Shirou in Fate/stay night and the infamous "People die if they are killed!" note This one requires some explaining. First, it's a play on the idiom "(s)he won't die even if you kill them!". Additionally, what Shirou's saying is that people should die if they're killed; it's taken out of context with the next part, "...that's the way it's supposed to be."
From the same character, we also have "having sex means getting naked".
Although it is possible to have sex without getting completely naked...
Sonic:The whole city is on fire! Sonic: Lava shoots up from that fiery ground! Sonic: That tornado is carrying a car! Silver: I can't catch lasers with my telekinesis!
It should be noted for that last one that you can.
In Sonic Unleashed it's surprisingly not Chip, but Amy who delivers the most Captain Obvious Lines. It's so bad, she's actually standing around during an important dialogue with the Professor, just to comment afterwards on Sonic's normal day-appearance with something along the lines of "Yes, you definitely look better like this!". And her great insight, that she could do something by helping the Professor—half a game after she actually started doing it.
Tails: Wow, the ship just transformed. Did you see that? Sonic: [Gives him the Captain Obvious Look] Now how are we gonna get to the bridge... Tails: I hate it when he doesn't listen...
Then, once you find the level that leads to the bridge, Sonic/Tails up and announces that you're right in front of it. There's a screen just steps away telling you that the door to the level is open... and it doesn't take a genius to find the level in the first place.
Sonic: This must be the way to the sky deck!
Sonic himself: "There's a great big tree over there!" Which doesn't make sense because he seems to hate it when people do that, and gigantic trees are not uncommon in the Sonicverse.
There is an "examine" system for most NPCs, items and scenery. And they are extremely helpful.
Examine text for precious ore is "Precious ore."
Examine text for most rocks are "A rock."
Examine text for iron bars are "It is a bar of iron."
Examine text for Forgotten Warriors are "A warrior who has been long forgotten."
The majority of Samus' lines in Metroid: Other M has her restating something she has just been told or stating something that the player has just seen.
Alyx Vance in the Half-Life 2 episodes has a tendency to announce out loud every single thing she encounters, including the player's actions, new monsters, and Dr. Kleiner's screencasts. Sometimes her excessive talkativeness reaches the level of Stop Helping Me!.
And even things that have already happened. For example, standing on a ghost ship, reaching land, hopping off, and being greeted by "The ship is sinking! We have to abandon ship!"
The talkative owl, KaeporaGaebora, is not of much help either, as the TL;DR information he gives you is mostly trivial and only helpful to amateur players. Veterans will usually spam A to skip his text as quickly as possible and — well, we all know what happens after that:
"Do you want to hear what I said again?" Yes ← No
Ciela in Phantom Hourglass significantly ups the ante, especially in the cutscenes following the introduction of the first two spirits.
Leaf: I am Leaf, the Spirit of Power. Blah blah blah. Ciela: Look, Link! It's the Spirit of Power, Leaf!
And how could we forget The Minish Cap's Ezlo? Run into a closed door, he will tell you that it's closed. Every time, even if it was an accident. Open a Warp-Mark. He will tell you that the explosion always frightens him. Every time. Come near a small tornado, which you obviously have to jump in to. He tells you to jump in and remarks what a great idea of his this is. God, this guy is annoying!
And don't forget about Skyward Sword's Fi, with such "helpful" tips as informing you that a ship is under attack by a monster while said monster's tentacles are popping in through the walls and floor all over the place, and then stopping you again as you're about to exit said ship only to inform you that she detects something outside the ship. And said something is probably the monster. Which you have already been informed of.Warning you about low hearts and low batteries on your Wiimote in spite of the game already having a sound-effect indicating the former and an icon in the corner indicating the latter.
Fi is easly the worst of the lot. Fi will also happily repeat everything that anyone tells you to do. If a character tells you to go to the woods, Fi will "helpfully" pop out and tell you that there's an 85% chance that you should go to the woods. Then, once you get to the woods, she will tell you that there's an 93% chance that you should now do whatever you came there to do.
In Metal Gear Solid, while searching for one of the male hostages, the main character, Solid Snake, looks down through an air vent and upon seeing a female exclaims "A woman! Not him...".
This is actually repeated nine in-universe years later but averts the usual Narm and may even be a Tear Jerker, as when Snake returns to Shadow Moses he encounters the same camera... and then the long-dormant, frozen over camera falls from its wall mount.
Para-medic describing the injury system in Metal Gear Solid 3: "When you get shot, sometimes you'll suffer a gunshot wound."
Happens a lot with SIGINT's descriptions.
You're wearing the snow face paint. Snow face paint was originally invented for arctic operations. If you want to use it efficiently, wear it in a snowy environment.
In Halo: Combat Evolved, after you come across a huge cave made out of metal with symbols engraved on it in a canyon which has been obviously cut out of the ground, Cortana says "This cave is not a natural formation. Someone built it, so it must lead somewhere."
Made even worse by the fact that you're on what is clearly a constructed ring. The entire "planet" is not a natural formation...
Q: Will you need to have to have an internet connection to play Star TrekOnline? A: Yes.
Increasingly, Phoenix Wright's inner monologue tends to spell out gags and hints in other characters' dialogue.
A certain NPC from late in the game The Suffering will tell the player to blast the remains of the fire demons or they will revive. But as long as this NPC is alive, they will blast the remains for you. In a more subtle way, the player can unlock diary and scrapbook pages (or even ticker tape) detailing the lay of the land. Much of this is after learning all relevant facts.
Tsutomu in Gotcha Force. His habit of notifying you "This will hit!" after it hits the target is beyond baffling. He even says "Well, it's obvious!" at times, which still doesn't do anything to stop his steady stream of obvious comments. You half-expect him to say "I'm breathing oxygen!" at any moment.
In the context that a Red Spy is loose in their base.
Blue Spy: Tell me, did anyone happen to kill a RED Spy on their way here? No? Then we still have a problem... (lays a Sniper with a knife in his back on the table) Soldier: And a knife.
The game itself has one, coincidentally also involving spies. If you aim your reticle at another player and activate the "Spy!" voice command, your character will call out that player's class as an enemy spy in disguise, as opposed to just saying that you've spotted one. If the player is already a spy, the line will be something like "That spy is not our team's spy!" This line is also used if you're referring to an enemy spy who is not disguised at all.
"You're not going to shoot me, are you? If you do, I'll die, you know."
Much later, Dante and Vergildo defeat him, but the one who actually kills him is Lady, his daughter. Yes, by shooting him.
In Microprose's Magic: The Gathering game, each town has a Wise Man who dispenses advice. Occasionally this advice is genuinely useful, other times it's related only to the back story — and sometimes, when another village has given you a quest, he'll say "I see the people of [village] have asked you to [quest]".
Ork sidekick: Boss! We're getting shot at! Warboss Gorgutz: Ain't you the master of the obvious?
Barry Burton in the original Resident Evil though the GameCube version tones it down. Did you know that weapons are especially powerful against living things?
Come to think of it, Ingrid Hunnigan from Resident Evil 4 is guilty of this, one of the many things lampshaded by the Lets Plays. "You need to get out of there." "You need to find out how to open that door."
The opening level of Army Of Two includes this gem: "You can die in combat."
From a gameplay hint in Lego Batman: "Toxic waste is poisonous".
Chuck from Backyard Football, in the tutorials. In the actual commentary, he's much smarter.
The video game magazine GamePro give ProTips for games they review of varying usefulness.One egregiously unhelpful hint was for Doom.note The image is actually a hoax created by Doomworld co-founder Linguica, but that doesn't stop it from being amusing parody.
ProTip: To Defeat the Cyberdemon, shoot at it until it dies.
In the original Phantasy Star for the Master System, a brilliant villager at Scion reveals that there are "Motavian(s) living on Motavia and Dezorian(s) on Dezoris".
In Dawn of War Chaos Rising, every single sentence uttered by nomen omen Captain Davian Thule is painfully obvious. It is, however, consistent with game mythos, as all Dreadnoughts are operated by Marines who are on the verge of death and show many symptoms of senile dementia.
Issun from Ōkami does this pretty often, but it's possibly justified since most English players aren't too aware about Japanese legends and stuff.
Enemy soldier (over radio): Alarm stage decreased, alarm stage back to normal.
Grímsdóttir: OK, it looks like the alarm stage went back to normal.
In Final Fantasy X when Yuna is about to jump off the tall tower during her wedding with Seymour, Seymour told her that "If you fall, you'll die.". Yuna did jump off the tower, but instead of falling to her death as Seymour has states beforehand, she summoned her aeon to catch her mid-fall. This summoning action kept her from dying from the fall.
Genis: I feel... mana welling up... Genis: Wait. I sense... incredible mana. Genis: It's mana... Powerful mana is coming out! Genis: What could it be? There's a staggering amount of mana flowing from that lightning...
Kid!Hubert: They say people with amnesia have trouble remembering things!
In Mass Effect, one quest has you looking for an Alliance probe before someone finds it and accidentally sets off its nuclear Self-Destruct Mechanism. You eventually track it to inside a mineshaft, and your two party members will helpfully comment that there's no way it got there on its own and you should expect a trap. One of your responses is, "Your grasp of the obvious is inspiring."
Because your squadmates usually have the role of making sure the, ah, slower members of the audience understand what's going on, a lot of their lines can come across this way, in particular their lines when starting combat. ("Enemies in front!" No, really, I thought the half-dozen geth firing assault rifles were part of a surprise birthday party.) Kaidan unfortunately seems to get the worst of it.
And in the sequel, the Lair of the Shadow Broker DLC gives us this exchange:
A giant flying truck hurtles towards you. Liara: Truck. Shepard: I know. Liara: TRUCK! Shepard: I KNOW!
Another DLC, "Overlord", has the VI in your armored personnel carrier make this remark upon you testing out its rockets on the local wildlife:
Hammerhead: Analysis: Defenseless herbivores are no match for guided missiles.
In the Mass Effect 3 Citadel DLC, an Alliance officer warns Shepard that someone is trying to kill him/her. Given that this is the default state of the universe, Shepard and Joker's response is to say "Yeah, we know." She also felt the need to specify that it's bad to land troops on a gas giant.
Shepard also gets one in Citadel just before meeting up with his/her love interest during the ambush.
Love Interest: What do you know about these mercenaries? Shepard: They have guns and don't like me! Love Interest:That's very helpful. Thank you.
Upon spawning in most maps, heroes will announce their names in Star Wars Battlefront 2. The funniest one is probably Yoda's "Yoda I am. Fight I will."
In Dark Chronicle at the end of Chapter 3, The Sage of the Stars, dungeon, Max and Monica enter the lighthouse on the cape while it is being attacked by the Fire Squall. The lighthouse is pretty much ablaze and is quite visible from where the two and their other party member are standing. A bunch of dialogue ensues, and when Monica gets close to the edge, the flames spurt up almost burning her, Max then exclaims, "Oh no! The lighthouse is on fire!"
Inverted at the beginning of Chapter 4, Goodbye Shingala, Pau has already left his house, asking you to watch Shingala, all of a sudden Shingala gets up, Max then exclaims, "He's trying to leave." Even though he had no way of knowing that.
Set straight again right after that as Shingala runs to the ocean cave dungeon(which Max and Monica must then explore), Max then says, "He's heading for the ocean!"
In the intro to Super Mario Galaxy 2, Mario arrives to find that Bowser has grown to Godzilla-like stature and is stomping around the Mushroom Kingdom. Bowser still finds it necessary to inform Mario that "I'M HUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGE!"
Luigi shouts "STAR!" every time you get a grand star with him in both games.
In the Battle Belt Galaxy, a living sign tells you that you need to kill everything to progress. Well, that would be so useful to know if it wasn't glaringly obvious there's no other escape, and more so on the last planet before you had to kill an enemy to progress.
Dungeons & Dragons Online has a "Dungeon Master" feature enabled by default, in which a narrator speaks up at key points in the quest. This helps enforce that tabletop feel, and can be really helpful at times. However, the Dungeon Masters can go into captain obvious mode. ("There is a pair of signal crystals on either side of the door! There must be a way to open it...")
If you consider it, it's not that bad: the Dungeon Master is like the one at the actual table, where you (obviously) wouldn't be able to see them.
DDO's loading screens will offer you "tips". Some are helpful. Others warn that falling can hurt you.
The trap spot can also get like this, as it contiues to show up while the trap is going off. My acute senses make me feel that those giant spikes coming out of the floor are dangerous.
The titular character's narration does this a LOT in Alan Wake. Bonus points if he throws in a "literary" reference.
There's a rather bad one in Condemned: In the department store stage when Ethan finds the Matchmaker dead he comments "Well he certainly didn't kill himself!"
In Jade Empire, sometimes the tip box that appears when you die will say "You have died."
Some messages during campaigns in Age of Empires II. For example, in Joan of Arc, you come across a bridge that is quite clearly out, and one of your knights feels the need to tell you "The bridge is out! We must find another way to Chinon!"
Lord Saladin, we have captured a Frankish war vessel!
John Madden had a horrible tendency to do this in the Madden NFL games.
Setsumi gets one of these in Narcissu Side 2nd (and the translator even comments on it in the script file):
Setsumi: "Well, you're a devoted Christian, right?"
Himeko: "Let's see... if you don't like 'fake Catholic'.... 'former Christian' would work too."
Setsumi (narrating): That would mean that in the past it was true, but now it wasn't.
Albedo from Xenosaga tells us that "Pain is such a vital part in realizing one's existence." Gee, ya think?
GLaDOS from Portal has some moments as well: "Hold on. Did you just toss that Aperture Science Thing-We-Don't-Know-What-It-Does into an Aperture Science Emergency Intelligence Incinerator?" and (the curiosity core) "Hey, you're that lady from the test. Hi!"
"The enrichment center promises to always provide a safe testing environment. In dangerous testing environments, the enrichment center promises to always provide useful advice. For instance, the floor here will kill you. Try to avoid it."
Jumper Two Editor has a helpful hint as a default text for help-boxes:
"THIS IS THE SEA, MONSTER THERE ONLY LIVES IN WATER."
Ace Combat 04 features Sky-Eye who constantly repeats obvious information—like actions you've already taken—back to you. He makes sure you know when you've launched a missile. Though, it is sometimes useful in keeping your situational awareness up when things get really intense.
Sky-Eye: "Mobius One, Fox Two."
This is repeated through all of the Ace Combat serries since they all have AWACS of some form or another and they all are exactly the same. Your squadron/wingman on Ace Combat 5 and beyond also do this.
Though it does make sense, *real* AWACS would be telling the pilots of aircraft under their control *exactly* what is going on; flying a plane is like the 'pat your head rub your tummy' multitasking exercise up to eleven... and that's *before* bad guys start shooting at you.
Also the aircraft's onboard warning system telling you things like 'pull up' over and over again. This is especially annoying on missions where you *have* to fly low (e.g. flying under radar or through canyons to reach a target). Especially funny when it mixes with the aforementioned AWACS/Squadron members and you get something like this:
Your flying really low and fast on an attack run:
onboard computer: "Cation: Pull Up"
Still flying low, trying to concentrate here...
AWACS: "Blaze, your altitude is to low, pull up"
Squadron member: "Captain! Pull up!"
Around this time you'll probably be so distracted that a SAM has got a lock on you so:
AWACS: "Missile lock!"
Thanks man, never noticed all the red 'missile warning' lights...
Hey don't haven't you guys got your own planes to worry about? No wonder you get no kills...
This is even invoked in-universe at one point in Ace Combat 5: The Unsung War during a Pearl Harbor-esque level.
Osean 1: (the attack already well underway) This is not a drill!
Osean 2: Well thanks for the heads up, you IDIOT!
Catherine announces each boss with the helpful "... has appeared. It's the killer. Do not die."
Bastion's narrator does this a lot. While it is intentional and a big part of the game experience and mechanics, there are points where, for example, the player is just doing random things, such as destroying everything. That action is then followed by the narrator saying something such as "The Kid lets off some steam by destroying some crates."
In DuckTales 2, Bubba warns Scrooge McDuck that one treasure chest is a trap that will lock him up. Bubba warns Scrooge immediately after freeing him from said trap.
In Half-Life, after hordes of monsters from another dimension arrive into the facility and turn it into a stage of violence and terror, scientists can sometimes be heard saying: "Well, the dimensional breach is definitely trasmitting organic matter."
The PC Hidden Object GameHaunted Manor: Queen of Death has as its Big Bad a soul-sucking demon which somewhat resembles a giant bat. Whenever it appears onscreen, it hisses at the player and disappears in a cloud of mist while declaring, "I AM EEEEVIL." Did we mention this is a soul-sucking demon?
Pokémon: "Oh no! I dropped the lift key!" As it appears right next to him.
And in Black 2 & White 2: "You see this enormous puddle? They call it an ocean!" NO WAI!
Whenever you die in Demon's Souls, the game tells you, "You died." Durr.
Ditto Mama in Cooking Mama 2: Dinner with Friends.
Kingdom of Loathing has a bag of airline peanuts with a warning label that says "Warning: contains peanuts." Subverted, or something, because the bag actually contains poisonous snakes.
The rather obscure Realms Of The Haunting has shades of this when the player selects certain objects for the character Adam Randall to examine. An unintentionally funny one happens when the player clicks on one of the skeletons that's in a hall that seems to be made out of bones and has other skeletons sitting around it (and after a brief cutscene where he even stops and examines one clothed skeleton in particular).