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Dakero is quite possibly the most dangerous man in the world. Hailing from the GameFAQs forum "Current Events", he is known for chronicling his battles with people involved in the U.S. Army. His stories constantly parody action movie tropes.

Archives of most of his stories can be found here and here.


His stories provide examples of:

  • Battle Trophy: Jericho takes Dakero's Glock as this when it gets left behind in the warehouse.
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  • Berserk Button: Don't try anything with Dakero's girlfriend or you'll severely regret it.
  • Bond One-Liner: After sending Jericho falling to his death.
    Dakero: See you in hell, Sladec.
  • Break the Badass: Dakero when Mary breaks up with him to be with the man she was having an affair with.
  • Curb-Stomp Battle: Happens to most of the unfortunate people who challenge Dakero. Dakero himself has fallen victim to this a couple of times.
  • Dynamic Entry: At one point, Dakero crashes through the glass ceiling of an abandoned apartment building where his girlfriend is being held hostage.
  • Evil Laugh: Jericho does this at one point while firing at Dakero.
  • Handicapped Badass: Dakero only has one eye.
  • Hired Guns: Norman gets these to torture Dakero to death to prevent him from dating Mary, When they fail, he hires more to fight alongside him during the final battle in the church.
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  • Improbable Aiming Skills: Dakero is able to shoot a bullet right into the barrel of another gun.
  • Jerk Jock: Jarrod.
  • Major Injury Underreaction: Dakero usually suffers several nasty injuries without flinching when fighting opponents that can hold their own.
  • Military Brat: Mary.
  • More Dakka: Jericho and his Steyr TMP.
  • No-Holds-Barred Beatdown: Matt probably got it the worst.
  • Pint-Sized Powerhouse: Dakero is 5'4'' and is referred to as a midget by larger people who underestimate his abilities.
  • Pre Ass Kicking One Liner: Dakero drops these all the time.
  • Shell-Shocked Veteran: Mary's father Norman.
  • Smug Snake: Most of the Army guys who get sexually involved with Dakero's girlfriend or exes.
  • Sociopathic Soldier: Jericho.
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