"The reason for an announcement so big, is that because over the past month, the WWE has been turned upside down. It's been like a... like a rotten episode of Star Wars
. *beat* Allow me to enlighten you: A short time ago, in a WWE universe not so far away, the evil emperor
John Laurinaitis convinced the world's largest Jedi to join the dark side
and become Show Vader
. Show Vader then channelled his new-found anger to wage war against the younger, more handsome Jedi John Cenawalker
. The two did battle in an epic fight so big it had to be contained in a fifteen-foot-high Death Star
. With the evil emperor sitting at ringside, but not to be outdone and to be sure the match was fair, the old, decrepit, dust-covered Jedi Yoda McMahon
sat there next to him. The entire galaxy was involved: Jabba the Funkasaurus
, Han Soul-bro, Bro-bacca
. Hell, even R2-A-ri and Santin-3PO
were there. The battle was so vicious, that Show Vader had Cenawalker in a corner, and breathing heavy as he most often does, said *wooosh* *wooosh* 'I am your father!'
. And to be quite honest, that totally weirded me out, because I know my dad and my dad's not Show. So I climbed out of the Death Star as quick as I could, using a maneuver that was easier than bagging womp rats back in Beggar's Canyon, and when I hit the floor, the ancient, old Jedi Yoda Mcmahon leaped out of his chair and said to the face of the evil emperor, 'No chance in Hell have you.' *beat* 'Fired you are!'