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Goofus' Animal Instinct is made from 99.92% pure animal blood. The other 0.08%? You Do NOT Want To Know...
Gallant's Auto Repair guarantees a bang-up job on your car, or your money back.
Goofus' Scrap Shop tends to leave new bangs on the car, and expect to be paid extra if they don't get Cheeto dust everywhere in the engine.
Gallant Swift-Thought, through careful consideration of himself and his place in the world, transcends mortality through complete mastery of the arcane martial arts and becomes a beloved if strict teacher to generations of new heroes.
Goofus, as a result of never bothering to learn martial arts, is so bad at it that every time he tries doing a demonstration of karate he dies. Even in the afterlife.
Gallant doesn't mistreat his servants.
Goofus has a basement filled with sex slaves and it ain't consentual.
Galient has a normal breakfest, usually toast or sometimes treats himself to eggs.
Goofus drinks 12 kilo liters of poison. Every day. For breakfast. With uranium. And Hawaiian pizza.
Gallant, when posting in the Gallant and Goofus game, always makes sure to add the good thing that Gallant does at the end of his posts.
Edit: Confused Goofus with Gallant.
Edited by Playing_with_boy on Mar 4th 2019 at 7:38:09 AM
Goofus, using "ImTotallyGallantUGaiz" as a Sockpuppet account, praises Goofus effusively while shitting on Gallant every second post.
(Remember, Gallant is the responsible one, and Goofus is the foolish one.)
Gallant studies the lie very carefully before lining up a putt.
Edited by WillyFourEyes on Mar 1st 2019 at 8:24:42 AM
Goofus studies the line until the other golfers are so fed up with waiting they putt for him.
Gallant almost breathes magic given how much expertise he has in it, but respects it as a force and never takes too much of it when casting spells or recharging.
Goofus on the other hand uses the dark arts like raising the dead and summoning cthulu, none of this birthday party stuff!
Galiant when talking about media he likes on the internet always tries to respectful of other people's opinions, and, while he dosen't usually indulge in fanfics,fanart, and shipping he lways respects said members in question as long as they aren't hurting anybody.
Goofus has started many a Holy War within several fandoms over whether or not certain ships are canon.
Gallant owns a reasonable amount of collectible anime figurines.
Goofus's entire house and furniture are made of anime figurines.
Gallant replies when his mom texts him.
Goofus deletes his mom from his contacts when she texts him.
Gallant doesn't do viral Internet challenges.
Goofus forces young teens and choldren to do such challenges as "knife up the urethra challenge", the "toaster bath bomb challenge", the "poke your pupils with a sharpened paper clip challenge", the "nucleur funtime challenge", and his personal favorite, "ninja stars in the colon challenge!"
Gallient takes care of his movies, games, books, and music. All the discs have a protectibe case, all of his media is organised on shelfs, and he makes sure his room dosen't get too hot or too cold.
Goofus buries his media collection in a cardboard box in the backyard. And they aren't even in their cases!
Gallant Pan takes kids on fun adventures in Neverland and takes them home safe if they want to leave.
Goofus Jackson is similar, but he includes Jesus juice and fun little "toys".
Gallant gets the joke, and doesn't take it personally.
Goofus is THAT person who takes offense to everything no matter how small.
Gallant respects others opinions on his favorite show, even if they're negative.
Goofus kills anyone who doesnít think his favourite show is perfect in every aspect.
Mr. Gallant helps out his students if they donít understand the material.
Mr. Goofus speaks unnaturally quickly and never stops to answer questions.
Gallant never screams or spams in voice chat.
Goofus is tgat one kid who immediatly starts screeching "MING AWAY!!!!"
galiant takes good care of his pets, he dosen't own too much and he keeps them well fed.
Goofus keeps 1000 types of animals in his house, and feeds them all a kilogram of hot dogs everyday.
Gallant Animal Shelter discourages pet breeding and only euthanises animals that are otherwise suffering.
Goofus kills all animals coming into his shelter, for use in his side business of taxidermy.
Gallant only masturbates once a week, to swimsuit ads.
Goofus masterbates once an hour. To pedophiles doing their... thing.
Gallant always waits in line to get some candy.
Goofus kills whoever answers the door with a shotgun and loots the candy off their dead body whenever he goes trick-or-treating.
Gallant won No Nut November.
Goofus lost the nanosecond it started.
Gallant goes to bed at a reasonable time.
Goofus never sleeps and injects cola and coffee straight into his veins!
Gallant stays bundled up in cold weather.
Goofus strips naked and runs around outside during -20 degree blizzards.
Gallant always makes sure to wear his seatbelt.
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