Corrupt-a-wish.

Granted. The switchboard to your neighborhood blows out instead.

I wish I didn't get abnormally sleepy every 3pm.

Granted. Now your a feckin' insomniac.

I wish I was Irish.

Granted. You are an Irish catholic farmer in the age of Cromwell.

I wish I could fly.

Granted, you can fly. Landing puts you in the hospital.

I wish my house wasn't falling apart.

Granted! Now that your house doesn't exist, it can't possibly fall apart.

I wish I knew how to properly word a wish.

Granted, you properly worded wish get corrupted terribly.

I wish for a fan.

Granted. You get a stalker who really likes your forum posts. If you try to do bad things to him, he attempts to kill you.

I wish that trees didn't have to die for paper.

Granted, now babies and puppies have to die. Not for paper, they just have to die.

I wish dollar store snack items were as good as the name brands.

Granted. However, they're only sold at dollar stores, and all of the dollar stores are closed for some reason.

I wish I was back in college, and that I had ALL OF THE SWAG.

Granted - you now give off a vibe of "I'm hotter than the one you are with" to people who talk to you and "I'm here to steal your lover" to their partners. Enjoy!

I wish I could summon any pokemon....

Edited by TairaMai on Jul 3rd 2019 at 10:22:56 PM

Granted. Since they are fighting machines, they kill every living organism on Earth.

I wish that I could make some good clickbait.

Granted. You've now been hired by some malware developers in order to infect stupid people who click on everything they see.

I wish I never got calluses on my feet ever again.

AAUUUUGGGGHHHH!

Edited by CustardAndPie on Jul 3rd 2019 at 11:32:59 AM

Granted. All your calluses move to the inside of your eyelids. Good luck blinking.

I wish my brain was less fucked up.

Granted: That's because a cancer was removed from it. This didn't stop its aftereffects though.

I wish we could celebrate Freedom Day by releasing all of the asylum seekers from the SW United States' concentration camps.

Granted. The President puts them in Guantanamo Bay and promptly closes it, ensuring that no one will ever be released from there again.

I wish I could build my own world-class "everything" PC with the most state-of-the-art components, have it be future-proof, and not have it melt down or otherwise blow up in my face.

Granted. You forgot to make it crash-proof, so now it crashes at every inopportune moment.

I wish I could have a ADFX-02 'Morgan', and have the skills neccessary to use it (while keeping everything else).

Edited by hanwen1234 on Jul 4th 2019 at 8:10:44 PM

Granted - every spy agency on the planet tries to steal it from you. Every airforce on the planet thinks their being attacked and tries to shoot you down, every "plane spotter" tries to chat you up and won't leave you alone.

I wish I had a Corsican "Cat Fox".

Granted! You get a magic and a b s o l u t e l y annoying cat-fox fusion hybrid thing instead.

I wish I could understand Spanish.

Edited by VXXXN on Jul 4th 2019 at 9:28:24 PM

Granted, and that's all you can understand. Also, you're forced to move to where they don't speak Spanish.

I wish I could think of a wish nobody had wished before.

Nice callback.

Edited by atimnie on Jul 4th 2019 at 12:57:14 PM

Granted. It's the Food/Pecan Pie/Cake wish, expect it has more corruption-proof rules, so everyone hates yu.

I wish for $200.

Granted. Its Monopoly money.

I wish for a friendly pet dragon.

Granted. You get Spike except you have to constantly feed him gems and you go broke and then he goes on a rampage to find more gems to eat and then he gets killed by your country's military and now you have to deal with being homeless and not being found by the entire world to be executed.

I wish I had black hole hands.

Granted! I'm honestly not sure I even need to explain how awful of an idea summoning two black holes to the surface of the Earth is. At least you'll die instantly, meaning you won't have time to regret the consequences of your actions.

I wish to become more sociable and likable, while still retaining my current identity.

Granted! You're so sociable that everyone loves your personality! Then someone hates it, and you change just to impress them, causing the original friends you made to not like you.

I wish I had the power to manipulate people's body sizes.

Granted! But you can't control it, and thus you blow up everyone you see out of proportion.

I wish I can think of a mundane wish with minimal corruption.