- Johnny Gat and Aisha asking you (after coming out of a coma and a possible gender change operation), "Did you do something with your hair?"
- Johnny's trial in "Appointed Defender" is awesome.
Judge: Mr. Gat, you've been convicted of over 300 murders. Do you really expect this appeal to work?
Johnny: I figure with the statute of limitations, it really should be closer to 250.
Judge: There's no statute of limitations for murder!
Johnny: Why the fuck not?
Judge: Watch yourself, Mr. Gat.
Johnny: Or what, you'll hold me in contempt of court? You're already planning on giving me the chair, do you really think I give a shit about you not liking me? Fuck off.
Judge: I'm curious to see if your cavalier attitude holds up when over 3,000 volts are running through your body.
Johnny: Oh yeah? And I'm curious to see if you'll stop acting like a douchebag when I shove that gavel up your ass!
Legal Lee: My client would like that stricken from the record!
- In the mission "Bad Trip", The Boss is kidnapped and drugged for an "interview" with the high-ranking Sons of Samedi members in the General's limo. The Boss escapes the limo and has to protect the Saints hideout from attacking Samedi... all while higher than a kite. The dialogue during this mission is pretty hilarious.
"Why is there a little person talking in the phone?"
"Holy shit, Boss! Are you high?"
"Hold on little person in phone, I'll save you."
"... I'm gonna die, great..."
- Some other possible lines in the level include things like the Boss claiming that Shaundi's voice was stolen by a little plastic box, and actually speaking Spanish.
Shaundi: Holy shit, are you fuckin' high!?
Male Voice 3: (placidly) Si. Si, yo soy. translation
- A great moment during that scene was with Male Voice 1 (British) Boss' exchange with Mr. Sunshine. This is made even funnier when you know that the name is in fact a slang in British English as well, and the delivery is just perfect.
Mr. Sunshine: They call me Mr. Sunshine.
Boss: Well listen here, sunshine. I don't care how fucked up your face is. I ain't scared of you, or that other arsehole.
- The cutscene after completing Bad Trip:
Shaundi: Are you sure? They'll probably send more guys to try and kill us.
Boss: You- you can handle them, right?
Shaundi: Probably not.
Boss: (relaxed) That- that's nice. (passes out)
Shaundi: Fuckin' lightweights.
- Which the Boss calls back to... one of the voices when drunk might say "Nobody better call me a fucking lightweight."
- If you wait around for A-ha's Take On Me to play on the radio, the Boss may sing along with it. Quite amusing, especially when the game gives you an achievement for it.
- In addition to Take On Me, every character voice gets another song that they may sing along to. For example, Female Voice 1 (Caucasian) will sing to Everybody Wants to Rule the World by Tears for Fears, Male Voice 2 (Afro-American) sings to Sister Christian by Night Ranger, Female Voice 3 (Latina) sings with Land Down Under by Men at Work... the list goes on.
- One of the funniest ones is Male Voice 1 (British) singing along to The Final Countdown. Funny enough already but made absolutely hilarious because of how terrible he is at it.
- Same with Female Voice 1 singing "Everybody Wants To Rule the World", she doesn't know the first few parts of it, just mumbles something, hell, maybe all of the voices don't know how to sing.
- Male Voice 2 (i.e. black guy) is hilarious when he sings along to "Take On Me", because he gets weirdly excited at the start, and during the final verse he geeks out over the music video.
- On the topic of male voice 2, his reactions while singing along to Sister Christian aren't bad either.
You know those boys don't wanna play no more with youuuu... 'cause you suck bitch!
(when the chorus happens for the first time) Oh shit, oh shit! (imitates guitar riff) ... Guitars, guitars and shit, ohhhh shit!
- And for good measure, here's a video of all the bosses singing "Take on Me", all at once.
- One of the voices passes comment on breaking Laura out of jail by bombing Stilwater Penitentiary's main generator: "I hope Shaundi wasn't high when she came up with this plan."
- For a cascade of humourous comments, get your character drunk, they'll toss out some funny shit.
[buzzed] So thiiis is what the world looks like through Shauundi's
- While on the voices: Male voice 1 (British) while infiltrating the police station in a late Sons of Samedi mission, trying badly to hide his accent to the police dispatcher.
- The Fuzz missions have a few.
- When you reach the pirates and ninjas, the battle is dubbed "The Battle of the Century".
- One dispatch is referred to as a "Code Texas", which upon arrival is a dozen or so college kids running around with chainsaws murdering people in a deranged prank.
- In the Ronin mission Visiting Hours, you must escort a bedridden Johnny Gat out of the hospital full of Ronin attackers. All of the voices get great lines, but an especially funny one is Female Voice 1 (the voice actress' delivery of the line really makes it):
Johnny: You know, you could have brought flowers instead of people trying to kill me.
Boss: Bitch, bitch, bitch.
- Adrenaline mode in the Insurance Fraud diversion causes you to fly much farther when you get hit by a vehicle. It's quite possible to fly across half of Stilwater, randomly collide with another car, and then continue flying about the city, making thousands of cash for every second you're in the air.
- After the fight against Mr. Sunshine, there's his Rasputinian Death:
- Given the game's tone and suggestive, ah, positions, one of the comments during the Ho-ing activity is this mixed with Squick if you think about it.
"So... you hungry?"
- The Boss and Pierce fighting over radio stations whenever they are in the same car.
Male Voice 1: (after Pierce switches to the classical station) Pierce, when did you get a vagina?
- Bonding Experience (Sons of Samedi mission #7) has quite a few.
- For example, the opening cutscene has a moment where Pierce is complaining about how the Saints get their information "From one of the 600 guys Shaundi used to fuck" note , with the reason the Boss is taking him along is to make him feel slightly better.
- And another one comes when the mission starts, when Pierce is complaining again to the Boss, ignoring the Samedi helicopter flying above them.
Pierce: (as the helicopter comes into view) ...I always listen, I'm always on time and I always pay attention!
Boss: PIERCE, THE HELICOPTERS ARE HERE!!
- The fun continues with Pierce changing the radio to Ne-Yo's "So Sick" and tries to sing along, but fails horribly, leading to the Boss making comments like these:
"This is worse than getting shot."
"Pierce, we really need to talk about your taste in music."
"Are you shittin' me?!"
"Son, you're no Ne-Yo."
"You're killing me, Pierce."
- The Boss, in the intro of "The Enemy of My Enemy" (one of the final Brotherhood missions), proves themselves to be the worst ski-ball player ever.
- As in they basically start throwing the ski balls overhand like someone would throw a baseball, and they're still missing.
- Play the Escort or Hoeing activity. You're guaranteed at least one funny line per level. Some of the funniest include:
"So THIS is what I've been missing out watching anime all day!"
"Oh god, please don't be a fucking furry
- One escort had the Asian girl (the one that talks about Japan and other shit) and the mistress (talks about the client licking her feet).
- "You're the best."
- When cruising around Stilwater, you may or may not come across some black rappers. If you do, there is a chance that they may bust out a Piss-Take Rap in the vein of "I spit like a cobra; bitch I'm supernova!"
- Several of the radio ads are funny to listen to, such as one boasting about the positives of using "NUCLEAR POWER!" with testimonials of a woman who brags about getting time off work for chemo and a man with a third arm being 50% more productive at work.
Announcer: "NUCLEAR POWER! Its the way to glow!"
- A bit of a meta example, but the commercials that Gary Busey did to promote the game mix between hilarious moments and the Nightmare Fuel that is inevitable with anything Busey is involved with.
Gary Busey: (singing) Come with me! You'll be filled with more lead than a toy from China!
- Ronin missions generally get a few of these at Pierce's expense. An early one involves shooting up a Ronin-controlled casino with Pierce and Johnny. The opening cinematic for the next mission goes something like this.
Video surveillance footage captured images of notorious Saints member Johnny Gat and the Saints' gang leader in the assault, as well as an unknown accomplice. Pierce:
) Unknown accomplice my ass!
- Another Ronin mission has Gat dragging a Ronin to Aisha's house after finding him parading around in Saints turf. One failed attempt at interrogation later, the end results go something like this:
Ronin: I'm not telling you anything.
Johnny: Like fuck you won't. (He smashes the Ronin through a glass table)
Aisha: Johnny! I just bought that table!
- Johnny being Johnny, he doesn't put up with the Ronin's sass for long and...
Ronin: I'll die before I tell you anything.
Johnny: Yep. (He shoots the Ronin in the back of the head.)
Johnny: It'll wash out!
Aisha: It better.
- Finally, after Johnny talks to the Boss about messing up a Ronin nightclub, Aisha returns scowling at Johnny and holding a mop.
Johnny: Uh... can you go on ahead? I... gotta clean up. (He is seen in a later cutscene trying to dispose of a bagged body in a trash can with a disapproving Aisha watching on.)
- For that matter, when first meeting Aisha and discussing setting up a new hideout.
Aisha: "And where were you thinking of having this little meeting?" (Boss and Gat look at each other, thinking for a moment, then start looking around her house. "No."
Gat: "Well this place is pretty spacious."
Boss: "The colors are very soothing."
Gat: "Come on, Eesh."
Aisha: "This ain't no fuckin' gang clubhouse!"
She turns and puts her foot down. She had spoken. Gat, badass extraordinaire, turns to the Boss with a pussy whipped expression and concedes they have to find somewhere else.
- The Boss is also scared of her too.
- A random funny event while driving:
- Or take Shaundi with you on one of the missions Pierce listens to the radio. You'll get something like this when it happens.
Shaundi: Y'know, we could walk.
Boss: Jesus Christ, Pierce.
- While exploring the mall, players could came across an area that looks like a children's playground. Nothing out of the ordinary at first sight, but when when they walk inside, they'll come across a toy doll housesex doll on the inside.
- The first cutscenes showing the leaders of The Brotherhood and The Sons of Samedi are mostly played straight, showing the player what kind of ruthless pyschos run them. The one for The Ronin, however, shows whiney Shogo Akuji, who is busy telling Jyunichi to speak in English to worry about the fact the Saints robbed his casino. Jyunichi bows and apologizes, but when there's a knock at the door, he springs back up, sword at the ready. Shogo's reaction is to shake his head and casually open the door, showing a waiter bringing in a cup of tea (presumably Jyunichi's) and a bottle of booze (Shogo later slams the door on the poor guy when he asks for a tip). After grabbing Jyunichi's sword, cutting open the bottle with it, and sitting back down, Shogo tells Jyunichi to let HIM worry about the casino, and just worry about "Whatever the FUCK I tell you to worry about." Oh, and to round it off, he says this line while ordering a hooker in the room to give him a blowjob.
- Ultor Family Fun Day has situations so ridiculous that it wouldn't look out of place in the third game:
- After the first segment of the level, the Boss gets attacked by a gang of mimes.
- Gryphon asks you to kill a guy who apparently shows up in a ninja costume to work. The guy is also a real ninja, as he multiplies and teleports to your building, fancy smoke included.
- In the opening cutscene for "Aerial Assault", Laura announces that her husband Tobias has a pilot's license, and he can fly you over the pot farm owned by the Sons of Samedi. The Boss is incredulous, but then Tobias comes in and says "Do I look like I'm joking?" (Note: He's not wearing a shirt, and has an almost comical helicopter pilot helmet on his head.)
- Later, Tobias has this gem if you take too long and the helicopter takes too much damage.
Tobias: You know, it's a little bit difficult to fly this thing when it's 'FILLED WITH FUCKING BULLETS!
- It's his delivery that makes it awesome; most of the time during the mission he sounds like a really calm, stoned Danger Deadpan.
- Doubly funny with that mission is the fact you are effectively burning down a pot farm from the air. As Tobias starts to make circles over the fields to make sure you got everything, the screen starts to get fuzzy. It only gets more pronounced as the smoke and fire spreads. That's right, the Boss is high as a kite and and has a machine gun.
- The best part is that Tobias is voiced by Garrus fucking Vakarian of all people. Yes, Garrus did in fact drop the F bomb.
- Shaundi's ex-boyfriend intelligence network finally fails when it comes up against the Pyramid. Then she somehow manages to get the information anyway by the very next cutscene.
- The civilian's reaction to danger is a treasure trove (most clearly heard when you're mugging them).
- Male student: I know I shouldn't have called God a pussy!
- Male geek: Turn into mist... Turn into mist...
- Female emo: Please be the apocalypse! Please be the apocalypse!
- Jane Valderama as a homie. While her long, deadpan narration of current events (such as your driving and crashing into civilians) is hilarious, she really shines during combat.
- "I got your top story right here!" (Pulling out a huge shotgun and shoots a cop.)
- When a listener called Ultor FM asking for Veteran Child, the robotic DJ tells him that GenX is bought by Ultor.
- Caller: "So... can I still buy weed from you?"
- A blink-and-you'll-miss-it moment in the intro cutscene of "Appointed Defender" has the Boss smashing a bottle in a regular's face and the text crawl on the TV news reporting on it just seconds later.
- The opening of the mission "Saint's Seven". Pierce goes over his intricately-planned heist for a Ronin casino. He talks about how they'll distract a security guard, sneak in through the security door, cut the power... and then Gat cuts him off, and suggest that they walk into the casino and just shoot all the motherfuckers that are between them and the money. The Boss agrees with Gat's idea, and the two walk away to do the job, leaving behind a very annoyed Pierce.
- Sophie's dialogue during a Septic Avenger activity, especially how she gloriously declares a revolution on Ultor, men, and taxes.
- Drug Trafficking on LV 6 is so much chaos it's stupidly funny. Want to make it better? Listen to classic music while it happens.
- Call up a homie and then immediately dismiss them. If you're quick you can jump in the passenger seat as they drive off and they'll drive you around Stillwater. That's not the funny bit though, the funny bit is using guns and grenades to freak out the drivers (except for Shaundi) and cause crashes, so Boss can go off at their driving for a change.