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Video Game / Legend of the Seven Paladins 3D

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"Get ready to have your fucking mind blown. Alright, you see this shit? See this shit? I'm walking... Watch how fast you get buttfucked. And then, fucking crazy bitches! Yeah, the problem is, they forgot to change the rate at which the enemies can fire. So you get buttfucked in about three seconds."

—Let's Player Azurite Reaction in this video.

Legend of the Seven Paladins 3D, also known as Rock 'n' Shaolin, is a Doom clone First-Person Shooter DOS game made by Taiwanese company Accend Inc, set in the Song Dynasty and loosely - very loosely - based on the Chinese novel, Seven Heroes and Five Gallants.

The game is known for being rife with faulty programming and was never released, although there are demos floating around. The game moves extremely fast, and both you and the enemies move and fire at very high speeds. There are many enemies in the game who all fire at you very quickly, making the game practically unplayable. You die very often and very quickly.

The plot involves stopping the Chinese mafia in an ancient Chinese setting, where you're presumably the famed Inspector, Shan Zao or the Master Thief Bai Yu-tang.


This video game provides examples of:

  • Beam Spam: The red and green enemies unleash deadly, rapid-fire ranged attacks that are terribly hard to avoid.
  • Computers Are Fast: The reason why this game is so hard and broken.
  • Death Cry Echo: Defeated enemies scream in agony before dropping dead.
  • Difficulty Level: Right before you start, you'll have to choose from one of three difficulty levels. Subverted in that none of them matter since the game is awfully broken.
  • Everything Trying to Kill You: The game is crawling with enemies that move and fire at lighning speed.
  • Evil Laugh: Hear it when you're defeated - and you'll be hearing it a lot.
  • Fake Difficulty: The game is very broken and runs extremely fast. Both you and the enemies run and fire at lightning speed, and it's so fast that most people can't keep up with it. It's practically unplayable for this reason.
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  • First-Person Shooter: It seems to be very similar in gameplay to Doom.
  • Game Over: "Developed by ACCEND INC". Send all complaints to these idiots.
  • Kamehame Hadouken: You can shoot a ball of energy from your palms as one of your attacks.
  • Kiai: Enemies scream as they fight you.
  • Lava Pit: Marked with tall and thin, flickering 2D sprites of flames, they're surprisingly less lethal than the enemies you encounter.
  • The Many Deaths of You: The enemies fire all kinds of stuff at you, and you can die from falling into lava. Interestingly enough, you might actually survive longer sitting in a pool of lava where the enemies are unlikely to see you than out in the open, since they fire so fast.
  • Nice Job Breaking It, Hero: Applies to whoever is responsible for programming this monstrosity.
  • One-Hit Kill: A ranged enemy can make short work of you if you take the full brunt of just a single blast.
  • Save-Game Limits: Generously, you can save your game to any of 10 available slots.
  • Schrödinger's Player Character: At the start of the game, you must choose to play as one of the namesake seven Paladins. The other Paladins you don't select are a no-show for the rest of the game.
  • Wuxia