Buying drinks from SCP-294

edited 28th Jun '16 10:09:21 AM by Loomduck64

Result: An empty cup.

Test: A cup of Transformers G1.

Result: It shows an OUT OF RANGE error.

Test: A cup of Ultra Divine Water.

Result: Subject regards himself as godlike.

Test: A cup of bumb.

edited 30th Jul '16 6:09:32 PM by randomtroper89

Result: A cup of what we think is very poorly made 'coffee'.

Test: A cup of holiday cheer

edited 30th Jul '16 7:13:36 PM by BlizzardeyeWonder

Result: A red and green liquid which made the subject wish to put up a tree in their quarters. Wore off after 25 hours.

Test: A cup of LO Lcats.

edited 3rd Aug '16 10:46:20 AM by CalvinBoyOfDestiny

Result: SCP-294 dispensed an opaque medium-gray liquid that smelled like "a cross between milk, marshmallows and honey." Upon drinking, the D-class transformed into a large, striped housecat who spoke in a unique form of pidgin English which mimicked online chatspeak. He proceeded to start doing humanlike things in a manner that many scientists found "adorable" but a few were annoyed by. The effect wore off after two hours.

Test: A cup of Goofus

Result: After drinking the beverage, whenever the D-Calss subject was exposed to a person performing an act of kindness, they were compelled to undo the kind action.

Test: A cup of SCP-682's rage

edited 7th Sep '16 1:22:52 PM by BlizzardeyeWonder

Result: A glass of thick red ichor emiting a blinding luminescence and dense miasmal steam of the same color. Test subjects reported headaches, intestinal decompression, breathing difficulty and hypothermia after looking at it through the chamber glass for 1.0023 seconds. Upon being forced to breathe its vapor, several D-Class personnel had their blood vessels, lymphatic nodes and epitelial cells across their bodies burst out of their skin, which caused blunt-force trauma and loss of consciousness upon nearby personnel. Upon drinking, the designated D-Class test subject proceeded to [DATA EXPUNGED] under 0.0000061 seconds, leaving traces of zero-point energy concentrated in the same shape and position as their body.

Test: A cup of the substance in SCP-120.

Result: A cup of ordinary water. SCP-120's effect now speculated to be linked to the pool, not the water.

Test: A cup of high quality video game rips.

edited 18th Sep '16 5:14:32 PM by CalvinBoyOfDestiny

Result: [REDACTED]

Test: Cup of Keter

edited 29th Oct '16 4:23:15 PM by TheEngineer24

Sorry for the necro, but i really like this thread!

Result: Several mililitres of assorted simian bodily tissue, including blood, lymph and gray-matter.

Addendum [SCP-294[REDACTED]]: [..] Dr. Bright reported physical weakness, nausea, headaches and loss of consciousness in the timespan of the test.

Test: A cup of Shoggoth

Result: SCP-294 dispensed a viscous, purple fluid with the faint images of mouthes and eyes appearing and disappearing across the surface. All personnel who witnessed the fluid reported intense discomfort. The D-Class who imbibed the substance shrieked in horror for approximately three minutes straight before [REDACTED], and then [REDACTED], requiring the use of a power hose to clean up his viscera.

Input: A cup of wham bam thank you ma'am.

Result: A cup of a thick ichor with a coloration that alternates between dark red and pinkish purple. upon drinking its contents, a D-Class test subject reported two bursts of near-fatal kinetic trauma in the area sorrounding their left infraorbital foramen, followed by an agonizing gametic and hormonic release that lasted 6 (six) hours, 43 (forty three) minutes and 11 (eleven) seconds.

Input: A cup of kvlt

edited 15th Nov '16 8:59:57 AM by Almohad

Bump

Result: D-class personnel drinking it began thrashing around, with horrific electric guitar noises being emitted at [REDACTED] decibels. After the effect subsided, it was found that their iq had gone down by [DATA EXPUNGED].

Input: a cup of Non-Euclidian Geometry

edited 15th Nov '16 9:13:14 AM by ZeroL

Result: A cup that appears to contain a material with no discernible shape, nor physical state. A designated D-Class test subject showed symptoms of severe dementia upon attempting to gaze upon it. Attempts at drinking were met with failure, as the substance does not follow the laws of physics and does not appear to leave the cup at by any means, as it is speculated the material doesn't exist within the cup in the first place; Drinking tests halted indefinitely.

Input: A cup of Dubstep.

Result: A soda bubbling in dubsteb.

Test: A cup of non-flavor smell-less clear liquid that is lethally toxic to SCP-682

edited 9th Dec '16 5:54:32 PM by Zeanobia

Result: Unspeakable sticky white liquid.

Input: Nuka Cola

I think you missed the point of SCP-682

-skip-

Result: Liquid consistent with the description of aforementioned substance.

Test: "Something that will explain the ending to Evangelion"

I'll go with 'of' instead of 'to', to save on snarking.

Result: A thick, paste-like, homogenous substance that irradiated a bright azure glow; D-Class test subject reported dementia, agonizing gametic and hormonal releases, epileptic seizures and an animalistic nigh-sexual lust for dehydrated soft beverages upon drinking a 5ml (five mililiters) dose of the solution, which was then followed by a rapid increase in blood and lymphatic pressure within their cranium that preceeded a violent burst of said fluids, gray matter and bone fragments upon the testing chamber; fragment air velocity averaged at 627 m/s, several supervising personnel injured;

I love this thread.

Input: A cup of space colour.

Result: Test cancelled due to risk to the site (containment breaches, damage, etc.)

Test: A cup of 2016.

Result: A creamy, but thick red, white, and blue substance is dispensed into the cup. Testing the fluid has several unknown chemicals. Upon drinking to a D-Class, the subject remembers the entire year of 2016, and what has happened. After drinking the fluid several hours, subject went [DATA EXPUNGED] and [REDACTED] after killing himself out of insanity.

Input: A cup of Majin Buu, a nice cup of Mickey mouse's Magic, and a cup of Ammo Reservation and Swiftness potions.

Result: Test cancelled. Please only suggest one next time.

Test: A cup of Temmie.