Characters / Civvie 11

Main Character

Civvie AKA CV-11

"Bullshit!"

The main character and host of the show. He's really into Retro-FPS games.

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• Arch-Enemy:
  • Capstone, Capstone, Capstone! Whenever it feels like he’s been reviewing too many good games, it’s guaranteed he’ll review one of their piles of crap to balance things out.
  • He never misses a chance to mercilessly mock Randy Pitchford.
  • "That ratfuck, Santa!"
    • For context, this is largely due to that time during A Very Pro Postal Christmas when Santa caused Civvie no small amount of grief, including working with Osama bin Laden.
  • Mary Poppins, whom Civvie has tried to kill many times.
• Bolivian Army Ending: The original Bad Future ended with him confronting a horde of shadow monsters in pitch blackness. The sounds make it clear he didn't last a second.
• Character Catchphrase: He has a tendency to say "Katie, you BITCH!" and "Bullshit!", along with various (usually sarcastic) permutations of "This is fine".
• Chainsaw Good: In the finale of his review of Postal 3, Civvie decides to live up to his pedigree as an internet reviewer and kill the game with violence, cutting up the "Eraserhead Baby" with a chainsaw. Civvie laments that his show is "getting kinda dark" in the aftermath. Where he got the chainsaw is anyone's guess.
• Cold-Blooded Torture: It really says something about how much of that he got that getting his hand impaled by a hook is considered a break to him.
• Comedic Sociopath: As the fact that he's a Prisoner will tell you, he isn't exactly a super moral individual. He laughed at H4MMER killing his own son... though in fairness, H4MMER is largely responsible for his torture.
• Conspiracy Theorist: The end of the Varginha Incident video has him believe the game was intentionally made poorly so people wouldn't take the actual UFO incident it was based on seriously. He then launches into a rambling diatribe about several other unrelated petty conspiracies as the credits play, until finally a security team subdues him and drags him away.
• Did You Just Flip Off Cthulhu?: After booting up the Hellraiser cartridge, he's greeted by Pinhead (in sprite-portrait form). Pinhead threatens and stabs a hook through Civvie's hand, claiming he will "Tear his soul apart". Civvie, due to already being tortured on a constant basis, barely even registers the attack. He then goads the self-aware game by asking if that's all the cartridge has, capping it off by calling Pinhead a "Vanilla Motherfucker".
• Demonic Possession: During his review of Evil Dead: Regeneration, something got inside Civvie that started making him act like a stereotypical YouTuber. Whether it's an actual demon or not remains to be seen. It finally left during the Hexen episode when Civvie tried to play Capstone's horrible Zorro game.
• Everyone Has Standards:
  • Civvie seems to have a genuine fondness for dogs^note except Nazi dogs, who are "not good boys and do not go to doggie heaven", he doesn't condone violence against children and he isn't keen on Cancer Mouse's ideas.
  • He's also genuinely disgusted by the alien hive in Duke Nukem Forever and Duke's apathetic reaction to It.
  • Despite his fondness for the Postal series, he doesn't seem to care for its more prejudicial or insensitive jokes, usually treating them with a groan. His very first video on it has him note that he is terrified of the idea of it luring in "thousands of edgy teenagers sending me the Pepes" and forcing him to migrate to a different video site "where you get white supremacist shit on the front page."
  • By a similar count, he mostly groans at Lo Wang's, er... wisecracking in Shadow Warrior (1997), and while he defends it as too shallow and absurd to be steeped in real hatred, he notes that he wouldn't blame anyone for turning off Lo Wang's dialogue.
  • While he hates Capstone with a passion, he thinks it would be "crossing a line" to give his usual treatment to a leaked prototype build of theirs. (After all, even Capstone would probably prefer the game be fixed up at least to the point that it isn't using placeholder sprites from Doom and menus from Duke Nukem 3D.)
• It Runs in the Family: His mother is in Riker's, his dad robbed a liquor store and got sent to jail for it (Civvie used the money to buy a Voodoo2 card), his uncle is a complete sociopath who's mere implication of working with him got Civvie into the DoSC, and his sister was apparently targeted by the US Drone Program. On her wedding day.
• Laughing Mad: At times, when a game well and truly pushes him to his limits, he'll break out into this.
• The Power of Hate: Civvie channels AM while describing to the audience how much he hates Captain Dylan from Duke Nukem Forever.
• Refused the Call: As a matter of habit. Civvie either doesn't care enough nor does he want to get into any more trouble than he's already in, and most subplots he outright refuses to participate in, leading to AX3 or H4MMER to deal with that stuff off-screen.
• Riddle for the Ages: Why is Civvie in the Department of Special Corrections, exactly? The closest we get to an answer is that he allegedly stole a bomb, one he's quick to point out wasn't a hydrogen bomb.
  • There's also the fact that he was connected to his uncle Frank in some way and potentially involved in his schemes, which would have been more than enough on its own.
  • We never find out why Civvie has a feud with Mary Poppins, of all people.
  • In the Outlaws video, AX3 states that Civvie killed a man who was going to invent artificial spines that would allow the handicapped to walk. And considering that he has a piece of Civvie's brain in him, he's likely speaking the truth.
• Sanity Slippage: He hasn't completely lost it (yet), but he does take spells, particularly after suffering through an especially bad game.
  • "Slavjank" apparently really does breaks his brain hard, as You Are Empty showed.
    • Further supported by his earlier review of Kreed, which broke him so thoroughly that he willingly went to the cold room to cool off.
    • You can add "Brazilian jank" to that list following his review of The Varginha Incident.
• This Is Gonna Suck: Whenever Cancer Mouse shows up with his hard-right views. If the game itself is also the subject of controversy, i.e. being intentionally offensive, expect him to embrace the radioactive rodent.
• Throw the Dog a Bone: He originally tried to include Cancer Mouse on his show for educational purposes. Emphasis on tried.
  • Due to his profitability post-Redneck Rampage review, he's been moved into the General Population of the DoSC, which includes a slightly larger room with a force-field door. Of course, that also means his living space is now much more accessible to bizarre intrusions like Vinyl dolls.
  • The Pro Postal Christmas II video was conducted from inside a cozy log cabin. Judging by H4MMER passing by the window outside, it's likely a Gilded Cage the DoSC allowed him to stay in temporarily.
• Too Dumb to Live: A significant amount of Civvie's torture is initiated because he knowingly breaks the rules. In the First Encounter Assault Recon episode for example, he makes a bad pun about Harlan "Wade"-ing through squadrons of enemy soldiers, which gets him thrown into the Cold Room. No more than four minutes later, he makes the exact same pun about Alma instead, earning himself an "ocular perforation procedure".
• Who Even Needs a Brain?: Chunks of his brain were removed and placed inside his robot overseers AX3 and H4MMER. It doesn't affect him too badly, but sometimes he has lapses because of it.

Secondary Characters

H4MMER

"Play the game, Civvie."

One of the two robots in charge of monitoring Civvie, namely the one in charge of punishing him and keeping him on task. He's much more emotional than AX3, but also much less fair to him and more authoritarian.

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• Berserk Button: Has several of these that prompt him to induce Electric Torture on Civvie, including Puns, Monty Python references, and comparisons to Dark Souls.
• Character Catchphrase:
  • "Play the game, Civvie."
  • "No Python!"
• The Eeyore: The much dourer of the two robots.
• Evil Is Petty: In the Quake IV episode, as payback for Civvie flooding the facility with blood in the F.E.A.R. episode, he breaks Civvie's Steam Deck. And then ordered an entire crate of Steam Decks with taxpayer money, just to spite him by dropping them off the ledge in front of his cell. He even mentions that one has a Game Boy Advance emulator with ROMs of Civvie's favorite GBA titles installed on it before throwing it, which is one of the rare few things that manages to get under Civvie's skin.
• My God, What Have I Done?: After blowing up the Terminator robot from the future in the Future Shock & Skynet video, he's aghast to find that said robot was a later H4MMER model. He promptly laments how he killed his "son." Civvie finds it pretty damn funny though.
• Precision F-Strike: During Civvie's review of Starship Titanic, Civvie starts to pull some attitude after dealing with the game's irritating and unhelpful robot characters. H4MMER's response?
  H4MMER: Fuck you! Play the game, Civvie!
• Red Oni, Blue Oni: Red to AX3's blue. He's generally more emotive and audibly grumpy compared to AX3's monotone.
• Set Right What Once Went Wrong: His son from the future was trying to warn the Department of a plague that Uncle Frank was about to unleash, but was destroyed before he could. Sometime later, H4MM3R prepares to send him to the past... until Civvie points out that he sent a scary-looking skeletal Terminator back which didn't help any, causing H4MM3R to head back in time himself and cause an awkward enough silence to get his explanation in.
• Those Two Guys: With AX3.
• Wetware CPU: Civvie's brain is used in his construction, likely the right side.

AX3

"The algorithm requires engagement."

One of the two robots in charge of monitoring Civvie, usually used as a proxy between the Department of Special Corrections' upper management and the CV's, as well as the monitor of Civvie's vitals... and also in charge of punishing him. A birdlike robot who is far more "helpful", outwardly robotic, and polite to Civvie... Not that it matters much.

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• Art Evolution: Undergoes the most of it out of either of the robots, starting effectively as an edited picture of a plague doctor mask until he became more and more robotic, with his beak getting shorter and shorter with time and his eyes getting bigger.
• Character Catchphrase: The algorithm requires engagement.
• Demonic Possession: Eventually ends up possessed by the shadow beings in the Bad Future.
• Exact Words: In the Blood 2: Nightmare Levels video, Two buttons are installed on Civvie's desk. AX3 states that one of them plays a Gordon Ramsay clip, something he was expressly forbidden from using previously after overusing it in season one. He is right in that one of them does do that... but the other one explodes right on Civvie's hand to the point it needs multiple surgeries to correct. And he never elaborated on which one it is.
• Fun-Hating Villain: He'll monitor Civvie's dopamine, oxytocin, serotonin, and endorphin levels to ensure he's not having too much fun or getting way too hyped about an FPS-game. One specific instance of this happening is the Witchhaven episode, where AX3 makes Civvie play the titular game (made by his Sitcom Arch-Nemesis Capstone) because he's too hyped for Doom Eternal.
• Kill It with Fire: Equipped with a flamethrower, which he uses to great effect against Civvie's possessed computer.
• Lame Pun Reaction: Less a visceral reaction, but AX3 apparently has a threshold of pun that you shouldn't cross, as Civvie found out all too harshly.
  AX3: Actionable Pun Detected.
  Sounds of an electrode firing up and Civvie about to scream in pain
• Losing Your Head: After getting possessed, H4MMER ends up ripping his head off and taping it to a wall until a solution can be found. It barely does anything to stop his rambling.
• Mr. Exposition: Aside from monitoring Civvie, his main role in the show is to recite Info Dumps in the games or excerpts from interviews pertaining to the game and its development.
• Red Oni, Blue Oni: Blue to H4MMER's Red. He's far more formal and monotone compared to the flippant and foulmouthed H4MM3R.
• Screw This, I'm Outta Here: Following Civvie's possession, as well as his own growing dissatisfaction with being relegated to reading Info Dumps, he takes off on is own with H4MMER saying that Civvie drove him away. Considering that it's his job to mind Civvie and that there's not much else to do in the DoSC, he'll most likely be back before long.
  • Lo and behold, as of the Alpha Prime video, he has returned with a vengeance.
• Wetware CPU: Civvie's brain is used in his construction, likely the left side.

Cancer Mouse

"This is politically motivated violence!"

An irradiated talking mouse that lives in Reactor 3 of the Department of Special Corrections. Also a massive alt-righter.

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• Affably Evil: He is always friendly towards Civvie, even while spouting racist rhetoric.
• Breakout Character: Despite his alt-right rantings, Cancer Mouse is a surprisingly popular character. Probably because he's adorable, but safe to say, if Civvie's got some kind of mention in a videogame, it's either a joke about the Sewer Count, or Cancer Mouse appears somewhere. This is played with in Civvie's Second Christmas Grabbag video, where he appears as a background detail (complete with dubbed in rhetoric) in Graven, angering Civvie and causing him to go on a rant where he laments how Cancer Mouse is in more games than he is (Specifically Civvie's cameo as the crack dealer in Postal 4 while Cancer Mouse is a secret boss in Ultrakill) before shooting Cancer Mouse with an explosive crossbow bolt.
• Character Catchphrase: "Oh hey, Civvie!"
• The Cat Came Back: He seemingly cannot die permanently and always returns.
• Comically Missing the Point: Civvie doesn't want to anger the YouTube algorithm by using any profanity into the first minute of his reviews. However, since Cancer Mouse never swears, and whose viewpoints are offensive rather than his language, Civvie's methods are lost on him.
• The Friend Nobody Likes: Civvie certainly can't stand him. Maybe because he's giving Civvie radiation poisoning. Maybe because Cancer Mouse wants to make every single issue about politics, or that everything's racist nowadays. Perhaps it's all of the above.
• Humans Are Special: Subverted in that he's a hazardous-to-your-health mouse who cares about far-right, white supremacist nationalist humans. Everyone else? Eh, not so much. Expect a lecture.
• Joker Immunity: Despite being disposed of in a variety of ways, Cancer Mouse will always find his way into Civvie's cell.
• Killer Rabbit: A cute and friendly mouse who can give you radiation poisoning and happens to be a white supremacist.
• Master of Unlocking: The Department of Special Corrections installed a new Force-Field Door on Civvie's cell, but it does nothing to deter Cancer Mouse. In fact, according to the rodent himself, AX3 and H4MMER let him in as "the algorithm requires engagement."
• Nice Guy: Politics aside, he's probably the closest to this trope than anyone else in the DoSC. He always talks politely, never curses once, and even gave Civvie a Christmas present.
• Nuclear Mutant: Well, he's a particularly normal-looking example, being a mouse that is glowing green from the massive radiation within him.
• One-Tract Mind: He always tries to get Civvie to talk about political affairs, in spite of the fact Civvie's in the middle of reviewing a game.
• Phrase Catcher: "Sigh. Hi Cancer Mouse".
• Precision F-Strike: Drops one in the Geist review, though only because of Demonic Possession.
• Ridiculously Cute Critter: The mouse is cancerously cute.
• Rodent Cellmates: Lives in Reactor 3 but treats Civvie's cell in Department of Special Corrections, as his second home. No matter how many times Civvie shoos him out for his Conspiracy Theorist alt-right rantings, he's back an episode or two later.
• Stealth Pun:
  • Just being near Cancer Mouse detracts from Civvie's lifespan. He's a literal toxic person. Or mouse, in this case.
  • Calling a person or idea "a cancer / cancerous" is a common insult on message boards, particularly ones where people who share CM's political views congregate.
• Strawman Political: He's mostly a stand-in for far-right extremist viewpoints. Mercifully, he only gets about seconds at a time before being cut away from or killed. Played for Laughs because he's stuck in the dungeon with Civvie of course, and... well...
  Cancer Mouse: This is politically motivated violence!
  Civvie: You're a fucking MOUSE!
• Take That!: Cancer Mouse exists primarily to make fun of far-right internet trolls.

Katie AKA CV-16

"It's me, Katie! Your humble editor!"

Another prisoner in the Department of Special Corrections in charge of editing Civvie's videos. She also apparently runs specific programs that create some of the show's Running Gags.

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• Cheating with the Milkman: She apparently slept with one of the top brass at the DoSC for special privileges, something Civvie is quick to point out and guilt her on when she's about to post an overused joke in Heretic 2. It is one of the only time she does not actively use her editing skills to get Civvie shocked.
• The Faceless: Her voice is heard whimpering in pain (and even that's just a generic soundbyte) in a brief interlude in the Robocop review but otherwise she's a pure ghost.
  • Even when she gets an avatar in You Are Empty, it's still just a generic woman with no facial features.
• Heroic Fatigue: Heroic is probably stretching it (she is in DoSC custody, after all), but by the Redneck Rampage Deelucks Special, she's exhausted by Gordon Ramsay clips from years of having to pull them out of Hell's Kitchen episodes, complete with a Smash Cut to a first person view of her monitor watching the show, with her weeping quietly in the background.
• Hero of Another Story: Runs an instructional course on video editing in the DoSC system. Of course, it's implied that leaving in black frames while editing gets her punished pretty harshly.
• Manipulative Editing: Being made to recolor the red blood green in the Hatred video led to her editing bits of Civvie's audio to be pretty insulting.
• Media Watchdog: She'll often cut off Cancer Mouse's mic as he's about to launch into one of his politically incorrect rants.
• Phrase Catcher: When she's about to put in an especially overused clip or joke into the video for Civvie, it's usually preceded with "KATIE, YOU BITCH!" because it ends up getting him shocked.
• Sanity Slippage: Leaving in black frames has... caused some issues, let's call it.

C.L.O.W.N.

"I will remain. I will learn. I will grow."

An AI the DoSC keeps in the 'Clown Room' that Civvie first encounters when he is sent to said room as punishment. Her name stands for Creative Learning Operations Warden Network. She seems to want to help Civvie as he playes through Doom TNT, but is most focused on learning and understanding things.

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• Artificial Intelligence: Is this. And unlike H4MMER or AX3 there is no organic component inside, C.L.O.W.N. is purely synthetic.
• Blue-and-Orange Morality: Her understanding of human mindsets and values seems rough at best.
• Copycat Mockery: Seems to do this at one point to Civvie, although it seem less like mockery and more like proving that she can perfectly predict and imitate his dialog.
• Fun with Acronyms: Her full designation is Creative Learning Operations Warden Network, or C.L.O.W.N. Civvie himself upon learning this says that that acronym is "more tortured than I am!"
• Job-Stealing Robot: It's too early to be sure, but she seems to want to learn everything about Civvie and his content process, with this as a possible goal.
• Maximum Fun Chamber: Not her, but the room she is housed in is treated like this, with the only description of it being it contains 'Desolation' and is a punishment Civvie had not even heard of before being told he was going there.