL MAIM BURN!!! KILL MAIM BURN!!! KILL MAIM BURN!!!
Kharn the Betrayer, swell guy, Warhammer 40,000

    Video Games 

It must be... magnificent. To hear a planet writhe and scream. To feel it convulse beneath your own feet. Witness it dying with living eyes. Perhaps I may share this gift with every last living soul in the galaxy... Until then..."
Kyras, Dawn of War

Agent Norman Jayden: Blake, you are an unbalanced, psychopathic asshole!
Lt. Carter Blake: I'll take that as a compliment.

I wanna live inside a castle built of your agony, AND I WANT TO CRUMBLE IT WITH AN AXE TO YOUR CAROTID ARTERY!
Krieg the Psycho, Borderlands 2

Pop quiz: Why am I such an angry bitch? Seriously, no matter how many I kill, it's all the same. They're all going to pay, yeah, with their fucking lives.
Bad Girl, No More Heroes

Did I ever tell you what the definition of insanity is? Insanity is doing the exact same fucking thing over and over again expecting shit to change. That is crazy. The first time somebody told me that, I dunno, I thought they were bullshitting me. So, boom, I shot him.
Vaas Montenegro, Far Cry 3

    Web Original 

Minerelle: Did you kill anyone?
Kodrinschreiner: No, I did not kill anyone because I'm not you.

Kenshin: A man entered where we were staying, told us he murdered several people, and then started yelling and drew his knife.
Impa: My goddess.
Kenshin: Yes, he was very obsessed with that knife. Almost as if it... (searches for a term) Turned him on.

Allegedly murdered three people, two of them over a spilled drink. Allegedly got a tattoo commemorating that double murder. (He can rub it and always reminisce about avenging that lost G&T.) Allegedly invited a friend for a car ride specifically to kill him. Allegedly beat a handcuffed inmate while he was in jail. But look, you can take all of that away and the ex-Patriots tight end would still be a scumbag. Let's go back in time to 2007, when he was still in college. We're in a Gainesville, Florida, restaurant and [Aaron] Hernandez is refusing to pay his tab, because of course. A bouncer confronts Hernandez and is rewarded with a punch from behind to the head, which ruptures his eardrum. Tim Tebow—Hernandez's Gators teammate—is in the restaurant, but even He cannot use His magic Jesus powers to stop Hernandez from being an unhinged psychopath.
Drew Magary, "The 25 Biggest Sleazebags in Sports!"

The 90s really are back and not in a good way...Death Row Records founder Suge Knight is getting ready to surrender himself to the Los Angeles Sheriff’s Department after he pulled a first degree Halle Berry by hitting a man with his car and fleeing the scene. The man later died. The hit-and-run happened on a film set in Compton where Dr. Dre, Ice Cube and The Game were shooting something. Suge was told to leave by security and that’s when shit got really serious. A witness says that 2 dudes started a fight. Poor old Suge wasn’t up for a fight since his body is weak from getting shot six times last summer and almost dying from a blood clot in November. So Suge got back into his car and when he put the car in reverse, he hit three men.

One of the men was Terry Carter, a friend of Suge’s who drove with him to the set. Terry was walking to the passenger side of the car when Suge hit him. Now, any normal person who isn’t an evil piece of trash and has at least a sliver of a heart would’ve called for an ambulance and stayed with their friend. But not Suge. He took off Lizzie Grubman-style....This is kind of shocking actually. This might be the first time that Suge Knight killed someone accidentally.
Michael K., "Suge Knight Ran Over And Killed A Man On A Movie Set"


Alternative Title(s):

Axe Crazy