Funny / Hercules
"But, father, I-I-I've beaten every single monster I've come up against! I-I'm the most famous person in all of Greece! I-I'm-I'm- I'm an ''action figure!"
The Disney film
- The introduction perfectly sets up the films comedic tone. Charlton Heston makes a voice over cameo in the opening, setting up the film to be a serious telling of the Hercules myth...only for the Muses to abruptly butt in and tell him to lighten up. Heston rolls with it and says "You go, girl." as the Muses begin their song.
- Thalia: Honey you mean Hunkules!
- Baby Hercules chewing on a lightning bolt and tying Pain and Panic in a knot.
- Zeus's present to his newborn son is Pegasus. That's right. Only a baby, and his parents got him a pony for a present!
- Herc's reaction to the Zeus statue coming to life—granted, that's probably how any normal person would react if a giant stone statue came to life and started talking to them (not to mention directly reaching toward him, at that).
- Almost all of the scenes with Hades (played by James Woods, who actually improvised many of his lines). The numerous mythical/historical in-jokes were also great.
- An example of Hades' wellspring of comedy.
Titans: DESTROY ZEUS!
Hades: Uh, guys?
Hades: Olympus would be that way. (points at Olympus in the opposite direction)
Titans: (look at Olympus like "WTF...?", then turn around and walk towards it) ZEUS!
- Nearly every time Hades goes off on one of his rants. Such as upon finding out Hercules has been alive all these years.
: Hercules... why does that name ring a bell? Pain
: I dunno. Maybe we owe him money? Hades
was that name again? Meg
: Hercules. (Hades snarls; Meg continues without noticing Hades' rage
) He comes on with this big, innocent farm boy routine, but I could see through that in a Peloponnesian minute. Pain
: Wait a minute! Wasn't Hercules the name of that kid we were supposed to-- Pain & Panic
: OH, MY GODS!
RUN FOR IT! (Hades grabs them
: So you took care of him, huh? "Dead as a door nail!" Weren't those your exact words? Pain
: This might be a different Hercules! Panic
: Yeah! Hercules is a (choked by Hades
) very popular name nowadays! Pain
: Remember a few years ago, all the boys were named Jason and the girls were all named Brittany? Hades:
I am about to rearrange the cosmos, and the one SCHLEMIEL who can louse it up IS WALTZING AROUND IN THE WOODS!
- Upon finding that Pain is wearing Air-Hercs:
Pain: Um, I don't know. I thought they looked kinda...dashing.
[getting flamier with each phrase
] I've got twenty-four hours to get rid of this bozo
, or the entire scheme that I've been setting up for eighteen years
goes up in smoke, and YOU?! ARE WEARING?! HIS?! MERCHANDIISE?!?
[Hades almost flames Pain before getting distracted by Panic drinking some Hercu-lade]
] Oh! Ha ha. Uh... thirsty
- This exchange:
Megara: [Hercules] is different. He's honest and sweet, and he wouldn't do anything to hurt me.
Hades: (gawking) HE'S A GUY.
- His big entrance during his takeover of Olympus:
Guys! Get your Titanic rears in gear and KICK! SOME OLYMPIAN! BUTT!
[Pegasus sneaks up and blows his hair out as if it were a candle
] Woah, is my hair out?
- "How sentimental. (Fakes being emotional) You know, I haven't been this choked up since I got a hunk of moussaka caught in my throat! Huh?! (Beat) Is this an audience or a mosaic?"
- The entirety of Hades' conversation with the Fates.
Ladies, so sorry I'm— The Fates:
you would be! Clotho:
] We know EVERYTHING! Lachesis:
—and Future! [aside to Panic
] Indoor plumbing...it's gonna be big! Hades:
Right, anyway ladies, I was at this party and I lost all track of ti— The Fates:
We know! Hades:
you know. Anyway, Zeus—Mr. High and Mighty, Mr. "Hey You Get Off Of My Cloud
"—Now he has— The Fates:
—a bouncing baby brat! Clotho:
We KNOW! Hades: I KNOW!!!! You
know. I got it, I got the concept.
- The last words in the movie are in The Stinger, and guess who says them? You got it:
Hades: What díya say? Itís happy ending time! Everybodyís got a little taste of somethiní but me. I got nothiní. Iímó Iím here with nothiní. Anybody listeniní? Itís like Iímó What am I, an echo or something? Hello? Hello? Am I talking to, what, hyperspace? Hello, itís me. Nobody listens.
- The brave, heroic title character that just awesomely KO'd a centaur that was more than quadruple his size (which is really saying something) being reduced to a stuttering, Adorkable Shrinking Violet when he first tries talking to Meg.
- Just the centaur getting KO'd with his horseshoes flying after him. It's straight out of classic toons! No Trailer Joke Decay here!
- Meg's Establishing Character Moment;
- This glorious radar-dodging exchange after Herc and Meg's date:
: And that play about that Oedipus guy
... whew! And I thought I
- Even funnier: Oedipus was his Camp Gay PE teacher in the animated series.
- Just the look on Hercules' face after getting punched by Nessus, just before crashing headfirst into a rock.
- Megara accidentally slapping Hercules in the face with her wet hair.
- The surprised and gobsmacked looks on the Hydra's faces, accompanied by a confused "nyeer?" noise, right before Herc punches the cliff down on them.
- Hermes being captured by Pain and Panic. And later when he gets his revenge on them.
- Hercules can fight mythological monsters, but he's no match for a mob of screaming fangirls.
- Hercules punching Hades' face inward when he's in the throes of a Villainous Breakdown.
- Hercules perks up once he hears that some kids have been trapped in a rock slide, since it means he can prove himself as a hero. Meg, not knowing the reason he was happy, has this to say:
- Herc then takes her with him and Pegasus, despite her protests
: No, wait! P-Please! Y-Y-You don't understand! I-I-I have this terrible fear of— (Pegasus takes off
(cue Meg fearfully hanging on to Herc as Pegasus snickers
: (still on the ground chasing after them
) I'm right behind ya, kid! I'm way
behind ya, kid! Ooh, I got a fur wedgie!
- Then when they arrive at the scene, Meg is left with her hair frizzled up and looking like she's about to be sick.
Hercules: You okay?
Meg: I'll be fine. Just get me down from here before I ruin the upholstery.
- Phil making fun of the idea that Zeus is Hercules' father.
Phil: Zeus?! The big guy - he's your daddy?! Mr. Lightning Bolts? 'Read me a book, would you, da-da?' Hahahaaa, Zeus! 'Once upon a time!'...
- When the titans escape, they head off to Mt. Olympus while showing off their powers, only for Hades to point out they are heading in the wrong direction.
- When Hercules starts fighting the Titans, the Lava Titan spews some lava on Hades in an attempt to get Herc.
Hades: No, get HIM! Not me! Him! [Ice Titan goes after Herc, who flies by Hades] Follow the fingers, him! [gets frozen] The yutz...with the horse!
- "Two words: I. Am. Retired." Especially because Herc looks baffled trying to sort out how that counts as two words. Bonus points since the phrase in Greek is actually two words long.
- The "Zero to Hero" sequence:
- Herc defeating one of the Stymphalian birds...by locking her in a giant birdcage. Her disgruntled "are you kidding me?" look is what really sells it.
- Hercules's adopted parents, still living in their little farmhouse...but with a giant mansion built onto the back. And a solid gold chariot on the front lawn.
- The various shots of Hades' frustration and fury as Herc tackles everything he throws at him without breaking a sweat.
- Megara backs into a Cupid (or would that be Eros?) statue. Specifically she pokes herself with his "love arrow". She notices this, and shows an expression of "does that mean what I think it means?" Look at it!
- As Herc leaves he gives her a flower and kisses her on the cheek, leaving her with a face that's priceless as she touches the spot where he kissed her; then followed by I Won't Say I'm in Love
- Meg's introduction clues us into how snarky she is with several lines.
Are you alright miss... Meg:
Megara. My friends call me "Meg"—or at least they would if I had any friends. So, did they give you
a name with all those rippling pectorals?
[Herc babbles incoherently
Are you always this articulate? Hercules:
Hercules. My name's Hercules. Meg:
Hercules? I think I prefer "Wonderboy". Hercules:
So, how did you get mixed up with the— Meg:
Pinhead with hooves? You know how men are. They think "no" means "yes" and "get lost" means "take me I'm yours"! [does a mock swooning pose to Herc
(confused, Herc just glances back at Pegasus, who just snorts with irritation) Meg:
(beat) Don't worry, Shorty here can explain it to you. Phil
- Maybe the best part of that exchange is Herc rolling his eyes at Meg's "no means yes" line.
- Even better when you remember whose son Herc is.
- "But, father, I-I-I've beaten every single monster I've come up against! I-I'm the most famous person in all of Greece! I-I'm-I'm- I'm an action figure!
- Hercules and Megara having their romantic moment ruined by Phil and Pegasus, the latter imitating a police helicopter and the former acting like a riot officer.
- Thalia the Muse is full of them, especially during the "I Won't Say I'm In Love" sequence, where she waves the flower at Meg and is ignored, she ends up dangling from the 'ceiling' the others have raised up, she's held up by the others during the line "you (got) (got) got it bad," and how her head isn't attached to the rest of her bust, which results in her lounging on the column.
- The Swedish dub of "Zero to Hero" mentions MTV by name.
- "I Won't Say (I'm In Love)" has several funny moments, but when the Muses sing "Hon, we saw you hit the ceiling", they push up the roof they're holding up, and one of them, who wasn't expecting it, finds herself hanging in mid-air. Her yelp just makes it all the funnier.
- "Uh, how can I come down there when I'm feeling sooo UP!" (Herc launches himself out of sight). Pegasus just looks upward like this is nothing new to him.
- Phil's snarkily lampshading Greek Hero Theme Naming when he's trying to get Hercules to leave at first:
Phil:Odysseus, Perseus, Theseus... A lot of "-eus"-es.
The animated series
- In Hercules and the Big Kiss: "Cassie! There's an armed youth and a flying horse here to see you!"
- Aphrodite has her own theme song. It plays every time she enters and Hades even mocks it! And Cupid later sends Hercules and Hermes on a quest to get it out of his head.
- The Hercules/Aladdin Crossover, Hercules and the Arabian Night: "What is that, some kind of bronchial thing?"
Hades: (honks Jafar's nose, in a mock-impressed voice) Good for you, you big scary booger-head, you! Ooh, boogah-boogah-boogah... (to Pain and Panic, all business again) Get him outta here, will ya, boys?
- Jafar kidnaps Abu by luring him into an alleyway with bananas. And then Pain lures Icarus into an alleyway... also with bananas.
- Phil attempting to flirt with Jasmine, until she tells him she's married to Aladdin.
- In "Hercule and the Return of Typhon", Bob the disembodied voice narrator is informed by the Muses that everyone gets a day off to celebrate Titan Smiting Day, including him. Later during a local festival, we see four celebratory hats floating through the air which apparently belong to Bob, his wife and two kids, who thank him for taking them to the festival, glad that he got the day off from "narrating." Pegasus looks absolutely perplexed at this sight.
- Also from the same episode:
: Hold it right there, Typhon! Put down those innocent Athenians! Typhon
: Gimme a break, they're lawyers! Zeus
: ...Well... put them down anyway. Besides, you know they give you gas.
- In "Hercules and the Big Show", Zeus gives Herc a lightning bolt with this comment, in reference to Hades:
I think it's time my son tried his hand at the family business — smiting the wicked.
Hercules: Would you mind [running some reels]?
- Another from the series, we have this masterful Gilligan Cut from "Tapestry of Fate":
Icarus: Oh relax! The worst [the Fates] could say is "no"!
(cuts to Herc and Icarus in the Fates' chamber)
- For the Greek Mythology buffs out there, the name of the concert Herc and Icarus want to go to definitely qualifies: "Orpheus: Never Look Back".
- Any moment between Ares and Athena, who are in a bitter Sibling Rivalry, and frequently torment each other.
- The fact that Ares's and Athena's rivalry has a theme song complete with the Ear Worm dueling deities... duuueling deitiieees.
- In one episode, Ares commissions a weapon from Hephaestus which he names the Armageddon Bow. He specifically requested a really manly kind of weapon. Towards the end Ares finally learns that not only is the bow sapient, but has the personality of a pacifist, talkative, woman.
Hephaestus: *Hearing him all the way down in the forge and laughing to himself* A girl bow. Hehe, I kill myself.
- Ares realizing that the kid he was about to execute is Hercules, Zeus's son. Cue looking at the sky with Zeus throwing a lightning bolt at him.
- "In Hercules and the Romans," the narrator states that Rome is a bright, intellectual city... but it turns out its citizens and founders are dim-witted.
- Circe's entrance on the beach which makes every man swoon over her. The narrator even gets enchanted and one of the Muses takes notice.
- Adonis and Hercules both try to outdo each other in impressing Circe, and one of the things Hercules touts is that he can flare his nostrils to music.
- Hercules playing volleyball and hitting the ball with such force that it hits Hades in the underworld. He pops out of the sand to angrily vent and slam the ball back at Hercules.
- Hades proceeding to take over Athens which he dubs "New Hades". He assigns the worst torments to the citizens. What does he assign Cassandra? Cut to a perky Home Economics teacher singing a song about being a housewife and Cassandra being the sole student.
Cassandra (Horrified): Oh, he's good.
- When Hades introduces himself as the new principal at Prometheus Academy, the students cheer when he says "there will be no homework", but stop when he adds "because you don't get to go home."
- Hercules traveling around the cold country of Greenland and wondering aloud that if this is Greenland, then they don't want to know what Iceland is like. Cut to a very tropical Iceland with a residence saying that they call it Iceland to keep tourists away.
- Adonis pretending to be happy upon learning his parents weren't killed by the monster that captured them. It doesn't help his case that he was trying to be declared the new King of Thrace upon their capture and assumed death.
- Hades' interactions with Puppy!Cerberus in "Hercules and the Visit From Zeus."
"Look, me master, you obedient pup! Got it?!"
- "Hercules and the World's First Doctor", after mocking Hercules:
Hades: (vanishes) Gotta go, too hip, I can't stay.
- In "Hercules and the Yearbook", Meg blows up laughing her head off when she saw Hercules' yearbook picture.