Funny / The Lonely Island

Every single holiday, a dick in a box!

• The whole trilogy of "Dick in a Box", "Motherlover" and "3-Way (The Golden Rule)" with Justin Timberlake.
• The increasingly mundane orgasm triggers in "Jizz in My Pants", which includes the alarm clock going off, a gentle breeze through the window, the Twist Ending of The Sixth Sense, and eating grapes.
  I just ate a grape and I—
  JIZZED. IN. MY PANTS.
  I went—
  JIZZED. IN. MY PANTS.
  Okay, seriously, you guys? Can we--? Okay?
  • The song ends with the narrator lamenting about how he now wears a condom at all times in case it happens again.
  • One of the rare occasions where the censored version might be even funnier.
  • At one point, the lyrics go as following:
  Last week, I saw a film, as I recall it was a horror film.

  • Cue the theater marquee literally spelling "a horror film".
• "Doesn't matter- had sex!"
  • The shot of the three guys grinning like fools while a plane writes the song title in the sky, which is the page image for Have I Mentioned I Am Sexually Active Today?.
  • The cake that says "CONGRATS ON THE SEX!"
  • The "Sex Olympics" cutscene.
  • "Having sex could make a nice man out of the meanest!" To illustrate, we see a "Before/After" clip of a grouchy-looking guy transitioning to being all smiles and giving a thumbs-up. Said guy is notorious hot-head John McEnroe.
  • "Best thirty seconds of my life!"
  • Andy celebrating with sparklers and an incredibly goofy face while the girl behind him facepalms.
    Jorma: She kept lookin' at her watch.
    Akon: Doesn't matter- had sex!
    Andy: But I cried the whole time!
    Akon: Doesn't matter- had sex!
    Jorma: I think she mighta been a racist. (Klan hood sitting next to the bed)
    Akon: Doesn't matter- had sex!
    Andy: She put a bag on my head.
    Akon: Still counts!!
  • The fact that the women Andy and Jorma jooked up with were Jessica Alba and Blake Lively, neither of whom seem impressed with their performance, or their post-coital behavior. It then gets even funnier when the women cheerfully join in with the final chorus.
• "NOW BACK TO THE GOOD PART! :D"
  • The fact that the rap song the boys are singing is a fairly generic "hip rich rappers go to an exclusive club and score with hot babes" song just makes Michael Bolton's loopy swerves into odes to his favourite movies even more hilarious.
  • Michael Bolton cosplaying as Jack Sparrow to the objection of Lonely Island. In response, he cosplays as other movie characters including Forrest Gump, Erin Brockovich, and Scarface.
    Michael: This is the tale of Tony Montana (this is the tale!)
    Cuban flame, with Miami nuts (Take it home!)
    Got a basehead wife, her womb is polluted
    This whole town's a pussy, just waiting to get fucked!
  • "Close enough!"
  • The band's increasing annoyance and desperate attempts at steering Bolton back to the song he's supposed to be singing, they finally give up when he gets to Scarface.
• The various instances of Insane Troll Logic on the part of "Threw it on the Ground"'s Insufferable Imbecile protagonist.
  She hands me her cell phone, says it's my dad.
  Maaaaan, this ain't my dad! This is a cell phone!
  I threw it on the ground!
  • My dad's not a phone! Duh!
  • "Happy birthday TO THE GROUND!"
    • Andy referring to the child that offers him a piece of cake as: "some poser".
    • In comparison to every other object dramatically shattering on contact with the ground, the slice of cake just collapses unceremoniously. So "I threw the rest of the cake too!" which splatters in a much better fashion.
    • "Welcome to the real world jackass!"
  • "I'M AN ADULT!"
  • Ryan Reynolds with a taser, and Elijah Wood's psychopathic smile as Reynolds tazes Andy in the butthole over and over.
    • Their reactions to Andy running over to them and Flipping the Table in the middle of a restaurant for literally no reason. Especially since at this point the lyrics go: "Two Hollywood phonies try to give me their autograph" — when in reality we see that Elijah and Ryan were just minding their own business over their dinner!
      "GROOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUUND! Nobody wants your autographs! Phonies!"
    • As Andy talks about how "my butthole is on fire", he declares that the moral of the story is "you can't trust the system, man!"
  • It arguably gets even funnier if you discover the song after Brooklyn Nine-Nine, because it really makes it look like Peralta was a huge jerk before joining the police force.
• Rocky: "I quivered and twitched as I soiled my shorts/ Then Rocky pissed on me (customary in sports)."
• Everything in Like a Boss from "Hit on Debra!" onward.
  • "Crash my car LIKE A BOSS! Suck my own dick LIKE A BOSS! Eat some chicken strips LIKE A BOSS!"
  • The performance reviewer's reaction:
  Performance reviewer: ... Ah ha. So that's an average day for you, then?
  The Boss: No doubt.
  Performance reviewer: You chop your balls off and die.
  The Boss: Hell yeah.
  Performance reviewer: And I think at one point there you said something about sucking your own dick?
  The Boss: ... Nope.
  Performance reviewer: Actually, I'm pretty sure you did.
  The Boss: Nah, that ain't me.
• Guy Number One and Guy Number Two's hatred of their neighbour Steve grows more and more in each video. Ultimately, "We'll Kill U" brings us this:
  Guy Number One: You're still a cunt, Steve! Go fuck your snake!
• The mentions of boiled goose in "Boombox". "Everyday for lunch, they're eating (mocking tone) boiled goose!"
  • "This was a cautionary tale / the boombox is not a toooooooooy!"
• In the intro to Awesometown, seemingly a parody of cheesy kids' show openings, Andy and Akiva introduce themselves innocuously as a lover of sandwiches and the brains of the group respectively. Throughout the whole song, they're all happily leading a crowd down a street, dressed in bright clothes and wearing huge grins on their faces. Then comes Jorma's turn, and Mood Whiplash doesn't begin to cover it. Andy and Akiva's horrified reactions and the awkward silence afterward only seal the deal.
  Jorma:MY NAME IS JORMA, MUTHAFUCKAS! THE SENSITIVE ONE!
  BREAK YO' MUTHAFUCKIN' FACE WITH THE BUTT OF MY GUN!!
  RIP OFF YOUR ARMS AND BREAK YOUR LEGS WITH 'EM!
  SPREAD YOUR ASSCHEEKS AND STICK MY DICK IN 'EM!
  • The best part is that after the aforementioned silence, they go back to happily singing as though nothing happened.
  • There's a Freeze-Frame Bonus during the above scene showing Jorma holding a baby while saying he's "the sensitive one", while still fuming angrily at the camera.
• Kendrick Lamar's guest verse on "YOLO" consisting entirely of investment advice (on the video, there's a brief part where he's shown as a real estate agent for YOLO Realties)
  • Two words about furniture: KILLING MACHINES!
  • "And never go in saunas 'cause they're crawlin' with piranhas!"
  • The music video version where Adam Levine is shown as a homeless guy with a YOLO sign
• All of "We're Back", though it is pretty gross comedy (have you ever wanted to see Garfield make out with Marmaduke? Probably not, but there's one example of what they boast about)...except the ending. Though it is pretty nice to give a homeless person lunch every week.
• "Great Day" is a song from the eyes of a recently fired and divorced cocaine addicted man called Dennis, who has random outbursts for no reason.
  Friend: Hey Dennis!
  Dennis: That's my name.
  Friend: Are you really gonna run with the bulls?
  Dennis: Why would I do that?
  Friend: Cause you said you were gonna!
  Dennis: Come on man, that was like three days ago. [Nightmare Face] OR WAS IT?!
  • "Any problem is solvable, we can feed the hungry and cure disease But all of that would be a huge waste of time because we all live in The Matrix!"
• The song "Semicolon". A whole song about examples of semicolons... and then the teacher tells them that they were all actually examples of colons.
• YOU'RE IN THE MOTHERF*** SPACE OLYMPICS!!!
  • The song is also a biting deconstruction of what would actually happen if events such as the Olympics took place in space. Every event in the Space Olympics winds up getting cancelled due to budget restrictions, plus they run out of oxygen, there's no light or sound, and the place actually self-destructs by mistake.
  • "Drug tests are mandatory...YOU'RE A WINNER!"
  • The alien hordes that the narrator fends off look less like they're trying to kill him and more like they're trying to get freaky with him.
• A lot of "Go Kindergarten." Some of the lines are just gold.
  Robyn: So raise your glass. And break the glass. Then stomp your bare feet on the glass. Champagne corks, pop 'em off. Middle fingers up... now chop 'em off.
  • "HAVE A MOTHERFUCKING BABY ON THE FLOOR!"
  • "NOW PUNCH YOUR FRIEND! PUNCH, PUNCH, YOUR FRIEND! GET ON THE FUCKING FLOOR AND PUNCH YOUR BEST FRIEND!!"
  • "LADIES, WHIP YO' DICK OUT! WHIP, WHIP, YO' DICK OUT! DON'T ASK HOW, JUST FUCKING FIGURE IT OUT!!"
  • "POSE NUDE FOR A FAMILY FRIEND, then never speak of it again."
• I Don't Give A Honk. You think after every verse that they can't possibly come up with another word to rhyme with 'honk', and yet they do.
• "We Need Love" is a hilariously awkward parody of both the Dogged Nice Guy and people who brag about how much sex they have.
  Guy Number 2: Why are you wearing a shirt.
  Guy Number 1: Too many hickeys on my neck!
  Guy Number 2: Oh. The girl I was with scratched my back.
  Guy Number 1: So you've also been having sex.
  Guy Number 1: ...yes.
• T-Pain's final verse in "I Fucked My Aunt".
  T-Pain: Oh, I can't believe it
  They fucked their aunts
  I mean, I fucked my aunt too
  But you don't see me making songs about it!
  Although we technically didn't have sex
  Just some above the clothes stuff
  And some under the clothes stuff
  I mean what is sex really?
  Is it just penetration?
  Or do you have to finish?
  Cause I finished
  Damn... I fucked my aunt, y'all!
• "Spell It Out" may at first seem like Andy's just spouting a bunch of random letters. But then you, well, spell it out.
  "They call me D-u-d-e-t-h-a-t-h-a-s-s-e-x-w-i-t-h-p-i-g-s-f-o-r-m-o-n-e-y-b-u-t-o-n-l-y-a-s-a-s-i-d-e-t-h-i-n-g-r-i-g-h-t-n-o-w-comma-I-apostrophe-m-j-u-s-t-s-h-o-r-t-o-n-c-a-s-h-a-n-d-h-a-v-e-i-r-o-n-s-i-n-t-h-e-f-i-r-e-b-u-t-i-n-t-h-i-s-e-c-o-n-o-m-y-i-t-apostrophe-double l-h-a-v-e-t-o-d-o-m-y-n-a-m-e-i-s Lenny!" ^Note If you space everything out correctly, he's spelling out "Dude that has sex with pigs for money but only as a side thing right now, I'm just short on cash and have irons in the fire but in this economy it'll have to do my name is Lenny".
  • Wait, that's gross.
• In "Reba", Andy is convinced that he's hooked up with Reba McEntire, even if "Reba" doesn't hide that she's actually Kenan Thompson in drag.
  Andy: Hot damn she's fly, all she wants to do is fuck me I'm a lucky guy!
  "Reba": I'm a guy too.
  Andy: My friends think I should dump her, they say she's just a man who found a wig in a dumpster!
  "Reba": Your friends are smart.
• "How could a person up and call a person wack? How could the Devil turn the blue sky black? How many babies born will never reach their dreams? AND HOW COULD A PERSON CALL ANOTHER PERSON WACK?!"
• Turtleneck and Chain, nearly three minutes composed entirely of brags about the fatness of their turtlenecks, thinness of their chains, and lightness of their beer.
  Turtleneck?
  Check.
  With another on deck, in case I spill something on it.
  Like some light beer?
  Yes.
• "I'm on a Boat":
  • It's an entire song dedicated to being on a boat.
  • The very first line is a very enthusiastic "AWWWWWW SHIT!!"
  • And of course, they can't resist the urge to do the "King of the World" pose.
• From The Unauthorized Bash Brothers Experience:
  • THEY CALL ME JOSE!
    • And I'm Mark.
  • The orgasm noises in Oakland Nights.