Shrek and its sequels are simply packed with tons of hilarity, but this page is for examples from the first film, as well as any Shrek media without its own page. Keep examples from the other films on their own designated pages.
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From Shrek 1, there's Donkey realising that Dragon is a girl dragon, and starts complimenting her on reeking of feminine beauty and babbling about not being ready for a relationship of this magnitude.
When Shrek is taking on Farquad's knights at the tourney, he wins over the audience with his fighting prowess, and then a random bloodthirsty granny in the crowd really takes things over the top.
"The chair! Give him the chair!"
Shrek takes a groin shot while he, Fiona, and Donkey are escaping from the dragon's castle (Shrek's holding the smaller two while sliding down a stone banister that has a large bump appropriately placed). His eyes cross, but (being an ogre) he shakes it off more quickly than a human would.
"Dead broad OFF the table!"
Dwarf: Where are we supposed to put her? The bed's taken!
Shrek: What? (Sees Big Bad Wolf, in night dress, sitting in his bed)
"I just know, before this is over, I'm gonna need a whole lot of serious therapy. Look at my eye twitchin'."
Donkey, after Shrek roars at him to try to scare him away. "Wow...That was really scary. Now, if that don't work your breath would certainly get the job done because you definitely need some tic tacs or something cause your breath STINKS!"
The nervous Donkey has to be goaded into crossing a rickety rope-and-plank bridge over a volcano. He says, before they set out, "Don't look down." Donkey actually manages not to, though he seems like he's about to try once or twice... and then he puts a foot wrong and ends up with his face poking through a gap in the planks. "SHREK! I'M LOOKIN' DOWN! AAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!"
And then there's this part:
Donkey: (after Shrek shakes the bridge) Don't do that!
Shrek: Oh, I'm sorry! Do what? You mean this? (sways the bridge)
Donkey: Yes, that!
Shrek: Yes? Yes, do it? Okay! (begins swaying the bridge some more)
The whole sequence with Shrek and the angry mob at the beginning. The mob plot the best way to attack the ogre, as they think he'll make bread from their bones, until Shrek appears out of nowhere to explain, no, that's giants. After a graphic description of what ogres make from their victims, one villager gets brave enough to wave his torch in Shrek's face; the ogre just calmly douses the flame with a moistened finger. Then Shrek unleashes the mother of all roars that gets the mob screaming...and they keep screaming long after the roar has ended.