I Need To Go Iron My Dog / Live-Action TV

Series:

#-L

• 3rd Rock from the Sun:
  • Dick tries to get Nina to do something for him:
    Nina: That's the night I'm having my eyes gouged out.
    Dick: Can't you reschedule it?
  • Played for laughs in another episode, in which Tommy and his girlfriend want to talk alone and everyone makes up an excuse to leave, except for Harry, who stays on the couch:
    Tommy: What about you?
    Harry: I'm just delaying my exit to make it seem more natural. (slowly gets up and leaves)
• 30 Rock:
  • When Liz confronts Floyd with the fact that a woman answered the phone when she called him, he pretends to get a text message telling him he has a flight to catch, or he'll miss his meeting with "Peter Venkman". When Liz later catches on, she is livid, but not entirely for the reasons you'd expect.
    Liz: That's from Ghostbusters! You used Ghostbusters for evil!
  • There's also the episode where Toofer discovers that Jack was a member of a secret Princeton society, where one of the rules is that if anyone ever yells out the name of the society, you have to immediately find an excuse to leave the room, and the writers use this fact several times.
    Jack: I don't know who the hell told you to say that, Rossitano, but you have no idea what you're—
    Frank: Twig and Plums.
    Jack: I have to go to an intervention for my travel agent.
• Used in 'Allo 'Allo!. Lieutenant Gruber wants to spend some quality time alone with René. This follows:
  René: No, Lieutenant. I have to put the cat out.
  Lt. Gruber: ... I could put it out with you.
  René: No, your medals might frighten it.
• The Amanda Show has a lot of these to end Amanda's closing monologue. Including such gems as: "I gotta go water my lobsters!" "I have to go alphabetize my sister!" and "I have to go bodyslam my grandmother."
• A.N.T. Farm: Olive (who is wearing a black outfit) and Fletcher (who is dressed as a cat) both do this when they, along with Chyna, are caught by Chyna's dad.
  Fletcher: I think I see a mouse.
  Olive: Oh look! My cat got out!
• Arrested Development had a straight example and a subversion in "Ready, Aim, Marry Me!":
  • Lucille Ostero tells Gob "I have to go to spin class." Lucille has vertigo.
  • When Michael drops by Sally Sitwell's work to ask her out, he sees her facing away from the front desk in the next room. When he asks the receptionist to get her attention, she makes a phone call, then tells Michael she's not there. After Michael leaves dejected, it's revealed that the figure in the next room was simply trying on a wig that looked identical to Sally's hair.
• Centauri Ambassador Londo Mollari on Babylon 5 once told someone "I intend to have other plans" in response to an invitation.
• The Big Bang Theory:
  • In "The Cushion Saturation", Penny tries to excuse herself saying she needed to wash her hair to save herself from Sheldon's wrath when he was about to discover his self-designated couch cushion had been disturbed.
  • In one episode Howard, desperate to get out of a fishing date with his father-in-law, claims that he and Bernadette already have "a thing" for that day.
    Bernadette: What thing?
    Howard: You know...the thing?
    Bernadette: Oh! That thing! [beat] I cancelled it.
• A Bit of Fry and Laurie's vox pops had Stephen Fry in drag realizing he'd left the iron on, and in non-drag saying his wife was being towed away.
• Blackadder:
  • Lords Topper and Smedley, explaining why they can't go to Revolutionary France with Blackadder:
    Topper: I've just remembered...my father's just died! I've got to be at the funeral in ten minutes! Dem sorry! Goodbye, Your Highness.
    Smedley: Oh, dem! I'm the best man!
  • Played with in the Comic Relief special "The Cavalier Years" where it's not an excuse to leave, but rather an explanation Baldrick makes up to Charles I explaining why Blackadder can't comfort him before his execution.
    King Charles: (speaking to his executioner, who's actually Blackadder himself) I was so hoping my good friend Edmund Blackadder could be with me, but you see, his wife's sister's puppy fell into a strawberry patch, so naturally he couldn't be here.
• Bones:
  • In "The Sense in the Sacrifice", after Brennan declared her absolute faith in Booth, Booth kissed her breathless in the FBI bullpen, reducing her from Spock Speak to Buffy Speak:
    Bones: I need to go...do...scientific things to catch a serial killer.
  • There’s also Hodgins telling Cam in one episode “I’m...going to go look at very small things through my very large microscope...” when Cam questions him about evidence and none of it is specific enough to help.
• In the second Bottom Live show, Richie tells Eddie to invoke this after he gets an invite to meet with "Mr. Big". Eddie points out that he doesn't have any hair.
• In the Broad City episode "Hashtag FOMO", Abbi gets out of Trey's boring party by saying she has tapeworm in her butt and needs to go to the hospital.
• Brooklyn Nine-Nine: Detective Rosa Diaz provides this trope's page quote when trying to avoid talking to a citizen who calls himself "Super Dan".
• Buffy the Vampire Slayer:
  • A variation figures in the episode "Dopplegangland", where Willow still feels weirded out by her encounter with her vampire counterpart when Buffy asks if she'd like to meet her at the Bronze:
    Willow: Strangely, I feel like staying at home...and doing my homework...and flossing...and dying a virgin.
  • "Something Blue": Under a spell, Buffy tells Riley that she is marrying Spike. Flustered, Riley responds "It's late. And I'm very tired. So I'm just going to go far away and be...away."
  • "Tabula Rasa". Willow and Tara are having an argument; Xander and Anya make themselves scarce.
    Xander: I'm gonna go get that...phone you probably don't hear. High-pitched ring, ears like a dog.
    Anya: I'm gonna help you with that.
  • "Ted" - Buffy tries to duck out of miniature golf with her mom's new suitor. Willow backs her up but Xander will have none of it.
    Buffy: ...but, we have to do that thing.
    Willow: The thing? ...oh, right, the thing!
    Xander: Hey. We can do that thing any time. I'm tired of doing that thing. We're in!
• In Burn Notice Madeline needs to get Sam to leave the room so Fiona and Michael can have a moment alone.
  Madeline: Would you like a bottle opener, Sam?
  Sam: Oh no no, I've got one. Thanks, yeah, never leave home without it.
  Madeline: Sam. You need a bottle opener. Why don't I show you where it is?
  Fiona: (sigh)
  Sam: OK. Sure. Alright Madeline, where's the bottle opener?
• Castle:
  • In the season 2 opener, Ryan and Esposito excuse themselves from the room to let Castle and Beckett talk in private by saying they have to go do "that thing with the guy", repeating the above conversation almost verbatim.
    Ryan: Oh, hey, uh...don't we have that thing?
    Esposito: ...No?
    Ryan: Yeah, you know, that thing with that guy?
    Esposito: Oh. Yeah. The thing with the guy.
    Ryan: Excuse us.
  • In "Nikki Heat" Beckett finds herself embroiled in a teeth-grindingly awkward conversation (from her point of view) with Natalie Rhodes, the actress portraying the character based on her, about how Rhodes needs to sleep with Castle because of the relationship Castle wrote between Beckett's character and his own Author Avatar. It gets to the point where Rhodes has completely deconstructed the relationship between Beckett and Castle and is begging Beckett to give Castle "permission" to sleep with her that Beckett feels the need to flee:
    Beckett: I need to go. Over there. (points at random and scurries off)
  • In an episode in season 8, Alexis is flirting with the suspect for information. After he gives her some, he asks her out. Her response: "I'd love to, but I'm actually getting fitted for an iron lung in the morning."
• On the episode of Chappelle's Show where Dave loses his show to Wayne Brady following a Hostile Show Takeover, he calls up Big Boi from Outkast, who lies to Dave about being operated on just to avoid hanging out with him. And when that doesn't work:
  Big Boi: I'm s'posed to be hookin' up with Don Cornelius tomorrow.
  Dave: A-all right...
  Big Boi: Yeah. We playin' tennis, man.
  Dave: Um, well you know, I'm around, man. Just give me a call.
  Big Boi: We playin' on the moon, bitch! Peace. Don't call me no more.
• Cheers
  • Cliff tries telling another bar patron about his trip to Florida. The other patron excuses himself by saying "You know, I just realized that I think I left my oven on." As he heads for the door, he mutters "If I hurry, maybe I can stick my head in it."
  • During "Is There a Doctor in the Howe?", Frasier tries to duck out of an unwanted attempt at cheering him up by claiming he has to go close an upstairs window. If he'd said to Sam "there's a woman upstairs I was planning on having sex with", he'd probably have gotten the gang to leave.
• In Chuck, when Chuck realizes there's an emergency in progress and has to escape from a conversation with his sister's oblivious boyfriend:
  Chuck: Excuse me, I think I see a kid crawling into an oven over in housewares.
• Community:
  • In the episode "Custody Law and Eastern European Diplomacy" Jeff, ever the pragmatist, dismisses himself with "Oh hey, is that a reason to leave?"
  • Professor Ian Duncan does a good old edition of "have to get something in my car", and then NEVER COMES BACK. Until Season 5, that is.
  • In "Basic Crisis Room Decorum", Jeff excuses himself by saying "Y'know, I think Britta crapped in my pants too."
• Corner Gas:
  • In the episode "Oh, Baby", Wanda asks Brent if he wants to babysit her son. Brent ducks the question by saying, "Ding ding! Oh, someone's at the pumps!" and walking out of the gas station.
  • In the episode "Slow Pitch", Hank is worried that Lacey won't make it to the baseball game on time. After consoling him, Brent adds, "I'm not worried. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to make an unrelated phone call."
• Covert Affairs has Auggie left with Jai after accidentally insulting him. He makes his escape by saying "I'm going to do...anything else."
• Played with on Dawson's Creek when Joey tells Dawson that if he can't find a date for a double date, he should call Jen and tell her he can't go out because he needs to "wash his hair".
• Sally says this sarcastically to Buddy in an episode of The Dick Van Dyke Show:
  Sally: And I have to go, uh, wash my cat.
  Buddy: You just washed your cat last week.
  Sally: So I'll iron him!
• An episode of Diff'rent Strokes had Willis' girlfriend blow off a date with him by saying she had to wash her hair. He goes to the movies anyway and sees her there with another guy.
• Doctor Who: In "Victory of the Daleks", the Doctor and Amy tell Professor Bracewell that they have to go and do an important thing before deactivating the Professor for being a Dalek android, something that's going to take at least 15 minutes... no, more like half an hour realistically... to do, then Bracewell will be so very deactivated.
• Extraordinary Attorney Woo: Soo-yeon fakes a sort-of emergency call to get out of her blind date with Min-shik and his Hurricane of Puns.
• On Faking It, when Shane is talking to a guy at a gay bar because Liam is trying to pick up the guy's straight female friend:
  Shane: So, what's your favorite movie?
  Guy: My favorite films explore the emotional destruction caused by 9/11.
  Shane: ... You know what, I just realized my parents are getting a divorce and I no longer believe in love, please excuse me.
• UK Comedy The Fast Show created an entire recurring sketch around a variant of this. A particularly dim character would be involved in a conversation or situation that was above his head. He'd inevitably spoil the illusion that he was one of them by saying something stupid. And then immediately announce "I'll get me coat."
• In the second season of Felicity, Felicity is dating David, a guy that her boss, Javier, doesn't trust. When David stops by the coffee shop while Felicity and Javier are talking, Javier makes an arch excuse to walk away.
  Javier: Ah. 'Scuse me, I have to, um, dust the scones.
• Firefly: "I have captain-ey things to do."
• Frasier:
  • It's a Running Gag that whenever Niles feels awkward enough that he has to leave the room, he'll make up some excuse about a patient he has to see, whose malady is usually tangentially related to the situation at hand.
    Niles: Yes, and I'd love to stay but I...have my therapy group meeting, and last time I was late the, er, compulsive gamblers were betting the passive aggressives that they couldn't make the over-eaters...cry.
  • Once, Martin excuses himself from Lilith's presence by saying, "Time to go...practice my signature."
• Occurs several times in Friends:
  • One particular example, when Ross goes to Monica and Chandler's to get a tie:
    Chandler: That thing that I have to do to make a baby. I faked it.
    Monica: What!? You faked it?
    Ross: You know what? I don't need a tie. I mean, it's better, open collar. You know, it's more casual. (he leaves)
  • The rest of the gang has to leave during an awkward moment with Monica and her (recently ex) boyfriend.
    Rachel: Hey, have you guys seen the new hand-dryers in the bathrooms?
    Ross: I thought that was just a rumor!
  • Later on, they all return while the two are still talking:
    Ross: Y'know, my hands are still a little damp...
  • Chandler is confronted with an awkward question:
    Chandler: Is that the door? I better answer it. [opens door] Oh, hi no one! [runs through door]
  • And the former Trope Namer. Which is a subversion because...well, that's what he really went for and brought back.
    Ross: I need to get the helicopter sounds.
  • Lampshaded by Chandler after he and Joey went to the bathroom together during a fight between Ross and Monica:
    Joey: I hope Ross doesn't think we went in there because we were uncomfortable being out here.
    Chandler: I really hope he does.
  • When Chandler has dug himself into a hole during a conversation with Monica:
    Chandler: Dear god, this parachute is a knapsack! (claws at his shoulders while rolling off the couch)
  • In the pilot, Joey asks Phoebe if she would help with assembling furniture at Ross' new apartment, and Phoebe averts the trope:
    Phoebe: Oh, I wish I could, but I don't want to.
  • There's also the episode in which Rachel prepares a trifle for dessert, only she ends up mixing the recipe and the result is terrible. Everyone's excuses to get rid of their plates end up being a form of this:
    Chandler: This is so good, that I'm gonna go enjoy it on the balcony...so that I can enjoy the view whilst I enjoy my dessert.
    Judy: I gotta call my friend Mary, and tell her how good this is, from Monica's room.
    Jack: I'll help you dial!
    Monica: And I'm gonna go into the bathroom, so I can look at it in the mirror as I eat it.
• In one episode of Gekisou Sentai Carranger, Red Racer gets rejected by Zonnette when he wants to do a Memory Diary with her. As he just stands there, the other Carrangers awkwardly tells him they have other things to do, with Blue Racer realizing he doesn’t have things to do, but leaving their leader by telling him to don’t get discouraged.
• In the Getting Together episode "Breaking Up Is Hard to Do," Rita and Rudy question whether Lionel's new songwriting partner actually exists. Lionel says "I'm supposed to meet him right now. I gotta run. Bye," and takes off.
• On Girls 5 Eva, Wickie gets hit on, and gets out of the conversation by saying that she has to answer a phone call in the other room, then tosses her phone across the apartment in front of him and shouts "Coming!"
• In the extended Glee pilot, Emma pulls out several of these excuses (i.e. "I'm allergic to nighttime") to discourage Ken from asking her out.
• Perhaps the purest example of the trope, in Grey's Anatomy, Meredith enters the kitchen to talk to her latest suitor while Callie is cooking, leading to this response:
  Callie: Excuse me, I have to leave the room for a short period of time for no reason whatsoever.
• H₂O: Just Add Water: When Bella finally goes on a date with Will, she catches onto the fact that he's only interested in her because she's a mermaid. She tries getting him to get to know her as a person, but he responds with "I know you're a mermaid, how much more do I need to know?" Bella finally hits her breaking point when Will brushes off her insistence that she's more than just a mythical being, and inverts the trope somewhat when she tells him he should focus on his diving career instead of her.
  Bella: Um— you know, I think you're right, you should— you should focus on your training.
  Will: I'm taking a break!
  Bella: No. Not— not with me. No, you should— um, you should find Sophie, she'll be wondering where you are. *storms off*
• On Hacks, Kayla mentions that she spends a lot of time traveling, then immediately says she has to take off Friday to "go to the dentist again." When Jimmy suggests she move it to Saturday, she says she can't because she already bought the ticket.
• One episode of Hannah Montana has the dad being grilled for something and escaping by miming a fax machine (in 2008).
  Billy Ray: Uh, uh, (covering his mouth) reeeeee uh-oh, I seem to be getting a fax! reeeee oh man, sounds like a big one, hope I got enough paper in there!
• In Help Im A Teenaged Outlaw, Lady Devereux tells one of the servants in one episode (who is asking her out) that she will not be coming out with him because she is "washing her hair."
• House:
  • House claims to be an ardent fan of daytime soaps partly to use it as an excuse to stop dealing with people.
  • Like the above, not quite a straight example, but another episode featured this exchange:
    Foreman: Where are you going?
    House: To get a $400 buttplug.
    (later in the conversation)
    Cameron: Where are you going?
    House: The buttplug was my way of saying "None of your business." Apparently too subtle.
• Patricia does this to Eddie on House of Anubis. It wasn't that she didn't like him, but it due to being nervous about actually having a relationship after their (and her) First Kiss. She tried to avoid him all together because she never had a boyfriend before.
• How I Met Your Mother:
  • In an episode:
    Ted: Zoey just told me about this great Frank Lloyd Wright retrospective tonight, who's in?
    Lily: Sorry, I'm...ah, I dunno, washing my hair.
    Marshall: Running the water.
    Robin: Holding the towel.
    Barney: And I'll be home, trying to get over the fact that no-one invited me to the big hairwashing party.
  • When Barney discovers that Robin thinks fighting is sexy, he convinces Ted to fake having had one with some guys. When Robin shows up with tickets to a hockey game and asks if Barney wants to go with her, Marshall reveals that Ted and Barney faked the fight, resulting in Robin rescinding her offer.
    Robin: Oh, I just remembered, I can't go tonight, I've got that...uh...that uh...that uh...that uh...that uh...that uh... [escapes out the door]
• Desperate to escape the affections of a pair of swingers, the eponymous character of I'm Alan Partridge tries to leave with the excuse that "I've just remembered that my dad is...still dead."
• In one Impractical Jokers challenge, the Jokers ask strangers to hold their seats, giving ridiculous excuses for why they're leaving. The goal is for the stranger to repeat the excuse to another Joker when they ask for the seat.
  Murr: I have to go milk my grandfather.
• In the Jessie episode "Krumping Crunching", Emma uses this excuse when she, Jessie, and Luke are caught by Christina.
  Emma: I have to watch something really educational...on the fashion channel.

However, unlike other examples, Christina is fully aware that Emma is using this trope but simply pretends to buy it.

Christina: That was an obvious excuse just to leave the room. We all know that the fashion channel has nothing left to teach her.

• In Kaizoku Sentai Gokaiger, Don stammers that he has to get dinner ready to not join Jan Kandou's Jyuken class with Ahim. Although flimsy, at least this is a believable example since Don is one of the Gokaigers' resident Team Chefs (along with Joe and Gai).
• Keen Eddie: Various versions of this were used by Insp. Monty Pippin, as an excuse to escape the room after Eddie sasses their scary, Dracula-esque boss. It never works for him, though.
• Kenan & Kel:
  • In "Corporate Kenan", when Kenan gets mistaken for an executive vice president, Kenan tries to get out of doing a speech at a big corporate meeting by having Kel barging in and interrupting him.
    Kenan: Just make something up. Like I've got an emergency phone call or something.
    Kel: Nobody will ever believe that. See, what I do is, I come in and I'll say, "Your Grandmother got eaten by lions!"
    Kenan: (beat) Keep working on it.
    (later)
    Kel: (rehearsing) Reggie! Your daddy has been attacked by circus clowns! Yeah, that sounds pretty good.
  • In another episode, Kenan tries to ask a girl to the Valentine's Day dance over the phone but gets rejected, claiming that she has to wash her hair. Kenan then remembers that the girl is bald.
• This is a running gag on Lois & Clark: The New Adventures of Superman, as Clark used weak or outlandish excuses to justify leaving the room so he could change into his costume. Lois eventually caught on, but not before being called the stupidest woman in the universe.
• Lost: In "Raised By Another", Hurley decides to take a census of the survivors so they can keep track of who everyone is. When he asks why Locke was in Australia before their flight Locke claims he was looking for something but "it found me". Hurley is so weirded out by this he pretends he needs to talk to another survivor, who he already registered on the list, just so he can walk away from Locke.
  Hurley: I know I already talked to you, but I need an excuse to get away.
• On Lost Girl, when Trick gets a dose of Too Much Information about what Bo and Lauren are up to:
  Trick: So many glasses. Must polish.

M-Z

• Mad About You: In "Maid About You", Paul needs to have a conversation with their maid Masha. Fran tries to signal to Mark that they should leave the room:
  Fran: Well Mark, come on. I want to show you that thing I bought.
  Mark: What thing? I thought you were over at—
  Fran: The thing.
  Mark: [Beat] Oh the thing. [follows Fran out] Yes, oh yeah, because I'm anxious to see that, yeah.
• Played for drama in Mad Men, when Henry Francis comes to see Betty at home in the middle of the day, and her housekeeper Carla sees them. They're just standing there talking to each other, so it should be easy to cover up the romantic undertones, but Betty's a Bad Liar and completely botches her attempt. At the end of the scene she claims she left the bathtub running and heads upstairs...leaving the basket of laundry she just brought down.
• Malcolm in the Middle: When Malcolm gets injured while Francis is looking after them with their parents away. As they are trying to do something about his injury, they get a call from Lois and Dewey answers.
  Lois: I'm talking to get a report. Please put Francis on the phone.
  Dewey: (Seeing Francis making signs to make an excuse) He's in the bathroom.
  Lois: Oh, then get Malcolm.
  Dewey: ...he's in the bathroom.
  Lois: They are both in the bathroom? What's going on?
  Dewey: I gotta go to the bathroom! (Hangs up)
• M*A*S*H:
  • Radar got himself out of a line of questions he didn't really wish to answer with a simple "Oh! I forgot!" and a quick exit.
  • Played straight and then subverted in the episode "Margaret's Engagement"; everyone at the staff meeting in the mess tent know Margaret's engaged to someone else except Frank, who assumes he's getting promoted, so as soon as the meeting is over, Hawkeye says, "Why don't we all go into the den and watch TV." Except instead of leaving the mess tent, they merely move over to the other side of the room.
  • Colonel Blake once put the moves on a nurse. He complimented her on her scent, to which she replied, "I just washed my hair." When the colonel goes a little further, she brushes him off with, "I have to wash my hair."
• In an early episode of Melissa & Joey, Joe meets a web designer who bolts as soon as he tells her he's a nanny.
  Ashley: Work emergency! My website just caught on fire!
  • Subverted at the end of the episode in that her server hosting the website really did catch fire and she was genuinely interested in Joe.
• On The Millers, Nathan, during a particularly awkward dinner with his mother, sister and brother-in-law, gets and says:
  Nathan: Let's see what's behind Door Number One. [opens door] Why, it's an exit! I win! [leaves]
• Mighty Morphin' Power Rangers: In "Calamity Kimberly", Kimberly breaks a mirror and, as part of the bad luck she believes that comes as a result from that, gets her hair wet from rain while going to school. Upon seeing her hair, Skull comments that she wasn't lying when she said she needed to wash it.
• Mimpi Metropolitan: Alan claims that he got stomachache from the sound of the ghost he is supposed to find so he has an excuse to run away. The similarly-scared Prima and Bambang say the stomachache is spreading to them so they can follow Alan.
• In an episode of The Monkees, the four boys have fallen in love with the same girl and want to get away from the apartment to go see her. Micky suddenly declares that his aunt is ill and leaves. Mike announces he is going to the store to get dog food. When informed that they don't have a dog, he says that he'll pick up a dog too while he's out. Davy announces a desire to become a boxer and leaves immediately to start doing road work. Peter, who has believed every excuse, isn't sure what to do now that he's all alone, and decides without a hint of irony that he'll go visit the girl.
• In an episode of Mr. Belvedere, Kevin delivers take-out to a young woman, and wonders why she's alone on Saturday night; she tells him she was thinking about going out, but figured she'd stay in and wash her hair. Kevin is surprised girls "actually do that", thinking it was just an excuse to turn him down. Then it turns into a complete Inversion of the Trope, as the two wind up in bed, the woman needing it as she was getting over a break-up, leading to some in-family turmoil. (Note that this was unusual for a sitcom at the time.)
• In the Murder, She Wrote episode "Doom with a View", a friend of Grady's tries to screw him over and then makes a half-hearted apology and invites Grady to his wedding. Grady's response is less a lame excuse and more a statement that he wants nothing more to do with his "friend":
  Grady: Sorry, buddy, but I'll be busy that week.
  Grady's now former friend: But we haven't even set the date.
  Grady: I know.
• My Name Is Earl:
  • While Earl and Randy's Mom is talking to Randy about bad sex with their dad, Randy throws a beer bottle against the wall and goes "Oh, look, we're out of beer. I'll get some more."
  • In the episode "Van Hickey", Earl ended up marrying his friend's older mom (long story) and kept making up excuses every night to escape from doing his "new husbandly duties"
    Earl: Sorry, I just ate a big meal and my doctor says I have to wait at least three hours before swimming or...humping so...Don't wait up.
    
    Earl: There's a bunch of birds unfairly attacking a squirrel on the lawn. I have to get involved...Don't wait up.
    
    Earl: The string came out of my sweatpants, it's gonna be an all nighter.
    
    Earl: The Chinese are on the march.
    
    Earl: I'm on hold with Mike from Bombay. He's trying to walk me through using the new toaster.
    
    Earl: Randy got out. Gotta go find him.
    
    Earl: I gotta drive three counties over to get some rubbers. I'm an odd size.
• Mystery Science Theater 3000:
  • In one episode, when Crow and Servo want to get away from Mike, Crow says "We need to go...feed the cat. Well, get a cat, then...feed it."
  • In The Unearthly, when nervously excusing themselves from Gypsy, Crow says he has to go clean his room. Servo? "I'm gonna go clean your room too."
  • In Daddy-O:
    Dr. Forrester: Frank, what are you doing?
    TV's Frank: Getting a... piece of... water.
    Dr. Forrester: "A piece of water"?
    TV's Frank: I mean, a glass of cake.
  • In the Invention Exchange for the "Wizards of the Lost Kingdom" episode, Jonah invents "Verbal Smoke Bombs", a list of bizarre excuses guaranteed to end any awkward conversation, including "Gotta go, I can't feel my arms!"
• NCIS:
  • McGee: "...And I'm going to do that... after I get... a Nutter Butter..." [eyeroll, exit]
  • From the same character: "I'm gonna go... get a haircut."
  • And again with: "Oh, look! There's... a... cat outside. I'm going to go help it."
  • Another episode has Tony and Ziva trying to get out of helping Palmer put ointment on his back, while running away.
    Tony: I have an important game to get to.
    Ziva: I have to get the hell out of here.
  • Another has newcomer Bishop chewing Gibbs out for not chewing her out over an error she made. Tony claims, "I... have to... do something." Tim claims, "I... have to... help him with it."
  • A Running Gag with Jimmy Palmer is that he will frequently leave an awkward or tense situation by claiming he's going to go clean some pipettes. At one point, when Gibbs specifically wants him to leave, he asks: "Don't you have some pipettes to clean?"
• The OA: BBA makes a call, but the conversation turns awkward, so she hastily cuts it short by saying that she can't talk right now because she's busy eating a sandwich.
• In Pie in the Sky, episode "Passion Fruit Fool", Margaret is trying to give Henry some private time to talk to their friend Alec.
  Margaret: I'll just go and feed the chickens.
  Henry: You just have.
  Margaret: Then I'll sit and I'll tell them a story!
• Pixelface: In "Two Aethelwynnes", Alexia and Clairpearker get away from Kiki from by announcing that they "Have to do some extra training...in that other room...with the thing".
• The Prisoner (1967): Oddly enough, this is Number 24's excuse when Number 6 calls her for help in "The Schizoid Man". She comes anyway.
• In Red Dwarf, Rimmer manages to come out with: "I'll be in the stern, correlating the, uh...in the stern."
• Roseanne: In the fourth season episode "Santa Claus", Roseanne finds out the "new friend" Darlene has made, Karen, is a woman Roseanne's age. When Roseanne goes over to Karen's bookstore to talk about this, Darlene comes by, and gets upset at her mother for poking into her life, which leads into the two of them getting into an argument:
  Karen: You know, it's probably easier to pretend I'm not here if I'm not here. (walks away)
• An early episode of Saturday Night Live features an Exorcist parody where two priests come to the house of a possessed girl. Upon entering and hearing unearthly shrieks from upstairs, one of the priests (played by Richard Pryor) turns to bolt. The other priest admonishes him, saying "Where is your faith, brother?" and he answers "It's in the car; I'm gonna go get it."
• Saved by the Bell:
  • In the episode where Kelly Kapowski didn't want to go to the prom with Zack because she couldn't afford a dress, she used the hair-washing one so often Zack told her she'd caused a drought in California.
  • Later, this exchange:
    Slater: Did you call her?
    Zack: Yeah, she says she can’t cuz she’s “washing her hair”.
    Slater: So?
    Zack: Every time! I mean, who washes their hair six times a day?
    Slater: YOU DO!
    Zack: I mean besides me!
• Seinfeld:
  • In "The Little Kicks," Jerry has never broken it to Elaine that she Sucks at Dancing. When Kramer tells her in no uncertain terms, she blocks Jerry's attempted exit from the kitchen to get a second opinion:
    Elaine: Jerry, I'm a good dancer, right?
    Jerry: (blankly, gaze averted) I forgot to make my bed!
  • In "The Muffin Tops," Jerry and the Girl of the Week are trapped on Kramer's stalled tour bus as Jerry's shaved chest hair is starting to grow back, causing him to itch uncontrollably. He can't scratch in front of her because he's led her to think he's naturally hairless, and his lame excuse ends up dovetailing nicely with the whole thing being played as if he's a werewolf on the brink of his full-moon transformation:
    (Ominous barking heard in the distance.)
    Jerry: I can't sit on this bus anymore! I think I'll go play with that dog!
  • "The Serenity Now":
    George: Hey, any of you guys wanna come out and help me fix my father's screen door in Queens?
    Jerry: Sorry, I'm fixin' a screen door in the Bronx.
  • George has such a knack for these excuses that Elaine assigns him the task of explaining to her friend why she can't babysit her bratty kid for her anymore.
    George: She's going to live with her grandparents in Redding, Pennsylvania.
    Vivian: Her grandparents passed away five years ago.
    George: ...Yes they did. I was covering. Elaine has been deported back to Scotland.
    Vivian: She's an American citizen, I've seen her passport.
    George: All right, no more lies. Elaine has been chosen to represent the Upper West Side in the next Biosphere project.
    Vivian: I haven't heard anything about another Biosphere.
    George: That's because it's underwater.
    Vivian: This is insane!
    George: Is it?
    Vivian: Yes, it is!
    George: Well, it's all for charity, so what's the difference.
  • Elaine's typical out is to yell "Hello?" very loudly and then pretend she heard someone in the next room calling her.
• This gem from Selfie, when Eliza decides to return Henry's coat by removing it in front of him...with very little underneath and then asking him to spend the night.
  Henry: I have to go feed my cat.
  Eliza: You don't have a cat.
  [long Beat]
  Henry: I have to go purchase a cat and then feed it. Generously.
• Sherlock:
  • In the minisode, Sherlock can't make it to John's birthday dinner because he has a "thing". Remarkable imprecision for such a precise speaker as Sherlock, but when Lestrade questions it, Sherlock explains that the more detailed and precise it is, the more it would sound like a lie.
  • Much earlier, in "A Study in Pink", he vaguely comments that he's going to "get some air" in order to escape from the flat to pursue a serial killer. Nobody really buys it, but since they don't realise what he's actually doing, nobody stops him, either.
• In an episode of The Slammer, Melvin poses as Lionel Blair in order to get back into the Slammer. When asked to tap dance, he first claims that he can't because the carpet is too brown, and then claims that he injured his wrist peeling a tangerine.
• Smallville, "Stiletto", when Lois Lane is operating as a superheroine.
  Police Scanner: Attention downtown units. Silent alarm at Riverside Jewelry on 5th and Water, handle code 10-38.
  [Clark and Lois stands up abruptly to leave]
  Clark: Well, I better...go feed Shelby.
  Lois: Uh, I should hit the gym.

Note that this is late at night and Shelby, Clark's dog, is in Smallville, not Metropolis.

• On an episode of Sports Night, Isaac walks into Casey's office in the middle of Natalie trying to get Casey and Dana together:
  Natalie: Isaac. Don't you think, don't you know that Dana isn't happy with Gordon, and that Gordon is about to break up with Dana and Dana only thinks she cares?
  Isaac: You know what? I'm gonna step out now and it'll be like I never came in. (leaves)
• Stargate SG-1:
  • In one episode, various characters have excuses such as kel'no'reem (Teal'c), important translation (Daniel), writing a report (Sam), and... something important (Jack).
  • In "Exodus", Col Jack O'Neill avoids listening to a lecture with the excuse that he needs to help Daniel Jackson wait for Teal'c.
  • In "200", Martin employs this to get away from Teal'c, lifting an entirely silent cell phone and beginning a conversation.
• Star Trek:
  • Star Trek: The Next Generation:
    • In "Ménage à Troi", Lwaxana Troi wants to spend time with Picard. Picard, preferring to be light years away, explains that he needs to show the VIP with him the door mechanism on the aft turbolift.
    • A slight aversion in "Starship Mine". Picard was unhappy having to attend the reception of a socially annoying Commander and was looking for any reason to leave. When told that there were horses and riding trails, Picard immediately picked up on that and said he was going back to the Enterprise to get his saddle. Only the Commander believed it. The other Enterprise crew didn't, but he had actually gone to get his saddle.
  • Star Trek: Deep Space Nine:
    • Worf pulls a preemptive one in "Accession" when he learns that Keiko O'Brien is pregnant. Having played the Delivery Guy during her Maternity Crisis, he reacts with... reticence... when Bashir suggests that in seven months, he can help out with baby #2.
      "Seven months? Unfortunately, I will be away from the station at that time. Far away. Visiting my parents. On Earth. Excuse me."
    • In "The Assignment", Bashir learns that he's inadvertently killed Keiko O'Brien's beloved plants. O'Brien suggests that Bashir should go with him to welcome Keiko so he can explain the situation.
      Bashir: You'll be fine. Besides, I have to be in surgery, operating.
      O'Brien: On who?
      Bashir: I'll find someone.
  • Star Trek: Strange New Worlds: La'an is very uncomfortable in diplomatic situations.
    Pike: And you've already met Lieutenant Noonien-Singh.
    La'an: Sir, I should go... do the... security things. [escapes]
• Strangers with Candy: "I just remembered I left the light on in my...other life."
• In one episode of Supernatural, Sam uses this to leave Jo and Dean alone.
  Sam: Oh yeah, um, I've gotta...uh, I've gotta go. Over there. Right now.
• Syndrome E. Virgile tells a rookie detective he needs to work on the non-existent "Gauthier case" whenever he wants to dump his work on him. After the rookie works out what's happening, he gets his own back by looking up a fourteen year-old cold case whose victim had the name Gauthier, and getting Virgile assigned to it.
• That '70s Show:
  • In the episode "Pinciotti vs. Forman" has Eric set Bob on Donna so everyone will want to stay with him. When he catches up to everyone at the end, Hyde (a guy who hates the government) says he has to register for the draft, Jackie says "Me too!", Eric says he has to count his G.I. Joes, and Donna will be in the oven.
  • Another one was during an awkward moment with the Forman family, when Donna, cups her ear, and yells "What's that, Dad? I'll be right there!" and runs out of the kitchen as fast as she can.
  • Then there's the time Kitty realizes she and Red are at a swinger party, and is just at such a loss she flubs the line.
    Kitty: I left the stove on the ironing...I left the iron on, on the stove, which is also on, and that just cannot be safe.
  • In another episode, Bob and Midge bring separate dates to Red's birthday dinner (they were separated at the time). Over the course of the dinner, they actually start flirting with one another, culminating in them kissing, then this:
    Bob: I, uh, left my wallet in the car. Midge?
    Midge: Oh, I left my... sex with Bob in the car.
• Richard Hammond resorted to this on Top Gear to not drive the Gumpert Apollo upside-down in a wind tunnel.
  Hammond: I can't, I'm painting...my horse.
• An amusing example in Two and a Half Men: Chelsea wants Charlie to meet her parents, so he makes up a vague excuse about being unable to go because he has an appointment. This quickly escalates into him needing a colonoscopy. By the end of the episode, he actually goes through with it...and then Chelsea reveals that she knew he was lying all along and has invited her parents to come to his house anyway.
• In an episode of the Singaporean sitcom Under One Roof, a sleazy university professor makes several advances towards Denise, who stammers "I left my iron on in my...car."
• USA High. On "Fraulein Winnie", Ashley has taught herself the German for "My uncle's monkey is very sick," since Christian's parents are visiting. At one point, the gang runs out of the room, in front of the parents, with no explanation, leading to the following, with the translation coming up as a subtitle.
  ASHLEY: "Der Affe meines Onkels ist sehr krank."
• Victorious:
  • In an episode, Beck doesn't even bother coming up with an excuse: (wandering toward door) "I...have to go..." (walks out)
  • Tori also claims in another episode that "I just got a text, I have to go pee."
  • When Robbie asks the others if they think his blog is boring:
    Beck: Hey look, it's that guy over there!
    Cat: It is that guy...
    Andre: Wait up guy!
    Jade: (getting up) There's no guy.
• On What About Brian, Adam uses this to get out of an embarrassing moment (it just got out that Adam secretly slept with Brian's sister):
  Adam: [looking at his phone] I gotta take this.
  Brian: It didn't ring!
  Adam: I know. [leaves]
• On Wings, Joe and Brian are competing to get Helen a better birthday gift, but neither wants to be overt about his intentions. At one point, Joe decides his current gift is inadequate and wants to leave to go buy a better gift without letting Brian know what he's up to.
  Joe: I have to, uh...go get my foot measured.
  Brian: Joe, this wouldn't be another of your clever fibs, would it?
  Joe: (long pause) No.
• The Witcher (2019): When Jaskier wakes up from a magical sleep to see Yennifer preparing a ritual, he desperately tries to get out of the room by saying he left his cat on the stove.
• Without a Trace. As two agents interview a victim's mother, the male agent hurriedly claims, "I need to check on something in the car" and leaves, having deduced that she'd be more comfortable talking to a woman.
• In an episode of WKRP in Cincinnati, Venus tries to come up with an excuse to leave Andy's office:
  Venus: Andy, uh, I think I'll... I don't know... I'll probably go buy a car or something.

Specials:

Specials

• In the Paul Lynde Halloween Special in 1976, the star "left my jacuzzi on fast-forward".

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