"We need rest. The spirit is willing, but the flesh is spongy and bruised."
— Zapp Brannigan, Futurama, "Amazon Women in the Mood"
"My peep's on the fritz."
— J.D., Scrubs, "My Monster"
"It makes him, and it mars him; it sets him on, and it takes him off; it persuades him, and disheartens him; makes him stand to, and not stand to..."
— Porter, Macbeth
Jeff: All of us, in our time, are visited by the Melty Man.
Patrick: The what?
Jeff: Don't say his name, Patrick! Don't even think his name! Or he will rise from the shadow dimensions to do his evil work inside your terrified pants.
Patrick: (laughs) Terrified pants!
Steve: (gravely) There's nothing funny about the Melty Man, Patrick!
Patrick: You know about the Melty Man, too?
Steve: We all know the Melty Man.
Patrick: Who is he?
Steve: The arch-enemy of trouser confidence.
Jeff: Professor Moriarty, in groin form.
Steve: Darth Vader.
Jeff: Without the helmet!
Patrick: The what?
Jeff: Don't say his name, Patrick! Don't even think his name! Or he will rise from the shadow dimensions to do his evil work inside your terrified pants.
Patrick: (laughs) Terrified pants!
Steve: (gravely) There's nothing funny about the Melty Man, Patrick!
Patrick: You know about the Melty Man, too?
Steve: We all know the Melty Man.
Patrick: Who is he?
Steve: The arch-enemy of trouser confidence.
Jeff: Professor Moriarty, in groin form.
Steve: Darth Vader.
Jeff: Without the helmet!
—Coupling, "The Melty Man Cometh"
"What does this piece of pisghetti remind you of, Cletus? Maybe Mr. Johnson, perhaps?"
—Grandma Klump, Nutty Professor II: The Klumps
"It's like biology. Which is funny, because in high school I failed biology and tonight biology failed me."
—Chandler Bing, Friends
The physics of magic is this: no magician, disguise it as he might, can achieve a result beyond his own physical powers. 1
And, spurned, he performed the Rite of Tumescence and called up a fiend from the depths of the Pit to teach her a lesson she wouldn’t forget, the witch.
The phone rang.
‘Nice try,’ she said. ‘It’s sitting on the bedhead now.’
His breath quickened. ‘And?’
‘Listen,’ she said.
And he heard the voice of the fiend, distant and wretched:
‘... frightfully sorry ... normally, no problem ... oh god, this has never happened to me before...’
And, spurned, he performed the Rite of Tumescence and called up a fiend from the depths of the Pit to teach her a lesson she wouldn’t forget, the witch.
The phone rang.
‘Nice try,’ she said. ‘It’s sitting on the bedhead now.’
His breath quickened. ‘And?’
‘Listen,’ she said.
And he heard the voice of the fiend, distant and wretched:
‘... frightfully sorry ... normally, no problem ... oh god, this has never happened to me before...’
—"Incubust" by Terry Pratchett, in A Blink Of The Screen
"I’m going to Iowa to collect an award. Then I’m appearing at Carnegie Hall, it’s sold out. Then I’m sailing to France to pick up an honour from the French government. I’d give it all up for one erection."
— Groucho Marx
