Crowler: (to Jaden, who is standing in a rabbit-like pose)Will you PLEASE STOP ACTING LIKE A BUNNY?!
Jaden: Make me!
Captain (over pa system): This is your captain. If you look to your left you'll see your home for the next four years, filled with shadow riders, a white dorm, alternate universes and the main character turning inexplicably evil.
Syrus: Did that guy just ruin 4 whole seasons?
Captain: Shut up and enjoy the view! And if you look to the right you'll see the bar my wife is a stripper at.
Guy: Ruined four what now?
Meanwhile at the tool shed...
The Blind Guy Conversation:
Syrus: That's the last time we take directions from a blind guy.
Jaden: Blind guy? I thought he was wearing those sunglasses to look cool.
Syrus: He had a guide dog!
Jaden: I thought it was his duel spirit.
Syrus: No! What the hell is wrong with you?
Your caller can not continue the conversation as they are just too rich
Chazz not complimenting Jaden:
Chazz: I'll admit that you turned it around, but don't take this as a compliment on your skills, but you were absolutely flawless.
BGM: Absolutely Flawless...
Chazz: Why does it do that every time I say "flawless?"
Chazz: SHUT UP!
Dinner Time Conversation:
Obelisk Blue: So, anyway, I got him in a vicelock and killed the bastard!
Others: Elite-sounding laughter
Ra Yellow: So, anyway, me and an Obelisk Blue got in a fight with a Slifer Red and we killed the guy!
Others: "Yeah!" "Awesome!" "High Five!"
Slifer Red: So we got in a fight today and my friend got killed!
Others: "Ahhh..." "That sucks." "Did someone take my beans?"
Computer: Choosing battle music. (Barbie Girl plays and then stops) I apologize, that isn't my music. I don't know how it got there. My sister came over on the weekend and uploaded her songs into my database. Sincere apologies. I swear to God, I don't listen to that stuff. I like Foo Fighters. They're cool. Choosing new battle music.
Hell Bastard and his constant moaning about his father...
Which is followed up by his dad's appearance: "Has anyone seen my son around here? Whiny little putz."
The scene in the classroom.
"Syrus, sit down, and I definitely did not put a whoopee cushion there."
Guy: We've got a new substitute teacher and she's hot.
Jerry: The wanna play card games with her kind of hot?
Zane: Standing on this pier and watching the sunset makes my fangirls think I have a sensitive side.
Zane: Syrus? You droppin' out?
Zane: Sucks to be you.
It Sucks to Be You... THE SONG!!!
Jaden's lengthy rant at Zane
Jaden: I'm going to beat you, Zane. Not just for me, not just for Syrus, but for all of the little people who've had their confidence ruined by people like you. You don't care who you walk on. To you, everyone is just an obstacle. Well, you're wrong. It's people like us that have helped you get where you are right now. If it wasn't for us, you would be nothing, and I think it's time that you showed a little respect. And that's what this duel is all about. And another thing - !"
Zane: Yeah, you lose.
Jaden: I what?
After Crowler reads Jaden's letter...
Crowler: Why this sounds like a marvelous idea! I'll get this through right away!
Jaden: Hey, he's got a duel disk! Either that or a really funny-looking banana.
Syrus: ...Jaden? Why do I hang out with you?
"That's the Magic of TV Convenience!"
Jaden: This is exactly the card I need to spank that monkey! Hehehehe.
Wheeler's punishment: Playing "Party in the USA" causing him to shriek in terror.
Jaden: Talk about bestiality! Heheheh.
Jaden: Now give Back Jasmine before I assert my dominance! (Beat) Giggity.
"Does Banner need to pop a bitch?"
At the start of the duel Jaden tries to guess what kind of deck Wheeler would be using, guessing decks that would be fun to duel with. Then Wheeler throws down Berserker Gorilla.
The sparks coming off of Jaden's head when he gets confused.
Banner: Jaden, shut up. Now, tell everything to my crotch.
Tory: Well you see... look, this is reeeeally uncomfortable...
Banner: Talk to my crotch!
Jaden: Give Tory back, Jinzo!
Jaden: Well, I'm out of ideas.
Jinzo accidentally staying on the boat.
"Martini, sir?" "Oh, yes please."
The forest bit, where Jaden keeps going off screen.
Jaden: I'll run faster that that time I was invited to Crowler's birthday party and everyone got out the... (Goes off screen) ...and it was rumored that Chazz and Bastion had a gay relationship and no-one believed him because... (Goes off screen) ...and Syrus was convinced he was pregnant and made us go to the emergency room where... Where the hell are we?
Jaden thinking Tori is dead.
Jaden: If you need a sacrifice, take me instead!
Jinzo: Uhhh, okay. (Picks up chainsaw and revs it)
Jaden: On second thought let's have a duel.
Syrus: Awww. Kick his ass Jinzo!
Jaden: Why are we friends again?
Syrus: Who said we were friends?
Jaden: Fine, I end my turn. You big dick.
Jinzo: Funny, that's your momma's nickname for me!
Syrus: Oh no he di'nt!
"Electricity makes me visible! ...somehow."
Syrus: Professor Banner! How is Jinzo doing that?
Banner: Really? You are asking me that? Syrus, I do not have a goddamn CLUE how he is doing that! I'm still coming to terms with the fact that you have blue hair!
Harrington: But I'm not done! I activate the Magic card, Smack in the Face!
Jaden: What does that- (smack) Owwwwww...
Harrington meets Alexis:
"She's the most beautiful thing I've ever seen! I can feel my heart swelling and getting bigger! And by my heart, I mean my penis..."
Jaden's reaction to Harrington's deck theme, and Harrington's fitting response:
Harrington: First, I play the magic card, Service Ace!
Jaden: *Sighs* Your deck is full of tennis cards, isn't it?
Harrington: Well, of course! Tennis is my favourite thing! Why wouldn't I?
Harrington: Really? Tell me, how's the superhero business going, mister Elemental Hero?
Jaden: ...So what does Service Ace do?
Service Ace's effect lets Jaden guess which card type one of Harrington's cards is; if he gets it wrong, he takes 1500 points of direct damage. Jaden spends the entire time switching between Magic and Trap (including "Magical Traps" at one point, and also trying to "pass" the question). Harrington proceeds to interrupt his increasingly confused ramble with "It's a monster!"
Jaden: Aww, that was my next guess!
Jaden trying to guess if the card is a magic or a trap card.
Harrington: You'd like me to believe you're a good guy! But, oh, I don't believe you! I don't believe anything you say!
Jaden: You're awesome.
Harrington: You're full of shit, Jaden!
Obelisk Blue: Oh look, it's the Slifer Slackers.
Jaden: What? Wanna say that again?! You wanna repeat that?! You fucking prick?! Huh?! You wanna start something?! C'mon, let's go, three on three, Red versus Blue, no camp kills, we'll fuck you up!
Ted: J-just calm down, guys -
Jaden: Shut the fuck up, Ted! We're all pumped! We're ready to fucking go! Let's do this!
Jaden: That's right, prison rules. Syrus hasn't eaten in days.
Syrus: I want the one in the middle...
Jaden: Me too.
Jaden's ongoing arguments with Winged Kuriboh, culminating in:
Jaden: Dude, if you randomly appear on me one more time, I'm going to hurt you. I'll go first, draw!
Jaden: What the fuck do you want from me?!
The fact that he freely throws it at the giant's face and ends up getting it back.
Trying to get Beauregard to admit to being the duel giant:
Jaden: DUEL! YOU! ME! NOW! TRIANGLES!
And right before that after Jaden voices his suspicions:
Bastion: But seriously, he's no duelist. I know him. We play chess.
Jaden: No! I don't care! I knew it was you guys all along! I even said- I did say it was those guys Syrus.
Syrus: It's true he did say that.
Bryan: That's impossible!
Boregarde: How did he know?!
Bryan: I said take them (the jackets) off dammit!
Jaden: Everybody knew! You would have to be a friggin' moron to not guess it were you two! Seriously! Why does this crap always happen here?! Yesterday it was tennis! Today it's a duel giant! Tomorrow it's Tarzan! This place is crazy! I quit.
Spinning the opponent into submission.
Syrus: Jaden, he's had enough!
Jaden: No! He hasn't LEARNED YET!
"Aw bollocks, me cards are wet."
"Who the hell jumps off a thirty foot building on to my car!?"
Jaden: Yeah well I didn't struggle fitting into his momma.
Dimitri: E- Excuse me.
Jaden: I. Plowed. Your. Mother.
Dimitri: Shut up, Jaden.
Jaden: (mockingly) "Shut up Jaden." That's Dimitri, that's what he sounds like.
Dimitri: Dimitri would never-
Jaden: "Diminitri would never blah blah blah."
Dimitri: Now you're just being immature.
Jaden: My name's Dimitri and I suck balls.
Dimitri: I don't even sound anything like that!
There's also this exchange:
Dimitri: Would Dimitri summon the almighty Dark Magician of Chaos?
Jaden: Oh, you mean that banned ca- the card that's banned? Dark Magician of Chaos? Yeah, the one that Yugi wouldn't summon cause he knows it's banned? Yeah, Dimitri would summon that card, because Dimitri's a fbleepkin' idiot!
Dimitri:beat Well, would Dimitri summon Kuriboh in attack mode?
Jaden: Yeah he would, cause Dimitri's a fbleepkin' idiot!
Brandon the kiss-ass.
Syrus, Jaden and Blair talking about Zane.
Blair: Well he has more experience and an overall stronger deck.
Jaden: Yeah I guess.
Blair: And big beautiful eyes..
Blair: And that long flowing hair..
Jaden: I..uh..I guess?
Blair: And those strong arms to hold me close on those cold winter nights...
Syrus: Trust me, those arms are good for only two things. Headlocks and body slams!