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Quotes: Ax-Crazy
    8-Bit Theater 

Thief: We start a nice friendly conversation. Then, bam, the mugging.
Black Mage: And then the urinating.
Thief: ...
Black Mage: What? I gotta go!
Thief: And what, do you need a victim?
Black Mage: It just feels like I'm wasting my time if someone isn't hurt.

Black Mage: First I will murder him and then I will kill him.
Black Mage: Then? Then I will go to work on him.

Black Mage: I'm so mad I could...
Black Mage: Could... Could...
Black Mage: Tinkle!
Black Mage: Excuse me.
Thief: What's worse? That he urinates when he is angry or he calls it tinkle?
Red Mage: With Black Mage, it's really a menagerie of horror. I can't keep track of more.

Black Mage: Die, Ants, Die!
Thief: Is he...
Red Mage: He likes to have victims.
Thief: It must take a tremendous amount of energy to be that unnecessarily creepy.

Black Mage: I killed things. I feel better.
Thief: Big deal, they were bugs.
Black Mage: Putting them on your level, yes.
Red Mage: Just promise to murder me with your pants on.
Black Mage: I promise nothing.

Black Mage: Rock, paper, scissors in the eye!

Shut. Up.
Ahahahah! Gut you myself.
Black Mage (seeing a pattern here?), 8-Bit Theater


HEEEEERE'S JOHNNY!!!

Just open the DSM-IV at a random page and you're likely to find on it some disorder that Curtis has.

Heeeere's Johnny!
Jack Torrance, The Shining (1980 movie)

I'm not gonna hurt ya. You didn't let me finish my sentence. I said, I'm not gonna hurt ya. I'm just going to bash your brains in. I'm gonna bash 'em right the fuck in!
Jack Torrance, The Shining (1980 movie)

RIP AND TEAR, RIP AND TEAR, RIP AND TEAR YOUR GUTS! YOU ARE HUGE! THAT MEANS YOU HAVE HUGE GUTS! RIP AND TEAR!
Doomguy, Doom

It must be... magnificent. To hear a planet writhe and scream. To feel it convulse beneath your own feet. Witness it dying with living eyes. Perhaps I may share this gift with every last living soul in the galaxy... Until then..."
Kyras, Dawn of War

Bats in the belfry (hoo-ha!)
Rotten on the vine! (ha-ha-ha)
Can't keep my eyes closed (hoo-ha!)
Sunny all the time!
Put your hands where I can see 'em boy
Keep 'em up high!
This place~
Has gone~
Crazy~
That Handsome Devil, Viva Discordia

Rhyme: They won't let me watch those, but they allow me to view cartoons. Considering I hold the world record on comically-oversized-mallet-related-murders, does that seem like an intelligent policy to you? Or an even remotely sane one?

"Who the HELL... put bouillon cubes in the shower head!?! Huh? Hm, did you do it? Hm? Did you? If it happens again... I will wait in my SUV, blast me some speed metal — five point one surround sound, heavy on the bass — and someone... will be getting... mowed... down."
Hooch is crazy!

"KILL MAIM BURN!!! KILL MAIM BURN!!! KILL MAIM BURN!!!"
Kharn the Betrayer, swell guy, Warhammer 40,000

Nemo: [firing an automatic harpoon gun into a crowd] Come Forward! Come Forward, men of England! Tell the gods that Nemo sent you!

"If you go and kill the ugly little girl right now, won't the steadholder object? And then you'd have to kill him as well. And anyone else upstairs. And all these people here... Why shouldn't we do this again?"
Odiana, Furies of Calderon

He keeps hackin' and wackin' and smackin'
He keeps hackin' and wackin' and smackin'
He keeps hackin' and wackin' and smackin'
Sounds like death...danger! It sounds bad! Danger, danger! What's happening in the dining car? Is there blood? Who's killing who? Where did they get shot? I have to see! Things are really starting to get exciiiiting...Yes! Yesyesyesyes! YES YES YES YES YES!!

''You were sisters. You attended our wedding. What would prompt you to kill her?
Rajah, on Aerona

Why do lovers park down deserted lanes
Near haunted houses or homes for the insane
Like the deformed son who was locked in a shed
Later escaped when he chopped off their heads
Why do axe murderers only attack
When you're partially nude
Or you're taking a bath
Though there are times I feel softer then most
Some days like yogurt
And some days like toast
Sorority girls and fraternity boys
Always deflowered if they're rich or they're spoiled
So we never feel bad when aunt betty who's dead
Surprises them lying on her wedding bed when we're making love now I feel so exposed
Might you impale me or turn into those
Creatures over in my mind
Forget about the last five years
Back in the woods along a dirt track there is a house
An old women on the porch with three dogs
One of them blind
Who knows what will happen
Or what blind dogs see
And I wish there was some place
I really wanted to be
I'm crossing over
Axe Murdered, Camper Van Beethoven

I am the Night Rider. I'm a fuel-injected suicide machine! I am a rocker! I am a roller! I am an out-of-controller!
The Night Rider, Mad Max

Hyde: Ever killed anyone, Benjamin?
Benjamin: Not personally...I have people.
Hyde: You're missing out. It's like sex, only there's a winner.
Jekyll

So, I quite like PORN photography
And books on GUNS history
And I'd like to be a POLITICIAN vet
And I feel as I get older,
And when I die KIIIIIIIIIILL
I'll have no regrets
Tim Minchin, Angry (Feet)

Agent Norman Jayden: Blake, you are an unbalanced, psychopathic asshole!
I'm not a killer who kills without reason. It's because I have a reason that I kill. Because I'm busy, I'll kill you. I don't have time to deal with you, so I'll kill you. I don't want to stand in your way, so I'll kill you. Because I hate fighting, I'll kill you. I don't want Kurokami-san as part of the 13 party, so I'll kill you. Because the weather is good today, I'll kill you. Because today's food was good, I'll kill you. Because I had a good dream last night, I'll kill you. Because the first showing of a movie I was looking forward to is close, I'll kill you. Because my phone's batteries are almost out of power, I'll kill you. And for no reason whatsoever, I'll kill you.
— Kei Munakata, Medaka Box note 

We have to strike now, sir! Annihilate! Kill! Kill!
— General Decker, Mars Attacks!

Pierre Le Fou HI! and Ladies and Gentlemen!.
— Cowboy Bebop "Pierre Le Fou"
  • That evil laugh is so perfectly unique, it deserves to be mentioned too.

Boooored now. I never thought I'd be able to grow tired of tormenting two effeminate Germans, but I suppose I can surprise even myself!

Warbeak KILLEE!!!
-Warbeak, Redwall

Pop quiz: Why am I such an angry bitch? Seriously, no matter how many I kill, it's all the same. They're all going to pay, yeah, with their fucking lives.
Bad Girl, No More Heroes

Minerelle: Did you kill anyone?
Kodrinschreiner: No, I did not kill anyone because I'm not you.

Did I ever tell you what the definition of insanity is? Insanity is doing the exact same fucking thing over and over again expecting shit to change. That. Is. Crazy. The first time somebody told me that, I dunno, I thought they were bullshitting me. So, boom, I shot him. The thing is... he was right. And then I started seeing, everywhere I looked, everywhere I looked all these fucking pricks, everywhere I looked, doing the exact same fucking thing. Over, and over, and over, and over again thinking, "This time is gonna be different. No, no, no please... this time is gonna be different." I'm sorry, I don't like the way... (punches crate aside violently) ...you are looking at me. Okay, do you have a fucking problem in your head? Do you think I am bullshitting you, do you think I am lying? Fuck you! Okay? FUCK. YOU. (beat) It's okay, man. I'm gonna chill, hermano. I'm gonna chill. The thing is... all right? The thing is I killed you once already, and it's not like I am fucking crazy. It's okay. (beat) It's like water under the bridge.
Did I ever tell you the definition of insanity?
Vaas Montenegro, Far Cry 3

What'd I tell y'all about coming in my SHEEEED?!
Fluttershy (holding a chainsaw), SHED.MOV

I know what I have become... I am the inside of this world, I taste the gore, and I smell the crying, AND I WANT MORE! I want to bathe in your flesh, I want to savor your fear. I wanna live inside a castle built of your agony, AND I WANT TO CRUMBLE IT WITH AN AXE TO YOUR CAROTID ARTERY!
Krieg the Psycho, Borderlands 2

Kill you all, kill your friends and your family, track down your grandparents and turn them inside-out, nobody can stop the blood train that will turn your loved ones into a red stain across the tracks of humanity!
Krieg the Psycho, Borderlands 2

There is no me, there is no you! There is only the never ending spit and bile of combat! The twenty-four hour murder spree of shining metal! I drink the blood and eat the loot and breathe the numbers, because I AM A MONSTER! NOW AND FOREVER!
Krieg the Psycho, Borderlands 2

Kenshin: You shall be fine as long as you do not attack another member.
(Kenshin Glances at Asagi.)
Asagi: Ohhhhhhhhh yeahhhhhhhhh.. We have had that happen before.
Impa: I...I would not dream of it.
Asagi: Oh, that's just people being people, especially us.
Kenshin: I do not consider threatening with a knife to be "People being people".
Igno: Er... What are you talking about, here? ... Oh, wait, now I remember.
Asagi: Oh, that's people being assholes, not people being people.
Impa: What exactly happened?
Kenshin: A man entered where we were staying, told us he murdered several people, and then started yelling and drew his knife.
Impa: My goddess.
Kenshin: Yes, he was very obsessed with that knife. Almost as if it....
(Kenshin Searches for a term.)
Kenshin: Turned him on.

Sport the war, war support
The sport is war, total war
When this end is a slaughter
The final swing is not a drill
My only aim is to take many lives
The more the better I feel
My only pleasure is to hear many cries
From those tortured by my steel
The colour of your blood from your open body
Is all I wanted to see
Tasting the blood from your lips as you die
Means satisfaction to me
Pleasure to kill!
Kreator, "Pleasure to Kill"

alternative title(s): Axe Crazy
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