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Funny: Saints Row The Third
  • It's on the CMOH and CMOA page, but it's this as well. Lovin' is what I got.
  • When chasing (The Belgian) Loren the British voice will shout "Remember Agincourt, you prick?!". It's even better if the Boss is wearing a full suit of plate armour.
    • When he hits the bottom, he muses "There must be a St. Crispin's Day joke in here somewhere...". The White voice complains he "should have thought of some Belgian Pancake jokes", while the Black voice laughs and sarcastically says "WHOOOPS!!!"
  • Saints Row: The Third already has one in the trailer for the game. Saying anything about it would spoil the video; but it is worth every last second.
    • And the other "warning trailers" about not doing these things in real life.
  • In the beginning of the game, actor Josh Birk wants to tag along with the Saints for a bank robbery to know what it's like. So they rob the bank in giant Johnny Gat bobblehead masks. Including Johnny Gat.
    Josh: You're going to rob a bank dressed as yourself?
    Johnny: Hell yeah! Who doesn't want to be Johnny Gat?
    Josh: (already sold on Johnny's idea) Ultra postmodernism... (puts on a Johnny Gat mask) I like it.
  • Judging by the recently release second mission footage, the game seems to be far more lighthearted as opposed to the second game. The Boss and Shaundi share a lot of hilarious banter, and even Johnny has a few moments. Listening to Shaundi scream "ASSHOLE!!!" as The Boss tosses her away, just after catching her in freefall is priceless.
    • That's toss her away after jumping out of a plane. S\he goes back for her after dealing with the Syndicate.
      Boss: Bad plan, bad plan.
      Shaundi: You're a fucking asshole!
      Boss: Okay. I guess I deserved that.
    • Each voice has slightly different dialogue, the Russian female is unrepentant in her version of the scene.
      Boss *Catches Shaundi* I return.
      Shaundi You're a fucking asshole!
      Boss But I was right!
    • Speaking of the Russian boss, she also provides a badass counterpoint to most of the other characters in one part: Most of the Bosses responses to realizing they're being chased by freefalling Morningstar mooks is either of panic, or disbelief. When the first Morningstar mook grabs the Russian boss, she merely growls "You're getting under my skin..." - then after beating his face in with her elbow, grabbing his SMG, and seeing the other Morningstar mooks falling after her, she exclaims"Oh good, I get to kill more of them!"
    • As mentioned in the first paragraph, even Johnny joins in on the fun.
      Shaundi: (after being ambushed by Morning Star troops and Gat saying he'll handle them) What about the plane?
      Johnny: I'll fly it back to Stilwater.
      Shaundi: Johnny, you can't even drive stick! How you gonna fly a plane!?
      Johnny: ... Details, details, just cover da Boss.
    • Shortly after that:
      Boss: (After Gat comes in over the intercom) Great, who gave Gat a mike?
    • And shortly after that:
      Johnny: I noticed some of our passengers are getting restless, so here's some relaxin' music for you're enjoyment.
      (Cheesy elevator music plays and the plane shakes violently)
      Johnny: Sorry 'bout dat, your captain's having trouble finding the clutch.
    • After Kiki and Viola explain that the Saints can live if they turn over two-thirds of their profits to the Syndicate:
      Boss: Listen, you French fuck.
      Phillipe: Please, I am Belgian.
      Johnny: So make yourself a fuckin' waffle! We're done here.
    • As the mission continues, this exchange goes on over the intercom:
      Johnny: You're gonna pay royal for that, Frenchie.
      Phillipe: I am BELGIAN!
      Johnny: Same thing!
      Phillipe: I am going to cut that disrespectful tongue from your mouth.
      Johnny: Oh yeah? You and how many of your... (beat) Oh... that many.
    • Finally, as your character has caught Shaundi (during freefall) and deployed his parachute:
      Shaundi: I'm not gonna lie - for a minute, I didn't think you'd make it in time.
      Boss: Are you kidding me? I'd never let my girl fa—...wait, what is that?
      Shaundi: What is what?
      Boss: That plane is... okay, don't freak out or anything, but I think that plane is gonna try and ram us.
    • The Female 3 voice says this before dropping Shaundi. While the other voices try to make excuses, she says:
      Boss: I'm going to smash through the cockpit, kill a bunch of them and then parachute out the back.
      Shaundi: Don't you mean we?
      Boss: Nope.
      • Even better it makes the silence afterwards longer than with the other voices.
  • During the mission "Deckers.Die," where you upload yourself into the Decker's user net:
    Kinzie: Alright, you should be seeing a visual representation of the Deckers' user net now.
    Boss: Know what I see Kinzie? I am a fucking toilet, that's what.
    Kinzie: Oops, sorry about that, lemme load up another!
    Boss: I thought you knew what you were doing?
    Kinzie: I haven't finished your avatar yet, that one's just temporary.
    Boss: I don't have arms!
    Kinzie: Just start moving through the data, I'll sort it out soon.
    (The boss then morphs into a blow up doll.)
    Boss: This isn't much better! Are you trying to tell me something, Kinzie?!
    Kinzie: Ugh, stop whining you big baby!
  • The trailer for pre order content warns that the rapidly changing lights may cause seizures. The trailer itself pulls out all the stops in a bit to do just that.
  • When STAG is first introduced into Steelport:
    Boss: What the hell is the STAG Initiative?
    Zimos: If it's "free porn for everyone," I am down.
    • Pretty much everything Zimos says, due to the fact that A: Every word he utters is in auto-tune, and B: It actually creates music out of his speech. Z-pain in the house, baby.
      • His reaction to Boss calling the painting of him being incredible ugly.
  • Speaking of Zimos, during the Mission to rescue him from the BDSM club, one has to interrogate a patron of the club. Most of the PC's utterances are degrees of disgust. If playing as the cockney male, however...
    Boss: Tell me where the manager is, or I'll beat the fuck out of ya.
    Patron: OH YES! Please hit me, I've been bad!
    Boss:(complete deadpan) Unexpected...
    • And once you get down into the BDSM stable/dungeons/human pony show and are looking for Zimos.
      Pierce: So how we gonna find this guy? Look for the dude who doesn't look pleased to be wearing a ball gag?
      Boss: I dunno, look for the motherfucker with the diamond-encrusted Z on his saddle?
      Pierce: Fuck out of here man, do you expect us to find- (Spots Zimos) Oh. Well that was convenient.
    • And for the mission's final trick, you actually have to escape the club riding a human pony cart pulled by Zimos, in full BDSM gear, while being chased by the Syndicate, who are also riding human pony carts. You can actually shoot the "drivers," but you can also make them explode.
    Zimos: This is a rescue, right; this ain't some elaborate setup for a gangbang?
    Pierce: Why you gotta put that image in my head bro?
  • You later visit the same Club again when trying to free several prostitutes. The plan involves faking to sell Boss as sex slave. We don't know how well the plan went because the next thing we see is Boss naked and totaly stoned inside the club.
    • Also the female Brute in a cage during the same mission.
      • Pretty sure that's not a female.
  • The second mission you do for Kinzie, you break into a Deckers base, and Matt and Kinzie have what is only the equivalent to a verbal pissing match on Xbox Live. It's pretty funny.
  • This exchange when you steal the NEMO chair from the Deckers.
    Kinzie: "How is power still going to the chair?! All the routers are already shut down!"
    Boss: "It's still plugged in."
  • The Awesome page already mentions that the Groin Attack has its own button now, but there also the fact that against most rank-and-file gangsters and cops early in the game and all pedestrians all the time it is a One-Hit Kill. Taking down an entire Gang Operation by smashing every single member of it in the junk is one of the most hilariously cathartic experiences in the game. It also works on Zombies, too; they may have come for your brains, yes, but you can go for their balls!
    • Made even funnier that these escort missions show Boss far more afraid than we've ever seen him\her.
      I hope it isn't hungry!
      Angel and I are gonna have to have a little talk after this.
      Does it look like the tiger's the one in danger here?! (shouted at animal-rights activists trying to run you down)
  • "It's the moment everyone's been waiting for. The Murderbrawl Chainsaw!"
    • The fact that the song "You're The Best" starts playing the second you begin your chainsaw massacre also qualifies.
  • The entirety of Gangsters in Space.
  • The Reveal in the mayor's office:
    The Boss: (walking in on the mayor making out with a stripper) Burt fucking Reynolds!?
    Burt Reynolds: Who else could keep this town running? Besides, I love my constituents.
    • And at the end of the cutscene, after Boss expresses his/her glee at meeting the mayor:
      Viola: Quit being such a fanboy.
  • The actor who plays Nightblade hitting on Shaundi. All of it.
    Boss: Shaundi was really looking forward to meeting you.
    Birk: Shaundi's here? I'll play your game.
    • He doesn't play along with being kidnapped for long though.
      Boss: Shaundi?
      Pierce: Try again man.
      Boss: Pierce? I thought I called Shaundi.
      Pierce: Oh you did man. She's just too busy holding herself back from killing Birk to answer.
      Shaundi: Boss you gotta get me outta here! He's proposed to me six times!
      Boss: Shaundi this will all be over soon. Trust me.
      Shaundi: Then can I kill him? Please god tell me I can kill him.
    • And when s\he meets up with the two Shaundi is still channeling Gat.
      Birk: I felt that the moment we met. That connection.
      Shaundi: What.
      Birk: Forbidden love.
      Shaundi: Oh my god can I just shoot this guy?
    • And when Cyrus appears to take Birk back he offers to lay off the heat on the Saints. Birk though wants to join and again professes his love for Shaundi.
      Oh, no, no, no. Fuck no. Don't even think about keeping that prick around. I will lose my damn mind.
  • Homies talk among themselves now and certain combinations can be hilarious Such as Josh Birk with Shaundi or The Mayor, though the three together turn Josh into a total Butt Monkey if he wasn't already.
    • This.
      Burt: Hey, you're that girl with the reality show.
      Shaundi: Yeah I'm Shaundi.
      Burt: You know you look less like a slut in person.
      Shaundi: ...thanks?
  • The "Stay Classy Steelport" achievement, which requires the player to kill enemies using the "Penetrator" dildo bat and the "Fart In A Jar" exclusively.
  • In the mission Three Way, since they might die Pierce says they should say anything they want to get off their chest. Oleg mentions he's in love with Kinzie, while Boss, well...
    Male Voice 1: I've read Jane Erye 13 times!
    Male Voice 2: I have an irrational fear of bees!
    Male Voice 3: I call chips "fries", alright?!
    Female Voice 1: I'm on a Co-Ed Curling Team!
    Female Voice 2: (Proudly) I want to make love to Pierce in front of a live studio audience!
    Female Voice 3: I collect glass unicorns!
    Zombie Voice: I'm fluent in 7 languages!
    Pierce: (In a TMI tone) Good to know.
    • Oh hell, the Latin voice full stop. Her reaction to the unicorn killing her in the Zork minigame is priceless.
      Oh no Mr Unicorn why? Fuck you unicorn.
      • Female voice 1 after the unicorn kills her:
        And my childhood has just been crushed...
      • Female 1 is good too after you kill it.
        What does the writer have against Unicorns?!
      • Male Voice 1(Troy Baker)'s line about the unicorn is hilarious as well.
        "Dick move Unicorn, Dick move."
  • A hilarious little call back during the Zombie mission.
    Viola: Like you ever dealt with zombies before!?
    Boss: Well, there was Lin back in Stilwater...
    Viola: What?
    Boss: Nothing, it's...a long story.
    • She seems to become a running gag. When Pierce and Boss visit Kinzies home, Pierce notice a news paper article about her on a wall. Pierce quickly removes it with a "i hope she won't notice" face.
  • Pierce finding a Penetrator (A giant dildo bat) at Kinzie's place, and messing with the boss.
    • Not to mention his poker face when Kinzie finally turns to look at the two clowns, and he's (very badly) attempting to hide it behind his back.
  • The Boss' incredibly bad acting when disguised as Temple
    • Example
    • The best part is that it varies depending on the voice your boss had before being disguised. For example with the Cockney Boss:
      Temple!Boss: So, how are you finding Steelport?
      Kia: It's disgusting.
      Temple!Boss: I agree, I'm more of a Stilwater bloke m'self.
      Kia: "Bloke"?
    • Female Voice 1 will blurt out this gem:
      Temple!Boss: I like men.
    • The Russian Female Boss will ask Kia if she favors Pierce, while Male Voice 2...
      Temple!Boss: Do I have to issue a direct order to see you naked?!
      • What makes it funnier, is that KIA doesn't mind and says she's more than willing to follow that order.
    • Also what ever respect or taunt you had before starting the mission is still usable, which means you can make Cyrus do a Cancan or act as if he is taking a dumb right infront of all soldiers. Sadly it would have been too much work to give him the lines for them.
    • And yes, Temple!Boss will also speak in the Zombie voice if you so choose.
  • Finding the different "machines" inside the containers during the Ho Boat missions and Boss reaction towards them. Likewise when trying to escape with the girls, one can be seen hanging onto the container with one hand, the whole flight long.
  • Male Voice 2's reaction to switching from hover mode to flight mode in the VTOL.
    Male Voice 2 Boss: It's like a hellicopter fucked a jet!
    • Any of the voices when they discover jet mode is a Crowning Moment of Funny\Awesome. Half of them quote Top Gun.
      Whoooa, Daaanger Zoooooone!!!!!!
      This is so fucking cool.
  • In Learning Computer, when the Deckers move the computer out on a flatbed truck, Pierce and Male Voice 1 Boss decide to give chase the only way two gangster bros know how: in a tank.
    Kinzie: Oh no, don't you dare! I don't want that thing anywhere near my computer!
    Boss: Ok, ok... we won't use the tank.
    Pierce: Really?
    Boss: Fuck no, we're getting our tank on.
  • The unique things The Boss says, while enjoying his/her drugged state, during "Pimps up, Ho's down". Doubly funny because he/she's butt naked and gunning down enemies. Like Female Voice 1.
    Boss: It's like living inside a rainbow!
    • One is also a Lamp Shade Hanging when Zimos gives Boss his/her guns back:
      Boss: But where do I put all that ammo?
      Zimos: I'll let you figure that out, baby! I'd rather not know...
    • During the mission, the Boss and Zimos share some very... entertaining dialogue.
      Zimos: You know, you're taking this whole naked thing a lot better than I thought you would.
      Boss: I'm naked?!
  • The radio ad for "Cement Shoes: The Musical" is pretty funny.
  • After Gat's death Shaundi is ready for action. When Boss takes up her sarcastic comment to get guns from the armory she gets second thoughts.
    Shaundi: You can't be serious.
    Boss: What's wrong with that?
    Shaundi: Getting shot comes to mind.
    Boss: We could raise money by having you turning out tricks.
    Shaundi: Also a shitty idea.
    Boss: You could always get into the Feel Boss business.
    Shaundi: Not cool.
    Boss: I'm just throwing out options here.
    Shaundi: Alright, alright, we'll pick a fight with the military.
    Boss: Atta girl.
    • The Boss' lines change with every type of voice for him or her. Seriously, there's some really cool stuff there and it's worth playing through with each voice just to hear them all.
    • Other options include arguing that raiding an armory is nothing compared to the shit they've pulled, claiming reality TV had made her soft, comparing her to Pierce and the idea that she'll end up with Josh Burk. Then they get to the armory where one voice in particular is drooling over the bomb.
      Shaundi: Look at the size of that thing. Bet that's a hell of a way to end a gun fight.
      Boss: It will be mine. Oh yes, it will be mine.
      Shaundi: Heh, yeah, right. Beat Wait, you're serious aren't you?
  • in the second mission Boss bails out of the Syndicate plane as described above. In Air Steelport Viola is there when Boss hijacks a STAG plane.
    Viola: Almost forgot.
    Boss: Is it important?
    Viola: Try and stay in the plane this time.
    • Then Boss blows up the cockpit.
      Female(1) Boss: Not cool, plane.
      Viola: Oh god, what did you do?
  • This part is just funny for some people. In the second game Latin Boss might brag about having the biggest balls in Stillwater. She returns in the third game and in a bid to get to a fleeing Loren she has this giant office ornament ripped out of the ceiling. As it falls a Brute will try and fight her, and she'll go, "Who said you could play with my ball?"
  • Pretty much anything the announcers say during "Genkibowl VII" is hilarious.
  • After saving Zimos from the gimp show at Safeword, him and the Boss share a nice bit of banter while driving to Angel's casino.
    Boss: Come on, Z! We've got a rescue to mount.
    Zimos: Don't say "mount."
    Boss: I take it "saddle up" is out of the question?
    Zimos: If you didn't just bust me out, I'd be walking the other way.
  • Andy Zhen may be a complete asshole, but he has some of the best dialog in the "Gangstas In Space" DLC:
    *After Jenny misses an impossible stunt jump and lands her and boss in the river*
  • The mission "Nyte Blayde's Return": In a bid to get at STAG, the Boss has Viola dress as the Bloody Cannoness to get at Josh Birk, star of Nyte Blayde, prompting this exchange.
    Boss: No, that's what the implants are for.
    • Female 1 asks Viola what she did get a masters in economics for, in a tone suggesting that she'll find the answer funny. Viola doesn't answer, which to this troper, proved Boss right.
    • The intro cutscene also has an amusing moment when a nerdy Saints fan asks the Boss to autograph his copy of the Gangstas in Space comic book.
  • "Hey kids! Have you ever wondered what it's like to be part of a real life gang?" "YEAH!"
  • The Boss's reaction to Pierce mocking the Decker's style.
    Pierce: What are they wearing?
    Boss (Male Voice 3): I know! Don't they realize that neo-cyber punk is so last decade?
    Pierce: What?
    Boss: N-nothing! I didn't say anything, just kill 'em.
  • Trying to find Zimos in the Safe Word club:
    Pierce: How are we gonna find this dude? Look for the cat who's not happy he's chewing on a ball gag?
    Boss: I don't know, look for the guy with a giant rhinestone Z on his back?
    Pierce: Fuck out of here man...(spots Zimos, as described) Oh shit, well, that's convenient.
  • It's entirely possible to beat an armored car until it explodes... with the Penetrator, a giant dildo.
    • The Penetrator in general. For instance, it is one of the best weapons for the zombie outbreak.
  • This exchange at the start of Angel's final mission, concerning how the Boss had to drive around with a tiger in the previous mission.
    Boss: A fucking tiger?
    Angel: If you're fighting the Luchadores you need to be ready for anything.
    Angel: Don't lose the message in the method. You mastered your fear.
    Boss: What the fuck is wrong with you?
  • The second mission you do for Kinzie, you break into a Deckers base, and Matt and Kinzie have what is only the equivalent to a verbal pissing match on Xbox Live. It's pretty funny.
    • Made even funnier that these escort missions show Boss far more afraid than we've ever seen him\her.
      I hope it isn't hungry!
      Angel and I are gonna have to have a little talk after this.
      Does it look like the tiger's the one in danger here?! (shouted at animal-rights activists trying to run you down)
  • After Matt boasts about how powerful he is, Boss will retort by challenging him to buy a pack of cigarettes. Matt thinks s\he's being ageist in saying this.
  • The things that Boss!Cyrus will say:
    Kia: Welcome back sir.
    Boss!Cyrus: Wassup!
  • "Hooker assassins??"
    • They came highly recommended.
    Pierce: THESE HOS AIN'T HOS!
  • The Genki Manapult, which can suck in people that get caught in its mouth then fire them out of its cannon. The way it looks and what it does is hilarious enough, but then there's the fact that when you get into it, it automatically changes your radio station to Klassic 102.4 and plays "Stars and Stripes Forever".
  • The dialogue at the end of "The Belgian Problem", if you choose to keep the Syndicate Tower.
    Boss: "We're gonna have to do something about the pink."
    Oleg: "You'd prefer a more manly shade, like purple?"
  • You can make an entire War Sequence every 24 in game hours more or less anywhere you want. Step 1: Find some enemy gang members or police. Step 2: punch them in the face. Step 3: Continue fighting while notoriety snowballs. Step 4: Call in 3 homies a tank some saints and whatever DLC backup you have. Step 5: Massive battle.
  • At the start of "Convoy Decoy" when the Boss gets the impression Pierce is not paying attention:
    "And we should get some horses and mount a charge on STAG."
Saints Row 2Funny/Video GamesSaints Row IV

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