Funny: Shark Tale

  • Frankie starts humming the Jaws to Lenny's dissaproval
    Lenny: Ugh! That song gives me the creeps!
    Frankie: Whaddya mean? It's our theme song!
  • Ernie and Bernie are answering the Wash phone getting the slogan wrong much to Sykes' frustration:
    Bernie: Whale Wash you get a whale of a wash..
    Ernie: (grabs the phone) And the price is...very very low. Considering how good the wash is!
    Sykes: For the last time, its "Whale Wash: You get a whale of a wash, and the price - Oh my gosh"!
    (phone rings)
    Ernie: Whale Wash...
    Bernie: (grabs the phone) Rhymes with "gosh".
    (Bernie and Ernie laugh. Sykes get steamed)
    Sykes: That's it! Get outta here! Go be useless somewhere else!
    (Bernie and Ernie swim away)
    • Later, Ernie finally getting the whale wash's slogan right while answering the phone, just as he spots Lino chasing Oscar, headed straight towards them.
    Ernie: "Whale Wash: You get a whale of a wash, and the price— ''OH MY GOSH!''"
    Bernie: Alright! You got it right!
  • When Ernie pretends that Bernie has stung him with his tentacles. Bernie goes frantic, and then they laugh it off.
    • This is actually a Truth in Television—jellyfish can't actually sting themselves or other jellyfish of the same and/or similar species.
  • Oscar's intro scene;
    Oscar: Hi I'm Oscar. You might think you know, but you have no idea... [beatbox] Welcome to my crib! The good life the way the other half lives! Check it out! I've got my 60 inch black screen TV with 6 speaker surround! CD! DVD! Playstation, and a 8-track player for when you're feelin' just a little [beat boxes] Ol' School! [laughs] 'cause even a superstar Mack Daddy fish like me has to have the basic necessities!
    Shorty #1: Yeah, like money!
    (Camera zooms out to reveal Oscar standing in front of a billboard ad)
    Oscar: C'mon, Shorties why you messin' with my fantasy?
    Shorty #2: 'Cause you're so broke, your baloney has no first name.
    • followed by Crazy Joe
    Crazy Joe: Now that you live in that great penthouse, can I be you're financial advisor?
    Oscar: Crazy Joe, that's a billboard
    Crazy Joe: You live in a billboard? And they call me crazy! (floats away on umbrella, cackling insanely)
    • Immediately followed by the Shorties vandalizing the billboard
    Shorty #1: Hey, Oscar! Look who came to visit!
    Oscar: (gasps in horror; They've spray-painted the billboard with a pic of him being devoured by a shark bursting through the penthouse floor)
    Shorties: Gotcha!
    Oscar: No, don't do that! Shouldn't you kids be in school?
    Shorty #2: Shouldn't you be at work?
    Oscar: Right back at me eh? Little smart mouth? Now I'm on my way and y'all stay outta trouble. (turns back to the graffiti) And clean that stuff up!
    Shorty #3: See ya!
    (the Shorties spray paint the billboard some more)
  • Sykes explaining the "food chain" to Oscar.
    Sykes: I have to start paying Don Lino protection. So everything you owe me, you owe him.
    Oscar: How you figure that?
    Sykes: Simple. The Food Chain.
    (pulls down chart)
    Sykes: Ya see? On top is Don Lino, there's me. Then there's regular fish.
    Oscar: Oh that's me.
    Sykes: No! There's plankton, single-celled amoebas.
    Oscar: Oh then me!
    Sykes: I'm gettin' there. There's coral, there's rocks. There's whale poop, and then there's you.
    Oscar: That's messed up...
  • During Oscar and Lenny's "fight", when Lenny accidentally eats Oscar we get this little exchange:
    Oscar : "Don't Swallow."
    Lenny: "Oscar?"
    Oscar : "No, it's Pinocchio. OF COURSE IT'S ME!! Why did you do that?!"
    Lenny: "I'm sorry."
    Oscar : "No no, sorry is when you step on someone's fin in the movie theater. Yeah that's sorry. Sorry is when you say, "Hey, when's the baby due?" Then it just turns out the persons just fat! This is as far away from sorry as you can possibly get!!"
  • Oscar trying to remember the inspiring words Angie told him, only for his imagination to twist it around to suit his greed.
    Angie: Dreams start out small, but you just gotta bet it all. BET IT ALL!
  • "Wait, come back! I'm not a nobody, I'm a wiener!"
  • Oscar does a horrible remix of Three little Birds and Ernie the jellyfish zaps him "That's not the way you sing that song man."
    • Doubles since Bob Marley's son, Ziggy, voices one of the jellies.
    • Also, according to the directors' commentary, Will Smith actually ad-libbed his own horrible remix of the song
  • When a fish suddenly bursts in to Oscar's penthouse shrieking about sharks, Oscar frantically orders "EVERYONE GO HOME! SPEND THE LAST FEW HOURS Y'ALL HAVE WITH EACH OTHER!" Everyone stares at him, he remembers that he's the Sharkslayer. "Oh...I mean...that's how it used to be around here but Not since Oscar came to town!" As Oscar tries to hide his fear, growling and grunting as he makes his way to the elevator, the crowd cheers him good luck. Oscar keeps growling and grunting. Then elevator closes...and Oscar begins sobbing and wailing on the way down!
  • At the Sit-down, Oscar suddenly begins laughing hysterically with all the sharks looking at him. Soon Lenny and Sykes join the laughing. Then Luca joins the laughing for no reason whatsoever.
    Don Lino: (elbows him hard) What's so funny?
    Luca: Ow!
  • A horrified Oscar is desperately trying to get Sykes who's on the phone with Lino to hang up, every subtle attempt which Sykes misinterprets, until Oscar finally screams it out.
    Oscar: Sykes! Shut up! SHUT...UP!
    Sykes: Hey! That's good! I like that! [over phone] Shut up, Lino! Ha! SHUT UP!
    Sykes: Oh, kid, he wants to talk to you
    Oscar (whispering nervously): No, no, no! I'm not here!
    Sykes: Yeah, He's right here.
    (Sykes hands Oscar the phone)
    Oscar[meekly]: Hello?
    Lino: "Shut up?" "Shut up"?! You don't tell ME "shut up", I tell YOU "shut up!"
    [Beeping is suddenly heard on the other line]
    Lino: Huh? Hello?
    Luca: Hi, How ya doin? I'll have a large pizza; everything on it: anchovies, mushrooms—
    Lino: LUCA!
    Luca:: Oh! Uh...Hi, Boss! What the heck are you doin' workin' at the pizza joint?
    Luca: But I'm hungry! [hangs up]
    Lino: [sighs]... My guys are comin' for ya, Sharkslayer! They're gonna tear you, FIN FROM FIN!!! (slams the phone down)

    • This later comes back to bite Sykes once he finally starts to uncover Oscar's lie
    Sykes[laughs uneasilly]: This is a joke right? 'cause I told Lino... [sudden look of horror dawns on his face]
    [Flashback Cut]
    Sykes[over phone] Shut up, Lino! Shut up!
    [End flashback, Sykes inflates in total panic and horror]]

  • "Oh I swear, Sometimes I wanna take your big dumb dummy-head and just..(pounds her fin into her fist)NYYAAH!
  • When Oscar sneaks Lenny through Southside drain not to be seen
    Oscar: Alright Lenny follow my every move, don't make a sound.
    Lenny: You got it. Oh an echo. [a little louder] Echooo! "Now batting for the Southside Sharks #15—
    Lenny: OW! It's not okay to hit!
  • Oscar placing a spoon on Hammerhead Shark Giuseppe's nose
    Giuseppe: Huh? What'd he do? What'd he do? I can't see it!
    • Bonus points for the amused Great white shark sitting next to Giuseppe
  • When Lenny sheds his dolphin disguise at the sit-down, Lino is embarrassed about the situation and accuses Lenny of "taking sides against the family". Oscar tries to defend Lenny culminating in
    Oscar: Hey Don Lino. Sir. It's not his fault. This is between you and me.
    Lino: What did I ever do to YOU?! You took Frankie away, and you turned Lenny into a dolphin!
    (his sadness quickly turns to fury)
  • During the climax Angie literally ends up in a huge bubble and when Oscar finishes subduing Lino she gives one of the best post-climax punchlines
    Angie: OK! Somebody needs to get me outta the bubble. TODAY!
    • : Speaking of post climaxes; After being subdued in Whale Washing equiptment, face to face with Lenny, who was also subdued in equipment by Oscar (by accident though), a giant toothbrush pops out of nowhere and brushes Lino's teeth. The Headphone Guy fish then puts a mint on Lino's nose, who quickly blows it away
  • Angie's first scene is pretty funny itself in the middle of her doodling her love for Oscar and focusing on her whale client
    Angie: Good morning. May I help you?
    Whale: One wash and mouth please.
    Angie: Hot wax?
    Whale: Please
    Angie: Kelp Scrape. We're having special whaddya say?
    Whale: Why not it's mating season and I'm feelin' lucky!
    (Whale leaves; Phone rings)
    Angie: Whale of the wash and the price...(blissful sigh) oh my gosh. (camera pans to Angie doodling her crush on Oscar) May I suggest a barnacle peel? Removes lines and shalt damage. Good
    • Then when Oscar enters
    Oscar:Hey Ang,
    Angie: OH MY GOSH! (quickly hides her secret paper) Hi Oscar!
    Oscar: Thanks for covering for me (over phone) Angie needs to get her freak on! Please hold for one moment. Thanks doll!
    Angie: Oscar!
    Oscar: C'mon Ang! Dance wth me mama! "tomorrow i'll be rich!
    Angie: Oscar, You're gonna get me fired!
    Oscar: You? Fired? (scoffs) That can't happen, 'cause then I'd have absolutely NO reason to come to work.
    Angie: (sheepishly) Oh you don't mean that.
    Oscar: 'Course I do. You're like my best friend.
    (Angie gasps; then when Oscar's not looking, dramatically pretends to jab herself in the heart with her pen)
    • bonus points for when Oscar turns back to her, she quickly hides the pen with a sheepish giggle
  • When Oscar is cleaning the whale's muck,
    Oscar: Welcome to Oscar's crib. 60 foot slime-covered tongues, canker sewers, swimming' cavities & plankton-encrusted teeth when i'm feelin' a little old school!
    Worker Pontrelli: Oh Oscar stop your moaning! It could be a lot worse.]
    Oscar: Sure. I could have this job, and look like you! (laughs) Good one huh?
    (sudden rumbling)
    Oscar: Uh-oh... indigestion... SHE'S GONNA BLOW!
    (workers start scattering)
    Worker Knuckles: Wait! Headphone guy's still in there!
    (Headphone Guy is cleaning the whale, oblivious to the rumbling)
    ((he and Headphone Guy brace themselves on the whale's uvula; the scrubbers peak when...the whale lets out a small belch, sending some slime onto Oscar)
    (the worker's laugh, Oscar groans as he rubs the slime off him)
    Oscar: [ Still Think it could be worse?!.]]
    Pontrelli: Yeah! I could look like you!
    Oscar: Funny! Well see if you laugh at THIS!
    (Throws slimeball at Pontrelli, who ducks, and it hits instructor Johnson, causing him to stagger around and accidentally hit a button that sprays soap in the whale's eye)
    Oscar SOAP IN THE EYE! (quickly cleans the whale's eye) It's alright. I'll get you a free hot wax and all that. Carry on, Big Baby!
    Whale: Thanks, Oscar
  • Angie arrives at Oscar's new penthouse with a pink lava lamp for him as a gift. Oscar is pleased and decides to "put it right next to my other one." Angie's expression is priceless as she watches Oscar place the pink lava lamp it right next to a HUGE green one that touches the ceiling!
  • When Angie finds out about Oscar's lie
    Angie (suddenly appears at the storage room door): Hello, Oscar!
    Oscar(nervously): Angie! Hey! W-what are you doin' here?
    Angie: What Oscar, forget something?
    (Oscar stammers)
    Angie: Forgot something like... [slams the door, revealing Lenny behind it']...your shark?
    Lenny: Uh...Hi.
    Angie: Oh, stop it! Your pet shark told me everything!
    Oscar: Dang, Lenny? Why?
    Lenny: Don't look at me, I don't know! I like her!
    Angie: Thanks you too. [turns back to Oscar] WHAT were you thinking bringing him in here?!
    Oscar: I-I dunno. I'm still workin' out the kinks.
    Angie: "Kinks?!" YOU LIED! EVERYBODY THINKS YOU "SLAYED THE SHARK!" How could you lie to me Oscar?! ME?!
    Oscar: Ang, please! Don't take it personal! C'mon, I lied to EVERYBODY! Alright, look, I'm sorry, I totally betrayed you. But listen, I just got one little problem I gotta take care of.
    Angie: Oh really? What's that?
    Oscar: SHARKS! Are COMING! To GET ME!
    Angie: And they should! What'd you expect? You just take credit for killing a shark, and then everything be fine and dandy for the rest of your life?
    Oscar: Uh...yeah. Pretty much.
  • Lino & Sykes' conference meeting. You can just hear Robert De Niro & Martin Scorsese talking to each other in the recording booth.
    Lino: I bring you in here, look you in the eye, tell you what's what and what?
    Sykes: What?
    Lino: "What" What?
    Sykes: What What Nothing! You said "what' first!
    Lino: I didn't say what first. I asked you what.
    Sykes: No you said 'then what' and i said "what."
    Lino: (confused) No I said "what" as in What what?
    Sykes:...You said what first.
    • When Luca's record player is scratching interrupting the meeting,
    Lino: Luca!
    (Luca fixes the record, but accidentally sets it to Baby Got Back, playing very loudly; Lino & Sykes stare at him, and Luca quickly turns the record off)
    Luca: Hey, Boss. Big butts! (chuckles)
    Lino: (Face Palm) Oy Vey...
    • When Sykes is doubtful of the reef being run over by Lenny because he's a softie
    Sykes: Look, All I'm saying is your son ain't exactly no killer
    Lino: My Lenny is a killer! A cold-blooded killer! Just look at him!
    (Cue Lenny swinging harmlessly around a bar stool while Frankie shakes his head in annoyance)
    Sykes: Well...?
    Lino (frustrated): That's it! That's IT! You are OUT!
    Sykes (shocked): What?! (inflates; helium voice) Whaddya mean "I'm Out?!"
    Lino You're fired! (flicks Sykes, sending him flying into Titanic Rose Portrait) And on top of that, you're gonna have to start payin' me!
    Sykes: For what?!
    Lino: So that nothin' happens to your little Whale Wash.
  • When Lola reveals herself at the sit-down, the sharks swoon at her ("If i wasn't married..."; I'm in love). Don Feinberg the old leopard shark asks "How ya doin' pretty lady?" Cue a look of utter disgust from Lola!
  • This gem:
    Sykes: We're gonna party like it's your birthday...
    (Suddenly hear a thudding sound and see Lola whacking Oscar against the windows *Thunk!* *Thunk!* *Thunk!*)
    Sykes: (nonchalantly) Ha! Young Love! (he and the other partygoers laugh)
    [Lola slams Oscar one more time and sulks away. Oscar slowly slides down, his saliva leaving an impression of a heart implanted on the window]
  • The Shrimp who Lino tried to get Lenny to eat gets his revenge on the Mob Boss. It crosses as an both a funny moment and a Crowning Moment of Awesome.
    (As Oscar swims out of a porthole, Lino gets stuck in it while chasing him)
    Lino: You're gonna regret the day you became the Sharkslayer!
    Shrimp [appears from the next porthole]: Well, well, well! Look who's stuck in the porthole!
    Lino: Huh?
    Shrimp: You still hungry, big guy? Well, Say "hello" to my little friends!!
    (as the Shrimp hums "Charge", a swarm of other shrimp appear and swarm onto Lino's face and attack him)
    Lino: (with shrimp biting his face in the form of a mustache) AAH!!!!
    • Bonus points for the Shrimp laughing at Lino; followed by Oscar's amused expression, before he swims off with Lino still close behind
  • When Oscar brings out a small box from behind his back, and Angie assumes he's proposing to her. He opens the box to reveal...her Grandma's pearl, made into a necklace. Angie's reaction; somewhat disappointed but still seems to consider it to be the next best thing.
    • Too bad Lola shows up and takes Oscar, turning this moment into a Tear Jerker
  • When Lenny reveals that Don Lino's his dad, it makes Oscar realize that the dead shark was Don Lino's other son.
    Lenny: Gee, if Pop knew that, he'd ice you for sure.
    Oscar: [chuckles] "Ice?" What's he, the Godfather or somethin'?
    Lenny: Yeah.
    Oscar: [still chuckling] Whatdya mean "Yeah?"
    Lenny: "Yeah" he is.
    Oscar: (gulps)
  • At the end when Oscar and Angie reconcile, Crazy Joe pops out his puppets kissing each other...right in front of them.
    Oscar: Joe, you're not helping! (embarrassed chuckle)
    • The way Angie shrugs off the embarrassment more quickly than Oscar does is hilarious.
  • The Mid-Credit Stinger where Lola enters the Top of the Reef Penthouse looking for Oscar (unaware that he's not there), only to find...
    Lola: Hello? Hello? Oscar? Listen, honey, know I was a bad girl. But c'mon! You'd have to be crazy not to take me back.
    Crazy Joe: Did someone say, CRAZY?!