All Purpose Negima Fanfiction Thread

As soon as he finally reached the safety of his room, Negi locked the door with all the locks he could find around, barricaded it with two chairs and a nightstand, and finally sat down before his table to write, undoing his tie and hanging his blazer aside using his free hand.

Dear Sister:

You'll be happy to know I have reached the fortress of Lord Hagen safely. I explained what the diploma had said, and he was actually quite willing to help me with my goal, even agreeing to keep my secret on his honor as a gentleman. I trust his sincerity, so I'm not concerned in that regard anymore.

So yes, I'm a teacher at charge of the youngest members of the 'Delmo association' now.

The drawback was I was told they had no rooms for boys here. As a matter of fact, everyone but Lord Hagen at this fortress are girls. I ended up being assigned to live in the same room as two junior Delmos, Asuna-san and Konoka-san. Asuna-san is a bit cranky, but deep down she's a nice person. She's a 'Black Delmo', meaning she is at charge of... helping to protect the place, I think. The explanations have been somewhat confusing so far. Konoka-san is a very nice and sweet girl, and also a 'Pink Delmo', that is, part of the girls at charge of keeping the fortress clean and well kept.

All in all, it's not like I'm complaining...

And yet, there is something about this place that sends chills up my spine. During lunch, the leader of the junior White Delmo committee, Ayaka-san, slipped me the keys to her room and said something about 'not needing to bring underwear'. Then Lord Hagen's sister Neena-san ordered me to go to her room tomorrow night after she comes back from her current assignment, briefly asking me if I was used to pain. When I said No, she sighed and said she'd have to start slow.

Then there was an incident at the baths I'd prefer not to talk about.

Please send help.

Breathing heavily, he closed the letter and pushed it into an envelope, praying he could send it to Merdiana without being intercepted on its way.

Then, a short sound from the bunks alerted him up. He sighed in relief when he saw it was only the sleeping Konoka-san stirring in her bunk.

Then, much to his horror, he noticed Asuna-san's bunk was empty.

A hand slapped a long haired wig on his head from behind. The wig had a disturbing similarity to Lord Hagen's hair.

He shuddered as he felt Asuna towering over him, a creepy grin fixed on her face. Her voice crooned dangerously.

"I think I'll call you... Mini Hagen-sama..."

Negi yelled for help.

Vanity Smurf

Asuna tapped with her foot on the ground. "Just get on with it already!"

"Just a smurf, please. I am not smurfing ready yet," the tiny blue man whined while continuing to pamper his face up, looking at it from several angles on the mirror he carried in his other hand.

"Vanity-kun, please..." Negi complained, his arms hanging down in a distressed posture. "We're kinda short in time..."

"I can't do this smurf if I'm unsmurf for it!" the blue thingy shook his head. "Why must you two be so uncaring about my smurfings? Can't you see the beauty of the circle depends on my own beauty? If I can't do it while looking nothing short of perfect, then the whole thing is smurfed!"

He kept on fixing his face as best as he could. Asuna kept on waiting for a few minutes more, but by the time he pulled the makeup kit out, she had enough. "Ehhhhh!!! How long are you going to take with that?!?"

"... I just want to define my eyes a bit more smurfingly," Vanity defended himself.

"Just do it at once or you'll have two very well defined BLACK eyes!" the girl threatened.

Vanity sobbed. "You smurfette! Do you think it's easy, to keep my smurfs about myself with all of you smurfing around the place? All of you taller, curvier, rubbing your smurfness on my face... My poor self respect is smurfed! The current canons of beauty are all smurfed out! Why, in my days, when a Smurf wanted to Sm—"

Asuna just stepped on him, then grinded her foot down. Hard.

She tilted her head aside and yelled, "We need another Smurf!"

They tossed them another blue diminutive man from backstage.

This one grinned at them while holding a box with a large red bow on it up.

"Hee hee heeee!" he giggled madly. "Hello, my smurfs! I can say it's going to be a smurf to smurf with you!"

"Was that a come on?" Asuna doubted.

"Never smurf!" the Smurf said, offering them the gift. "Are you up for a little surprise to smurf the beginning of our partnership?"

Negi smiled while crouching down to accept the gift. "Thank you! You're very kind!" Then, despite Asuna's visible reservations, he opened it up...

Luckily for him, his cute Shotaro face was covered by quite an extensive insurance.

The Liquidator

"Thirsty for the wonders of a world beyond the paltry limits of your everyday reality?"

"I am!" Haruna jumped up.

"Yearning for the forbidden appeal of a secret romance only seen in the likes of trashy prose novels?"

"Y-Y-Y-Yes!" Nodoka nodded with a full body blush.

"Willing to invest for the future with a developing young promise guaranteed to grow up into the man of your life?"

"Oh, hell yes!" Misa put her hands together.

"Deeply, secretly attracted by the black allure of a taboo passionate relationship with the relative you grew up in awe of his many manly prowesses?"

"... You're a damn good salesman," Chao had to admit, her eyebrows quivering around and her legs discreetly rubbing against each other.

"Itching for a good rumble both at the battlefield and under the covers?"

"Of course-aru!!" Ku Fei pumped her arms up.

The large dog made of water laughed. "Then look no further! Because I, the always amazing Li-qui-dator, have come to quench your need for an oasis in the middle of a desert devoid of any male companionship! Yes, behold, as I give you our newest sensation, in all his refreshing flavors! THE NEGI!" He grandly gestured towards the shyly shrinking boy on the seat next to him. "And he can be all yours only for the meager price of a Provisional Contract! But of course, true conoisseurs will go for the improved taste of the slightly pricier Permanent Contract!"

Ayaka jumped up and down. "I'll give you a blank check! Fill it with any cypher you can think of!"

Takane sneered while watching from the sidelines. "A true pyramid scheme in the proccess, don't you think, Mei-chan?"

"... I just bought us two tickets," Mei muttered in embarrassment.

Takane only grunted. "Just remember your Sempai always goes first."

Chisame and Natsumi

“How about this one?” Natsumi held up a dress.

“Too frilly.” Chisame gave the redhead a thumbs down. “If I wanted to go Gothloli I'd just get clothes from Evangeline.”

“This one?” She held up a biker-style leather corset and miniskirt.

“Nah. I just did a biker-themed photoshoot last week.” She shuttered. “Last time I ever as Haruna for help...”

“Okaaaay....” Natsumi tossed the outfit onto the ever-growing pile of rejected costumes and continued to rummage around the clothing racks. “Do you have any idea of what you're looking for?”

“Nope.” Chisame shrugged. “I couldn't think of any more ideas. That's why I needed your help. I thought maybe the theater department would have something I hadn't thought of yet.”

“Oh, I'm sure there's something in here somewhere.” Natsumi let out a frustrated groan into the rows of costumes. She wasn't supposed to be in the wardrobe storage at all, but as a favor to Chisame she had used her position in the drama club to get the key to the club room. Her assumption had been that they would sneak in, grab something, and abscond. But now they had been in the room for almost an hour, and there were a good two dozen reject costumes sitting in a heap in the corner. One missing costume would get written up as an inventory error, but if someone found a mess like this, somebody was going to get in trouble.

“Find anything yet?” Chisame's voice echoed from the other end of the room. Natsumi's eye twitched. She grabbed a random hanger off the rack and spun around to face Chisame.

“How about this?”

“Are you kidding!?” Chisame gaped at the outfit Natsumi was holding. The redhead turned to see what it was that she was holding.

“Oh...” On the hanger dangled what could charitably be called a set of bra and panties. The bra had a sheer silken material draped underneath, and the panties likewise seemed to have a transparent skirt hanging from the edges. What threw the “bra and panties” definition into doubt was the fact that the non-transparent part of the getup consisted of maybe half a dozen square inches of fabric. Each so-called “cup” of the bra was a dark green fabric cut in the shape of a leaf. Similarly, the only part of the panties that wasn't a thin strip of elastic was another small leaf-shaped section of fabric.

“Why they hell does the theater department even have that!?” Chisame pointed at the costume indignantly. “Were they planning on putting on a burlesque act or something?”

“I....uh....” Natsumi honestly had no idea why such a risque piece of clothing was in the wardrobe. “I'm not sure....”

“I'm not wearing that!”

“Oh come on, Chisame...” Natsumi giggled at Chisame's. “I think it would look good on you!”

“Are you serious!? I can't do a photoshoot in that thing!” She put a hand to her forehead. “I'm a net idol, not a cam whore!”

“But it would be really sexy!” Natumi grabbed a pair of fake antennae off of a nearby shelf. “You could do like a wood nymph set of pictures or something!” She took that antenna hairband and stuck in on Chisame's head.

“Listen, I'm not going to wear that thing. Thousands of people look at my pictures every day...” Her face reddened slightly. “I wouldn't want people to see me dressed like that. I mean, how would you like it if you had to go on stage with that thing on.”

Natsumi looked at the costume in her hand, and then down at her body. She patted her chest with her other hand. “I couldn't, I don't have the boobs for this outfit.”

“You know what I mean.”

“Yeah, I guess that would be pretty embarrassing.” Natsumi sat down on the bench next to Chisame. “But getting up on stage like that would be more embarrassing than doing it on the internet. I mean, it's not like everyone on campus would recognize you.”

“I know. And I want to keep it that way.” Chisame sighed.

“I don't get it...” Natsumi gazed into space.

“Don't get what?”

“If you don't want any attention, why do you put so much effort into being a net idol?”

“You know...” Chisame leaned back. “Sometimes I wonder that myself. I guess I just like knowing that all those guys out there think I'm cute. It's stupid.” Natsumi stifled a laugh. “What?”

“So you do like the attention.”

“What!?” Chisame's cheeks were starting to redden. “No, it's just...uh...not like that!”

“Don't be so embarrassed!” Natsumi put a hand on Chisame's shoulder. “There's nothing wrong with wanting people to like you...”

“I know that. I just like being normal most of the time. Blending into the background, you know?”

“I figured.” It was Natsumi's turn to sigh. “I wish I enjoyed being a wallflower as much as you do. Sometimes I just wish I would get noticed.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, that's why I joined the drama club.” Natsumi looked at the floor. “I figured that maybe I'd get lucky and get a lead role. Then people would see me and go 'Hey, it's that girl from the play!' Maybe eventually I'll actually get to do that... Maybe next year...”

There were a few moments of silence before Chisame answered.

“So what part are you playing now?”

“Chorus Member #3.” She groaned. “I just wish that somebody would notice me...”

“Well...” Chisame put her arm around the redhead's shoulder. “I noticed you. That's a start, right?”

“Yeah, I guess...” She looked up at Chisame. “Can we get out of here? I'd rather not lose my chance at getting my chance at stardom because I messed up the club room.”

“I guess you're right...” Chisame stood up. “I'd hate to ruin everything for you. I think we're done here anyway.” She grabbed one of the costumes out of the pile on the floor and hung it on a nearby rack.

“Do you mean that you'll wear the costume!?” Natsumi grinned widely, holding up the “leaf-kini”.

“No.”

Natsumi's face fell.

“Pleeeaase?”

“Okay, fine!” Chisame snatched it out of her hand. “But only on one condition!”

“What is it?” Natsumi was smiling broadly again.

“I get to pick out one of my costumes, and you have to wear it for me.”

“Oh...Okay.” Natsumi swallowed nervously.

“And I'm wearing something else for my photo shoot...” She scanned the rows of costumes. “You said you liked this one, right?” She held up a French Maid outfit.

“Yeah.”

“Alright, let's hang the rest of these up and get back to my room.” She turned towards Natsumi and smirked. “I have a certain bunny costume that will fit you quite nicely.”

Negi patiently waited standing next to the dressing room, without making a single sound. He just kept his eyes fixed in a straight line ahead, without looking at anything in particular as he kept on waiting for Misa to finish trying the large amount of clothes she had picked up.

He was not really used to women who took so long with their dressing. Nekane had always been quick at everything she did, and Anya favored the fast and functional over the flashy and elaborate. Chisame never took long to dress up unless she was in her Internet hobby (which rarely happened when he was around), and Satomi... well, Satomi was happy putting on the closest thing at hand and calling it a done job.

Misa, he noticed, was very different, taking a long time, the rustling of cloth coming from inside again and again as she sweetly hummed a happy tune to herself. He remembered she was supposed to be at the school choir, and she truly had a beautiful voice.

A voice that now had just called on, "Negi-kun? Can you come in just a moment? Don't worry, I'm not naked," she lowered her tone a bit at that last part, although not enough to Negi's comfort.

"Oh, okay!" he walked in just to recoil with his face going crimson. Kakizaki had set her shoes aside, but also her skirt and blouse, standing with her back to him in nothing but stockings, bra and panties. All of them black, a far cry from her roommates' preference for white. He turned around just as quickly. "K-Kuh-Kakizaki-san! You said—!!"

"I'm not naked," she calmly replied, cutting him off. "It's not worse than being in a biniki, really. And I need help with a zipper. I tried to put this on," she slipped into a red dress, which had its back fully unzipped, "But I can't reach all the way back. Normally, I'd ask Sakurako or Madoka for help, but..." She looked over her shoulder. "NEGI-KUN! You can look now!"

"Uh, s-sorry!" he tilted back... to face her back. Well, it at least was partially covered now. That was a start. "So..." he carefully grabbed the zipper up, "... Up all the way, right?"

"Right. But not too fast or hard, please. You might break it."

A woman who was passing by next to the dressing room blinked at hearing that coming from the inside, then sped away shaking her head to herself.

He zipped the dress up as best as he could. "It's ready, I think."

She turned aside to look at herself in the full body mirror, twisting around so she could see her own back, then smiled widely. "It's perfect."

And she hugged Negi against herself without giving him a chance to escape, laughing melodically as she did so. "Thank you very much! You're a real sweetie!"

"Kuh-Kuhzzaki-samm, pleez!" his voice came muffled from where his face was buried between her modest, but decent sized and well rounded breasts. "Thss ss mmproper! Lemme go!"

She slapped his right shoulder playfully while allowing him to go and regain his erratic breath. "Oh, Negi-kun, everything's improper to you! But that's okay; it only makes you so much cuter!"

He sulked, pushing his glasses up his nose. "I'm your teacher; I'm not supposed to be cute..."

"Too bad you are," she grinned before walking out. "I'll take this one. As a reminder of the first time you saw me in my—"

"KAKIZAKI-SAN!"

"Just kidding, just kidding!"

From the corner of the dressing room he had been at, Chamo still was drooling all over the floor. He had seen such wonderful things for the last half hour... Being a small innocent looking animal was a true blessing sometimes.

Misa still was wearing the new red dress as the three walked back into the street, Negi now carrying two bags full with her latest buyings. "Kakizaki-san, it's getting late..." he looked at the now reddish sky. "If we're late at the campus, the blackout will catch us outside..."

"Well, I'm counting on you to protect me," she winked an eye at him. Then the girl noticed he seemed truly worried and decided to humor him. "Oh, fine, you win. We'll go back home now. Happy?"

"Thank you. Sorry if I sound like a spoilsport," he apologized.

"You said it yourself, you're a teacher. You have to be a spoilsport," she joked. "But it's alright. Next Sunday, you can stop being a teacher for the day and just be my shopping spree pal again, can you?" the cheerleader asked.

He nodded. "Count on it!"

Chamo rejoiced as he followed them down the street.

Soon, however, Misa stopped abruptly. "Sensei! Look, over there!" she pointed at the other end of the avenue, with a repressed urgence in her voice. Negi followed her cue only to gasp at what his eyes wandered into.

Konoe Konoka, in a lovely fashionable yet sober and elegant white and red dress, sat at a restaurant, next to a large window, eating and cheerfully chatting with a young man seemingly in his early college years. He was very tall and handsome, with short black hair, and he wore a black suit with a white bowtie.

"Konoe-san...!" the child whispered.

her modest but decent sized and well rounded cleavaged breasts

“Hakase, remind me why I'm doing this again.”

“For science!” The scientist girl lowered her goggles over her eyes. “Don't worry, Chisame! You aren't the first test subject, and all previous test subjects responded positively.”

“What the heck are you wearing goggles for!?”

“Safety reasons.”

“Safety reasons!? If there's a possibility that this can go wrong in a way that requires you to have safety goggles, I want out!”

“Chisame, please relax. I assure you that the testing process is perfectly safe. The goggles are simply protocol that must be followed. A mere formality, if you will. Now just lean back and try not to move around too much.”

Chisame leaned back into the apparatus in which she was sitting, which appeared to be half recliner and half dentist chair. This would be less terrifying if I wasn't naked...

“Hakase, can't I at least put a shirt on? It's freezing in here!”

“Sorry, clothing might inhibit the testing process. Even if it didn't, all the other test subjects were also naked, so giving you clothing would skew the data.”

“Whatever, just hurry it up.”

There was a whirring beneath her as the chair leaned back, and a footrest popped out, lifting her legs into the air.

“Okay, Chisame. Please move your legs so that they are resting in the indentations.”

Chisame shivered as she slid her ankles into the dents. Her feet were uncomfortably far apart.

“Um...Hakase, this is kinda painful...”

“Just a moment, I'm adjusting the seat to your proportions.” There was another whirring noise as the footrest moved a bit closer to the rest of the chair, allowing Chisame to bend her legs a little. “Better?”

“Yeah...”

“Okay, I'm initiating the sequence!” Hakase sounded unusually excited about this. Normally, the mad scientist would have considered experiments on such a base subject to be beneath her. Maybe she had experienced it firsthand....

Chisame jumped as two handholds popped out of the arms of the chair.

“Hakase, what are these for?”

“Get a good grip on those. If you move around too much we may have to repeat the experiment. That's also what the belt is for.”

“Belt?” Before she finished saying the word, Chisame felt a wide band of fabric being stretched across her midriff, pressing her against the chair.

“Initiating final sequence!” Hakase's voice was practically ecstatic. She was enjoying this way too much.

There was a dull mechanical roar as a massive mechanical arm descended from the ceiling, bearing the experimental device.

“Is the giant robot arm really necessary!?” Chisame's nervousness was evident in her voice. “Couldn't you just hold the damn thing yourself?”

“While the device is indeed intended for handheld use, and would in fact be quite useless if it were not, we are using a mechanical application system to assure an accurate data set. Your reactions will, of course, be monitored.”

“Monitered!? You're recording this!?” There was a clang as the arm moved to it's final position. There was a moment of silence before Hakase's voice echoed throughout the testing chamber.

“Activating!”

Chisame heard a loud buzzing sound. Knowing exactly what it was coming from and what she was about to experience didn't make her any less anxious.

---

Chisame lay breathless in the chair, completely drenched in a mix of her own sweat and a few other bodily fluids. There...there are no words...that...that was...I don't even know...

“Now then...” She turned to see Hakase walking toward her, clipboard in hand, goggles pushed up to her forehead. “On a scale of one to ten, how pleasurable would you rate this experien-”

“Twelve.”

“Alright...” She scribbled some notes and walked up next to the chair and tilted her head as she looked down at Chisame. “Let's see...rate of breathing...face appears flushed...pulse...” She took hold of Chisame's wrist. “Ok, good.” She turned her gaze to a small lcd screen on the side of the chair, continuing to jot notes on her clipboard. “Overall duration from activation to climax....grip strength on the handholds...maximum volume of subject's vocal response to stimulation...”

“Volume?” Chisame lifted her head slightly.

“Yes. It's important to monitor all forms of response in the subject.” Hakase was still grinning from ear to ear. “I never expected you of all people to vocalize with such vigor...”

Chisame let her head fall back down.

“Is that it?”

“Yes, the testing is complete. You are free to go.”

The chair lowered back to the floor. Chisame made her way to her feet, staggering slowly along on wobbly knees. Hakase held out a bathrobe.

“You may want to cleanse yourself before putting your clothes back on.” She laid down the clipboard and threw her labcoat over a chair. “I guess we're done for today. Thank you for your willingness to participate in the test.”

“Wait.” Chisame caught Hakase's hand. “We're not done yet.”

“What do you mean?”

It was Chisame's turn to grin.

“It's your turn.”

“I can’t believe we’re about to graduate!” Makie cried, jumping and twirling around in the air.

“None of us can believe you Baka Rangers are about to graduate either,” Chisame said dryly, though none took it as an insult. They were too used to her prickly nature now.

Starbooks Coffee, which had nothing to do with books, and very little to do with coffee, preferring to go with overpriced things that would have made Fate Averruncus twitch inside at the blasphemy against good coffee, was still a good hangout. Chisame sat nursing her drink, watching with a sort of resigned fond amusement as Makie and Ku celebrated, leaping around like spider-monkeys on crack. Opposite the hacker, Chachamaru sat neatly, back straight, legs closed, her hands on her lap, a small, serene smile on her face.

It is usually customary, in these sorts of fics where a period of time has passed, to describe how everyone has gotten taller and more beautiful, with bigger breasts, different hairstyles (that make it hard to imagine what everyone looks like, most of the time) and repetitive uses of various purple prose words that make the person using them sound like an idiot who needs a thesaurus, or perhaps an idiot with a thesaurus. And indeed, the narrative was building up to that, honestly it was, but… no. Just no.

Still, expository material isn’t amiss. Negi had continued on as their class’ homeroom teacher for the past 4 years, moving from Middle School to high school, and even getting Evangeline to finally be bumped up. They’d spent a veritable fortune on age-changing pills over the last four years, but those in the know– a number that had progressively grown– felt it was worth it to have the vampire in their class. She bitched about having to keep hanging out with them, and why it was taking Negi so long to undo the curse his father had put on her, and accused him of delaying, even if it was an open secret among them that she’d sometimes sneak into Negi’s lab– a small space he’d begged off Evangeline in her resort– and quietly sabotage one or two small things a month to delay him.

The sweet, sugary stuff the energetic two had ordered finally arrived, prompting them to sit down and eat, to seemingly no change at the rate they were talking. Chisame made vague, assenting sounds, enough to encourage them to keep talking and not actually include her in the conversation. She’d gotten really good at that. Chachamaru, of course, was politely listening and nodding along, though for all intents and purposes she was also keeping out of it.

“Hey everyone!” a voice called out. “Sorry we’re late!”

Konoka ran towards them, smiling widely as usual, Setsuna behind her. The swordswoman was trying to keep up and tie her hair back to its usual tie at the same time. Konoka liked messing with her hair, something that caused no end of blushes from the hanyou. Asuna ran with them, with Negi behind, briefcase in hand. He hadn’t gotten appreciably taller in the last four years. In fact, he hadn’t seemed to have changed at all, despite all the time that had gone by, on top of how much he’d aged in Evangeline’s resort and other such places.

“Had to get out of another Omiai?” Chisame asked.

Konoka shook her head, nonchalantly taking Setsuna’s hand– the other girl went slightly redder. She has in fact been so red so often in recent years the school nurse was once concerned for her blood pressure– as they slowed down. “No, though it’s not from grandfather’s lack of trying. No, club ran kind of long since Anya and I got into a fortune telling competition.”

“Again?” Chisame said. “Still the same fortune as usual?”

Negi blushed as all the girls looked at him. “Negi’s romantic future seems to be beyond the ability of modern magic to ascertain,” Setsuna said, sounding solemn and keeping a straight face. Asuna snickered.

“You wouldn’t have to use fortune telling if you’d just kept the book of my family tree,” Chao said next to Chisame, evilly stealing her drink.

Everyone jumped. “YOU!” Asuna pointed dramatically.

Chao smiled widely. “Yo!” the self-proclaimed ‘Martian’ said.

Setsuna and Negi were barely able to hold Asuna back as she lunged at the girl with the obvious intent to strangle her.

Chao blinked. “Eh? Asuna, don’t tell me you’re still holding the school festival against me after all these years…” She paused, frowning, then took out what was obviously a Casseiopia from her pocket and looked at it critically. “Yup, it’s been four years. Don’t tell me you’re still pissed?”

“It’s not the school festival she’s mad about,” Chisame said, giving the time-traveler a long, level look of supreme annoyance that signified also-restrained violence. “It’s the stuff that happened after the festival.”

Chao blinked. “What, you’re mad about the kill-sat I made for Chachamaru and left in orbit over Mars? I though you’d find that useful.”

“Not that,” Chisame said. “Chao, what do you know about ‘Deepground’?”

Chao blinked. “Ooohhh!” she drawled, looking nervous. “Did I forget about that?”

“You did,” Chisame said, voice still level. “Fortunately, after we got the remnants of the Spider Virus out of them, your Tsviet androids were reasonable enough. We were able to pass it off as an action movie. They actually did show it theatrically.”

“THAT PSYCHOTIC RED-HEADED RUSSIAN ROBOT OF YOURS STALKED ME FOR A WEEK!” Asuna cried. “SHE KEPT HIDING IN THE SHOWER TO AMBUSH ME!” Chao snapped her fingers. “I’m pretty sure I left Hakase a note about that…”

“You did. We found it buried under an old sandwich covered with what appeared to be a highly advanced bacterial civilization, next to the miniature particle accelerator” Chachamaru said. “They had apparently worshipped you as a goddess and took your absence to mean the end of the world had come, and meant they should make war on the nanobot civilization in the circuit-board next to them, who apparently also worshipped you as a goddess. They unfortunately wiped each other out after the bacteria discovered nuclear power and the nanobots discovered chemical warfare.”

“Oh,” Chao said. “Well, the lab can get a little messy…”

“And then there was that ‘Vegnagun’ thing you apparently built and forgot about that woke up eight months after you left,’” Chisame said. “Nearly destroyed the campus before we found it a nice home on Monster Island.”

Chao shuffled nervously. “Um…”

“Those colorful robotic dinosaurs followed…” Chisame continued.

“Those aren’t mine!” Chao protested. “I was keeping those for a friend in California!”

“Then there was the frozen alien robot…”

“You kept that on ice, right?”

“And that mutated rat you gave to Makie…”

“Hey, she knew what she was getting into when she asked if she could keep Brain!”

“Brain-kun isn’t a bother, Asuna,” Makie protested. “You’re just jealous you don’t have someone to help you do your homework.”

“HE TRIED TO SHRINK AND RANSOM OFF TOKYO TOWER TO FUND HIS PLAN TO TAKE OVER JAPAN!” Asuna cried.

“And that’s just off the top of my nightmares,” Chisame said, voice still level, though Chao belatedly noticed her left was gripping one of the bars of her seat so hard it had collapsed inward, and realized Chisame was slightly filled with boosting-magic. “So, I’m sure you can see there’s some emotion attached to your reappearance.” “I want to kick her ass!” Asuna cried.

“Um, sorry?” Chao said. “Congratulations on graduating?”

Asuna and Chisame glared at her.

“Suddenly, I wish I had my battle suit handy,” Chao said nervously, leaning away.

"You aren't the first test subject, and all previous test subjects responded positively.”