- Episode 1:
Salvador: Welcome to the Ministry of Time.Julián: No. Let's see, no... that can't be. I'm sorry, but it's impossible.Salvador: You see, your psychological exam clearly specifies that you're unable to continue working as a paramedic.Julián: I haven't done the tests yet.Salvador: Here they are. (hands an envelope to Julián) Read.Julián: (reading a paper he pulled out of the envelope) "Due to his proven self-destructive tendencies, he is a danger to himself and those around him, so his commitment in a specialized center is advised." (angry) Who wrote this?Salvador: Me. You see, things often are not the way we want them to be. And you know that well, don't you? You don't live the life you would want to or with whom you would want to. We're offering you another one, uncommon, that's true, but another one.Julián: So, I either work for you people...Salvador: Or get admitted in a mental hospital.
- Julián gets a glimpse at the Ministry's recruiting methods:
Alonso: And now, are we sovereign or we pay honor to someone?Julián: Yes, to the Central European Bank.
- Alonso is dismayed when he learns how the Spanish Empire crumbled after his 'death', which paves the way for Julián's first of many Deadpan Snarker moments:
- Episode 2:
Amelia: Are you calling me a naïve? Huh? Me?Julián: Yes, you, Amelia. I'm calling you a naïve. Go ahead, get pregnant, and let's see how you explain it. "No, the father is Lope de Vega". Oh, come on. If you say that in your time you'll get put in a convent, and if you say it in mine, in a mental hospital. (pause) Listen, Amelia, if I've learnt something from a couple time travels is that you women have evolved, but we guys still want basically the same thing, whether the name is Lope de Vega or Paco Domínguez.Amelia: Who is Paco Domínguez?Julián: A guy from high school who got all the girls. He actually used to be my idol.
- Julián finds Amelia in bed with Lope de Vega, and knocks Lope out cold:
- Episode 4:
Amelia: I don't understand how people enjoy this things.Julián: The human being has always enjoyed with other people's miseries. Otherwise, there would have never been Roman circuses, autos-da-fé, gossip television shows...
- The patrol watches as Rabbi Levi is humiliated in an auto-da-fé before his trial at the Inquisition.
- Episode 8:
Alonso: If you want a duel, you will get it. Choose the weapons.Buñuel: Weapons. Just fists, my friend, my thing is boxing.Alonso: What is that?Buñuel: Boxing is a sport of gentlemen where one only uses his fists.Alonso: Only the fists?Buñuel: Yes.Alonso: You cannot bite?Buñuel: No.Alonso: Or scratch?Buñuel: No, of course not.Alonso: You cannot headbutt either?Julián: No, Alonso.Alonso: And you call that fighting? (punches Buñuel for a One-Hit KO) Then that is it.
- Alonso calls out Luis Buñuel over what he perceives to be a mistreatment of Rosita, and Buñuel challenges him to a boxing match. Hilarity Ensues when he tries to figure out the rules of boxing:
- Episode 12:
Napoleon: (in French) Abbess, Marshal Ney said that you refuse to contribute to our cause. Is that true?Angustias: (Spanish) I don't know what he said. Tell him we don't have the money to pay what he asks from us.Ney: (French) She said...Napoleon: (French) I understood her.Angustias: (Spanish) I know, you spoke Italian as a child. "Italian and Castilian, first cousins."noteNapoleon: (Italian) How could you know that I speak Italian?Angustias: (Spanish) Oh, if only I knew that... You liked math as a child. You had 13 siblings. Five died in infancy, God have mercy of them.Ney: (Spanish) She is a spy!Angustias: (Spanish) Don't be silly. Napoleon is a man famous all over the world.Napoleon: (Italian) No, no, no. I'm very pleased to learn of this.Angustias: (Spanish) What did he say, exactly?Ney: (Spanish) I don't know. I don't understand Italian.Angustias: (Spanish) Well ain't we fucking great.Napoleon: (Spanish) Calm down. I also parlo a little Spanish. I speak Spanish in private.
- Angustias, posing as the monastery's abbess, is called before Napoleon.
Quotes / The Ministry of Time