A list of characters appearing in Unbiased History.
open/close all folders
The Narrator
Dovahhatty
"There was once a dream...a dream to make a highly biased animation series about Roman History for memes."
The narrator of the series, who allows his opinions to color his narrative... a lot.
- Artistic License – History: The whole point of the series. He regularly dishes out over-the-top Historical Hero Upgrades to Romans he likes while giving Historical Villain Upgrades to barbarians and heretics, and he acts like a complete Hypocrite at all times (see Moral Myopia below.) Naturally, it's all Played for Laughs.
- Deliberate Values Dissonance: He's essentially a modern version of an Ancient Roman historian, and holds the prejudices one would expect from such a person: he's openly sexist, rather classist, proudly faithist, and very xenophobic. More subtly, he makes no effort to keep his biases from affecting how he recounts historical events; the idea of objective historiography is a fairly modern one, which really only got codified during the Age of Enlightenment.
- Furthermore, his views also changes based on the specific era he is narrating. An example being Christianity being portrayed as mischievous troublemaker before portraying them towards their bias in Constantine as a reflection to the time when Roman Empire began to adopt Christianity.
- Hypocrite: While he goes out of his way to justify the persecution of Christians by Roman officials, he cites Jewish rebel Simon bar Kokhba's own slaughter of Christians as one of his many sins.
- Malicious Misnaming: He has a habit of creating new slurs for whatever group he doesn't like.
- In the earliest episodes, Greeks were referred to as "Greekoids". Eventually dropped as they stop being a major enemy of Rome.
- Calls Christians "Christcucks". He drops this nickname after Constantine episode, showing the Romans' warming attitudes to the Christians.
- From the moment they were introduced to the end of the series, Germanic peoples were referred to as "Germs" - More often than not spelled "G*rms".
- Moral Myopia: When non-Romans commit atrocities against Romans, he reacts with horror, sadness, anger, or some combination of the above. When the reverse happens, however, he openly takes glee in the destruction of Rome's enemies.
- The Proud Elite: Dovah loathes the Plebs, and when things go awry he frames it In-Universe as being their fault. This is exaggerated in the episode about the Tetrachy, where he is overjoyed at them being forced into serfdom by Diocletian.
- Technicolor Eyes: His eyes are bright red.
- Unreliable Narrator: Much of what he says is his own slanted take on history, and sometimes he makes claims that are questionable or even objectively inaccurate.
The Romans
Mythical and Legendary Figures (Pre-Roman)
The Trojans
A race created by the gods to be as perfect as humanly possible, but end up being all but wiped out. Ancestors of the Romans.
- Adaptational Heroism: Rather than Paris abducting Helen, it's Helen who abducts Paris.
- Always Lawful Good: Since they were created to be the perfect humans, they were perfect in terms of morality.
- Ultimate Life Form: Moreso than even their descendants, since they don't have to deal with corrupting foreign influence.
Aeneas
A Trojan whose actions would lead to the founding of Rome.
- Adaptational Badass: Aeneas in the original account wasn't portrayed as a badass or a hero, which his Iliad version had him nearly dying to Diomedes before being saved by Aphrodite and Apollo while his Aeneid version often got himself and Trojan refugees into various mishaps.
- Bigger Is Better in Bed: If Dido's moaning in *stereotypical sounds women make in hentai/doujins* is any indication.
- Sex God: He's implied to be able to please multiple women at once, and Dido certainly wasn't complaining when she shared her bed with him.
Queen Dido
"FUCK AENEAS, AND HIS PEOPLE. FOREVER, EVER AND EVER!"
A Queen of Carthage who will stop at nothing to destroy Rome.- Adaptational Villainy: The mythological Dido was no saint, but she was significantly less malevolent than this take on her.
- Disproportionate Retribution: What do you do after your lover leaves you? Curse his descendants and reincarnate two times in a row (while starting plagues in between) just for a chance at destroying them!
- Killed Off for Real: Her curse is finally broken by Aurelian, who beheads her reincarnated form, Zenobia.
- Reincarnation: She comes back twice, first as Cleopatra VII, then as Zenobia.
Rome
In General
The main focus of the series. Due to the narrator's biases, they're portrayed as being Always Lawful Good, if not inhumanly perfect beyond all reason (save for a few rare bad apples.) Generally shown as a bastion of culture and civilization protecting the world from evil barbarians.
- Adaptational Heroism: Wow. Entire events are changed in their favor. Here are some that stand out:
- The abduction of Helen of Troy and the rape of the Sabine women became Helen kidnapping Paris and the Sabine women raping the Roman men.
- Rome conquering Egypt is portrayed as Augustus preventing Dido's reincarnation a second time. Sadly, this only works temporarily as Dido reincarnates as Zenobia and manages to take over the Eastern provinces.
- The destruction of Palmyra is shown as Aurelian destroying any traces of Zenobia's rebellion. In real life, Aurelian originally spared the city, but after the elites revolted, he burned it to the ground.
- Their conquests as a whole are portrayed as them bringing civilization to various places in the world, even if they destroy or sack the aforementioned places.
- Always Lawful Good: Subverted. They would be this trope, but there are quite a few downright terrible people among them that prevent them from having this status.
- The Empire: While it's mostly played straight in real life, it's inverted in the series (at least until virgin emperors and G*rms take over; then it's played straight.)
- The Hedonist: Bad Romans like C*mmodus are portrayed as such, with the series looking down on such behavior.
- Historical Hero Upgrade: Despite the name, "Unbiased History" is meant to be biased from the Roman perspective, so Rome is a bastion of nobility and civilization.
- Ultimate Life Form: Descended from the Trojans, perfect humans engineered by the gods, who even figure out how to make communism work. Their one flaw is insufficient xenophobia, which leads to their destruction by their envious barbarian neighbors.
Romulus and Remus
Twin brothers and the mythical founders of Rome.—-
- Adaptational Heroism: Remus was killed by a disguised barbarian (who turns out to be a time-travelling Orestes) rather than Romulus or one of his followers.
- Lovable Sex Maniac: The two owned separate "Orgy Houses", which both boast as being 24/7. Yeah.
- Mercy Kill: Romulus does this to Remus, after he is pushed by a disguised barbarian off the walls of their new city.
- Rightful King Returns: Subverted. After saving their grandfather Numitor, they refuse to made leaders of Alba Longa and instead found their own city populated with the last pure-blooded Trojans in Alba Longa.
Kingdom-era leaders
Republic-era leaders
Triumvirate & Julius Caesar
Augustus & Julio-Claudian Dynasty
Augustus and his family
Augustus the first emperor, and the dynasty he started- Historical Domain Superperson: Historical accounts claim that Caligula began suffering delusions of godhood after a severe illness. In this take on history, Caligula's sickness caused him to actually become a god.
Gaius Octavius Thurinus/Augustus Caesar
"Two Caesars...is one Caesar too many!"
"Have I played the part well? Then applaud as I exit..."
The nephew of Julius Caesar. Originally part of the Second Triumvirate with Lepidus and Mark Anthony, he would soon gain full control of the state and be appointed by the Senate as the first emperor of the Roman Empire .- Beard of Sorrow: Had already grown a beard during his time as emperor, and it only grew more unkempt as he spiraled into depression after the Teutoborg Forest disaster.
- Cincinnatus: Initially planned to give up his consulship and retire from public life after killing Caesar's assassins, defeating Mark Anthony and bringing peace to Rome. The senate, upon hearing of this, begged him to reconsider. In the end, Augustus was granted authority over all Roman lands and was bestowed the title of Princeps of the Republic- making him the first emperor of the Roman Empire.
- Tragic Dream: Made it his life's work to civilize Germania and civilization to the demonic G*rms. He would fail miserably in both, falling into a deep depression when the Battle Of Teutoborg Forest resulted in all civilization across the Rhine being destroyed. Unfortunately for him, those same G*rms would be the ones who would sack Rome and end the Roman Empire.
Flavian dynasty
The Five Good Emperors (and c*mmodus)
- The Ace: Represented the Roman Empire at its zenith, with Trajan bringing it to its greatest territorial extent, Hadrian solidifying the civilization within its borders, Antoninus Pius maintaining 23 years of peace and Marcus Aurelius holding successful campaigns to the north... which would have stayed the course had Commodus not pissed it all away to pursue his vanity. Nerva didn't do much during his reign, but he's lumped into the Five because he adopted Trajan.
- Control Freak: Hadrian tours around the empire, spreading Greek ideas wherever he goes and insisting that everyone adopt it.
- Manly Gay: Trajan and Hadrian were both very masculine men with very successful military careers who very much enjoyed the company of other men.
- Patricide: Following the Whole-Plot Reference to Gladiator, C*mmodus kills his father Marcus Aurelius.
- Wins by Doing Absolutely Nothing: Nerva adopted Trajan, and Antoninus Pius oversaw twenty-three years of peace without once leaving Rome.
Severan dynasty
A Big, Screwed-Up Family if there ever was one.
Septimius Severus and his family, the end of whose reign ushers in the Crisis of the Third Century.- Ambiguous Gender Identity: Elagabalus dresses and acts like a woman, takes delight in being called "Hierocles' Queen", and openly contemplates getting a sex change at one point, but whether this is an indication of being transgender or just another case of being deliberately outrageous is never made clear.
- Attention Whore: Invoked by Elagabalus, who acts like an insane degenerate to make people pay attention to him so they won't be able to ignore his ideas about religion.
- Disproportionate Retribution: While visiting Alexandria, Caracalla watches a play that blames him for his younger brother's death. This enrages him so much that tens of thousands of people in the city are massacred on his orders.
- Depraved Bisexual: Subverted by Elagabalus. While he acts like this, it's all a performance designed to make sure people listen to what he has to say.
- Even Evil Has Loved Ones: While Caracalla was a brutal mass-murderer, he loved his younger brother Geta (even if that love wasn't reciprocated) and was genuinely devastated by his murder.
- Heroic Comedic Sociopath: Despite the minor Historical Hero Upgrade he gets, Caracalla is still characterized as an Ax-Crazy maniac with a penchant for Disproportionate Retribution.
- Historical Badass Upgrade: Elagabalus is portrayed as a strong-willed young man and independent thinker killed in a conspiracy led by his grandmother because he refused to be her puppet. In reality, he was a crazed hedonist who was assassinated because his debauched and degenerate behavior was getting problematic.
- Historical Hero Upgrade:
- While the real Caracalla had his younger brother Geta murdered, this version of him loved Geta and had nothing to do with his death; instead, Geta was killed by some Praetorians who were sick of his mother's increasingly boring lectures brought on by his constant fighting with his brother. That being said, his portrayal is otherwise a faithful portrait of the infamously violent and wrathful man, albiet played for dark comedy.
- This version of Elagabalus uses his degeneracy to fight Rome's degeneracy and preaches Sol Invictus worship to streamline Roman religious practices. In reality, his unrestrained pleasure-seeking was motivated by nothing more than self-indulgent and unethical hedonism, and he simply placed his namesake Syrian sun god above the Roman pantheon.
- Knight Templar Big Brother: Being a bad influence on Geta (while he was alive) or insulting his memory (after his death) is enough to make Caracalla fly off the handle completely.
- Momma's Boy: Alexander Severus is a weak-willed boy completely dominated by his mother.
- Obfuscating Insanity: While Elagabalus engages in a mixture of bizarre and hedonistic acts, it's all a ploy to ensure nobody ignores the deep truths he wants to reveal.
- Polyamory: Elagabalus married at least five different women while simultaneously carrying on an affair with a charioteer named Hierolces.
- Unperson: Parodied. After Geta dies, Caracalla orders the removal of all portraits that made him look bad. Unfortunately, since Geta was a Virgin, they all looked bad.
Crisis emperors
- Chekhov's Gag: Whether it is the "Aurelian... no" from the last words of pre-empire characters, the prophecy that Vespasian thought applied to be him or Caesar and Vespasian looking at the sun that seemed... divine, these were subtly hinting Aurelian as The Chosen One.
- Klingon Promotion: Many emperors, especially Maximinus Thrax and Decius, often gained power through military take over.
- Momma's Boy: Like Severus Alexander before him, Gordian III was a weak-willed young boy dominated by his mother.
- Small Role, Big Impact: Aurelian only reigned for five years which are recounted in a brief montage, but he almost single-handedly turned things around during the Crisis of the Third Century (though he didn't end it, Diocletian did), and his religious reforms would lay the seeds for the dominance of Christianity later on.
Tetrachy
- Advertised Extra: Despite given its own section within the intro, Ulpia Severina's reign is rather brief and she disappears shortly after Tacitus takes power.
- Historical Hero Upgrade: The few reforms of Diocletian that don't pan out are brushed off as being too ahead of their time, as opposed to being policies that weren't as great as they may have seemed at first. His and Galerius' persecutions of Christians and Manichaeans, meanwhile, are portrayed as being justified.
- True Companions: All characters of the first Tetrachy in the series are shown as a close-knit group who fought alongside together and worked towards restoring the Empire. This would be subverted in the "Constantine The Great" episode, where after the death of Constantius and Diocletian's abdication the Tetrarchy would fall into infighting.
Augusta Ulpia Severina
"Quid homines aevum.... iustus coepi."
Aurelian's wife, a Romano-Dacian survivor who briefly served as the first and only Empress of the Roman Empire.- Bait-and-Switch Tyrant: Parodied. Severina initially declares the "Age Of Men..." like Zenobia once did, only for her to end it with "has just started". In her brief 8 months of rule, she and her daughter would do nothing but print coins while waiting for the Senate to pick a new emperor.
- Bilingual Bonus: Speaks only in untranslated Latin for the duration of her screentime.
- Cincinnatus: Only ruled for 8 months, and duly stepped down after she saw Marcus Tacitus was a capable emperor.
- The High Queen: The only empress regnant of the Roman Empire, a virtuous woman who didn't take advantage of her husband's death to seize power and who voluntarily stepped down after the Senate appointed Marcus Tacitus as Emperor.
Constantinian dynasty
The Constantinians and Valentinians, sharing a family photo.
Founded by Constantine the Great, this is the dynasty that brings about the rise of Christianity.- Camp Gay: Constans was an effeminate twink who enjoyed being dominated by more butch men.
- Real Men Love Jesus: There's a bit of Bookends with the Constantinian dynasty - Constantine was a convert to Christianity who ended the persecutions, while Julian was a devout Pagan restorationist. Both of these characters of different faiths are badasses who defend the empire.
- Took a Level in Badass: Julian started out as a timid Wojak scholar, but after realizing he was going to become emperor, he worked to become a worthy one, ascending to Chad status.
Valentinianic dynasty
The successors to the Constantinian dynasty, who intermarried and reigned concurrently with the Theodosian dynasty.
- Buxom Beauty Standard: Valentinian's wife Justina is described as the World's Most Beautiful Woman after her maturity. The main difference between mature and immature Justina is breast size (which people comment on, of course).
- Polyamory: At the request of his bisexual first wife, Marina Severa, Valentinian I legalized polygamy so that he could marry Justina too.
- Unstoppable Rage: Valentinian gets so angry at the G*rms and their lies that he goes on a violent rampage, with the only thing being able to kill him being his anger bursting a blood vessel in hsi brain.
Theodosian dynasty
- Adaptational Villainy: Like much of Unbiased History's negative takes on historical figures, Theodosius' flaws are exaggerated while omitting the contexts of his decision.
- His whole shilling for Goths was due to much of Eastern Roman Empire's military being devastated. The Goths (who were more nuanced than savage barbarians and too divided to serve under a single force in real-life) were only military available in such short notice.
- By the time of Goth's settlement to Illyria, the area has been too depopulated from plague and wars that an orator praised Theodosius' decision to have Illyria be filled with farmers instead of corpses to be a better option.
- While Theodosius' Germanic allies have unreliable loyalty, there were other loyal and competent Germanic officers like Arbogaust, and Bauto (latter of whom being omitted from the series) who turned the tide of Gothic War in Greece that forced the Goths into peace treaty.
- The real reason he undertook the Massacre of Thessalonica was because one of his favorite Gothic generals Butheric (one who was actually completely loyal)had arrested an roman aristocrat for rape, for which the population rioted and slew the General, which provoked Theodosius so much that he ordered 7000 of the rioters to be butchered, but once his anger had passed, he regretted his decision and prayed for forgiveness to the Bishop Ambrose of Milan.
- His appointment of Stilicho to regent was due to being both a member of his inner circle and a husband to his adopted niece, Serena, rather than his shilling for Barbarians. Furthermore, had Stilicho was appointed as his heir, such action would cause an uproar among anti-Germanic Roman aristocracy due to his Vandal heritage.
- In reality, Theodoisus was a competent emperor, though his role in Massacre of Thessalonica, his decree on making Nicene Creed as official religion at the expense of both Roman Pagans and Arian Christians, and his deeds being undone after his death from having his sons being manipulated by Eastern and Western Roman courts became few-but-consequential mistakes in his life.
- Extreme Doormat:
- Theodosius, who lets himself get bossed around by Ambrose, Justina, and even Alaric.
- Honorius, who is manipulated by someone every two seconds.
- Hypercompetent Sidekick: Stilicho is shown as one of the few capable subordinates trying to maintain the empire as both a general for Theodosius and a regent for Honorius.
- I Have Boobs, You Must Obey!: Theodosius mostly listens to Justina because of her boobs. In fact, he doesn't aid Valentinian II when Arbogaust disobeys him because (in his words) "no tits, no care".
- Inadequate Inheritor: Despite Theodosius himself being far from ideal, his son Honorius is the textbook defenition of incompitent.
Stilicho
Usurpers and pretenders
"Emperors" whose authority was often widely viewed as illegitimate and/or unrecognized, who generally reigned only briefly and weren't part of a dynasty. This list also includes separatists and those who merely proclaimed themselves emperor.
- Adipose Rex: Deconstructed with Vitellius. He spared no expense to satiate his gluttony, which is part of why many governors in the Eastern provinces turned against him.
- Chronic Backstabbing Disorder: Nymphidius Sabinus first turned against Nero and declared his support for Galba, only for his ambition to get the better of him, leading him to try and make himself emperor. This made him the first self-proclaimed emperor in the Empire's history, and certainly not the last.
- God Save Us from the Queen!: Zenobia of the Palmyrene Empire is portrayed as another spiteful reincarnation of Queen Dido seeking to destroy Rome.
Byzantium
Justinian
- Berserk Button: Anything happening to Rome or Italy. When he's ill with the plague, Theodora begs him to wake up, complaining that too many people have died, the economy is in ruins, and something happened to Italy. That last point gets the comatose Justinian to wake up and jump out of bed, yelling for Belisarius.
- Bigger Is Better in Bed: Implied by Theodora.
- Charm Person: Is able to convert any barbarian to civilization using his magic.
- Conspicuous Consumption: When he becomes emperor, he and Theodora can be seen in the background, swimming in a pool of gold.
- Cry into Chest: After Theodora dies, he starts crying into the robes of a bored-looking Belisarius.
- Determinator: It doesn't matter how difficult his task is, what complications arise, or how much personal tragedy he suffers. He will accomplish his goals.
- Distracted by the Sexy: During the Nika revolts, he abandons his plan to flee the city after hearing Theodora's "sexy voice."
- Early-Bird Cameo: Appears during the eulogy to Rome, standing on top of the Theodosian Walls.
- Happily Married: To Theodora. Until her death, that is.
- Historical Hero Upgrade: While he's generally seen as one of the better Byzantine emperors, this series dials it up, portraying him as a hyper-competent super-genius who can immediately covert barbarians using his magic powers.
- The Lost Lenore: Theodora is this to him after her death, so much that he
doesn't remarry out of love for her. - Manly Tears: Sheds these after seeing what the city of Rome has become after years of barbarian rule. Subverted when Theodora dies and he starts sobbing into Belisarius's chest.
- Sibling Rivalry: His foster brother, Khosrow, becomes his enemy after he becomes the Roman emperor. Subverted because Justinian treated Khosrow like a dog because of him being a barbarian.
Belisarius
- Cadre of Foreign Bodyguards: Half of the cavalry in his unit are Hunnic cavalry who follow him out of a mixture of fear and awe.
- Fake Defector: He and his army pretend to defect to the Goths in order to enter Ravenna, it works.
Belisarius: See? We can lie too.
- Frontline General: Personally leads his troops in numerous key battles, including ones where they are grossly outnumbered.
- Gideon Ploy: One of his favorite tricks is to make the barbarians think that he has a larger force than he actually has, forcing his enemies to retreat from the battlefield.
- Retired Badass: Gets called out of retirement for a brief time to expel a Bulgar invasion, and still shows his strategic prowess (like the Gideon Ploy he likes to invoke) even in his old age. Not only that, but he manages to amass a 300-strong force of similarly retired veterans to help him against the Bulgars.
Theodora
- Adapted Out: Most of her reign as sole empress during The Plague was Adapted Out, including the demotion of Belisarius because of her fears of him staging a coup and taking over the empire. Interestingly, while she's portrayed as a Satan-worshipping heretic because of her Monophysitism, the depravity Procopius really accused her of in The Secret History was also cut out, most likely because Procopius is portrayed as being far worse than her.
- Acceptable Feminine Goals and Traits: Very much averted. When Justinian's looking for a bride, Theodora's face is surrounded by numerous warnings, among them "can think for herself" and "used goods, very used goods." They were Happily Married anyway.
- Everyone Has Standards: Objects to Artabanes marrying her niece, since he's already married. This is despite her own background as a prostitute and other questionable traits.
Theodora: Away from my niece!
- Funny Background Event: As Justinian attempts to deal with the Monophysites, Theodora dances around in the background, singing "who's the queen of the heretics?".
- Happily Married: Despite their differences, she and Justinian have a very loving marriage. Her death from cancer leaves him absolutely devastated.
Justinian (sincerely): Dearest pain in the ass... no...
- The Heretic: Is a follower of Monophysitism, which is a heresy founded by Satan.
- Historical Downgrade: Most of her role in Justinian's reign was Adapted Out, and she's generally portrayed as stubborn and annoying, at least by the standards of the time.
- Hollywood Satanism: Downplayed. She worships Satan as a deity, but is a generally good person. Played straight whenever a bad omen happens, during which her eyes turn red and her worst side shows.
- My Girl Is a Slut: Was a prostitute prior to her marriage to Justinian, but it soon mellows out after she marries.
- Vapor Wear: Exaggerated. She is never seen wearing a bra, even in her Empress garb.
Procopius
- Dirty Coward: Instead of facing Justinian himself, he writes "Secret History" to make sure he'll be remembered as a cruel tyrant.
- Driven by Envy: Wrote the most slanderous account of Justinian due to jealousy.
- Historical Villain Upgrade: He is depicted as writing the Secret History (a slanderous account of Justinian's reign which claimed Justinian and Theodora were actually demons and that Justinian killed a trillion people) out of jealousy at Justinian and his achievements. In reality, he probably wrote the Secret History as insurance in case Justinian was overthrown.
- Paper-Thin Disguise: Poorly disguises himself as a judge (complete with a wig) when he sentences Belisarius to life imprisonment in a Kangaroo Court.
Maurice
The Emperor who ends up having to deal with the economic fallout of the plagues and wars of Justinian's reign and renewed attacks from the Sassanids and others.
- Big Book of War: Compiles the Strategikon, a collection of the military wisdom of the age that will go on to be the Byzantine manual of warfare for centuries afterwards.
- Broke Episode: Takes drastic austerity measures to attempt to save the Empire's depleted treasury. This makes him quite unpopular with the people and the army.
Phocas
- 0% Approval Rating: No one liked him, and he was very unpopular with the plebians.
- Asshole Victim: No one mourned Phocas when he was executed, and some even smiled watching Heraclius cut him down.
- Cruel and Unusual Death: Is slowly and systematically dismembered alive, his head cut off for last.
- From Nobody to Nightmare: Was a mere low-rank officer of the legions before his successful usurpation
- Rewarded as a Traitor Deserves: Overthrew Maurice and tortured his family and supporters. Was overthrown and violently dismembered alive, with not one tear being shed.
- The Usurper: As if it wasn't obvious.
Barbarian Scum
The G*rms
In General
The most persistent thorn in the side of the Romans, the Germanic tribes are portrayed as barbarians with a persistent desire to destroy Rome and civilization as a whole.
- Always a Bigger Fish: Evil as they are, even they are afraid of the Huns and don't pose as dire a threat.
- Always Chaotic Evil: No G*rm is ever depicted as a good person during the Roman days, and even among half-Roman half-G*rms Stilicho is the only Chad. Even Arminius, who was raised to be civilized inevitably turns on the Romans because of his G*rm nature.
- The Bad Guy Wins: Despite the efforts of Stilicho, Aetius and Majorian, the G*rms manage to finally overrun the Western Roman Empire and kill countless Romans in the process.
- Censored for Comedy: Referred to as G*rms instead of Germs or Germans to represent their evil.
- Chaos Is Evil: Exist to spread chaos and worship chaotic gods. Often shout "CHAOS" for it's own sake.
- Distinctive Appearances: Though equally portrayed as barbaric hordes who only exist to destroy civilization and spread their evil, each Germanic tribe has their own unique look to distinguish them.
- Generic G*rms such as the Alamanni, Cherusci, Chatti, and Teutones have blond hair and slasher uncanny smiles and grins, with occasional ruffy beards.
- The Vandals generally have long straight blonde hair with goatees, alongside bright red eyes, with some being bald except for a few strands of hair however.
- The Franks have long blonde mustaches, and wear winged helmets.
- The Goths are portrayed with a demonic goblin-like appearance, and are always wearing spiked metallic armour with human hands and bones nailed to them, as well as helmets resembling skulls. Once they divide into the Visigoths and the Ostrogoths, they are distinguished by the color of their eyes, with the former having yellow eyes, and the latter blood red ones.
- The Burgundians are depicted wearing heavy chainmail armor covering their upper bodies.
- The Saxons all wear the Sutton Hoo helmet, in addition to viking-like armour.
- The Suebi have curly platinum blonde hair, with curly beards also.
- The Lombards wear green shirts and tanned pants, as well as helmets with small horns on them.
- Gratuitous German: Averted. They speak actual (and mostly grammatically correct) German for the most part.
- Historical Villain Upgrade: Being one of Rome's longest-standing enemies IRL, they are hardly ever given any positive traits and (aside from a handful of exceptions) have an unreasonable desire to destroy civilization. Pro-Roman G*rms are only shown sparingly, and are almost always said to be the result of either having mixed ancestry or getting magically civilized (occasionally both).
- Phenotype Stereotype: G*rms are usually depicted with blond hair, fitting for the series' frequent indulgence in stereotypes.
- Primitive Clubs: They're generally depicted as brutal, backwards savages, and many of them wield crude clubs.
- Token Good Teammate:
- Downplayed with Stilicho, who's only half-G*rm, but he's the only one to flat out deny his evil G*rman half and becomes a Tragic Hero.
- Played straight with Mundus, Amalasuintha, and Matasuintha in the Justinian episode. Justified through how Justinian's aura leads to them becoming civilized.
- Germanus the Younger, despite being a half-G*rm, is portrayed as a decent person who tried to stop Phocas from taking power when Maurice fell.
- Two-Faced: Half-G*rms are usually half-normal Wojack, half-evil Wojack or in the case of Stilicho, half-normal Chad and half-evil Chad.
Arminius
"You can trust us, Varus..."
"Kill...murder...destroy..."
A German prince from the Cherusci tribe who was taken at a young age by Drussus, stepson of Augustus, to see if a G*rm can be civilized. It doesn't work, and his German heritage leads to him betraying Rome.- Adapted Out: To be consistent with the G*rms being irredeemable monsters, his brother Flavus and his father-in-law Segestes, who were both loyal to Rome, are omitted from the series.
- Flavus actually became civilized unlike his brother and sided with the Romans and Germanicus against Arminius and the Germanic tribes. His civilized son Italicus actually became the chieftain of the Cherusci since he was the only member of the royal house still alive to lead their tribe.
- Segestes, despite not being civilized was still loyal to Rome and attempted to warn the Romans of the attempted ambush. He ultimately failed due to the Romans believing that Arminius was incredibly loyal and that Segestes was just angry at Arminius for marrying his daughter without his consent.
- Death by Irony: Is eventually betrayed and killed by a Cherusci noble, befitting his treacherous nature.
- Dramatic Thunder: This happens when his name is revealed to be Arminius. Drussus doesn't seem to notice this at all, even when the legionnaire next to Arminius is startled by the thunder.
- Horrible Judge of Character: Drussus hoped that Arminius would become civilized if he was raised as a Roman. His betrayal eventually leads to the horrific Battle of Teutoburg Forest in which countless Romans were slaughtered by his Germanic brothers.
- Lured into a Trap: How he exterminated the three remaining Rhine legions. He told Varus of a fake revolt happening deep inside the Teutoborg Forest, and had the legions go there to crush the "revolt". Crossing a swap while out of formation and surrounded by dark forests, the Germanic tribes soon ambushed the defenseless legionnaires and killed every last one of them to satiate their bloodlust. This deals a huge blow to the already depressed Augustus, and leads to him crossing the Despair Event Horizon for the last time.
- Nature Versus Nurture: Drussus skewed towards the "Nurture" side of the debate, and had Arminius raised among the legions in the hope that his upbringing as a Roman would cause him to be civilized and give up his G*rm nature. It doesn't work, and the Rhine Legions pay the price in Teutoburg Forest.
- Rewarded as a Traitor Deserves: He betrays the Romans in favor of his Germanic brothers and leads countless legionaries to their deaths at Teutoburg Forest. How do the G*rms reward him? By murdering him, of course. Double points for his killer belonging to the same tribe as him.
The Parthians/Sassanids
In General
- Adaptational Dumbass: They are shown wielding the same crude clubs as the Germs, despite the fact that real Persian empires mostly utilized sabers and horse archery during this time period.
- Historical Villain Upgrade: The Sassanids are Zoroastrians, and while Zoroastrianism is not a Satan-worshipping Religion of Evil, it is depicted as such in this series. Justified, because it's from an obviously-biased Roman Perspective.
- Our Demons Are Different: The Sassanids, described as hailing from the underworld and servants of chaos.
- Took a Level in Badass: The Parthians were a constant foe to the Romans, but only after their fall and the rise of the Sassanids did they elevate into actually serious threats.
Shapur
The Sassanid king who reigned after the death of Ardashir.
- Adaptational Villainy: He was known to be an effective and great Shah in Persian history, but portrayed as literal incarnation of evil due to the show's pro-Roman bias.
Khosrow II
The last great Sassanid king, and the one who faced off against Heraclius.
- The Antichrist: Specifically named as such, tasked by the devil with destroying civilization.
- Pragmatic Villainy: He doesn't betray his word and attack the Byzantines when they help him gain control over Persia, and is generous in ceding them Dara, Martyropolis, and much of Armenia. However, this is due to the current emperor being the competent and skilled Maurice. When Maurice is deposed, he proceeds to attack Antioch and Anatolia.
The Egyptians
Cleopatra VII
The last Pharaoh of Egypt, known for her involvement in the Roman Republic's final civil war.
- Historical Domain Superperson: The real Cleopatra didn't have sorcerous powers.
- Historical Villain Upgrade: While the historical Cleopatra VII did some things that were morally questionable at best and had her share of blood on her hands, this version of her is considerably worse, being a spiteful reincarnation of Queen Dido who wants to destroy Rome.
- Sorcerous Overlord: She's the queen of Egypt and possesses magical abilities, most notably using them to influence Mark Antony.
Other Unaligned Barbarians
Traits for Unspecified Barbarians
"Europe, like the rest, was a complete shithole"
- Adaptational Dumbass: All described and portrayed as drooling Stone-Age Morons.
- Bilingual Bonus: They each speak their (modern) languages when their comments aren't plot relevant.
- Chronic Backstabbing Disorder: They're little better than the G*rms in this regard, but at least some of them get civilized.
The Gauls
- Heel–Face Turn: Like the Greeks, Gauls would also be civilized.
The Greeks
- Adaptational Dumbass: Greeks were shown to be inept at war and technology, which they only obtained from Trojan relics through looting or copying.
- Heel–Face Turn: Eventually was Civilized and in fact, became the last bastion of Rome's influence when the West fell.
- Starter Villain: The first enemies the Trojans/Romans faced.
The Britons
- Football Hooligans: They're portrayed as such, speaking broken English and often making references to Football Clubs despite them not being invented yet.
- This Means Warpaint: They're covered in Celtic facial and bodily markings.
The Slavs
- We ARE Struggling Together: They're described as only being functional because they hate civilization more than the concept of working together.
The Huns
- The Dreaded: They're this to everyone. Barbarian and Roman alike.
- Face Framed in Shadow: They're initially portrayed as faceless demons.
