Original air date: March 29, 1993
It's routine maintenance time for the Enterprise: they've pulled into the Remmler Array in orbit around the planet Arkaria for a baryon sweep. Prolonged periods of warp speed travel can cause exotic particles to build up in a starship's hull, and a full radiation sweep is necessary now and then to get rid of these particles. Since the plasma field that sweeps the radiation is lethal to living beings, the Enterprise needs to be vacant for the duration of the procedure.
So everyone is busy getting ready to go, and everybody needs something from Captain Picard. Doctor Crusher needs containment space aboard the station to preserve some of her organic samples. LaForge needs some additional shielding around the computer core to protect the ship's memory. Worf needs Picard's authorization to set a timer that will automatically power down the ship's systems after everyone has safely disembarked. Data confuses Picard with his latest attempt to emulate human behavior by making small talk. And nobody wants to go to Commander Hutchinson's reception down at the local Starfleet base, since the man's reputation for boringness precedes him. Picard manages to solve almost everyone's problems; only Worf gets to bow out of the reception because he asked first. All that done, Picard - as the Captain, he's the last to leave the ship - permits himself one loving gaze around the empty bridge, before the maintenance crew setting up the computer shielding barge in and get to work.
Down on Arkaria, Hutchinson's reception proves to be just as dull as everyone feared, as the senior staff of the Enterprise vigorously pass the Commander off to each other in a desperate attempt to get away from his incessant chatting. The only real bright spot to be found is Data, who, taking Picard's sarcastic advice literally, has been observing Hutchinson for pointers on how to make his small talk seem more natural. He starts imitating Hutch's mannerisms. Even Picard finds he can't take much more of this, and when Hutchinson mentions Arkaria's scenic horseriding trails, he sees his opportunity to escape. After all, he loves horseback riding. All he needs to do is slip back to the Enterprise for his saddle. He should have plenty of time before the system shutdown timer hits zero.
Once back aboard the Enterprise, having fetched his saddle and changed into something more riding-appropriate, Picard prepares to beam back down, when he notices something. There's an open panel in the corridor, and some of the wires have been cut. Picard has little chance to puzzle over this, as a maintenance crew member confronts him. Picard notices the man tensely brandishing a torch and tries to walk away, but when the man tries to call him back, Picard attacks. He disables the man with a Vulcan Neck Pinch and makes a break for it, narrowly avoiding an encounter with some other "maintenance crew members" having a suspicious conversation. He gets to the transporter just in time... for the system shutdown to kick in.
Meanwhile, back on Arkaria, Data has cornered the Arkarian station administrator Orton and is small-talking him to within an inch of his life. Riker senses an opportunity and passes Hutch to Data, and the two of them go off together. Wow, problem solved.
On the Enterprise, Picard drags his attacker (whose name is later established to be Devor) to Sickbay, wakes him up, and demands some answers. He doesn't get them, so Picard just tranquilizes him instead, and then he hears voices. Devor is wearing a communicator. A woman named Kelsey is asking him to report in, and when he doesn't respond, she sends someone named Kiros to go check on him. Picard takes the communicator with him and attempts to figure out what's going on. He doesn't get far, unfortunately, before he runs into Kiros: an Arkarian woman with a laser pistol, who takes him into custody.
On Arkaria, the crew watch with fascination as Hutch and Data appear to be trapped in some sort of loop: they've been talking for a very long time about nothing at all and show no signs of stopping. And then Geordi notices some very strange heat signatures coming from under the buffet table. Orton comes up to him and immediately tries to pull him away, which in turn draws Riker over to them to ask if anything's wrong. All hell promptly breaks loose: the heat Geordi was detecting was from some hidden disruptor rifles, which Orton and a colleague immediately pull and fire. Hutchinson is killed, LaForge is wounded, and everyone else is taken hostage.
Meanwhile, Picard is taken to Main Engineering and introduced to Kelsey, the leader of a small gang of unsavory types who are doing something to the warp core. Picard identifies himself as Mot, the ship's barber, and he's put under guard until they can figure out what to do with him. On Arkaria, Crusher has gotten LaForge stabilized and the rest of the crew are assessing the situation. Troi senses that Orton is extremely nervous; Geordi's discovery of the hidden weapons screwed up whatever his plan originally was, and now he's working without a net. There might be a way that they can take advantage of that, if they're very careful.
By now, Picard has figured out what Kelsey's gang is up to: they're harvesting trilithium resin from the warp core, trilithium resin being a highly volatile (and easily weaponizable) substance. Using the laser welder he lifted from Devor, Picard causes an engine overheat to make the ship's fire suppressant systems kick in. In the chaos that follows, Picard destroys the portable force-field generator that they were using to keep themselves safe from the baryon sweep, then he makes a break for it. One of Kelsey's men, Satler, follows him, but Picard leads him smack into the approaching radiation, then heads to Worf's quarters to get his hands on some weaponry.
Thanks to the communicator he took from Devor, Picard learns of Kelsey's plans. Since the field diverter is now useless, and the sweep is coming, they have to move. She orders Neil, her tech guy, to improvise a stabilizer for the trilithium container so it can be safely transported by foot, and then they'll head to Ten Forward, the last place the sweep will touch. Picard breaks into the conversation, warning Kelsey that the trilithium is much too unstable to move with some jury-rigged safety measure and advises her to cut her losses. Kelsey's not about to back down, however, and since Picard accidentally left his combadge behind, she knows he's not just a barber. She sends her goons Kiros and Pomet to find Picard and lights a fire under Neil to get that stabilizer done.
Back on Arkaria, the crew has devised a plan. Thanks to Riker distracting Orton at a convenient time, they can modify Geordi's VISOR to emit a high-frequency audio pulse, which will knock out everyone in the room except Data. And then they notice that Orton's consulting a nearby communications console: a ship is approaching. Possibly his getaway vehicle. Riker gives Data his orders: once they activate the pulse, take control of the situation and stop that ship.
Meanwhile on the Enterprise, the game of cat-and-mouse continues. Neil and Kelsey make their way to Ten Forward, with Picard doing everything he can to slow them down, including cutting the rungs out of a few crucial Jeffries Tubes forcing them to take a roundabout route. And Pomet and Kiros continue to hunt Picard. Picard manages to take out Pomet with a knock-out dart, but Kiros gets the drop on him. Once Kiros informs Kelsey of the situation, she orders her to bring Picard to Ten Forward with them. And then, once Neil lets her know what she needs to do to drain the trilithium from the container, she kills him. Poor dope.
On Arkaria, the crew's plan goes off without a hitch. Data disarms the unconscious Orton and takes over the console. On the Enterprise, Picard is brought before Kelsey, and he tries one last time to negotiate with her. Revealing his true identity as Jean-Luc Picard, he offers himself as a hostage in exchange for the explosive. But Kelsey's not interested. She's not a terrorist, it turns out. She's a thief and plans to sell the resin for a massive profit. The three of them walk into Ten Forward, right into Picard's last booby trap.
Kiros is taken out immediately by an explosion, and Picard and Kelsey end up grappling over the trilithium container. Meanwhile, the baryon sweep comes ever closer. Kelsey manages to fight her way free with the container, and beams out to the nearby getaway ship. Picard is able to contact Arkaria Base Command (which is Data at this point), and gets the baryon sweep shut off before it kills him. Then he reveals that, in the struggle, he managed to get hold of the safety valve for the trilithium container.
Kelsey's ship promptly goes boom.
In the end, all is well: the Enterprise is safe, the bad guys are defeated...and Worf manages to find Picard's saddle.
Tropes featured in "Starship Mine" Include:
- Advancing Wall of Doom: The baryon sweep takes the form of a wall of green light that slowly but surely travels down the length of the Enterprise, killing anyone it hits.
- Artistic License – Martial Arts: After Picard tosses Kelsey to the ground, he makes the very questionable decision to simply dive on top of her and roll around on the ground with her. Even if he were trying to grab her trilithium canister, this move abandons his tactical advantage.
- Artistic License – Physics: All atoms are made of baryons
, so a sweep that removed them wouldn't leave much of the Enterprise. - As You Know: After Picard sabotages the field diverter, Neil informs Kelsey that without it, they have no protection from the baryon sweep. An annoyed Kelsey snaps back that she already knows that.
- Bad Boss: Kelsey. She doesn't bother to go back for Devor or Pomet despite the chance that they're still alive. And she kills Neil once she doesn't need him any more (after having bullied him throughout the episode). More profit for her, apparently.
- Big "WHAT?!": Neil, when Kelsey decides to move the very unstable trilithium out of Engineering.
- Black Dude Dies First: Downplayed, as Devor is the first member of Kelsey's team incapacitated (non-fatally) by Picard. Of course, with nobody going back for him, he almost certainly dies in the sweep.
- Blatant Lies: Kelsey, in a bit of false bravado, claims that Picard won't be able to stop the thieves or even slow them down... after he's already dramatically upset their plans.
- Bond One-Liner: Picard gets in a few good ones in this episode. Notably:Data: Captain, there is a small ship leaving the scene. Do you know anything about it?
Picard: (looking at the stabilizer in his hand) I know they won't get far.
*boom* - The Bore: Hutchinson. Most of the episode's comedy comes from the crew's constant annoyance at his unceasing small talk (and attempts to dodge conversations with him). They eventually foist Data upon him to see who cracks first.
- Brick Joke: Picard boarded the Enterprise to fetch his saddle, which at first seemed to be a flimsy excuse for him to leave the reception. Picard's saddle reappears in the final scene.
- Continuity Nod:
- Picard's love of horseback riding was last shown four seasons ago in "Pen Pals".
- The Ligonian glavin that Worf keeps in his quarters is visible again.
- Mot the barber, who Picard claims to be, has appeared in a few earlier episodes. Like Picard, the real Mot is bald.
- Data mentions the Sheliak, whom we last saw in "The Ensigns of Command".
- Cruel and Unusual Death: Death by exposure to the baryon sweep is apparently not a pleasant way to go, judging from Satler's tortured scream and Picard's almost remorseful expression when he hears it.
- Description Cut: When Riker asks where Picard is, Geordi tells him that Picard decided to go horse riding and is probably already on the trails. Cut to the Enterprise, where Picard is dragging Devor's unconscious body.
- "Die Hard" on an X: The episode couldn't be more clearly an homage to Die Hard set on the Enterprise. The hero is running around an abandoned complex playing cat-and-mouse with the villains while a separate group are being held hostage. One captured villain calls the hero's bluff about killing him. The hero assumes the villains are terrorists but turn out to be thieves. The hero listens in on the villains' communications, and they trade barbs. The hero passes himself off as a civilian when confronted by the villains in person. The official French title for the episode is "28 minutes to live", a reference to the French title for Die Hard 2 ("58 minutes to live").
- Disappointed by the Motive: Picard cannot stop himself from feeling pissed at the revelation that these people who have taken his crew and ship hostage are nothing but a bunch of thieves.
- Dwindling Party: The thieves on the Enterprise:
- Devor: Knocked out with the off-button hypospray by Picard and left to the baryon sweep.
- Satler: Lured by Picard into the baryon sweep.
- Pomet: Shot with a crossbow by Picard; not immediately killed (according to Picard), but still left to the baryon sweep.
- Neil: Killed off-screen (most likely shot) by Kelsey after fashioning a stabilizer for the trilithium resin.
- Kiros: Steps on an explosive painted strip planted by Picard in Ten-Forward; either killed right then and there or knocked out and then killed by the baryon sweep.
- Kelsey: Blown up (with her pilot) after Picard removes the stabilizer for the trilithium resin.
- Embarrassing First Name: Commander Hutchinson hated his first name Calvin to the point he stated (possibly half jokingly) that he never forgave his parents for giving him that name.
- Entertainingly Wrong: After realizing that Picard is a Starfleet officer, Kelsey assumes that he's a medium-ranking security officer, rather than the ship's Captain.
- Equal-Opportunity Evil: Kelsey's crew consists of three humans, three Arkarians, and two random Rubber-Forehead Aliens (plus whoever's driving the getaway ship), all united by their love of money.
- Failed a Spot Check:
- Nobody on Kelsey's team notices Picard when they first enter The Bridge; if they had, he couldn't have successfully posed as Mot the barber.
- Satler, despite being ordered to keep an eye on Picard, doesn't notice him setting up his escape or sabotaging the field diverter.
- Kiros and Kelsey fail to notice the lines drawn on the ground in Ten Forward, as that is where Picard concealed the explosives. Kiros gets the worst of it for her troubles.
- Kelsey fails to notice that Picard removed the stabilizer from the container holding the trilithium resin. After Kelsey beams off, her ship tries to leave and promptly explodes.
- Meanwhile, down on the planet, Orton and his henchman somehow totally miss that their hostages are casually chatting about an escape plan, despite being just a few feet away.
- Funny Background Event: Hutchinson's reception has several. Data observing Hutch in action and imitating his facial expressions is just one of them. Also, Riker, clearly finding the whole affair intolerable, can be seen pounding back cocktails at every chance. And Troi's annoyed facial expressions when Picard uses retrieving his saddle from Enterprise as an excuse to escape the reception.
- Giving Them the Strip: Variation. When Satler catches up to Picard, he only sees his jacket. He realizes far too late that the jacket was concealing an access tunnel that Picard escaped to, and is promptly killed when the baryon sweep appears directly in front of him.
- Good Is Not Soft: Picard is a fair bit less compassionate than usual here, making no efforts to save the thieves from their various deaths in the baryon sweep and even setting traps and disabling safeties that will seriously injure if not kill them. You could argue some of them as necessary under the circumstances, and Picard shows obvious discomfort at points when he causes their deaths, but it's still far more brutal than Picard is usually depicted.
- The Guards Must Be Crazy: The two Arkarians allow their captive Starfleet officers to whisper among each other throughout their time in captivity. When Riker approaches Orton to distract him, Orton doesn't even look at him until he's within arm's reach.
- Hates Small Talk: Orton, as well as anyone near Hutch. It's no surprise that Worf gets out of there preemptively.
- I Need to Go Iron My Dog: Picard hears the word "horses" and uses it to escape the reception. Played With somewhat, as Picard really was fetching his saddle and not just BSing something.
- Improvised Weapon User: Picard uses his saddle to attack Devor. In the end, he notes that it came in handy but hopes to use it for actually riding horses. Because the sweep makes all phasers useless, he must make use of a variety of other improvised weapons.
- Intercom Villainy: The episode starts with the villains only talking to each other over their hijacked starship's comm systems. Once Picard starts chatting on the same channel, they start to talk to him alone in attempts to demoralize him, scare him into surrendering, and goad him into revealing his knowledge about the ship.
- Irony: Worf, much to his own glee, manages to get himself excused from the reception before it starts, but while he's absent, the party becomes a tense hostage situation, which Worf would probably have enjoyed.
- It Works Better with Bullets: Picard threatens Devor with a phaser, but Devor is quick to point out that it won't fire with the baryon sweep active. Picard then swaps to a laser welder he stole, though Devor correctly guesses that Picard won't kill him so brutally. Shame he didn't anticipate that Picard wouldn't need to personally kill him.
- Just in Time: The baryon sweep gets shut down seconds before it kills Picard.
- Kick the Dog: Kelsey bullies her meek minion Neil, then murders him when his job is done.
- Killed Offscreen: Picard incapacitates two thieves and simply leaves them behind. Because the baryon sweep purges all but the last few meters of the ship, they died at some point.
- Laser-Guided Karma: Kelsey gets blown up by the trilithium she steals.
- Make It Look Like an Accident: Kelsey kills Neil after he has outlived his usefulness, but later tells Kiros that Neil was killed by the baryon sweep instead. Kiros doesn't look like she buys it, but she doesn't call her out on it; most likely she's figured out her boss isn't above arranging another "accidental" death for a troublesome minion.
- Minored in Ass-Kicking: This is Picard's episode to be a pretty straightforward action hero.
- More Deadly Than the Male: The two female members of Kelsey's gang are the most dangerous of them: Kelsey herself is cold-blooded and remorseless, and Kiros is the only member of her team that gives Picard any real trouble.
- Mr. Fanservice: Patrick Stewart kicks ass and crawls around in Jeffries Tubes while wearing jodhpurs and riding boots.
- My God, What Have I Done?: Mixed with I Did What I Had to Do. Lives were lost on Picard's quest to retake the ship, and it visibly takes a toll on him. Of particular note is when he lures Satler into the Jeffries tube, and as Picard makes his getaway, he hears Satler scream in agony before dying. Picard looks pretty upset about it... but it was either him or Satler.
- No-Sell: The senior staff plan to set off a hypersonic pulse using the VISOR on the grounds that this will incapacitate everyone in the room except Data, allowing him to retake control of the situation once their captors are down.
- Not so Dire: At the end of the episode, Picard has his crew searching high and low for something important... only for Worf to come in, having found Picard's saddle.
- Not So Stoic: After successfully getting out of Commander Hutchinson's reception, Worf shoots a smug smile at Geordi, who didn't manage to get out of it.
- Nothing Is Scarier: The effects of a baryon sweep on living tissue. Just ask Satler... oh wait.
- Obfuscating Stupidity: While pretending to be Mot, Picard plays it scared and dumb.
- Oh, Crap!:
- Picard has this when the Enterprise shuts down just as he is trying to escape.
- Orton has a subtle one when LaForge detects the hidden weaponry. This forces him to pull out said weaponry and hold the senior staff hostage, killing Hutchinson in the process.
- Satler has a big one when the baryon sweep appears inches away from his face.
- Neil has one when Kelsey pulls a You Have Outlived Your Usefulness on him.
- Riker has a brief one during the reception when Hutch gets him in his sights. He almost does a Spit Take.
- Picard has a look of utter terror on his face while he's trying to contact Arkaria Base to get the baryon sweep shut off. Thankfully, it does, seconds before it hits him.
- Only in It for the Money: Kelsey just wants the trilithium in order to sell it on the black market. This disgusts Picard even more than her actually being a terrorist would have:Picard: Profit. This is all about profit.
Kelsey: I prefer to think of it as commerce. - Pass the Popcorn: When Data and Hutch are paired off and start their Seinfeldian Conversation, Riker and LaForge settle down to watch, sharing some unidentified finger snacks (they look like colorless M&Ms).
- Plot Armour:
- Hutchinson and LaForge both get shot in pretty much the same area. Geordi is later seen being treated by Crusher, while Hutchison is on the floor under a sheet.
- Riker is fortunate that the Arkarians didn't simply shoot him when he attacked them.
- Pushy Gun-Toting Villain: The two Arkarians on the planet's surface take the partygoers hostage (even killing Hutchinson when he questions why they're going overboard like this) and have no intention of negotiating, while Devor, Neil, Kiros, Orton, Pomet, Satler, and Kelsey on the Enterprise, disguised as maintenance workers, put their plan into motion. Picard acts as the ship's barber, to try to get close and sabotage their plans. They aren't terrorists, but simply merciless thieves. Kelsey is so abhorrent that she picks off Neil after he simply tells her how to disarm the container the volatile waste chemicals are stored in.
- Running Gag: People being incredulous about Picard having his own saddle on board the Enterprise. (After all, any serious rider has his own saddle. It's perfectly normal.)
- Screw This, I'm Outta Here:
- Worf pulls this before the reception even begins. Geordi also tries it, but Picard shoots him down.Worf: And, Captain, permission to be excused from Commander Hutchinson's...reception.
Picard: Permission granted. Wish I could excuse myself as well.
Geordi: Uh, Captain, permission to be excused—
Picard: Mr. LaForge, I cannot excuse my entire senior staff! Mr. Worf beat you to it.
Worf: (smug grin) - Picard does so himself once he finds out there are horses near the outpost.
- Worf pulls this before the reception even begins. Geordi also tries it, but Picard shoots him down.
- Seinfeldian Conversation: Data and Hutch engage in one at the party. It gets so bad that Riker openly wonders how long two people can talk about nothing.
- Self-Applied Nickname: Commander Hutchinson starts all of his one-sided conversations by insisting you call him "Hutch."
- Shoo Out the Clowns: The comedic sub-plot with Commander Hutchinson goes out the door alongside the poor guy's soul the moment he (and Geordi) are blasted by the bad guys to show they mean business.
- Shout-Out: At the end, Picard remarks that he wishes he'd had the opportunity to use his saddle on a horse. Worf replies, "Of course."
- Smug Smiler: Worf is this, briefly, after being the first one to ask (and only one to receive) permission to skip the reception.
- Space Is an Ocean: Another parallel is brought up in this episode. The process of cleaning a starship's hull of exotic particles is pretty much the equivalent of dry-docking an oceangoing vessel to scrape the barnacles off.
- Spanner in the Works: Kelsey's heist was actually pretty well thought-out. Her team would have pulled it off without anyone knowing it even happened, if not for 1) LaForge's VISOR alerting him to hidden weaponry, and 2) Picard being on the Enterprise when he shouldn't have been.
- Stock Footage: The matte painting depicting Ankara Base is a reuse of the Darwin Research Station painting from "Unnatural Selection".
- Talk About the Weather: Data creates an entire subroutine for small talk, leading him to try some of this on Picard in the turbolift. There's lots more in store when he meets Hutch. Some of it really is about the weather on alien planets.
- Too Dumb to Live: Satler does a pretty crappy job of keeping his eyes on Picard. Not to mention chasing Picard in an area being exposed to the baryon sweep.
- A Truce While We Gawk: During their final struggle, Picard and Kelsey stop for a split second to give an Oh, Crap! reaction as they both notice the baryon sweep entering Ten Forward.
- We Need a Distraction: Riker takes one for the team to distract Orton while the others work on modifying La Forge's VISOR.
- Would Hit a Girl: Picard's not above throwing down with Kelsey in the climax. To be fair, she did start it.
- Yank the Dog's Chain: Picard has just knocked out Devor and is about to use the transporter to beam down to the surface with his saddle when... the power is shut down.
- You Have Outlived Your Usefulness: Alas, poor Neil. This is why Scotty never told anyone how long repairs would really take.
- You Wouldn't Shoot Me: When the phaser proves to be useless, Picard threatens Devor with a laser welder to get him to talk. Devor isn't cowed, not buying that a Starfleet officer would be willing to kill someone in such a cold-blooded manner. He's half-right; Picard isn't willing to execute a defenseless prisoner, so he just knocks him out with a hypospray and leaves him to die in the sweep. Had Picard's immediate survival or the safety of the ship as a whole been on the line, he probably would have done it, and he shows little hesitation in making sure the other thieves meet their ends.
