Dirty Old Woman

How silly of me! I should have tied you to my bed.
Nurse Edna, Maniac Mansion

The Distaff Counterpart to the Dirty Old Man. Notable, while the male version will engage in groping and similar behavior, this is fairly uncommon for the female version (although the occasional swat or pinch on the bottom is not out of the question), who will often make Double Entendre-laden references to an "adventurous" past. In some cases, such a character will be played by a guy in drag. A popular characterisation of a brothel's madame.

This character is almost always Played for Laughs, often as an Abhorrent Admirer of some sort. When they show up in a Darker and Edgier show, which is rare, they're often used to show the unfortunate fate of women who let their sex drives lead their lives or, inversely, the result of too much prudishness.

Compare with Mrs. Robinson who is younger, prettier and still sexually active and doesn't have much problem seducing a younger guy.


Examples

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    Anime and Manga 
  • The Stripping Hag from Hoozuki no Reitetsu not only likes young men, she also promotes her own photo collection. Nude one.
  • In the film adaptation of Howl's Moving Castle, the Witch of the Waste is this. Young men are so cute, indeed.
  • Iono from Iono the Fanatics isn't actually that old, but fits this trope to a T, other than the fact that the objects of her affection are girls.
  • Dama from Haré+Guu is a ridiculous example of this.
  • In Part 3 of JoJo's Bizarre Adventure, Joseph accidentally peeps into a bathroom stall on a woman like this, who instantly becomes obsessed with him and tries to seduce him. Hilarity Ensues.
  • Otome's grandmother in Cherry Juice would qualify for some simply for being committed to getting Otome and her step-brother together romantically. She cements her status in one scene where she and Otome are trying to listen through Minami's door after he brought home a girl from school, expecting that something racy was going on. When Otome leaned on the door too hard and fell into the room, Granny was standing at the ready with her camera in hand.
  • Sumire Ryuzaki from The Prince of Tennis is often portrayed like this in doujinshi. The Beach Episode OAV also toys with the idea, for a mix of squick and laughs. (Though to be fair, she was pretty when young, and otherwise is an excellent and well-respected Team Mom and Stern Teacher).
  • Rose from Nebraska to a small degree. She has no trouble talking about her torrid past, calling her husband's dead sister a whore, or flashing an old boyfriends tombstone.
  • Ranma ˝ anime, Dr. Tofu's mother gropes most buttocks of his son's potential brides to check if they have strong-enough bone that worth her family's name.
  • Charlotte B. Lord, the school principal in Unlimited Fafnir is one. Made much more hilarious because she resembles a ten year old girl. But she has no qualms about telling Yuu, the main hero, to go peeking at the girls with her while they're having a physical exam. She is usually kept in check by her assistant Micah.

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    Comedy 
  • Cloris Leachman makes this part of her act. This was exemplified in the Comedy Central Roast of Bob Saget - "I am not here to roast Bob Saget. I am here to fuck John Stamos!" She wound up getting a full-on kiss from him.
    • Her bit as a whole fell under this as well, since she got her start from the bottom, doing nothing but improv - "Just me and the donkey."
  • Stand-up comic Grandma Lee's act revolves around this, as seen on Americas Got Talent. She made several lewd advances at the male judges as part of her routine.
  • A lot of dirty-old-woman routines owe a great deal to Jackie "Moms" Mabley.
  • Jo Brand. It's particularly obvious if you watch QI, since she's frequently the one making the most dirty jokes.

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    Film - Animated 
  • In the Disney / Pixar film Cars, there's a Dirty Old Car. No, really. She's called Lizzie (as in Tin Lizzie), and she takes great pleasure in slapping bumper stickers on the bumpers of attractive young cars.
  • In Mulan, Mulan's grandmother, who's a jokester and snarker in general, also has shades of this. When she first sees Shang, she yells "Sign me up for the next war!"

    Film - Live Action 
  • Rose Delvecchio in Desert Heat enjoys peeping on threesomes through windows, shooting liquor straight from the bottle, and praising the lord.
  • There is, of course, the Professor's elderly grandmother in the Eddie Murphy remake of The Nutty Professor, who goes into anecdotes about her uhhh... past, over dinner. And then there's that one scene in the sequel...
  • The old lady that Jack fondles in the London carriage in Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides. "Is that it?"
  • Max Bialystock's nameless "client" (credited as "Hold Me-Touch Me") in the opening scene of the original version of The Producers. Estelle Winwood, the actress who played her, was later quite vocal in stating her displeasure with the role and the movie.
  • In Yes-Man, there's an old woman in the protagonist's apartment complex who seduces attractive men by asking them to fix something at her house. Despite her appearance, she apparently gives very good head.

    Jokes 
  • It seems that three old ladies were standing at a bus stop when along came a flasher and opened his raincoat. Well, the first old lady had a stroke. The second old lady had a stroke. The third old lady tried to have a stroke but her arms were too short.
  • A college student was low on cash, and saw no other way than resorting to prostitution to make a quick buck. He advertized his services in a newspaper, saying 1 go with him on the bed costs 100 $, 1 go on the couch would cost 50$, and 1 go on the floor costs 25 $. An elderly and lonely lady saw the advert, and went to the student's home with 100 $. The young man asked her "So, it will be one go on the bed?" The old lady replied with a snicker: "Not at all, handsome, make it 4 steamy times on the floor!"
  • A man is walking through the forest when he encounters a crone. "Oh, my", says the crone, "I guess you're gonna ravage me now, sonny?" "Wasn't dreaming to, granma", answers the man, "have no fear." "Don't reckon you've got much of a choice, sonny." says the crone, levelling her double-barreled shotgun on him.

    Literature 
  • The old woman in Voltaire's Candide fits this pretty well, somewhat more so in the musical than the novel.
  • The ur-example in English is probably the Wife of Bath from The Canterbury Tales, who is five times married. It is a bit hard to tell her exact age, though, as her first marriage was at 12 or so. Potentially, she might be more like some of Mae West's characters who lean in the Mrs. Robinson direction. We do know that she was twice the age of her last husband — but it's possible he was in his teens and she was in her thirties.
  • Nanny Ogg from Discworld is a perfect example of this — even providing the page image! — and arguably has some inspiration from the Wife of Bath. Her favorite conversational topic is the "single entendre."
    • Topsy Lavish from Making Money is practically Nanny Ogg on crutches.
  • Iris Wildthyme in the Doctor Who Expanded Universe, although whether she physically matches the description depends on the incarnation. The Beryl Reid incarnation certainly fits the bill, the Barbarella and Shirley Bassey ones not so much, and the Katy Manning Iris is more of a Mrs. Robinson.
  • The titular character in Roald Dahl's The Landlady is heavily implied to be this. The bad kind. Poor, poor hapless Billy Weaver.
  • The Star Wars novel The Hutt Gambit has a grotesquely funny scene of a young Han Solo being leered at by an elderly Twi'lek bag lady when he and Chewbacca first arrive on the "Smugglers' Moon" of Nar Shaddaa. Apparently, Han was sickened more by the woman's advanced age than by the fact that she was a head-tentacled alien, since Humans and Twi'leks can successfully interbreed in the Star Wars universe.
  • Grandma Mazur in the Stephanie Plum books. When a man exposes himself to Stephanie and Grandma Mazur, Grandma offers to try touching the rather excited man. He wilts.
  • Queen Tatiana from Vampire Academy, was in her sixties. Maintained relationships with men forty years younger than her.

    Live Action TV 
  • Betty the Auld Slapper in the Scottish sketch show Chewin' the Fat. Usually seen relating her experiences of wartime life to a local historian, who was hoping for more about coping with rationing and the Blitz, and less about sleeping with G.I.s. She also has a tattoo that reads "I love Willie".
    Care worker: Who's Willie?
    Betty: Anybody's willie.
  • This member of the audience in Drew Carey's Improv-A-Ganza.
  • An episode of Full House had a trio of old ladies gawking and leering at a pants-less Danny.
  • The comedy sketch show Harry Enfield and Chums featured a pair of characters officially named "The Lovely Wobbly Randy Old Ladies". Catch Phrase: "Young man! At our age!", said in response to anything that can even vaguely be considered a Double Entendre. They are even shown ravishing the men on a few occasions - and working for a sex line. All played for laughs, naturally.
  • In the TV series of Game of Thrones, Olenna Tyrell seems to enjoy giving this image, best exemplified by this conversation with Varys (who by the way is a eunuch).
    Olenna: Are you here to seduce me?
    Varys: A little obvious perhaps...
    Olenna: Oh no please, seduce away! It's been so long. But I rather think it's all for naught; what happens when the non-existent bumps against the decrepit (Varys looks down at his groin and up again in shock)... a question for the philosophers.
  • None of the leads on The Golden Girls are averse to talking about their sex lines (or, with the exception of Sophie, having sex), though Blanche Devereaux takes the part further than anyone else.
  • The bus full of old people in the Doctor Who special "The End of Time". Minnie "The Menace" Hooper in particular; she even gropes the Doctor.
  • One episode of House involves an old lady who hit on House throughout the episode. Another involves a couple of ostensibly Dirty Old People, although the both of them later came back individually to ask House to do something about the other's libido.
  • Agnes Brown the titular Mrs. Brown of Mrs. Brown's Boys is one, and is played by series creator Brendan O'Carroll in drag; her best friend Winnie McGoogan is one as well, though she's played by O'Carroll's real life sister.
  • Paula Deen, or at least her television persona, often embodies this, especially on Paula's Party. She even flirted with Clay Aiken after he was out of the closet. And then there's the time she rode Robert Irvine like a horse...
  • In Saved by the Bell, a lot of older women went to the beach to check out A.C. Slater work as a lifeguard.
  • In Supernatural, Gertrude Case spent her whole debut flirting with and groping Sam Winchester while the Winchester brothers were attempting to steal an artifact from the Pine Seas Maritime Museum.
  • This was one of the "Weird Newscasters" on Whose Line Is It Anyway?. The (female) improviser said, "You make me feel like a nubile teen," to which Colin replied, "You're...you're kidding yourself."
  • British comedies seem to love the concept of the rapacious landlady.
    • In Gimmee Gimmee Gimmee there is Brenda, a retired prostitute who never misses a chance to be crude.
    • Spaced has Marsha, a raddled alcoholic who has an arrangement with one of her tenants.
    • In Waiting for God, Diana explains that this trope is a symptom of women living longer than men, that when you have passed sixty five men are a rare commodity and if you touch hers then that is the only way you will perceive him for the rest of your life, does she make herself clear?

    Music 

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    Theater 
  • Aristophanes sometimes used such characters, such as in one notable instance where women take over the government of Athens and institute a rule that a young man must sleep with an older woman in order to be married, and thus a young male character is chased around by a crone. As Aristophanes lived in Ancient Greece, this makes it Older Than Feudalism.
  • Gilbert and Sullivan, inspired by the dame figure of pantomime which is played by a man, frequently featured repulsive older women chasing after young male characters.
  • William Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet tends to present Juliet's nurse this way, potentially inspired by the Wife of Bath. However, the text's references to her biography, particularly the fact that she was a wet nurse for the 14-year-old Juliet, establish her as actually in her mid-30s. Thus, she was almost certainly intended as a "saucy maid" stock character rather than a crone.
  • In Stephen Sondheim's Sweeney Todd (the musical, not the movie), the character of the Old Beggar Woman is an especially dirty example, though she is most likely not doing it because of sexual attraction, but because she figures out that being a hooker probably earns her more money than simply begging. She has such memorable lines as
    "Hey boy, sailor boy,
    Want it snuggly harboured?
    Open me gate, but dock it straight,
    I see it lists to starboard!
  • Berthe from the musical Pippin.
  • Brenda from Road.

    Video Games 
  • Pipra from Infinite Space, who constantly mentions to Yuri about "paying with his body". A bartender even notes this in one of the jobs.
  • As per the page quote, Nurse Edna from Maniac Mansion. Not only does she deliver the quoted line when capturing one of the boys (and "You're lucky you aren't a boy" to the girls), but she also responds to an apparent prank phone call with "There's no heavy breathing. Let me show you how to do it."
  • Some of Kreia's dialogue is downright filthy by the standards of the GFFA, especially if you're playing a male.
  • Matriarch Aethyta from Mass Effect 2, the bartender on Illium. Especially when she says "Sorry, no sex; just cleaned the bar!"
    • And in the third game has several gems where, among other things, she uses the phrase "useful as tits on a Hanar" and mentions that she's had at least one daughter with one, and her starry eyed reminiscing about Benezia's amazing rack, complete with a Wolf Whistle. And when she makes Liara's infatuation with Shepard (which may or may not be reciprocated), sound "tawdry" in Liara's words, she says that if you're doing it all civilized then you're not doing it right.
    • Samara is a downplayed example, but she freely admits that she's had lots of a carefree sex before her days as a Justicar. If Shepard asks about a romance with her, she turns him/her down, but is flattered by the idea and thinks about it.
  • Sharma Salsa, the *ahem* amateur film producer who gives Ajay all the racing sidequests in Far Cry 4. She thinks he's very attractive and lets him know about it with some very suggestive gestures, despite the fact she's probably old enough to be his mom. Also, it's all but outright stated that she's a former porn star. What? You're honestly naive enough to believe Sharma Salsa is her birth name?

    Web Original 
  • The character "Granny_Bacon" fulfilled this role in Shadow of Israphel, having a crush on Simon Lane's Honeydew alter-ego and sleeping with him off panel. During her funeral, Father Braeburn mentions that in her last confession she admitted to sleeping with Honeydew constantly.
  • Hoops and Dumbbell's neighbour fits the bill, asking without a hint of shame if it's true what they say about a Pegasi's wingspan. Then giddily congratulating Dumbbell when he suggests that yes, it is.

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    Western Animation 
  • Gorgeous Gal in the Woody Woodpecker cartoon A Fine Feathered Frenzy. She takes out an ad in the paper saying she is beautiful, rich, has plenty of food and desires to meet and marry a young man. She even includes the pocket change needed to call her in the ad. Gorgeous Gal seduces Woody with her sexy voice on the phone and assures him she loves woodpeckers. So he agrees to come over and plans to marry her. Unfortunately it turns out she's an overweight and elderly anthropomorphic bird. Finding Woody cute, Gorgeous Gal kisses him repeatedly and flirts with him nonstop while he flees in terror. She still forces him to marry her and takes him on their honeymoon on the same day since she couldn't wait to make love to him.
  • The "World's Oldest Woman" of Histeria.
  • Grandma Butternut From the Canadian cartoon Numb Chucks
  • The grandma in Tex Avery's Red Hot Riding Hood, pursuing poor Wolfie when he's clearly not interested. What do you expect? She runs a brothel! She locks him in her apartment and chases him with puckered lips. The same thing happens to the Wolf in "Swing Shift Cinderella" with an elderly Fairy Godmother that tries to jump his bones. The Wolf does kiss her on the lips once by mistake, only intensifying her lust.
  • Ms. Buttloaves from The Ren & Stimpy Show, Ren is usually the object of her desire.
  • Granny from Squidbillies. She built a monster out of human corpses to keep as a friend with benefits, and forged an ancient love letter and faked a coma to try and sleep with the ghost of Robert E. Lee.
  • In Robot Chicken, the grandmother from Little Red Riding Hood is reimagined as this. Apparently, Little Red was a prostitute that she ordered. When the Big Bad Wolf shows up instead, she assumes he's the prostitute and forces herself on him.
  • The Venture Bros. in the episode "Guess who's coming to State Dinner" Mrs. Manstrong is an example of this.