Captain (over pa system): This is your captain. If you look to your left you'll see your home for the next four years, filled with shadow riders, a white dorm, alternate universes and the main character turning inexplicably evil.
Syrus: Did that guy just ruin 4 whole seasons?
Captain: Shut up and enjoy the view! And if you look to the right you'll see the bar my wife is a stripper at.
Guy: Ruined four what now?
- Meanwhile at the tool shed...
- The Blind Guy Conversation:
Syrus: That's the last time we take directions from a blind guy.
Jaden: Blind guy? I thought he was wearing those sunglasses to look cool.
Syrus: He had a guide dog!
Jaden: I thought it was his duel spirit.
Syrus: No! What the hell is wrong with you?
- Your caller can not continue the conversation as they are just too rich
- Chazz not complimenting Jaden:
Chazz: I'll admit that you turned it around, but don't take this as a compliment on your skills, but you were absolutely flawless.
BGM: Absolutely Flawless...
Chazz: Why does it do that every time I say "flawless?"
Chazz: SHUT UP!
- Dinner Time Conversation:
Obelisk Blue: So, anyway, I got him in a vicelock and killed the bastard!
Others: Elite-sounding laughter
Ra Yellow: So, anyway, me and an Obelisk Blue got in a fight with a Slifer Red and we killed the guy!
Others: "Yeah!" "Awesome!" "High Five!"
Slifer Red: So we got in a fight today and my friend got killed!
Others: "Ahhh..." "That sucks." "Did someone take my beans?"
- Computer: Choosing battle music. (Barbie Girl plays and then stops) I apologize, that isn't my music. I don't know how it got there. My sister came over on the weekend and uploaded her songs into my database. Sincere apologies. I swear to God, I don't listen to that stuff. I like Foo Fighters. They're cool. Choosing new battle music.
- Hell Bastard and his constant moaning about his father...
- Which is followed up by his dad's appearance: "Has anyone seen my son around here? Whiny little putz."
- Bastion is late
Coach: What are you, a virgin?
Bastion: No, I'm British! But I guess it's kind of the same thing.
- "Okay, who's getting a Crowler bitchslap?!"
- "WE LOVE EAVESDROPPING!"
- "Okay! I get it! You have a boner for math!"
- After Chazz says he's the best:
Guy: Duh, you're not the best!
: Who said that? Who the fuck said that?
(An arrow points the guy out)
Guy: Duh it was me.
Chazz:You're lucky this is a freeze frame, or I'd come down there and kick your ass!
- After Syrus knocks Jaden off his paint platform:
Jaden: Syrus! You got paint all over my favorite jacket!
Jaden: It's still my jacket, asshole!
Bastion: 'Ello, 'ello! What's all this abou' then?
Jaden: You stay out of this, limey.
Bastion: Limey?! How dare you! *punches Jaden*
Jaden: Ah! Ok. Mild racism. Got it.
- One Trip to the Hospital Later...
- Bastion comes up with 3 points to explain why Alexis throwing his deck in the ocean to clean it makes absolutely no sense.
1. "When I said I wanted a clean deck, I meant a new deck of new cards."
2. "Why, why the hell would you clean paper cards with water?"
3. "Even if you made points 1 and 2 somehow plausible, why, oh God why, would you clean them in the freaking ocean?"
Alexis: Tee hee you have a funny voice!
Bastion: That's it, I can't take it any more!(reveals dynamite strapped to his chest and explodes.)
- After another trip to the hospitaltoolshed...
- "Water water everywhere bitch!
- Hell Bastard... and brothers! "We don't have fatherrrrrs!"
- After the duel
Crowler: Congratulations Bastion you beat Chazz. You're promoted to Obelisk Blue!
Bastion: Wow! Really?
Crowler: Well... It sucks to be you!
- The sparks coming off of Jaden's head when he gets confused.
Banner: Jaden, shut up. Now, tell everything to my crotch.
Tory: Well you see... look, this is reeeeally uncomfortable...
Banner: Talk to my crotch!
- This bit:
Jaden: Give Tory back, Jinzo!
Jaden: Well, I'm out of ideas.
- Jinzo accidentally staying on the boat.
- "Martini, sir?" "Oh, yes please."
- The forest bit, where Jaden keeps going off screen.
Jaden: I'll run faster that that time I was invited to Crowler's birthday party and everyone got out the... (Goes off screen) ...and it was rumored that Chazz and Bastion had a gay relationship and no-one believed him because... (Goes off screen) ...and Syrus was convinced he was pregnant and made us go to the emergency room where... Where the hell are we?
- Jaden thinking Tori is dead.
Jaden: If you need a sacrifice, take me instead!
Jinzo: Uhhh, okay. (Picks up chainsaw and revs it)
Jaden: On second thought let's have a duel.
Syrus: Awww. Kick his ass Jinzo!
Jaden: Why are we friends again?
Syrus: Who said we were friends?
Jaden: Fine, I end my turn. You big dick.
Jinzo: Funny, that's your momma's nickname for me!
Syrus: Oh no he di'nt!
- "Electricity makes me visible! ...somehow."
Syrus: Professor Banner! How is Jinzo doing that?
Banner: Really? You are asking me that? Syrus, I do not have a goddamn CLUE how he is doing that! I'm still coming to terms with the fact that you have blue hair!
- Harrington meets Alexis:
"She's the most beautiful thing I've ever seen! I can feel my heart swelling and getting bigger! And by my heart, I mean my penis..."
- Jaden's reaction to Harrington's deck theme, and Harrington's fitting response:
Harrington: First, I play the magic card, Service Ace!
Jaden: *Sighs* Your deck is full of tennis cards, isn't it?
Harrington: Well, of course! Tennis is my favourite thing! Why wouldn't I?
Harrington: Really? Tell me, how's the superhero business going, mister Elemental Hero?
Jaden: ...So what does Service Ace do?
- Service Ace's effect lets Jaden guess which card type one of Harrington's cards is; if he gets it wrong, he takes 1500 points of direct damage. Jaden spends the entire time switching between Magic and Trap (including "Magical Traps" at one point, and also trying to "pass" the question). Harrington proceeds to interrupt his increasingly confused ramble with "It's a monster!"
Jaden: Aww, that was my next guess!
- Jaden trying to guess if the card is a magic or a trap card.
- This scene.
Harrington: You'd like me to believe you're a good guy! But, oh, I don't believe you! I don't believe anything you say!
Jaden: You're awesome.
Harrington: You're full of shit, Jaden!
- This exchange:
Obelisk Blue: Oh look, it's the Slifer Slackers.
Jaden: What? Wanna say that again?! You wanna repeat that?! You fucking prick?! Huh?! You wanna start something?! C'mon, let's go, three on three, Red versus Blue, no camp kills, we'll fuck you up!
Ted: J-just calm down, guys -
Jaden: Shut the fuck up, Ted! We're all pumped! We're ready to fucking go! Let's do this!
Jaden: That's right, prison rules. Syrus hasn't eaten in days.
Syrus: I want the one in the middle...
Jaden: Me too.
- Jaden's ongoing arguments with Winged Kuriboh, culminating in:
Jaden: Dude, if you randomly appear on me one more time, I'm going to hurt you. I'll go first, draw!
Jaden: What the fuck do you want from me?!
- The fact that he freely throws it at the giant's face and ends up getting it back.
- Trying to get Beauregard to admit to being the duel giant:
Jaden: DUEL! YOU! ME! NOW! TRIANGLES!
- And right before that after Jaden voices his suspicions:
Bastion: But seriously, he's no duelist. I know him. We play chess.
- Jaden's rant:
Jaden: No! I don't care! I knew it was you guys all along! I even said- I did say it was those guys Syrus.
Syrus: It's true he did say that.
Bryan: That's impossible!
Boregarde: How did he know?!
Bryan: I said take them (the jackets) off dammit!
Jaden: Everybody knew! You would have to be a friggin' moron to not guess it were you two! Seriously! Why does this crap always happen here?! Yesterday it was tennis! Today it's a duel giant! Tomorrow it's Tarzan! This place is crazy! I quit.
- The opening exchange with Jaden and Bastion:
Jaden: Hey Bastion. What's with the crowd? Is it "Check your peepee day"?
Bastion: Jaden, that's not a real day.
Jaden: My uncle said it was a day.
Bastion: Your uncle sounds...odd.
Jaden: Well actually, my dad says we're not supposed to call him "uncle" anymore.
Jaden: Did you just appear from a cloud of smoke?
Bastion: Oh I've been studying magic for several years now.
Jaden: Huh. I never knew you could do that.
Bastion: That's because we never TALK!
- Jaden listing off all the ways he tried to get rid of Winged Kuriboh, only for it to magically return.
- Crowler's put in charge of protecting the deck. It goes about as well as you'd think.
Crowler: For it's not everyday you're put in charge of watching over the greatest deck ever created in the entire worl- (sees the deck missing) Ooooooh... Shit.
- Jaden and Syrus running in circles.
Jaden: Just 'round this corner, Syrus!
Syrus: Right behind you, Jaden!
Jaden: Not too long now, bro!
Syrus: Lead the way, buddy!
Jaden: Almost there, dude!
Syrus: With you all the way, pal!
Jaden: Syrus...I think I just realized something.
Jaden: This room we're looking for?
Jaden: IT'S AROUND THIS CORNER! Is Chumley still behind us?
Syrus: I'll check. Chumley, are you alrig...*Chumley falls* Man down!
- Jaden's plan for finding the stolen deck.
Jaden: Alright guys, we need an armadillo, a chess piece, and a car! Don't worry, Professor Crowler. We won't mess this up.
Jaden: How the hell did we mess this up?!
Bastion: I don't think we're welcome in the Blue Dorm anymore...
Zane: Why the hell is there an armadillo running loose in the Blue Dorm, and why do I feel you guys might have something to do with it?
Bastion: It's migrating season.
Jaden: Yeah, yeah, it's migrating season.
- The way Jaden gets Dimitri to cut the act.
Dimitri: You know he's struggling to fit in.
Jaden: Yeah well I didn't struggle fitting into his momma.
Dimitri: E- Excuse me.
Jaden: I. Plowed. Your. Mother.
Dimitri: Shut up, Jaden.
Jaden: (mockingly) "Shut up Jaden." That's Dimitri, that's what he sounds like.
Dimitri: Dimitri would never-
Jaden: "Diminitri would never blah blah blah."
Dimitri: Now you're just being immature.
Jaden: My name's Dimitri and I suck balls.
Dimitri: I don't even sound anything like that!
- There's also this exchange:
Dimitri: Would Dimitri summon the almighty Dark Magician of Chaos?
Jaden: Oh, you mean that banned ca- the card that's banned? Dark Magician of Chaos? Yeah, the one that Yugi wouldn't summon cause he knows it's banned? Yeah, Dimitri would summon that card, because Dimitri's a fbleepkin' idiot!
Well, would Dimitri summon Kuriboh in attack mode?
Jaden: Yeah he would, cause Dimitri's a fbleepkin' idiot!
- Brandon the kiss-ass.
- Syrus, Jaden and Blair talking about Zane.
Blair: Well he has more experience and an overall stronger deck.
Jaden: Yeah I guess.
Blair: And big beautiful eyes..
Blair: And that long flowing hair..
Jaden: I..uh..I guess?
Blair: And those strong arms to hold me close on those cold winter nights...
Syrus: Trust me, those arms are good for only two things. Headlocks and body slams!
Blair: Oh he can slam me all he wants.
- Blair and the strange things involving Zane's cards.
- Geoffrey and Pippin, the posh Obelisk Blue guys. The entire episode. They take offense to taking offense.
Zane: Would one of you please just open the goddamn door!
- One word: Keyholeshipping.
- The very end of the episode:
Zane: It's time for you to go home, Blair.
Jaden: What? Why? She's a great duelist, she almost beat me.
Zane: It's more complicated than that.
Jaden: How could it be so complicated that she has to-
Zane: She's only 8.
Jaden: Get the fuck out of here, bitch.