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Deadpan Snarker: Web Original

  • The Agony Booth's Mr. Mendo does this in his reviews, but really shines when dealing with hostile commentors. For example, after someone took issue with him trying to prove that Forrest Gump was a bad movie, he responded:
    Mr. Mendo: You're right, I should never have the courage of my own convictions. It's bad manners, you know...
  • The Angry Video Game Nerd is famous for the sarcastic remarks he use when he's reviewing bad games. Half the fun of the show is his very deadpan personality.
  • BikdipOnABus can be this sometimes, especially to stupid commentors.
  • In his podcasts and website, skeptic Brian Dunning actively uses deadpan snarking in his articles.
    I have no idea whether a single atom of magnesium restores sex hormones, whatever that means, but if so that's one hell of an atom. If you want magnesium, take a vitamin pill. If you want oxygen, take a breath. If you want sex hormones, get a girlfriend. -Wheatgrass article
  • Oancitizen. His field of expertise (arthouse movies) provide ample material.
  • The Bugle is what happens when you put three British Deadpan Snarkers on a trans-Atlantic call once a week.
  • Moose from Chicken And Moose.
  • Dr. Shelton in Darwin's Soldiers.
  • Pixel Girl of The Defrosters actually claims to be this in the first episode of the new season. She also claims to be a troper.
  • The title character of Joss Whedon's Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog. (See the page quote)
    • His sidekick Moist...
      Dr. Horrible: I have a PhD in Horribleness.
      Moist: Is that the new catchphrase?
  • Dana from Echo Chamber.
    Shannon: Shut up! You just don't know anything about love!
    Dana: Oh no. My heart. She breaks.
  • Jeff Andonuts, hands down, in Fobbies Are Borange.
    Jeff: Isn't your mom's name Rosie?
    Paula: Well, yeah...
    Jeff: Rosie the robot. He took the name from the Jetsons. Your mother is a robot, Paula.
  • Ferr.
  • Los Hermanos, a member of the titular Global Guardians superhero team, is probably the most notable heroic example in the Global Guardians PBEM Universe. The most notable villainous example is likely The Evil Mastermind (a hyper-intelligent, nine-year-old Gadgeteer Genius and leader of Evil Mensa). When the two of them face off, it's a veritable hurricane of snarkiness:
    The Evil Mastermind: "Now that you're in my clutches, hero, I'll..."
    Los Hermanos: "... bore me to death with the gloating and the grand-standing? You're like a villain out of an old-style movie serial."
    The Evil Mastermind: "Oh dear, your use of a reference to a form of entertainment that hasn't been produced in sixty years has destroyed my self-image. What will I do now?"
    Los Hermanos: "Go back home and finish your homework?"
    The Evil Mastermind: "Ooh! And now comes the crack about my age! You know, that's almost but not quite completely ineffective! But please, do keep trying. It's always important for people to think they're accomplishing something..."
  • Alucard in Hellsing Ultimate Abridged:
    Luke: You must be the great Alucard.
    Alucard: 'Suuuuup.
    Luke: I've heard quite a lot about you.
    Alucard: Oh, really?
    Luke: The nightwalker, who glides through oceans of blood, beyond human, a monster whose power radiates with a darkness that casts a shadow upon darkness itself!
    Luke: Excuse you?
    Alucard: Oh, I'm sorry, I like to dirty talk when someone's sucking my dick.
    Luke: Perhaps I should just skip to my point. My name is Luke Valentine.
    Alucard: And I'm Carmen Sandiego! Guess where I am!
    Luke: I'm trying to have a serious conversation with you here.
    Alucard: Oh, so am I. And I'm failing... and I'm sorry for that. It's just that I'm so agitated, because this blond little shit strolled into my room, destroyed my 70" plasma TV, and is trying to impress me like I'm his alcoholic father!
    (Luke and Alucard point their guns directly at each other's head)
    Alucard: Be a sport and grab daddy another beer, would you?
  • Papa Burch, from Hey Ash, Whatcha Playin'?, makes snarky comments at his children (especially his son, Anthony) on a regular basis, his voice never going any higher than a disinterested monotone.
  • John, and to a lesser extent, Dave, from John Dies at the End.
  • Left 4 Speed 2's Nick. "A mall. How original."
  • In The Lizzie Bennet Diaries the cast always has its moments, but Lizzie deserves a mention as a creative and Stepford Snarker Deadpan Snarker, as does Charlotte for her especially dry and pragmatic wit, which aligns well with her personality.
  • Sarah in lonelygirl15 and, to a much lesser extent, LG 15 The Resistance.
  • In Lovelace One Two, the protagonist, Andi, tends to makes jokes this way. For example, in Part 9:
    Andi: So, want me to write a computer program for you longhand? Best to give me a topic — I couldn't think of one. I'm not entirely sure what people write computer programs about. The book suggests it should just output 'hello, world,' but I’m not one to make that kind of unambiguous welcome to a planet I've barely even seen before.
  • Alex from Marble Hornets.
    Alex: (after his house had been broken into) Hey Jay, you forgot your flashlight.
  • Curt, from Mirror Fall definitely counts. In response to being teleported with Stef into the infirmary where the resident twin doctors are engaging in some, ah, 'creative healing' he covers Stef's eyes and says when she protests, "‘Newbie, don’t ask unless you want to see a very explicit answer to the question “what’s up doc?”
  • Just about everyone in The Most Popular Girls in School, but Bridget Tice really deserves a special mention:
    Judith: H-hey, Bridget. H-how's it going?
    Bridget: (completely monotone and deadpan throughout) Well, I'm 27 and I'm still living with my parents in Overland Park, I have an art history degree from a night school, my cat just died, I've lost twenty-five percent control of my sphincter muscles, I get a clicking sound in my jaw when I eat, I drive a 91 Dodge Neon, I have ovarian cysts, sometimes I pee the bed still, I have alopecia. The only man who wants to fuck me is my 48 year-old manager at Pizza Street. PS: He only has one ball. So I guess... better than you.
  • MSF High Forum: Miranda by a mile.
  • After finding himself trapped in a fantasy world and having to make the best of it, Paul Twister is constantly snarking about the silly fantasy tropes he keeps running across.
  • Professor Otaku frequently uses this, but it's also aided by the fact that he lacks any sort of smiling facial expression. Growing up on Spider-Man comic books probably didn't help.
  • Protectors of the Plot Continuum use this trope as a survival mechanism.
  • Almost all of the characters of Red vs. Blue get in on the fun, but a few get surpassing mention:
    • Church. This is his nice mode. From here, it escalates to acidic rage. He does hang on to the snark, delivering some of the series's best lines.
    [In an answering-machine sketch] "THERE IS NO ELEVEN YOU FUCKING WHORE"
    • The Red team passes this ball around - they'll take turns suggesting stupid things, and then the others will drop the snark-hammer on the idea.
    • Agent Washington. What happens when you take an idealistic soldier and mind-rape with your own suicide-inducing memories as his teammates kill each other and destroy his home in the fight? What happens when you dangle a way out of it all just beyond his newfound friends? Apparently you get a bitter, vengeful, creepily-clever snarker.
  • Danny Brady in Shadow Unit often fills this role, and so does Daphne Worth from time to time—usually when she's trying to outdo Brady.
  • Every commentator for TheStrawhatNO!
  • Dr. Stuart Ashen. The pieces of tat from shops such as Poundland and 99p Stores as well as ripoff gadgets such as the PO Pstation and PCP station provide Snark Bait.
  • Stuff You Like's Sursum Ursa usually leaves the sarcasm to her subtitles. Usually.
    Sursum Ursa: Because we cannot ever, ever, have ugly people on our screens.
  • Shadow the Hedgehog in Super Mario Bros. Z, compared to in the actual Sonic franchise.
  • Common both in and out of character in Survival of the Fittest. One of the better examples would be Sean O'Cann, at least in his moments of clarity.
  • That Guy with the Glasses. A large portion of all the site's reviewers have a Snarker tendency.
    Guile: I'm going to get on my boat, and I'm going to kick that son-of-a-bitch Bison's ass...
    • The Surf Ninjas review. A whole episode of snarkiness. WOW.
    • The Cinema Snob has such a great voice for it, too. Case in point from his Island of Death review, when he sees a character get brutally slaughtered with a knife and a gun, then another character says that they don't know how he died.
    Snob: If only the stab wounds and bullet holes had given us more clues!
    • In the fourth anniversary movie, To Boldly Flee, the award for this goes to Sad Panda, who achieves a sort of stoic nirvana in which his face does not budge an inch and he does not utter a single non-sarcastic line.
  • John Bain AKA Totalbiscuit. They don't call him The Cynical Brit for nothing.
  • Touhou: a Glimmer of an Outside World has Koakuma providing lots and lots of snark, along with Mima. Hilariously, Koakuma is a Mima fangirl.
  • Both friends from Two Best Friends Play fluctuate between this and open hostility at whatever they are playing.
  • As Unskippable's premise is based off of Mystery Science Theatre 3000, it's only expected that the two hosts play this role to a T.
  • Peristrixalo from The Wanderers Library. “Just once, I would like to meet something beautiful that tries to kill me, but I suspect that's asking far too much.”
  • The Freewebs RPG Warriors The Final Cry has Ivypaw, a ShadowClan-born she-cat who ran away to ThunderClan to escape her abusive mother. She can be quite the snarker at times, though is mostly friendly about it.
  • Phase does this with references most of the rest of the cast doesn't get. They return the favor. Girlfriend stuffed in a fridge, anyone?
  • Worst Music Of The Year
  • In Worm, the protagonist's supervillain team, the Undersiders, has three: Tattletale, Regent, and Imp. Perhaps not coincidentally, each of them have powers that are well-suited to screwing with people's heads.
  • The reporters for Yahoo's Odd News, especially Greg Proops, make humorous comments on everything they report about.
  • Yu-Gi-Oh! The Abridged Series is full of delicious snarkiness, especially Kaiba, Yami Yugi and Bakura, though everyone gets their snarky moments
  • Ben Croshaw very rarely feels the need to be deadpan—his humor's most often very blatant. Every so often, though...
  • This guy is pretty sarcastic to his father while he's making himself ready to hang himself with his tie. Then again, that's pretty understandable after reading My Immortal.
  • Benjamin Cook of Becoming YouTube.

Fan works:

New media:
  • The website Cracked.com is the epitome of this archetype.
    • So, it comes as no surprise that David Wong writes for that site.
  • Platypus Comix author Peter Paltridge works a number of sarcastic and/or smartass remarks into his articles.
  • Sylvester, from this YouTube video.
  • Snark has a certain cathartic or ego-stroking value for many people especially if it seems to go over the heads of their targets. For this reason and also because of the GIFT, many netizens will snark as much as possible at anything they come across. Attempts are often made to veil genuine anger at someone else's snark with one's own cutting wit, usually with cringe-worthy results.
    • Admit it. We Tropers are a snarky bunch.
    • People on Facebook either ignore utterly pointless or vague statuses, or deliberately make fun of them. There really is no in-between.
    • Many YouTube commenters will show up on a video that does not interest them at all just to snark at the fans (or the fans' comments).
  • Chris "Rowdy C" Moore of TV Trash is probably the only person who can pull off Deadpan Snarker and No Indoor Voice at the same time.

Web ComicsDeadpan SnarkerWestern Animation

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