Funny kid stories

My mom told me a funny story about a friend's 6-year-old son.

This boy had a babysitter who he really liked a lot. When she eventually had to leave due to college, the boy got so upset that he wanted to get back at her. So he told a lie, making up a story to his parents about how his babysitter invited a man over and they went upstairs and were jumping on the bed.

Yes, I know what that sounds like to adult ears. Which is why the lie is so hilarious.

Because the real reason the kid made up the idea of a woman babysitter inviting a man over and "jumping on the bed" upstairs, was because of two things - he had the habit of jumping on the bed and getting in trouble for it, and he thought she'd get in trouble if he claimed that she'd been doing it. And she would get in worse trouble if she invited a man over!

The result of a little kid mind making up a ridiculous lie to punish his babysitter was a totally unintentional and, uh, far more believable story.

Share your funny kid stories!

edited 10th Dec '14 7:07:06 AM by BonsaiForest

One of the first things I remember doing as a child was dumping an entire container of A & P garlic salt on the kitchen floor and licking it up. And then vomiting.

small child on the bus asked me If I worked for Santa today. I was wearing a santa hat, so I said " sometimes."

Small child then asked her dad if I was a boy or a girl (I am NOT flat chested, but my hair is short) and then if I was a kid or a grown up.

Her name is Lucy and she is four and she wants to be a grown up so she can have babies.

"do you have babies?" she asked as she got off at her stop with her red-faced dad

When I was 2 or 3 I took apart the motor for my Thomas the tank engine train set without any tools, springs, screws, and all. My mom couldn't figure out how to put it back together so she ordered a new one

Watching "Let it Go" with my small cousins on You Tube the other day, and we get to the part where Elsa transforms her dress. Without thinking, I turn to the eight-year-old and ask "If her dress is made out of ice, wouldn't she be naked in summer?"

He stops and thinks for a moment before answering "...shut up, Chris."

"Er, well, maybe her body is so cold that her dress remains frozen no matter how cold it gets?"

"...shut up, Chris."

I ate glue!

One time I was lying down because I was tired and the then-six-year-old daughter of a family friend decided I was dead and asked me if I'd ever been dead before.

That reminds me of how when I was a kid, I used to think I slept with my eyes open. I'd tell people that I sleep with my eyes open. See, I didn't know what "sleep" truly meant. I thought lying in bed counted as being asleep.

Well, have you?

Actually, that reminds me of how my other cousin was once pretending to be a doctor (she was three at the time), and I was her patient. She asked me what was wrong with me. "I'm dead." "Okay." She then proceeds to check my pulse and temperature, and then pretends to paint me, then proclaimed that I was fixed.

edited 11th Dec '14 12:05:39 PM by DrFurball

Well, if I've been reincarnated then I suppose I have been dead before, just as whoever I was before this life instead of as who I am now.

When I was little I was really into Mario (still am), especially Mario Party 3, which featured multiple Baby Bowsers alongside Bowser at times. I loved to get my dad to tell me stories, and I knew he liked Star Trek a lot. Since Voyager was airing at the time I decided the best route would be to combine the two, so Bowser flew around in a starship antagonizing the Voyager crew along with 2 Baby Bowsers, who i decided were his nephews since the Koopalings were his kids. (They called him Uncle Bowser and everything.)

Luckily he was a pretty harmless villain and could usually be bribed with chicken, except one time when Harry Kim's football got beamed over by accident and he decided he like the taste of footballs better. So from then on Bowser went on harassing the Voyager crew for footballs, one time even interrupting a game on some planet to get one.

I have SO MANY. Here's the one about my daughter learning all the swear words. This happened when she was almost two years old.

I was taking her home from gymnastics when the car started making a horrible knocking sound. It got so bad that it knocked the car right out of gear. Of course I dropped a Cluster F-Bomb, sprinkled with all the other profanities, too. Luckily, I was able to make it to the parking lot of an apartment complex, then coast down the hill into a parking space, and call a tow.

I was so freaked out when the car was in the process of breaking that I couldn't even get her in trouble for saying "murr furr," "gammit," "sumbitch," or dropping very loud and clear F-bombs...with feeling. When I went to the leasing office to ask for a phone book to look up the tow company's number, she so helpfully told the receptionist, "mom car broke! mom pissoff! gammit sumbitch!"

And then both myself and the receptionist had to keep a straight face while I told the kid, "Please don't say those words. They are rude and mean, and I said them because I was mad and scared when my car broke. I'm sorry. And, yes, ma'am, my car has broken down, so may I please borrow a phone book so I can call a tow?"

She spent the night at her grandparents' house that night, her devoutly religious grandparents who had very little tolerance for their own kids' Gosh Dang It to Heck! outbursts.

When I was a child, I would only watch TV when the commercials were on. Yes,just the commercials. Whenever the actual show blipped back on, I'd leave the room.

I was a weird child.

My younger brother, who is 13 explained to us what BDSM is.

That is all.

edited 20th Oct '17 2:56:43 PM by WhatArtThee

I could easily see a 13-year-old doing that, honestly. With the internet, and that kind of curiosity, it was gonna happen.

This is a little vulgar, but it's still very much a funny kid story.

When I was a kid, it has taken me fairly late in terms of learning to speak and what words I should use and which ones I shouldn't. So when I hear a word, I would repeat it a lot until I get bored or whatever. Somehow, I managed to hear somebody say "fucking weasel" one time and I shouted that on the top of my lungs.

My mum noticed it straight away and gave me a 10-minute lecture on how I shouldn't say fuck like that. Mind you, I didn't pay any attention to what she said and I didn't even know what fuck meant, so when my mum told me "now, which word should you not say?", I simply replied "...weasel?" My mum was then all like, "no, no! You're not supposed to say fucking!"

In a way, this story is a little bit of Hilarious in Hindsight because I would go on to have a massive sailor mouth.

edited 23rd Oct '17 8:22:26 PM by SleepingPuppy

My older niece is Wise Beyond Her Years, The Comically Serious, and occasionally the Only Sane Man in her family. We had this conversation when she was four years old. We were eating dinner, looking out the window at the parking lot. My daughter, who was eight at the time, was there too.

Niece: [sees car with headlights on in the parking lot] HAY! That car's lights are on!

Me: They'll turn off in a few minutes. Most newer cars have lights that stay on for a few minutes and then turn off.

Daughter: That wastes battery. The lights should just turn off right away.

Niece: It has batteries? I thought cars have gas!

Daughter: They do, but they also have a battery for the headlights.

Niece: Aunt Jen. [puts her hand on my arm, gives me a very concerned look] I have to tell you something and it's IMPORTANT. If you drive and drive really far away for a long time and don't get gas, then you're OUT. OF. GAS. And then your car can't go anywhere. You have to make sure you have enough gas in your car.

Me: I have half a tank.

Niece: Is that enough?

Me: Yes.

Niece: Good job! ^_^ If I had one, I'd give you a sticker! [pats me on the back]

Me: ..................................! Thank you.

A bit of unintentional (or not?) Surreal Humor in the form of a kid trying to tell his babysitter a spontaneous knock knock joke in a pizza parlor I visited once:

Knock Knock

Who's there?

Flower

Flower who?

The flower has an eyeball!

I later sort of figured out the logic - the restaurant had fake sunflowers as decorations, and he must have decided they looked like eyes.

edited 24th Oct '17 9:38:07 PM by MikeK

This happened when my daughter was four years old. We had gone to play on one of those playgrounds with fountains.

3-year-old girl: I like your dress. And your hair is lovely! HAY MOM HER HAIR IS LOVELY AND BEAUTIFUL SEE? We should be friends because I like having pretty friends.

My 4-year-old: Oh, thank you! You're very pretty too and I like your sparkly earrings. Maybe if you try hard, you can have lovely hair like me! And your swimsuit has golden hearts on it, which makes it really pretty.

[girls hug, cue "awwww!" from audience]

Overheard just a few minutes ago, from my 10-year-old: "Team Rocket's blasting off again!! You can't have my soup, sausage monster!"

"Maybe because your butt stinks! Ooooh, rekt!" - my nephew, age 9, trying to shoehorn in internet slang where it doesn't belong

I have something similar. Yesterday, a commercial for Fruity Pebbles came on with The Flintstones theme song (instrumental) playing in the background.

Then my five year old little sister says, "It's the Grand Dad song!" (Referring to 7 Grand Dad)

I was out with my four-year-old niece the other day. Out of the blue, she asked me, "How did you turn into a grownup?"

I told her that I ate healthy foods, got good exercise, went to school, made lots of mistakes and learned from them, and all of that took enough time so that I grew into an adult.

Then she asked, "Did you ever turned into other people?"

WHAT.

She told me, "I have to grow up into a grownup but I can't turn into my big sister. Because that wouldn't be nice to her."

I confirmed that, no, I had never turned into anyone else, and neither would she.

That was funny and sweet. :)

Thanks!

When my kid was about six years old, we had gone to the swimming pool. On the way home, we saw a car accident. A car had somehow flipped and was resting on its side against a tree.

It was summer, so our windows were down. From the back seat, I heard the kid yelling at the top of her lungs: "HEY!! You have to save that guy! And be careful so the car doesn't fall on you!"

That one got a LOL out of one of the cops. None of the firefighters, the intended targets, heard it—the Jaws of Life are freaking loud. I assured the kid that the firefighters train to get people out of cars and they will be extremely careful.