Corrupt-a-wish.

Granted, you wished you got raped.

I wish for more handwash!

Mankind is unloveable. No more kindness!

granted. here's handwash that dissolves everything that isn't hands

i wish for my dancing to be better than yours

Granted. My dancing is a dumpster fire but yours is simply terrible.

---

I wish I had a loving and attractive wife.

All is not lost. Not yet.

Granted. The person she loves and is attractive to isn't you.

I wish I were better at climbing.

I like cute things. You gotta deal with it.

Granted. You are now the world's greatest climber...and you are such a good climber that you climbing is now your only method of locomotion.

I wish I had a glass of clean, drinkable water.

Granted, water kills you.

I wish I can evolve from Sapiens to Ludens.

Granted, you do this by mutating into a monster.

I wish to lose weight!

Mankind is unloveable. No more kindness!

Granted. You lose about one third of a pound when all of your DNA vanishes

I wish this whole corona thing would blow over already

The thing that was gonna be powerful, then not, then powerful again

Granted, it blows all over the world.

I wish I can win in Call of Duty: Warzone.

Granted. There is always a chance to win. All I did was reduce that chance. Toodles!

I wish for Covid-19 to be eradicated.

These two may literally be more bark than bite, but they are no less tenacious than everyone else.

Granted. Humanity goes extinct, taking the virus with it.

I wish I had gills.

I like cute things. You gotta deal with it.

Granted. You immediately get gills and suffocate as you are on land.

I wish for a new cup.

Granted, you get an extra life in Cuphead.

I wish my writing wouldn't lead to Darkness-Induced Audience Apathy.

Granted, you are now illiterate.

I wish the new Kimetsu game would be good.

Well, that’d be jus’ a waste. Why would ya want to deprive the world of such anomaly as yourself?

Granted. It's so good that there's a deep shortage due to Demand Overload, thus leaving you unable to play it.

I wish that TNP had a working trumpet for a nose.

The League of Heroes

Granted. It's way out of tune, and their ability to play it is nonexistent.

I wish I had 1,000,000,000,000,000,000 dollars.

45 52 52 4f 52 3a 20 49 6e 76 61 6c 69 64 20 73 79 6e 74 61 78 20 65 72 72 6f 72

Granted. Here are your one quintillion Monopoly dollars.

I wish I were better at throwing.

I like cute things. You gotta deal with it.

Granted. You throw a ball so hard, it moves around the world in the blink of an eye and hits the back of you head with enough force to decapitate you.

I wish all of contagious diseases were merged into one big disease with the purpose of getting rid of them all in one fell swoop.

The League of Heroes

Granted. Too bad you and you alone get infected with this big ball of everything-itis...which rapidly spreads to everyone else, killing most of humanity because it's too cost-prohibitive to test someone for every disease known to man all at once. If only we all had immune systems like Mr. Burns...

I wish I cared.

I hope you get tiny bits of eggshell in all your omelettes for the rest of your life!

Granted. You care about everything so much that the slightest problem makes you cry like Izuku Midoriya.

---

I wish I could shapeshift

All is not lost. Not yet.

Granted. You don't realize until too late that transforming your body also transforms your mind

I wish I could draw

The thing that was gonna be powerful, then not, then powerful again

Granted, you can draw out a pistol from your holster... and that's it.

I wish I can quickdraw any kind of gun and win any kind of duel.

Granted! But the guns you always draw are always out of bullets.

I wish i could find my purpose in life, and finally become The Idealist i always wanted to be.

PIZZA HUT FAMILY... TRANSCENDS SPIRITUAL REALITY

Granted. You now have a purpose in life... as a reminder to all car companies to add more safety measures to their cars after you were involved in a fatal car crash.

I wish I had a computer powerful enough to run Crysis.

45 52 52 4f 52 3a 20 49 6e 76 61 6c 69 64 20 73 79 6e 74 61 78 20 65 72 72 6f 72

Granted, Crysis is the only thing it can run and nothing else.

I wish I can live in Cesky Krumlov.

Edited by Mhazard on Mar 26th 2020 at 1:35:00 AM