Europa Barbarorum Liveblog

Characters

Mago.

Hero, leader, bringer of peace... er... "inspired" speaker? At the age of 44, Mago is actually comparatively young to be holding the highest office of his nation, that of Shophet, or one of two supreme magistrates of the city. That said, for his level of experience Mago is an adequate, if uninspired ruler, and is at least wise enough to want to concentrate Carthages resources on one front at a time. An aggressive minded expansionist tempered with a degree of caution and with an eye for opportunities and threats.

Mago knows something of battle, making him at least more useful than an inexperienced captain in command. It is not his forte, but on the offence he can be judged competent. Warfare really isn't his style however, a common problem in Carthages ruling class. His talent is in management, though he may still become flustered at unexpected crises. Mago, however, is held back by his relative inexperience as a leader, in that he has not yet built up the kind of respect needed to command the senate floor. He is regarded as a man of scant importance compared to his fellow Shophet, a man who occasionally says sensible things, but whose occasional moments of brilliance are few. This belies his actual ability and hampers him in leadership.

• Command:1
• Management:5
• Influence:3

Basic traits.

(Note: Each character has a basic nature in Europa Barbarorum, split into six different traits grouped together in threes. The traits are intelligence, charisma and vitality, and selflessness, optimism and loyalty. Intelligence, charisma and vitality all do what they say on the tin, though its worth noting that vitality also affects bravery to an extent. Selflessness, optimism and loyalty are more to do with negative or positive character flaws. A selfless character isn't going to go corrupt but may suffer nightmares if they take heavy casualties or slaughter settlements. Selfish characters can get corrupt but at least don't have this problem. Optimistic characters are resistant to depression, which helps in bad times and sieges, but may become overconfident. Pessimistic characters are the opposite way round, lacking confidence and becoming depressed. Finally, loyalty represents how much credence a character will give to their faction leader and how likely they are to turn on them.

So be wary of selfish and disloyal characters!

Mago, at the least, is a man of very good character. Sharp, charismatic and vigorous, he can quickly excel at anything he puts his mind to, be it management, command or simply keeping public order, and he is likely to be able to teach himself new skills quickly. He is not a selfish man, maintaining an optimistic outlook on life, and he is deeply loyal to Carthage and genuinely wants the best for the empire and its citizens.

Character Traits.

You don't get to 44 without picking up your share of quirks, however, and Magos could fill a book.

Shophet: Mago has been elected Shophet, literally, "Judge" by the people, and was confirmed by The Hundred to serve as chief magistrate of Kart-Hadast. It's unusual for such a figure to actually leave the city to campaign, and instead Mago can usually be found managing the day-to-day matters of the city as half of the embodiment of the highest authority of Carthage.

(+3 influence, management, law and personal security.)

Middle-aged: He is starting to feel the effects of age. Mago is not as young as he used to be.

(-5% to movement.)

Veteran: Mago has seen his share of battles and knows the likely result of his orders. Having fought in at least 4 battles, his troops trust him and feel more confident in his presence.

Good Tactician: Mago has studied tactics at an academic level, and while his results in implementing such tactics have been mixed so far, he at least has an idea of what is academically a good idea in a battle.

(+1 to command.)

Bureaucrat: Mago is a seasoned bureaucrat, and the day-to-day running of a settlement is food and drink to him. He can be trusted not to slip up over matters of state.

(+1 to management and law.)

Lively: Not the kind of person to rest on his laurels, or at all, Mago is fairly energetic when it comes to running things, and this, in combination with his bureaucratic skill and his title and the resources it puts at his disposal, is what makes him such a good manager. Its also helpful when he's trying to get somewhere quickly, though his men may resent having to keep up!

(+1 management, +5% move points, 5% discount construction)

Good Ambusher: Mago has a natural talent for the surprise attack on both a strategic and tactical level, and his men strike hard leaving few survivors.

(+1 command as ambushers)

Confident Attacker: Mago has shown signs of greatness on the attack, and is better at claiming new ground than he is at defending old.

(+1 command on attack.)

I'll introduce the others as we encounter them. (There's a lot of them and what I could say about some of them really could fill a small book, or at least a large essay, and this blog is moving slowly as it is. There's a lot more to record here for some reason!)

For now, the last bit of information: the soldiers and navy of Carthage, where each unit is, and what each unit does.

(Essentially an extended troop roster.)

Carthaginian armed forces.

• Ranking: 2nd
• Naval Strength: 5 Pentakonteroi (Scout Ships)

Military units broken down by area.

Spain and the Balaeres.

Garrison of Gader

• 1st Iberian Light Infantry, 51 men, 1 EXP
• 1st Iberian Light Spearband, 61 men, 1 EXP

Garrison of Mastia (Hasdrubal)

• 2nd Iberian Light Spearband, 61 men, 1 EXP
• 9th Poeni Citizen Militia, 40 men.

Reserves of Boccharis

• 10th Poeni Citizen Militia, 40 men.
• 11th Poeni Citizen Militia, 40 men.

Corsica and Sardinia

Garrison of Alalia

• 12th Poeni Citizen Militia, 40 men.
• 13th Poeni Citizen Militia, 40 men.

Garrison of Korali (Carthalo)

• 14th Poeni Citizen Militia, 40 men.

Sicily

Garrison of Lilibeo (Hamalcar)

• 6th Iberian Light Cavalry, 25 men.
• Elephants, 6 men and beasts.
• 2nd Iberian Light Infantry, 51 men.
• 3rd Iberian Light Infantry, 51 men.
• 3rd Libyan Spearband, 41 men.

Africa

Reserve at Carthage (Mago)

Earmarked for Spain.

• 1st Iberian Light Cavalry, 25 men, 1 EXP
• 2nd Iberian Light Cavalry, 25 men, 1 EXP
• 3rd Iberian Light Cavalry, 25 men, 1 EXP
• 4th Iberian Light Cavalry, 25 men, 1 EXP

Garrison

• 1st Poeni Citizen Militia, 40 men, 1 EXP
• 2nd Poeni Citizen Militia, 40 men, 1 EXP

Reserve at Atiqa

Earmarked for Spain

• 3rd Iberian Light Spearband, 61 men.
• 4th Iberian Light Spearband, 61 men, 2 EXP
• 1st Liby-Phoenician Infantry, 41 men, 1 EXP
• 1st Libyan Spearband, 41 men, 1 EXP
• 2nd Libyan Spearband, 41 men, 1 EXP

Garrison

• 3rd Poeni Citizen Militia, 40 men.
• 4th Poeni Citizen Militia, 40 men

Reserve at Adrumenta (Bomilkar)

Earmarked for Spain

• 4th Iberian Light Infantry, 51 men.
• 5th Iberian Light Cavalry, 25 men.

Garrison.

• 5th Poeni Citizen Militia.

Garrison at Lepki (Hanno)

• 6th Poeni Citizen Militia, 40 men.
• 7th Poeni Citizen Militia, 40 men.

Garrison at Ippone (Gisgo)

• 8th Poeni Citizen Militia, 40 men.

edited 8th Jul '10 7:21:39 AM by GameChainsaw

Not sure if you know this already, or how well it's documented in the game itself, but I think you should know this for once you start conquering a bit further away from your core regions.

Scroll down to the "Client Rulers" part

Thanks, answered a few things I didn't know.

(Sigh)

Here's the problem with doing a legally-blind liveblog: there's always something you don't know.

Two things I've learned just scrolling around the map. The first is, mines have become a Game-Breaker. They cost 14000, thats true, but they only take 8 seasons (two years) to build and bring in 2000 mnai per turn. The most you can expect from an improved, top range port is around 1600. Now I only have 10,000 at the moment, but I can probably get 14,000 two turns later, and that would all but solve our money problem once the mine was established, especially if I then pour money into port development.

Not much point in constructing coastal clearances on town-level provinces, as you can't build ports until you hit large town anyway!

Secondly... the rebels haven't attacked yet, and I actually already have 7 units at my disposal at Gaders along with a general. So I've decided to only send the cavalry, and redirect the rest of the army towards Messana, after beating back a Numidian menace which materialises on turn 2 near Ippone.

Sorry for the lack of update, and I'll crack on with this soon. I'm kinda struggling to find my feet with this, though I think I've got a strategy worked out now.

Actually you can do naval trade with just a coastal clearing, so it's worth it even if you can't make a port I think

So, 272 BC (spring) Spring break!

Anyone say spring break? No such luck for the soldiers, who find themselves suddenly assembled at Atiqa... along with a rather grumpy Hamilcar.

"So... you brought me over here to Atiqa, and now you're sending me straight back to Sicily?... Mago, a word?" Hamilcar

"Er, well, we kinda changed our minds about that... you see, we're going to send the cavalry to Spain and the infantry..." Mago

"You mean I'm going to be taking over two towns on this campaign, one much larger than our own, without cavalry support?!" Hamilcar

"Eh, doesn't matter. You'll be sitting around with the enemy under siege most of the time. Horses aren't much use against walls are they?" Mago

Mago would be correct, if it wasn't for the fact that I intend to use protracted sieges to wear the enemy out and maybe even score a few total surrenders. Great thing I've noted about Europa Barbarorum is the fact that, with the seasons now being split into 4 instead of 2, time passes less quickly, making siege warfare suddenly much more of an option... something I am currently abusing the crap out of in a Roman campaign.

Meanwhile, Hasdrubal begins to respond to the threat to Gader. The reserves on Bocchoris are mobilised and Hasdrubal begins the long march to Carthaginian Iberias main colony, along with the 2nd Iberian Spearband.

"We have the worlds most powerful navy, and I still have to march everywhere on foot?!" Hasdrubal

"Hey, those boats come at 700 mnai a pop. Thats 2800 a year! We don't have that kind of scratch! Well, not until I get those mines..." Mago

"You know, you could instead focus on developing trade and establishing a greater population in the colonies..." Bomilkar

"Yes, and that costs money. Money which we don't currently have. I can currently get, at max, around 1500 mnai out of optimising the colonies. I can get 4000 mnai out of mining. Every. Single. Season. Thats 8000 per year. We'll drop the tax rate and start clearings and the like when the mines are at least under construction. Got to spend money to make money." Mago

Finally, boats take one of the two Poeni militia units home, leaving one to respond to a siege.

"Might as well give the colony a chance, but its not a big deal if we have to retake it later. I could use not having to pay upkeep on that ship, and two units of garrison aren't going to stop much anyway." Mago

Thats the spirit! Abandon your responsibilities to your people in favour of cold hard cash we can use to oppress the peoples of the globe!

"You're not a very nice narrator are you?" Bomilkar

"Either that or he's very sarcastic." Mago

Construction.

Palisade at Ippone (which turns out to be a really good idea.)

Recruitment.

3rd Libyan Spearband in Gader. Elephants and one ship disbanded.

"Mago, those elephants are an iconic part of our military! How could you?" Gisgo

"They're also the most expensive part of our military, and I can get the same result at the moment through flank attacks and proper siege warfare. Most of our fights at the moment are going to be around cities. And anyway, for every unit of elephants I can field 5 units of Libyan spearmen. Hell, I can probably get 4 units of Liby-Phoenician spearmen and a unit of Libyan spearmen." Mago

"Whats so special about Liby-Phoenician spearmen?" Carthalo

"They come from our noble Phoenician stock, so they're superior!" Gisgo

"We're racist, adultering bastards who give the results of our affairs with pretty looking Libyan girls all the best equipment to assuage our guilt, and so they're less likely to die in battle. Its a combination of institutionalised racism and guilt really." Mago

"Though funnily enough we give the full-blooded Carthaginians little more than a spear and shield when they go to war. How does that work?" Hanno

"Oh... er... thats mainly because they're... kinda soft, you know, through being the patrician class. So we only use them if we have to. But making the Liby-phoenicians fight as the elite makes us look good as it makes it look like the drop of Phoenician blood gives them the edge!" Mago

"So... our army is comprised of downtrodden Libyan peasants... who are probably the most competent men in our army... an elite squad made up entirely of bastards, and a racist and cowardly reserve who lord over their economic supremacy but try to avoid doing any actual fighting?" Roxanne, Magos wife

"A racist, cowardly, poorly equipped reserve!" Mago

"What were you on when you made this system?" Roxanne

...

Can I still go the Romans?

Taxation remains as high as I can push it.

"You REALLY want those mines, don't you?" Roxanne

"What part of 2000 mnai a turn didn't you pick up on?" Mago

"So... basically you're sacrificing your citizens well-being for... money." Bomilkar

(A little ashamed) "Got to spend money to make money. I'm sure they'll appreciate it when I can slash taxes across the empire and fund a wave of reforms across the colonies." Mago

This, basically, is the early plan. Take a few lands, get the mines up and running, and then go for a tech revolution while keeping the other factions off my tail. This won't stop me from taking insane risks clear opportunities to expand some more however.

"You know, sometimes I get the feeling we're all in the hands of some great power that guides our every move. And that he is a complete and utter tool." Bomilkar

Who, Baal? Well considering one of his sacrifices involves burning a baby to death over a fire I wouldn't expect him to be a nice guy. Again, can I possibly go the Romans? Or the British? Or possibly some face-eating granny-beating town burning faction?

Seriously, I'm going the one faction which could stake a genuine claim to being even more racist than the Romans!

"Well, thats a bit harsh." Mago

"Mum, dads hearing voices again." Hanno

"Just ignore it dear, he'll stop soon" Roxanne

End of turn! Enemy turn... and the predicted 6 unit army of Muttines appears near Ippone.

"Oh thats just great. If only we had an army headed in that direction..." Mago

"We DO have an army headed in that direction you idiot! 5 units of cavalry, perfect for taking down Numidians!" Hamalcar

"Oh, right. Gisgo, you know what to do." Mago

"Right boss." Gisgo

How do you all talk like this?!

"Cameras, remember?" Gisgo

Oh yeah... I'd forgotten about that for a second. And the voice in daddies head must be Hannibal! I remembered who I was!

"Great. Well, that answers the question of why the Gods are giving us sweet stuff. They're foisting off their broken equipment on us." Bomilkar

Daisy Dauiiziii... sorry, where was I? Oh yeah, the next turn.

272 BC (Summer) The Jerkassery Continues.

News arrives that Seleukia has, predictably, had its alliances broken by all three of its supposed vassal states.

"And this affects us how?" Mago

Well, you've got an entire underclass of potentially disaffected citizens...

"Oh God, the Libyans are rebelling! Quick, double the arbitrary oppressive measures!" Mago

And in a single sentence I just made life twice as hard for a group of people I don't even know. Its so easy when you're evil.

Wait, I rely on those guys for my military, right? Aww bollocks.

3rd Libyan Spearband trained in Gaders.

"How the hell did you manage to train LIBYAN spearmen in a SPANISH settlement?" Mago

"They're really just Iberians using Libyan equipment. Gotta improvise when there's a massive Turdetani army round the corner... speaking of which, why haven't they turned up yet??" Hasdrubal

He's got a good point. The massive rebel army that could have moved in to crush me a turn ago? Hasn't moved.

"I love it when the world around me decides its given up on trying." Hasdrubal

THIS YEAR IN HISTORY!!!

"Damn it Hannibal, don't shout things in my ear suddenly!" Mago

Er... sorry boss. This year in history...

"Wait, whats this about?" Roxanne

Well, every year, I'll tell you a bit about what would have happened if I hadn't turned up and given you and the other factions all this wonderful gear!

"Wait... OTHER FACTIONS HAVE THIS TOO?!" Mago

Hey, they have Gods who get worship too. Got to make things even, so we all agreed that everyone would get these devices.

"Great, now the Romans can probably see how horribly undefended Corsica is. Better hope that alliance holds..." Mago

Moving on... this. year. in. history.

Lucius Papirus Cursor and Spurious Camillous Maximus elected consuls...

"Two men I've never heard about, don't appear in this game, who I don't really care about, and who the audience probably don't care about." Mago

Pyrrhus lands at Sparta and trolls it for a while, but the Spartans ignore them and he goes off to bully Antigonus instead when he's eventually beaten off by a bunch of teenagers and slaves. Much righteous asskicking ensues as Antigonus beheads the guy (probably not personally) after Epirus's son misinterprets an order, and promptly gets the armies head kicked in. Epirotes go home without really gaining anything from Pyrrhus's reign... but a lot poorer than before. Serves them right.

Flame war continues between Ptolemaiois II and Mithradates. Ptolemaiois wins several victories and successfully seizes the databases of coastal Syria despite Mithradates activating his firewall and burning a Ptolemaioi army with the help of Anobarzanes.

Roman victory over trolling Brutii Samnites complete. Epirote Taras server taken over... I'll stop now.

Olympic games held. A bunch of dead people we don't care about win.

"You're not taking this very seriously." Roxanne

"Whats a flame war, and how does it differ from a normal war?" Bomilkar

"Still trying to figure out how you get trolls to attack people. That'd be awesome!" Mago

Maneuvers.

Cavalry board ships for Spain, only to disembark near Ippone to defeat incoming Numidians.

"This isn't Spain!" Iberian captain

"Ha! Tricked you! You're fighting a campaign here first, suckers!" Gisgo

"... damnit!" Iberian captain.

Hamalcar sent back to Sicily with the infantry to take Sicily. Not a man to sit around, he leaves for Messana immediately.

"So, what did Messana do to us?" Lieutenant

"Its pretty, the boss wants it, its pretty, its rich, its by the sea, and its pretty. Oh, and its also easy to take." Hasdrubal

Pentekonteroi disbanded after delivering the 13th Poeni Militia.

"Thanks for taking these men home! By the way, you're all fired and your pensions cancelled! Have a great day!" Mago

"But... oh great, you've already set the ship on fire." Captain

"What shi- did you set that ship alight? Guards, arrest him!" Mago

"What? But... aww" Captain

End of turn.

272 BC. Come Back Cowards!

Palisade built in Ippone means that a unit of militia and a cavalry general can probably hold it nicely. Numidians run away home.

"Come back cowards!" Gisgo

Well, guess that means I can leave for Spain. I'm sure those Numidians won't cause any trouble for my lightly defended settlement.

"Jeez, did you have to make it sound so ominous Hannibal?" Mago

Mines under construction in Mastia

"GOLD!!! GLORIOUS WONDEROUS GOOOLD!!!" Mago

"Its mostly silver actually." Roxanne

"What?... but gold... its shiny..." Mago

In your case, its also clearly distracting. 'Nother 14000 to get to get mines in Gaders as well. Hamalcar reaches the walls of Messana and lays siege.

"You'll never take this town!" Ennychos, King of Messana

"Thats alright, I just have to wait here a year and you'll have to come out and defend it!" Hamalcar

Ah, shortened sieges. I'm loving this game already.

272BC (Winter)

I hate this season. Disaster strikes as Hasdrubal falls ill and is confined to bed. Fleet tries to get to Gader but can't this turn due to the 75% move penalty. How the hell does a move penalty affect a ship?!

"Probably, you know, the storms? And also not wanting to kill your commander." Captain

Oh... well, I guess that could be a good reason. Messana still happily under siege...

"What are you talking about? We're freaking miserable over here!" Hamalcar

"You know, its no tea party on this side of the fence mate." Ennychos

Well that is sort of the point. Mago loses yet another screw and decides to send the garrisons of Africa down to besiege the town of Garama to the far south.

"Its tiny, its in the middle of the desert, and it will tie up our reserves for 10 seasons. How is this a good idea?" Bomilkar

"Damn it Bomilkar, what do you want our garrisons to do? Sit around and guard the place all day?" Mago

"Oh for the Gods..." Bomilkar

Hey, don't use the G word around me mate!

"Well they could be more helpful..." Mago

"They sent us a flipping observational device powered by the sun!" Bomilkar

Just say battery...

"Oh, also, you're leading the expedition Bomilkar." Mago

"Why?" Bomilkar

"Well, that way I can blame you when it all goes horribly wrong on us!" Mago

"Sneaky bastard... and they wonder why I'm pessimistic..." Bomilkar

271 BC (Spring)

New year! The birds are chirping! The plants are growing! The world is coming to life! Mago is still an asshole!

"Hey!" Mago

Wasn't I setting this guy up to be a good guy? Meh, things change. Personalities are mostly determined by how funny something would be anyway.

"There's enough lamplight here to light up the mines of Mastia... after we've built them of course... and invented lamps." Bomilkar

Protogonia born to Mago and Roxanne! (She's a girl by the way.)

"I wonder if she'll be as snarky as our first princess in this series..." Mago

Hey, Flora was a nice girl! Even before Cerebus arrived. Hasdrubal is feeling better, and manages to crawl into Gader ahead of the cavalry. 4th Libyan spearband in training.

"Oh... oh Gods..." (Sneeze) "I could use a re-" Hasdrubal

"Sir, you need to come help the 4th with their training!" Sargeant

"Oh come on!" Hasdrubal

Bomilkar lands in South Tunisia near Lepki.

"Waste of bloody time and lives." Bomilkar

I get bored easily, ok?

271BC (Summer)

And the Numidians come back from nowhere and besiege Ippone. Who'd have seen that one coming.

"Hannibal, I'm tempted to rip that voice out out of my head and stomp on it!" Mago.

(Be back to this later, got to look after my grandfather.)

edited 10th Jul '10 11:00:35 AM by GameChainsaw

Back.

Mago expands his retinue. In addition to his family retainer, he's recieved an armourer, a scribe who somehow manages to run things so well that Carthage gets a bonus of 10% to both trade and tax incomes, and a slave overseer... Mago are you actively trying to Kick the Dog?

"Well I do my best." Mago

Keep up this way and you'll be crossing the Moral Event Horizon. The Romans better sure as hell make up for this as villains!

THIS YEAR IN HISTORY!

"DAMNIT HANNIBAL!" Mago

"When will the ringing stop?" Bomilkar

Aristotimos of Epis (which is somewhere in the peleponnesus) is assassinated for the small crime of committing atrocities. Whats the world coming to, eh? You can't even butcher a city block full of orphans these days without people getting angry. Whats the point of being a tyrant if you can't combine it with some vulgar abuse of power? His daughters are also made to commit suicide, which seems a tad unfair...

Aratos of Sykyon born... Arawho?

Antigonus reestablished as king of Macedonia, which would kind of be expected seeing as, you know, Pyrrhus kicked him off it in the first place. Bastard. Sets up several Peleponnnesian tyrants to support him (including our unfortunate Aristotimus.)

Seleukids and Ptolemaiois decide to stop flaming each other and the 1st Syrian War ends. Both sides claim the moderators were on their sides but the Seleukids have to forfeit the server of Damascus so that probably tells you something about whose side the mods were really on.

But enough rambling because its TIME FOR SOME ACTION!!! Rather than surrender and save everyone the agony of a one-sided battle, Ennychos decides to sally forth from Messana and take the fight to Hamalcar.

"Just as Planned..." Hamalcar

Battle of Messana

Objective: All Hamalcar needs to do is hold out until the sands run down. If he can keep the Messanans bottled up for the day until the battle ends, the Messanans will have no choice but to admit defeat.

Parameters: Hamalcar will need the bulk of his army for defeating Syracuse, on the south of the island. So 85% of the army must survive this fight.

Tall order? You haven't seen a truly one-sided siege battle before. During a campaign as the Romans I was disappointed if the casualty rate rose above 3%.

• Carthaginian forces: 460 men.
• Messanan forces: 296 men.

Hamalcars forces (0 stars, -1 morale)

• Hamalcars bodyguard, 23 men, 1EXP
• 1st Libyan Spearband, 41 men, 1EXP
• 2nd Libyan Spearband, 41 men, 1EXP
• 5th Libyan Spearband, 41 men, 1EXP (Yeah, missed this one.)
• 3rd Iberian Light Infantry, 51 men
• 4th Iberian Light Infantry, 51 men
• 5th Iberian Light Infantry, 51 men (Also missed.)
• 2nd Iberian Light Spearband, 61 men, 2EXP
• 3rd Iberian Light Spearband, 61 men
• 1st Liby-Phoenician Spearband, 41 men, 1EXP

Ennychos's garrison (0 stars, -3 morale)

• Ennychos' Greek Medium Cavalry, 29 men, 2EXP
• Tarantine Elite Cavalry, 23 men, 1EXP
• Hoplite Phalanx, 38 men, 1EXP
• 1st Classical Hoplite Phalanx, 38 men, 1EXP
• 2nd Classical Hoplite Phalanx, 38 men, 1EXP
• 1st Levy Hoplites, 38 men, 1EXP
• 2nd Levy Hoplites, 38 men, 1EXP
• Akontistoi (Skirmirshers), 54 men, 1EXP

End of pre-battle analysis.

"Sir, the enemy are sallying from the gate!"

"Really? I can't see! Give me a leg up!"

"Trust me sir they're moving to the gate."

"I see. Well, I'd be able to see it clearly, except for one small detail."

"Er... whats that sir?"

"Except for the fact THAT WE'RE POSITIONED ON A GODDAMN HILL!"

Yes, the battle starts as one of those most maligned situations in Rome Total War where your force starts off on the steep hill leading up to some settlements, meaning your troops are tired and at a disadvantage before the fighting even starts.

"We wouldn't be in this mess if someone hadn't let the rams roll all the way down the hill during the course of that drunken party!" Hamalcar

"Oooh, my head..." Soldier

Just one question. How is it that the army is mysteriously in battle formation at the time of what is supposed to be a sudden sally? You'd think they'd have to take some time to prepare...

"Simplest plans are the best. Surround the gate. Liby-Phoenicians, take the centre of the crescent, facing the gate. Libyans, take either side of them, and I want the Iberian spears even further towards the walls, with the Iberian light infantry ready to hack in from the flanks at the points of the crescent." Hamalcar

Unless you are besieging with a cavalry army or there are stone walls you should ALWAYS try to surround the enemy at the gate. Without exception. Even if they catapult ice-cream trucks out away from the walls.

"But the ice cream will melt..." Soldier

"Whats ice cream?" 2nd Soldier

Never you mind, get ready to get to the gate!

On your marks...

Get set...

G-

"We're already running for the gate you idiot!" Hamalcar

Aww...

GC's Tacticians Notes.

Sally battles are a race against time to see if you can get your forces to surround the gate before the enemy breach the perimeter of the ambush area. So get your men to surround that area at all costs!

The race is on. The modern hoplites emerge first however and break from the ambush area, blocking the 4th Iberian Infantry and the 3rd Iberian Spearmen from their positions. However, they are still moving sideways to the advancing Carthaginians, and, ordering the 4th to move around the flanks, Hamalcar charges.

"CHAAAAAAAAAARGE!!!"

The panicking spearmen are caught in the flanks even as their allies, a unit of the older style of hoplites, emerges from the gate. The modern hoplites lose six men before Hamalcar pulls his men back.

"First charge goes to us men! Now show Baals wrath..." Hamalcar

GC's Tacticians Note

If you can't get to the gate before the enemy, then the next best thing to do is to attack them piecemeal and try to force them into that position. Javelin throwers complicate matters however as they can throw them over the walls at your surrounding troops, which can lead to high casualty rates. Finally, cavalry aren't much good for these sorts of battles except for keeping the enemy cavalry from coming at you from the rear suddenly, so its best to just have an infantry army with lots of spearmen, who are good at defence anyway.

The Carthaginians on the left flank move into their position unopposed, as do the liby-phoenicians, but the 3rd Iberian Spearbands way is still blocked even as the 4th Iberian Infantry maneuver round the beleaguered hoplites. The 5th Iberian Infantry meanwhile have their attention diverted by a unit of classical hoplites and levy hoplites, who proceed to charge straight into the centre of the crescent!

"Have they gone insane?!" 5th Iberian Infantry Captain

"That or they're just not very good at staying alive. Get the Liby-Phoenicians and 2nd Libyans up there NOW!" Hamalcar

The 5th is rescued with a few casualties, just, as the Liby-Phoenicians and 2nd Libyans engage the classical hoplites and levy hoplites respectively. Meanwhile, the 3rd Iberian Spearband and Hamalcar charge the first unit of hoplites.

"They're trapped now! Kill them all!" Hamalcar

With most of Ennychos' men practically surrounded, the second levy unit exits the city... and gets a bombardment of javelins from the 3rd light infantry and 2nd Iberian Spearband. They keep going though, and try to dart right through a gap in the left-hand side of the Carthaginian line, but they are caught by the 3rd Iberian Infantry and then hit in the rear by 2nd Iberian Spearband.

As the 4th Iberian Infantry close the trap on the classical hoplites and levy hoplites fighting in the centre, 1st Libyan goes to block the gate and stop the last hoplite unit from getting out. The modernised hoplites break, and the 3rd Light Spearband and Hamalcar, short only 3 men between them, leave just 9 spearmen to run as they close the trap completely. Surrounded, the hoplites break, but they have nowhere to go, and the remaining Messanans can only look on with horror as their comrades are butchered as they make a last stand. But a new threat arrives on the battlefield.

"Hamalcar look!" Lieutenant

"Damn it, the enemy cavalry have arrived!" Hamalcar

GC's Tacticians Notes:

Getting the cordon round the gate in place is also the start of a second race to see if you can annihilate the enemy infantry before you need your forces to attack the cavalry who will rampage round from gates on the sides of the city to attack you in the flank while you tussle with the assault from the central gate. You don't need to have won completely, just seen off the majority of their infantry.

"Thats fine, just pull the 3rd back along with ourselves. We'll see the horsemen off no problem." Hamalcar

He's as good as his word. As the hoplites are annihilated, Hamalcar and the 3rd charge home against the Tarantine cavalry, who manage to throw a few ineffectual javelins back before they are engaged and cut to pieces by the spears and heavy cavalry. Meanwhile, in desperation the Akontistoi assault the 1st Libyans at the gate! This goes about as well as you'd expect at first, but they are joined by the last remaining unit of classical hoplites, threatening to draw the 1st Libyans into a grinding match at the gate!

GC's Tacticians Notes

This was my only real mistake of the battle, though it almost cost me my parameters. Its really tempting to try to force the gate, or put your soldiers in a position where they might end up fighting at the gate by accident. Don't. do it. It will just end up in a brutal grinding match where many soldiers on both sides end up dead unnecessarily. In extreme cases you may end up in the same mess you were trying to lure your enemy into. Its not worth it. Unfortunately, it can also be surprisingly easy to end up in a situation as your indisciplined troops insist on chasing or driving off enemy forces back into the gate where their pals will probably be waiting. Keep a tight rein on your troops in these battles.

The Tarantines are wiped out to the last man, who manages to slip past the engaged Libyans by some miracle. The 1st Libyans now pretend to break, but this is only to draw them into the waiting jaws of three other Carthaginian units. The retreat is not without casualties however. Meanwhile, Ennychos and his guard are finally sighted.

"Get the 3rd Iberian Spearband and the 2nd Libyans round here now to see off those cavalry!" Hamalcar

Its hopeless. Ennychos and his guard flinch in the face of having to charge a wall of spears, and the 3rd Spearband gets initiative. Hamalcar goes round and hits the bodyguard from the flank, and then the 2nd Libyans seal the deal. Ennychos and his guard are hacked down and obliterated.

"The fool should've surrendered when he had the chance... wait... no! Get back from the gate, don't fall into that trap now!" Hamalcar

Its too late. The Messanans have been driven back into the gate and now its a brutal grinding match as the overzealous 2nd Iberians and 5th Libyans try to force their way through the few remaining classical hoplites and akontistoi. Thankfully, the two units are critically weakened, and only a dozen Carthaginians fall before the akontistoi break, leaving only 15 hoplites to guard the gate. Seeing his chance, Hamalcar bulldozes his way through and finally breaks the hoplites spirits. The remaining 35 men are taken prisoner, probably fated to be sold to a slave market in Carthage, Rome or Egypt.

Aftermath.

CLEAR VICTORY!!!

• Carthaginian losses: 47 men (11%/15%)
• Messanan losses: All killed or taken prisoner.
• Carthaginians remaining: 413/460 men remain.

Breakdown

Hamalcars Guard.

• 66 killed.
• 4 lost, 1 healed, 18/21 men remain.

3rd Iberian Light Infantry.

• 29 killed.
• 21 lost, 30/51 men remain.

4th Iberian Light Infantry

• 13 killed.
• 5 lost, 36/51 men remain.

5th Iberian Light Infantry

• 11 killed
• 1 lost, 1 healed, unit intact.

2nd Iberian Light Spearband

• 27 killed
• 4 lost, 57/61 men remain.

3rd Iberian Light Spearband

• 39 killed
• 3 lost, 2 healed, 60/61 men remain.

1st Libyan Spearband.

• 13 killed
• 5 lost, 36/41 men remain.

2nd Libyan Spearband.

• 14 killed
• 2 lost, 1 healed, 40/41 men remain.

3rd Libyan Spearband.

• 35 killed
• 7 lost, 34/41 men remain

1st Liby-Phoenician Spearband

• 9 killed
• 3 lost, 3 healed, unit intact.

Messana Occupied! 79 mnai looted.

(Its in disorder but I really don't think I can afford to push my characters any closer to the Moral Event Horizon!)

edited 10th Jul '10 6:23:50 PM by GameChainsaw

While Hamalcar is berating his soldiers for doing something so stupid, Lilibeo is besieged by... a unit of slingers?

They're promptly slaughtered by the unit of cavalry guarding the settlement, who, after charging in and then harrying them with javelins, drive them against the walls of the city where they are shot to pieces. Just 2 cavalrymen die compared to a whopping 31 bandits.

I thought the AI of Europa Barbarorum was supposed to be smart?

271 BC (Autumn)

War between Greece and Epeiros. Mago gains a Spice Merchant and Grain Merchant, granting a further 10% bonus to trade and increasing population growth above its already preposterous levels.

Will Messanas 50% unrest rating ever let me get on with the campaign? Will Ippone hold on long enough to get Bomilkars army from the south of Tunisia all they way up north again? Will Mago finally grow a heart? And what basic rule of strategy will I blithely ignore next? Find out next time on Total War!

You'll probably notice the style of the blog has changed back to what it was like back in Adam I's day. I decided to go back to what made the first days of the liveblog work, which was its relatively simplicity along with plenty of humour and parody, while still explaining how the game works. Hopefully its an improvement over what I've felt has been a rather lacklustre performance I've been giving lately. I'll leave you guys to judge if its for better or for worse. That said I've retained some things like the music links. You'll also note that I've dropped the captains names for the simple reason that there aren't any captains mentioned and Carthaginian names are a bastard to look up.

Um. Just checking in to see what you've been up to...

Wait, "trolling"?

...Is it possible that Phyrrus' god is Tite Kubo? Oh, Crap!.

Also, keep up the lulz. They never fail to cheer me up.

On a sidenote, what is the weirdest/funniest/ironic trait you've seen on someone? I seem to remember having a Medieval 2 princess who 'Hates Men'. (Parleying only with other princesses wasn't a good idea, in hindsight.)

edited 10th Jul '10 6:12:18 PM by IniquitusV2

There's always the "Secretly a Woman" trait for priests in Medieval 2.

Oh, and then there's the inbred traits. But the funniest has to be the second tier of coward traits in the first medieval.

"Reports of him screaming like a girl as he departed the battlefield are not too exaggerated. His men are not inspired."

"Bloody" and "Sanguinary" are always great for proto-followers of Khorne.

edited 10th Jul '10 6:16:03 PM by GameChainsaw

Hey. You know that thing where it says on the main page how you can get a woman to become pope? I actually did that.

Then the bitch excommunicated me.

Plz 2 be reading RTW blog? It's gotten updated and stuff.

Battle of Gader

We now move over to the West, where a desperate struggle is about to take place.

"Against a few rebels? Come on, how hard can it be?" Hasdrubal

You're in for a shock Hasdrubal.

"W-what? They're stronger than us!" Hasdrubal

Hasdrubal finally reaches Eskutino's waiting army, which has now been standing around doing nothing but steal sheep and slowly get bored for 5 turns. However, it is very powerful, and led by a general with a formidable reputation. As the two armies line up against each other, hurling insults (mostly involving breeding with elephants and "comments" on the Turdetani's tribal label) the future of the settlements of Carthaginian Iberia are about to be determined...

"There's a river behind them, lets make them drink!" Hasdrubal

"But, how will they drink if we've killed them all?" Bodyguard

"...nevermind..." Hasdrubal

Pre-battle analysis

Objectives: Our first real battle! The enemy army is stronger than Hasdrubals, and if he is defeated, Gaders will be helpless and Carthaginian Iberia will fall. Nonetheless, Hasdrubal must drive them into the river and kill them all, because they're certainly going to do likewise!

"How will they drive us into a river if they're in-between us and it?" Hasdrubal

er... didn't think that one through...

Parameters: Hasdrubal and 1/2 his army must survive the battle to continue on to Baikor and secure Carthaginian interests in Iberia.

"Wait, I have to fight another battle AFTER this one?" Hasdrubal

What, you think Mago shipped you all the way over here to win one measly battle?

"But... aww..." Hasdrubal

• Carthaginian Forces: 434 men
• Turdetani Forces: 428 men

Hasdrubals Relief Force (2 stars)

• Hasdrubals Bodyguard: 14 men, 1 EXP
• 1st Iberian Light Infantry: 51 men, 1 EXP
• 1st Iberian Light Spearband: 61 men, 1 EXP
• 2nd Iberian Light Spearband: 61 men, 1 EXP
• 3rd Libyan Spearband: 41 men
• 4th Libyan Spearband: 41 men
• 9th Poeni Militia: 41 men.
• 1st Iberian Light Cavalry: 25 men, 1 EXP
• 2nd Iberian Light Cavalry: 25 men, 1 EXP
• 3rd Iberian Light Cavalry: 25 men, 1 EXP
• 4th Iberian Light Cavalry: 25 men, 1 EXP
• 5th Iberian Light Cavalry: 25 men.

Eskutino's Raiding Turdetani (5 stars)

• Eskutinos Iberian Medium Cavalry: 27 men, 1 EXP
• 1st Iberian Light Cavalry: 25 men, 1 EXP
• 1st Lusotannan Light Infantry: 51 men, 1 EXP
• 2nd Lusotannan Light Infantry: 51 men, 1 EXP
• 1st Lusotannan Light Spearband: 51 men, 1 EXP
• 2nd Lusotannan Light Spearband: 51 men, 1 EXP
• 1st Lusotannan Medium Spearband: 41 men, 1 EXP
• 2nd Lusotannan Medium Spearband: 41 men, 1 EXP
• 1st Iberian Medium Spearband: 41 men: 2 EXP
• 1st Ambushers: 61 men: 1 EXP
• 1st Shepherd Slingers: 30 men, 1 EXP

End of Pre-battle Analysis.

edited 11th Jul '10 6:13:59 PM by GameChainsaw

The Battle of Gader

"This is a grim day for a battle..." Hasdrubal

There's a cheerful day for a battle?

"Shut up, you're ruining the moment!" Hasdrubal

Ruining the moment? I'm sorry, but aren't hundreds of your men about to die?

(Troops look round. One of them gives Hasdrubal the puppy dog eyes)

"Is that really gonna happen sir?" Soldier

"Uh... of course not! Not at all! Just do as I say and we'll be fine, alright?"

(Distinct air around the soldiers that they're not buying it for a second.)

(matter of factly) "We're all going to die, aren't we?" Sargeant

"Stop being so negative!" Hasdrubal

Uh, in case you hadn't noticed, the enemy are over there.

"Wha- where did they come from?" Hasdrubal

"I think we failed that spot-check again sir." Bodyguard

"Urrgh... nevermind, form up! We'll be facing javelins, so make it a line with the militia behind us on the left flank, and the Libyans in the centre! Make it snappy people!" Hasdrubal

Planning.

"Look at that formation.." Chief Bodyguard

"I know. The enemy have all their cavalry units on their left flank." Hasdrubal

(He thinks for a second.)

"First of all, we need to get close enough to know what we're facing. But I also want to try to draw those slingers the scouts reported out of their hole." Hasdrubal

(Hasdrubal speaks to the troops)

"Men, here's the plan! I'm going to take my army across to the extreme right flank, and then we're going to come charging into the enemies left, to destroy the cavalry before they can respond. Your job is to move close enough to the enemy to draw those slingers out and ensure you can charge in if we get into too much trouble... while also not provoking a full infantry assault just yet!... I want the cavalry and slingers out the way first. Understood? Right, lets do this!"

GC's tacticians notes.

I was aware from the start that this was going to be a tough battle where a lot of my forces could get killed very quickly if things went badly wrong... as they have a habit of doing in my experience! I therefore decided from the start that my strategy would be to remove the enemies advantages and maximise my own using my cavalry, preferably before my infantry mobilised at all. The prospect of facing enemy slingers and cavalry as my infantry slogged it out with superior infantry was not what I wanted, so my first concern was these units.

"MOVE OUT!" Hasdrubal

Maneuvers

Hasdrubal begins to take his cavalry far out from the infantry, out onto his extreme right flank. As he does so, the infantry start to advance as close to the enemy as they dare without provoking a general enemy assault. Unfortunately, this doesn't draw the slingers out, but Hasdrubal is cheered anyway as the battle camera allows him to spot something important.

"The enemy slingers are also on the right flank? Are they trying to get killed?!" Hasdrubal

The Turdetani move round slightly to counter the cavalry, but Hasdrubal just continues round, starting to turn toward the enemy. However, now Eskutino responds!

" Bring up a few units of infantry. They're going to try to take our cavalry and slingers off the field before we can respond." Eskutino

" Damn it! They're on to us!" Chief Bodyguard

"Two units of sword infantry? It'll take more than that. Come on, lets teach them a lesson." Hasdrubal

The Turdetani main body now begins to advance towards the Carthaginian infantry, stopping a decent way off, with the ambushers at the front ready to skirmirsh. Both sides infantry exchange taunts.

"Wretched dogs!"

"Cowardly expansionists!"

"You'll rue the day you threatened a Carthaginian colony!"

"We'll make you drink sea-water you Poeni shit-heads!"

"Troops are getting into the mood... we should too." Hasdrubal

Its not immediately clear what the intention of the enemy skirmirsher cavalry are, as they hover between the main Turdetani body and the detachment on the left flank.

"Reserves... better watch out for them general." Chief Bodyguard

"Look, they're moving out their slingers ahead of their infantry!" Bodyguard

"Let them come... let them come..." Hasdrubal

"But sir-" Bodyguard

"If we charge too soon they'll just duck behind their allies, idiot!" Chief Bodyguard

"Thats right. Alright, I want the 2nd to deal with the slingers. The rest, fall into line. I'll hit the enemy bodyguard head on and then I want the rest of you on them like flies to a rotting corpse, understood?! NOW CHARGE!" Hasdrubal

ENGAGEMENT!

Phase 1: CHARGE!

The Carthaginians charge as the slingers prepare to open up! The slingers are driven back behind their lines as the 2nd charge forward, throwing javelins at them before impacting into them, killing several.

"We got them!" 2nd Cavalry Sargeant

"We can't stand against the cavalry!" Slinger Sargeant

"Drive them off!" Turdetani Infantry Sargeant

"Time to leave boys!" 2nd Cavalry Sargeant

Meanwhile, Hasdrubal and Eskutino go head to head as Hasdrubal hits him head on.

"I'VE COME FOR YOUR GUTS ESKUTINO! YOU'VE BURNT YOUR LAST FARM!" Hasdrubal

"COME AND TAKE THEM THEN!" Eskutino

However, the 5th and then the 4th quickly complete their flanking maneuver and charge in from the sides and rear.

"Give 'em hell men!" 4th Cavalry Sargeant

"Get them from behind" 5th Cavalry Sargeant

"Damn it, turn, turn!" Eskutino

The cavalry hit home... and Eskutinos bodyguard flees, rushing past their bewildered infantry!

"No... fine, just get me the hell out of here!" Eskutino

"Chase that bastard down!" Hasdrubal

The 3rd and 1st double back to assist the 2nd, who are now being pursued by the enemy light cavalry!

"Keep away from those cavalrymen!" 2nd Cavalry Sargeant

"Keep them away from the infantry!" Turdetani Cavalry Sargeant

"Damn it, for the Gods save them!" 3rd Cavalry Sargeant

"Don't forget the slingers!" 1st Cavalry Sargeant

As Hasdrubal doubles back to take down the slingers, after a brief pursuit the 2nd turns and charges their assailants!

"We can't keep running, turn and hold them off!" 2nd Cavalry Sargeant

"Finally decided to turn and fight then! Charge!" Turdetani Sargeant

Meanwhile, Hasdrubal tells the 4th to chase off Eskutino, while he and the 5th double back and catch the slingers.

"4th, you're on Eskutino. 5th with me! Get those slingers!" Hasdrubal

Hasdrubal and the 5th hit the slingers just as the 1st does likewise. The slingers are annihilated.

"AAARRRGH!!!" Slinger Sargeant

"These foolish shepherds are no more!" Hasdrubal

The 2nds body count starts to mount up as the enemy have the initiative.

"We're not going to make it..." 2nd Cavalry Sargeant

"Hang on!" 3rd Cavalry Sargeant

"Wha-" Turdetani Cavalry Sargeant

The 3rd smash into the rear of the Turdetani cavalry, but they continue to fight!

"Gods- keep fighting! For the Gods don't let them get back to help the rest of their cavalry!" Turdetani Cavalry Sargeant

"You've got more iron in you than your commander, I'll give you that..." 2nd Cavalry Sargeant

Hasdrubal, along with the 1st and 5th, surround the now isolated Lusotannan light infantry and, through luck or good judgement, rout them in a single charge from all sides.

"This is too easy!" Hasdrubal

"Run awa-aarrrgh!" Turdetani Infantry Sargeant

"If the rest of the battle is this easy we won't have any problems here." 1st Cavalry Sargeant

GC's Tacticians Notes

As you can see, even if the enemy support their cavalry with infantry, if they use the wrong kind of infantry and you still have plenty of cavalry, you can potentially dismember them before they can even react properly.

"Look, the infantry have moved up!" Chief Bodyguard

"Yes, because I obviously missed a massive block of soldiers moving up just 75 yards away from us when I've got a device in my eye telling me everything thats going on." Hasdrubal

"Did you?" Chief Bodyguard

(shamefaced) "er... actually I did..." Hasdrubal

The Infantry Arrive in Force!

After a brief missile exchange between the 2nd Iberian Spearband and the Ambushers, the infantry charge!

"TAKE FROM THEM EVERYTHING AND LEAVE THEM NOTHING!" 2nd Light Spearband Sargeant

"Even their clothes? Ewww..." Lieutenant

"Not helpful!" 2nd Spearband Sargeant

"Look out! To the side!" 1st Iberian Infantry Sargeant

Six javelins impact on the 1sts side, and they lose six men.

"Curses! Quickly, hit that unit of infantry! The 2nd is making its charge!" Hasdrubal

"CHAAAAARGE!!!" 2nd Iberian Spearband Sargeant

Meanwhile, the Militia try to move in to engage the flank, but are outmaneuvered.

"Curses, how do you miss an entire unit?!" Militia Sargeant

"Possibly if you're entirely incompetent, now GET MOVING!" 3rd Libyan Sargeant

"Where did those ambushers come from!" Militia Sargeant

The militia sargeants end up tied up by the ambushers, who fail to get out of the way of the flank attack. Auxillia fights auxillia as the two main battle lines close for action.

The Infantry charge in, but the Iberian Light infantry get tangled up with the remaining unit of Lusotannan infantry the 2nd Iberian Spearband is tangling with.

"Curses, get these soldiers out of the way!" Iberian Infantry Sargeant

"Try asking nicer and we'll think about it!" Lusotannan Infantry Sargeant

This leaves the 3rd Libyans facing two elite enemy units at once.

(Calmly) "Hold the line." 3rd Libyan Sargeant

The cavalry launch an all-out assault on the rear of the Lusotannans, but are driven off with light casualties.

"They're fighting like men possessed!" 1st Cavalry Sargeant

"Then hit them again till we've exorcised them!" Hasdrubal

Eskutino skips off the field with 2 of his cronies.

"Damn it, tail off. We need to return." 4th Cavalry Sargeant

Grinding Match

The fight now enters its most bitter stage as the Turdetani elite infantry tussle for control against the weaker Carthaginians as they shrug off repeated cavalry charges from Hasdrubal and the cavalry, who start to take heavier casualties.

"We can't keep fighting like this!" Militia Sargeant

"Man up and bull through it!" 3rd Libyan Sargeant

The earlier cavalry charge does fatally weaken the Lusotannans though. The infantry overpower them and they break, allowing the Iberian infantry to go to the aid of the 3rd and the 2nd light Spearmen to maneuver.

"Sorrysorrysorry..." Iberian Infantry Sargeant

"You can apologise to Hasdrubal later..." 3rd Libyan Sargeant

The battle continues as the Turdetani just refuse to break, even gaining ground in a few places. Hasdrubal leads charge after charge, but all he ever manages to do is soften up the Turdetani and take some of the pressure off the Carthaginian infantry, who are hard pressed even with the numbers advantage. The Carthaginians get a break when the 2nd Iberian Spearband manage to charge into the rear of the left flank of the Turdetani

"SEND THEIR SOULS TO BAAL FOR JUDGEMENT!!!" 2nd Iberian Spearband Sargeant

"If we ever need a captain, can he PLEASE be it?" Hasdrubal

The 4th Libyans and 1st Iberian Spearband start to get pushed back.

"We need assistance here, boss we're at breaking point!" 4th Libyan Sargeant

"Or to be more concise: HELP!" 1st Iberian Spearband

Hasdrubal obliges with a full cavalry charge

"Coming! Bring them down!" Hasdrubal

"How will this be any different?! They've driven us off four times!" Bodyguard

"Keep going... just keep going..." Hasdrubal

The ambushers even manage to hold their own. Three units of cavalry charge in to offer what help they can spare for the beleaguered militia, who are outnumbered, but all they can manage is to even the playing field before being pushed off!

"Even the blasted skirmirshers are hard-boiled!" 5th Cavalry Sargeant

"Its still a weak point... focus on it!" Hasdrubal

The cavalry gather and launch a five unit assault led by Hasdrubal himself on all sides of the Ambushers. This finally breaks them, and the sight of the skirmirshers breaking ranks demoralises the Turdetani. Its a crucial weakening

"Its do or die! NOW CHARGE!" Hasdrubal

The Carthaginian cavalry hurtle into the back of the Turdetani one last time, with the militia just behind them. Its enough. The Turdetani line breaks and they are cut to pieces.

"That... that was horrible..." Hasdrubal

"Walk in the park, eh general! Totally didn't have me worried!" Chief Bodyguard

"I'm going to start wounding you now. I don't know when I'll stop." Hasdrubal

End of battle.

Aftermath

''HEROIC VICTORY!!!''

Carthaginian Losses: 110 men (29%) Turdetani Losses: 367 men (scattered) Carthaginians remaining: 324/434 men

Breakdown

Hasdrubals Bodyguard.

• 46 kills.
• 5 lost, 1 healed, 10/14 men remain

1st Iberian Light Infantry

• 25 kills.
• 16 lost, 3 healed, 38/51 men remain

1st Iberian Light Spearband

• 34 kills
• 7 lost, 54/61 men remain

2nd Iberian Light Spearband

• 34 kills
• 9 lost, 51/61 men remain

3rd Libyan Spearband

• 31 kills
• 11 lost, 30/41 men remain

4th Libyan Spearband

• 36 kills
• 24 lost, 17/41 men remain
• 50% lost!

1st Iberian Light Cavalry

• 35 kills
• 13 lost, 4 healed, 16/25 men remain

2nd Iberian Light Cavalry

• 20 kills
• 1 lost, 24/25 men remain

3rd Iberian Light Cavalry

• 37 kills
• 6 lost, 1 healed, 20/25 men remain

4th Iberian Light Cavalry

• 20 kills
• 1 lost, 24/25 men remain

• Most Decisive Unit: Hasdrubals Bodyguard
• Headhunter Award: Hasdrubals Bodyguard
• Cool Under Fire: 2nd Iberian Light Cavalry
• Purple Heart Donatee Award: 4th Libyan Spearband
• Hooch Award: 2nd Iberian Light Spearband

End of aftermath.

Thats it for now. I've actually got pages of stuff written up, but it took me all day and its taken a long time to get this up, so here's a taster.

edited 11th Jul '10 7:54:02 PM by GameChainsaw

Owned!

Says it all, really.

Keep it up, man, this is awesomesauce purified. Or, rather, don't, so I won't have to pull even more ridiculous victories out of my behind to 1-Up you.

Considering how quickly the Macedonians tend to go down when facing the Romans I don't think that'll be a problem somehow.

To get you in the mood for it...

/Listens to song.

"I guess it's time those Macedonians learned who the real boss is."

YEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Wow, you pulled it off well.

There was never any doubt.

After the battle, Hasdrubal calls his chief guard to his tent.

"Damn... look at the casualty reports. We'll have to send 4th Libyan back for retraining. The militia too at some point... if we can find anywhere to retrain them... anyway, thats not why I brought you here... If I'm going to be in the thick of the action like this all the time, I'm going to need some extra protection. Go find the toughest man in the ranks to be my sword-bearer. I reckon 2nd Iberian Light Spears would be a good starting place. Though finding one that isn't completely nuts may be challenging" Hasdrubal

Hasdrubal gets +1 EXP to his bodyguard and to his personal security from having a sword-bearer join his retinue. The 4th head back to Gader for retraining. Meanwhile...

"What do you mean you didn't tell them they had a city to take after this?!" Chief Bodyguard

"Well I only found out just before the battle myself to be fair Izqul!" Hasdrubal

"Must make a note to tell my subordinates what I'm planning in advance of major decisive battles..." Mago

Mago marches on to the Carpetani capital of Baikor.

"Uh, aren't these a different tribe?" Izqul

"Meh, they're all rebels." Mago

Thats the spirit!

271 BC Stuck In The Cities

Ippone still under siege

"Oh God! Surrender the city, surrender the city!" Gisgo

"But sir... why?" Logistician

"Haven't you seen what we've run out of?!" Gisgo

"Sir... there's still plenty of everything. Food, water in the well, hell there's even plenty of wi-" Logistician

"No you idiot I don't care about the wine! Can't you see we're out of anchovies!" Gisgo

"Sir, why do we desperately need ANCHOVIES at this time" Logistician

"But they come in this delicious balsamic brine..." Gisgo

"Sir, get a hold of yourself! We cannot surrender our city! Even... even for anchovies." Logistician

"But... but... yes... yes you're right." (Tears come to his eyes) "We must be strong!" Gisgo

Meanwhile, in Carthage.

"Well, this is going great! Just great! Ippone's still under siege... though at least the enemy hasn't assaulted it yet. Did the Numidians lose a ram or something? Helps still a season out and now pirates are in the water! And now I hear the Messanans are giving Hamalcar a hard time." Mago

"Damn it. People of Messana, don't you appreciate being part of our glorious empire?!" Hamalcar

"Considering we don't even have proper drainage and the REBELS across from us do, NO, WE REALLY DON'T!" Protesting Citizen

"Protests were legal in 271 BC?" Guard

"Yeah, can't we go do to them the stuff world conquerors usually do?" 2nd Guard

"Oh, yes, why don't I order the protesters to be cut down in the streets as their families watch? While I'm in the mood, lets go burn some orphanages down, gang-rape the town, and sell the townsfolk into slavery! Those we don't put the eyes out of and then kill for being of fighting age... does that sound good to you?' Hamalcar

"Well when you put it like that... no, not really no." Guard

"I didn't think so somehow!" Hamalcar

Mago orders Simple Drainage to shut the whiny citizens up for five seconds.

"Maybe if we clean the shit off the streets they'll stop giving us it for five seconds." Mago

Romans and Arverni make peace.

"Damn it! If they're not at each others throats they might come after us!" Mago

4th Libyans retrained

270BC The Big Bust-up at Ippone

Bomilkar reaches Ippone and discovers the source of the delay in the Numidian attack.

"Haha! The idiots haven't brought any infantry!" Bomilkar

What were they planning on taking the settlement with, sentient ladders who climb themselves and beat up the defenders?

"That would be awesome..." Gisgo

Yes, yes it would. (Imagines a group of sentient siege ladders beating up defenders on walls.)

"You know, they could've just got off their horses." Abdmilki, Gisgo's Family Retainer

"Shh! Don't give them ideas, we've been counting on that!" Gisgo

Are they glued to the saddle from the age of 21 or something?... wouldn't that make it difficult to... you know...

"Dance? Yeah, that must be a nightmare. Can you imagine a horse trying to waltz?" Gisgo

...

Mago, you may want to re-evaluate your choice of governor.

Battle For Ippone

Two battles in as many seasons? You lucky devils!

"What kind of luck has us chasing missile cavalry with militia?!" Bomilkar

Oh, I was referring to the audience.

"What audience?" Bomilkar

"Pass the olives, Melqart." Senator

"... Oh come on, I hate it when people watch me work!" Bomilkar

Objectives: See off the Numidian menace! Bomilkar and Gisgo must survive!

"What, no percentage casualty parameters?" Gisgo

Meh, they're militia, no one will miss them.

(sniff) "Thats not true... I have a family!" Militiaman

Well... no one important will miss them... and will you stop humanising yourselves?!

"Hey, I've just come into a fortune that will make me able to run for Senate! And my wife has just given birth! Look at this carving they sent of her..." 1st Militia Sargeant

Stop trying to promote yourselves to Mauve Shirts! It won't help you!

"My cat has had a lovely litter of furry kittens! If I die they'll be abandoned once my money runs out!" Cat Loving Soldier

Just for that, you're dying first.

• Carthaginian Forces: 254 men + 50 from garrison = 304 men.
• Numidian Forces: 156 men

Bomilkars Forces (1 star, +1 morale)

• Bomilkars Bodyguard, 14 men, 2 EXP
• 1st Poeni Militia, 41 men, 1 EXP
• 2nd Poeni Militia, 41 men, 1 EXP
• 3rd Poeni Militia, 41 men
• 4th Poeni Militia, 41 men
• 5th Poeni Militia, 41 men
• 13th Poeni Militia, 41 men

Gisgo's Garrison (0 stars, -2 morale)

"Will you stop depressing the troops already Gisgo?!" Bomilkar

"The anchovies... been so long without... anchovies... will ever there be anchovies again?" Gisgo

"Oh for crying- they don't even taste that good!" Bomilkar

• Gisgo's Bodyguard, 13 men, 2 EXP
• 8th Poeni Militia, 41 men.

Muttines Numidian Invaders (6 stars)

"How come they get six stars and I only get 1?" Bomilkar

"Honestly, you'd think the Gods just arbitrarily gave the rebel commanders six command stars, wouldn't you?" Gisgo

• Muttines Numidian Nobles, 31 men, 2 EXP
• 1st Numidian Cavalry, 25 men, 2 EXP
• 2nd Numidian Cavalry, 25 men, 2 EXP
• 3rd Numidian Cavalry, 25 men, 1 EXP
• 4th Numidian Cavalry, 25 men, 1 EXP
• 5th Numidian Cavalry, 25 men, 3 EXP

End of pre-battle analysis.

edited 12th Jul '10 4:28:22 AM by GameChainsaw

Good luck. You'll need it.

The Battle

Maneuvers

"If we stay really quiet and move really slowly..." Bomilkar

"They've spotted us sir. I think it was the massive banners sticking out over our heads." 1st Militia Sargeant

"Darn it!" Bomilkar

Bomilkars men have been moving through the forests to the north of the battlefield to link up with Gisgo, who has been coming from the north-east. The Numidians spot them.

"They still have to stop us from linking up." Bomilkar

Very true. Muttines can watch all he likes, but it doesn't stop Bomilkar from marching merrily over to meet Gisgo in a small clearing in the trees.

"Greetings, Gisgo!... goodness... nephew, you look like hell!" Bomilkar

"They were... they were wafting the smell of anchovies... over the walls... Oh God, uncle Bomilkar, it was horrible! Horrible! I'll... I'll never be the same again!" Gisgo

(being ferociously hugged) "Er.. it... ok? Now come on Gisgo, we've still got a battle to fight!" Bomilkar

"Will there be anchovies during it?" Gisgo

"Er... After the battle. We'll go for anchovies after the battle, how does that sound?" Bomilkar

"ok..." Gisgo

"Thats the spirit! Follow me men! 8th, fall in line with the rest of the infantry. Stay behind me and Gisgo!" Bomilkar

The commanders direct their troops north again, intending to come from the west where the ground is even or even from the south where they will have the advantage. Despite it taking half the day to do so, Muttines does nothing to stop them as they march round the entire battlefield and behind the enemy positions, though Muttines does at least react to his enemies presence by turning to face them periodically.

"This is taking forever!" 3rd Militia Sargeant

"Are we there yet?" 2nd Militia Sargeant

"My legs are getting tired..." 5th Militia Sargeant

"Come on, man up! Are you mice or men?!" Bomilkar

"There're no anchovies here..." Gisgo

"Not you too Gisgo..." Bomilkar

For the record Gisgo is still only 19, so we can forgive him a bit for moaning about handling a siege and then a battle so soon in his career. Even for the Romans thats young to be leading an army.

"Well, now we are here... look!" Bomilkar

As the Carthaginians emerge from the trees, the Numidians come out to meet them.

"Three units of cavalry... and Muttines' unit... obvious ambush, do these idiots think I was born yesterday?!" Bomilkar

"Numidians are moving out." Gisgo

"Come on, its our job to catch and pin these horsemen. You go round the left, I'll take the right. Good luck!" Bomilkar

Engagement!

Phase 1: Cavalry pile up

The two generals move out in their respective directions to try to pincer the cavalry, but all they get is a missed charge and a shower of javelins for their troubles.

"Heh, couldn't even penetrate our armour!" Gisgo

"Sir... there's something sticking out of the side of my armour." Bodyguard

(staring) "That... that was close." Gisgo

(Irritated) "We still missed, damn it! Pull back behind the infantry, we're fodder for their javelins out here!" Bomilkar

The Carthaginian infantry march forward to draw in the Numidian fire, two of their units, the 1st, 3rd and 5th, marching off to help the cavalry engage the three central units while the rest concentrate on Muttines and what is surely an army obscured by those trees. They come under fire.

"Four casualties in the 8th!" 8th Sargeant

"The 13th is under fire as well! Man down!" 13th Sargeant

"Hold your lines. We'll deal with the centre problem..." Bomilkar

"Do we have to?" Gisgo

The bodyguards dart through a hole in the Numidian and Carthaginian line and skirt round the back of the Numidians, who are fast running out of javelins- and options. They engage one unit.

"GOT THEM!" Gisgo

"Oh dear." Bomilkar

"What?" Gisgo

"Gisgo, could you helpfully deal with the cavalry charging in behind us?" Bomilkar

"WHAT??!!!" Gisgo

In hindsight, sending in my bodyguars ahead of my infantry against super-speedy light cavalry was probably a bad idea. The bodyguards are promptly drenched in no less than four units of horsemen even as the 5th and 3rd rush to assist. The 1st, meanwhile, is surprised as Muttines charges suddenly out from the woods, ignoring the bulk of the Carthaginian army.

"AHH!!!" 1st Sargeant

"Quick, help them!" 2nd Sargeant

"You idiots, we're already here! What are you waiting for?" 4th Sargeant

The 2nd and 4th pile into the back of Muttines cavalry, as the 8th and 13th chase off the remaining free unit of cavalry, but meanwhile, Bomilkar is in trouble.

The Generals Desperation

As Muttines finds himself enveloped by spear-wielding militiamen, Bomilkar and Gisgo are still fighting for their lives. Gisgo has managed to find help from the 5th, but Bomilkar has been isolated from his units.

"Get us out of here! We'll all be killed!" Bomilkar

"AAARGGH!!" Chief Bodyguard

"Baalshillek!" Bomilkar

"He's gone boss... lets get out of here!" Bodyguard

Half of the guard are cut down, but Bomilkar escapes with his life, and manages to lure the Numidians into the waiting jaws of the 3rd as Gisgo breaks his opponent with the aid of the 5th.

"One unit of cavalry broken Uncle!" Gisgo

"Great! You can help out here!" Bomilkar

The 13th moves to see off the threatening unit of cavalry the Numidians have not deployed yet, which is moving to attack the rear of the 5th. Gisgo, seeing the danger and realising the 13th can't get there in time, counter-charges.

"Get those cavalry! Charge!" Gisgo

"Follow Gisgo!" 5th Sargeant

"AAAAHH!!" Gisgo

Gisgo recieves a wound and several dead guards for his trouble, but he slows the cavalry down enough to let the 13th and 5th get the initiative and pin the cavalry down. Bomilkar and the 3rd are now in trouble though, even as his rival is hacked down by no less than four units as the 8th seals the trap.

"The enemy general is down!" 1st Sargeant

"Now our general is in danger!" 8th Sargeant

"Then what are you standing around for! GET THEM!" 1st Sargeant

The general saves himself by charging into the back of the Numidians as they are hit by the 5th, who move to reinforce the struggling 3rd. The enemy cavalry break, leaving just a few ralliers left on the field!

"Lets finish them off..." Gisgo

The Carthaginians surge after the Numidians, but to their dismay, the Numidians rally and come back to the fight four units strong.

"Darn it! Why won't they just give up!" Bomilkar

"Sir, there's not much left in the day." Bodyguard

"Of course... damn it, we need to get back to the city! If the enemy catch us at night they'll hack us down as we retreat and capture the city without a fight! We need to finish this! NOW!" Gisgo

A desperate chase ensues as the Carthaginians split up into kill teams to hunt down the remaining Numidians before nightfall. They almost don't succeed. Just a few minutes before the light fails, the last of the Numidians break and the whole army is driven off in fear, scattered.

"That... that was too close." Bomilkar

Quite close.

Aftermath

CLEAR VICTORY!!!

• Carthaginian Losses: 63 men
• Numidian Losses: 130
• Carthaginians Remaining: 237/304 men

Breakdown

Bomilkars Bodyguard

• 28 kills
• 9 lost, 5/14 men remain
• +1EXP
• +50% Casualties!

Gisgos Bodyguard

• 16 kills.
• 10 lost, 3/13 men remain
• +75% Casualties!

1st Poeni Militia

• 12 kills.
• 17 lost, 3 healed, 26/40 men remain

2nd Poeni Militia

• 4 kills.
• 4 lost, 1 healed, 37/40 men remain

3rd Poeni Militia

• 20 kills.
• 16 lost, 2 healed, 26/40 men remain

4th Poeni Militia

• 13 kills.
• 7 lost, 1 healed, 34/40 men remain.

5th Poeni Militia

• 14 kills.
• 4 lost, 2 healed, 38/40 men remain.

8th Poeni Militia

• 2 kills
• 3 lost, 1 healed, 35/38 men remain (siege casualties)

13th Poeni Militia

• 11 kills
• 9 lost, 2 healed, 33/40 men remain.

• Most Decisive Unit: Bomilkars Bodyguard.
• Headhunter Award: Bomilkars Bodyguard.
• Purple Heart Donatee Award: Gisgos Bodyguard
• General Slayer: 1st, 2nd, 4th and 8th Poeni Infantry

End of Aftermath.

EDIT: Gisgo got the purple heart award, not Bomilkar.

edited 12th Jul '10 6:02:23 AM by GameChainsaw