Mrs. Manson: Now, Dora, let's see if you can make up a story as vivid as your sister's.
Daria: It's Daria.
Mrs. Manson: I'm sorry...Daria. What do you see in the picture, Dara?
Daria: Um...a herd of beautiful wild ponies running free across the plains.
Mrs. Manson: Uh, there aren't any ponies. It's two people.
Daria: Last time I took one of these tests they told me they were clouds. They said they could be whatever I wanted.
Mrs. Manson: That's a different test, dear. In this test, it's two people, and you tell me what they're discussing.
Daria: Oh, I see. Alright, then. It's a guy and a girl, and they're discussing...a herd of beautiful wild ponies running free across the plains.
Mrs. Manson:(slowly puts down sheet of paper with a cross look on her face. Daria just smiles.)
Daria and Jane discuss a picture Jane drew the previous summer:
Daria You're really bursting out of the picture plane here.
Jane Yeah, that model was quite bursty. I think she had her "bursts" done.
This discussion goes as follows:
Daria: If you want to go, just make believe you're me. When you're popular, all unpopular people look alike anyway.
Jane:[takes Daria's glasses and puts them on] "Hi. I'm Daria. Go to hell." [takes them off] It won't work. My face is too expressive.
When the fat woman faints in front of Daria and Jane:
Jane: Do you know CPR or anything?
Daria: I once gave the Heimlich Maneuver to Quinn.
Jane: Did it work?
Daria: She wasn't choking.
But it doesn't end there:
Jane:<beat> We should be doing something now. I'm sure of it.
Daria: Yeah, I think you're right.
Jane takes a photo of the unconscious woman with her camera.
When Daria and Jane are being dressed down by Ms. Li for refusing to sell chocolate to the hypoglycemic woman:
Ms. Li: Did she ask you to feed her the chocolate?
Ms. Li: How do you know it wasn't for her family?
Jane: She has no family. She ate them.
This Year's Model
Brittany's dreams are crushed when she's not picked to be a model, and when she sees Kevin posing with another girl, we get the following conversation:
Brittany (to the other girl): Alright, you may have him now, but I'll always be his first! You can't take that away from me!
Slutty Girl: I can.
Romonica's runway instructions, coupled with Daria and Jane's commentary.
Romonica: All right, ladies. Now, when you stride down the runway, you're walking towards your car. You've spotted a headless corpse in it... and it's a brand new car!
Daria: And a smelly old corpse.
Jane: In a really bad outfit.
"Oh, Daria, don't be shy... Show me your boobs."
The Big House
Quinn's Drama Queen reaction to the parental crackdown.
"I believe it was Jefferson."
Daria, Jane and Mystic Spyral stuck in traffic in The Tank, while "Everybody Hurts" by R.E.M. plays. It's immediately lampshaded:
Trent: This is just like that REM video...except you can't hear anyone's thoughts. (Daria looks straight ahead) Caption: Thank God.
The Teachings Of Don Jake
Trent and Jane trash-talking about their relatives until Trent mentions their Aunt Bernice who wears straw hats — who turns out to be on the same flight as they are.
Aunt Bernice driving past Jane and Trent and smiling evilly as she honks the horn.
Jake's campfire story, which turns out to be yet another story of how his father was a selfish, drunken bastard.
Daria: "DAMMIT. It's MY turn to say 'Dammit'."
Trent talking to his Uncle Max:
Uncle Max(drunk): I always liked you, Trent. You were my favorite!
Trent: And why is that, Uncle Max?
Uncle Max: 'Cuz you're a BUM! You're a lousy BUM! You're a rotten BUM! You remind me of MYSELF! Ya know why?
Trent: 'Cuz I'm a bum.
Uncle Max: Thaaat's right, ya bum! (grabs Trent in a headlock)
"SPIRIT ANIMAL! COME BACK, SPIRIT ANIMAL!"
"There he is! Behind that pack of zebras!"
"Mom, get the painkillers! Quinn...get the camera!"
Arts 'n Crass
"Did you really think you were going to get away with this?!" (Beat) "Well, it would be stupid to say yes now..."
When Ms. Li and later Mr. O'Neill called Jane's house, her mother was apparently creating artwork in their basement while blaring gangster rap music, blatantly ignoring the phone while Trent was passed out asleep in his bed and also had loud music playing, paying no mind to either the music or his duck-phone ringing.
Jake: Hey~ Mr. DeMartino! (brandishes hip flask) Can I offer you a little nip?
DeMartino: Mr. Morgendorffer, I'm a teacher responsible for dozens of students on a fairly hazardous field trip. Do YOU think I should take a little nip?!
Jake: I guess not.
DeMartino: NO! I GUESS NOT!GIMME THAT!(snatches the flask and starts chugging like there's no tomorrow)
Jake: ... Say, did you by any chance go to military school?
DeMartino: HOW'D YOU KNOW THAT!?
Pretty much any exchange between Daria and Amy.
The stories that Daria tells her fellow bridesmaids, and the comments provided by Daria's even more deadpan escort, Luhrman.
Daria: I'm an exotic dancer. You know, at a club. I take my clothes off and dance for strange men."
Luhrman: She's really very good.
The scene where Erin introduces her not very brightly looking husband, who works for the government - Intelligence.
Luhrman: I'm sorry, what did you say you do? I thought I heard Intelligence, but that can't be right.
Mack and Kevin go to the bridal expo, despite the fact Jodie and Brittany asked them not to. Just after they finish their conversation, a man selling wedding rings says that he's perfectly tolerable of same sex couples.
"YOU'RE NOT FREAKING FAT, OKAY?!"
One of Daria's and Jane's unfinished movies adapts No Exit with squeaky-voiced clay dolls and inanimate objects.
Daria's in the hospital with a rash.
Jodie: "So you're a little red. It could happen to anybody."
At the beginning of the episode, Kevin saying something so profoundly stupid it makes Mr. O'Neil cry in frustration.
Jane advises Daria on an English assignment:
Jane: Well, what's your definition of true?
Daria: Something that says something.
Jane: What, anything?
Daria: No, something, about something.
Jane: Let me get this straight, you're telling me that you want to write something, not just anything, that says something about something.
Jane: Gee, who'd ever believe you having trouble communicating.
Daria's Jane Austen-esque story. One moment includes Daria explaining to Quinn that when she said Tren-er, Mr. Lane causes "bemusement rather than endearment," she basically meant, "He's flaky." Another comes at the end of the story, when Quinn's talk of marriage inadvertently scares away Mr. Lane and his "hunting party", which consisted of 1800s versions of Jesse, Joey, Jeffy, and Jamie.
Also Quinn's period-film pronunciation of "huh?"
During the story about her family in the future, Quinn tells her kids to watch something educational. A couple seconds later, Sick Sad World is heard. Daria and Quinn yell, "Not that!"
More specifically, you don't even hear the title. Just the announcer's unmistakable voice, incredulously proclaiming, "Breast implants for chickens?!"
Jane: Daria, you think maybe someday you'll let me read your story?
Daria: No, but I can show you the one I wrote where you run away with Kevin.
The story in question is a parody of The Graduate with Jane as Benjamin stopping Kevin's wedding to Brittany. He runs away with her while Brittany excitedly throws the bouquet in the air.
Daria's story where Helen and Jake are laid back and wish Quinn could be more like her, to the point that Quinn runs out of the house in tears over what Daria's "perfection" has done to her. And Daria feels they should at least tell her about the eight lane highway that was built outside the house during the night. Cue the sounds of a car crash and Quinn screaming "Ow! GOD!"
Depth Takes a Holiday
The first meeting of Daria and the holidays is a good time for hysterical giggles.
"No Guy Fawkes Day?!"
The Lost Girls
Jake's persistent confusion over the definition of the word 'edgy.'
Kevin and Brittany's...colorful outfits.
It Happened One Nut
Tiffany attempting to council Daria on self-esteem in a really funny Lampshade Hanging of her Verbal Tic. In fact, everything Tiffany says in subsequent episodes becomes a CMoF because of this one scene. It's probably...just...because...she previously...got...very few lines...so...I never...really noticed...she talks like thiiis......and that that...might make it difficult...to converse...at length...with people...
What clinched the scene was that if you pay attention, the camera does a slow zoom as Tiffany's talking, and pauses every time that she does.
Jake of Hearts
This exchange following Jake's heart attack:
Jake: That's it, sweetie! Avenge my death.
Daria: You're not dying, dad.
Jake: Avenge me!
Helen: Jake you're going to give yourself a... never mind.
The DJ's from the same episode try to get the fashion club to go on a date with Upchuck:
Sandi: Tiffany, dear, would you please explain to the Spatula Man why a bumper sticker cannot possibly compensate for the shame and permanent reputation damage involved in a single date with Charles Rutenhimer?
Tiffany: Upchuck... eww.
Just before that when "The Spatula Man" attempts to dive into the crowd.
Helen's conversation with Eric during dinner before Jake's heart attack.
Quinn: Daddy you're using all the cheese!
Helen: Hey! What did the doctor tell you about cheese? No, not you, Eric! How would I know what the doctor told you about cheese? Why sure I'd love to hear what the doctor told you about cheese.
The show cuts to commercial right after Daria finds out the money needed to bail Jane and Mystik Spiral out of jail went missing, then immediately cuts back to the show, so that Quinn could debunk Daria's suspicions that the hitchhiker stole it. (Quinn gave him the money so he could buy her some new clothes.)
The Lawndale File
Jane: Daria, come out of there. The neighbors are starting to talk.
Daria: Um... good. Soon they'll progress to cave drawings and civilization will be on its way.
Jane: Trent, I don't care if [Daria] forgives you, I'm never speaking to you again.
Trent: You just did.
"The Emotional Trauma Cycle of a High School Student", a video assignment Daria and Jane completed about the "5 Stages of Grief". It ended in "Acceptance." Acceptance meaning Jane receiving a college acceptance letter.
The epic lampshading of the Morgendorffer's family dynamic.
A Tree Grows in Lawndale
Brittany grieves over Kevin refusing to play football or date her after spraining his ankle. Daria overhears, and decides to put some of Brittany's nonsensical laments into a Stylistic Suck song: "Armpits have feeling/but not for me/Now what do I do/With lips empty?" Mr. O'Neil reads the lyrics, and praises the depth and raw emotion. After Daria gives Brittany credit, Mr. O'Neil gives Brittany an A.
Jake is relating that, according to the local newspaper, property values have dropped dramatically since Lawndale High's football team started losing. Helen has this to say:
Helen: Jake, that's The Lawndale Shopper. It's written by an eighty year old man who, if you recall, had to be taken off the roof of his house by the fire department because he thought he was being chased by screaming mice.
Jake: That doesn't mean it isn't true!
Quinn: Oh daddy, mice don't scream.
Daria: Yeah, you're thinking of lobsters.
Just Helen mentioning "screaming mice" is enough to make this troper lose it completely.
When Kevin wrecks the motorcycle into the tree, Jane comments on how this reminded her of a monkey crashing a bicycle at one of her birthday parties as a child. Daria's response is essentially, "And this is different how?"
When trying to figure out a way to get Kevin back to his old self, Tom asks, in response to something Jane and Daria said, "Why not send him back to elementary school?" Daria's immediate, and snarky, response is, "Because he wouldn't meet the minimum scholastic requirements."
The story of Metalmouth is pretty creepy...up until this moment:
Mr. DeMartino: Of course, some of you may take COMFORT in the fact that the ROCKS inside your HEADS are harder than wood, BUT I asSURE you that (a radio reception starts inside his teeth)..GIRLS JUST WANNA HAVE FU-UUUN!!!!! (covers mouth)
Trent (VO): They picked up radio stations.
Mr. DeMartino: So, if I may reTURN to our discussion on drill safety, this is the chuck and (reception starts again)..not the fortunate one, cause girls just wanna, they JUST—(it stops) Wait a minute. Chucks— (begins again) JUST WANNA HAVE FUUUU-UUUUN!! (ends again) That's why you don't... (begins yet again) wanna, they just wanna, GIIIIIIIIIIIIRLS!!!!!!!!!!
(The entire class breaks down in laughter and Mr. DeMartino runs out)
Jeffy: What a doof.
Kevin: Hey, I know what's fun. Let's drill a hole in my shoe!
I Loathe a Parade
Daria is stalked by a guy in an animal costume, and the guy faints because he doesn't get enough air. Daria pulls off the mask.
Jake and Helen acting as each other for a therapy session...until Jake goes too far and hurts Helen's feelings.
Is It Fall Yet?
After being told by Helen that she has no choice about working at Mr. O'Neil's summer camp, Daria replies:
"What about my feelings? What about my rights?" Beat "What about my bribe?"
We need a lot more money! / This really isn't funny! / You don't pay us enough to buy honey!
[after complaints by some teachers]
Mr. Demartino: Hey! I threw out the rhyme about the bunny!
The teachers then get Mr. O'Neill to write them a new chant. He enlists the help of Trent.
Have you ever been to the children's zoo? When the birdies say "cheep", they're talkin' 'bout you! (beat) Nah.
The moment Quinn starts talking about how her sub was flirting with a student, Daria gets up from the table and brings the phone to her mother like it was instinct.
Helen: Daria! Get me the- (sees Daria in front of her with the phone) Thank you.
Ms. Li: Don't think you can intimiate—intermolate—don't think you can scare me with your threat to picket naked!
Mr. DeMartino: You think I'm bluffing?! This is Goodwill polyester I've been sweating in all night. I want to picket naked!
Ms. Li: All right! A two percent raise and a space heater for the teacher's lounge.
Mr. DeMartino:(tugs on collar)Boy! It's getting hot in here!
Ms. Li, after a sleepless night of tense negotiations, announces the end of the strike on the PA system:
People of Mars! I mean, students of Lawndale High. This is your leader... um, principal. What was I saying? Oh! The teachers... the teachers... the strike's over! Your teachers will be back tomorrow! Good ni... day.
One J At a Time
Daria's mother convinces her to finally invite Tom over for dinner to get to know her parents, but she's worried that Jake's eccentric personality and temper is gonna scare him off - but of course, she needn't worry as we get some of the funniest "male bonding" between Jake, Tom and Quinn's third boyfriend that week when they all storm out of the house mid-dinner to catch a squirrel and go Go-karting.
Is It College Yet?
"Curse-B-Gone. No animals were harmed in the making of this product, except the ones we sacrificed."
When Mr. De Martino is congratulating Daria on getting the Outstanding Academic Achievement Award, he actually says, "You go girlfriend!"