"And they lived happily ever after," my father said.
"Wow," I said.
He looked at me. "You're not pleased?"
"No, no, it's just, it came so quick, the ending, it surprised me. I thought there'd be a little more, is all. I mean, was the pirate ship waiting or was that just a rumor like it said?"
"Complain to Mr. Morgenstern. 'And they lived happily ever after' is how it ends."
The truth was, my father was fibbing. I spent my whole life thinking it ended that way, up until I did this abridgment. Then I glanced at the last page.
"Wow," I said.
He looked at me. "You're not pleased?"
"No, no, it's just, it came so quick, the ending, it surprised me. I thought there'd be a little more, is all. I mean, was the pirate ship waiting or was that just a rumor like it said?"
"Complain to Mr. Morgenstern. 'And they lived happily ever after' is how it ends."
The truth was, my father was fibbing. I spent my whole life thinking it ended that way, up until I did this abridgment. Then I glanced at the last page.
"And so, the Baudelaire Children went to Peru, and together had many wonderful adventures with their loving and caring Uncle. The End." These are the words I so desperately wish to write. I would love nothing more than to say the Children found a new home. However it is not my place to weave happy endings where they do not occur, but to report the actual series of events. And I'm sorry to say the Children's troubles were only beginning.
— Lemony Snicket, A Series of Unfortunate Events (The Film)
"At this point in the story, I feel obliged to interrupt and give you one last warning. As I said at the very beginning, the book you are holding in your hands does not have a happy ending. It may appear now that Count Olaf will go to jail and that the three Baudelaire youngsters will live happily ever after with Justice Strauss, but it is not so. If you like, you may shut the book this instant and not read the unhappy ending that is to follow. You may spend the rest of your life believing that the Baudelaires triumphed over Count Olaf and lived the rest of their lives in the house and library of Justice Strauss, but that is not how the story goes. For as everyone was laughing at Sunny's cry for cake, the important-looking man with all the warts on his face was sneaking toward the controls for the lighting of the theater."
— A Series of Unfortunate Events: The Bad Beginning
This is the endgame, when the stakes are high and the prize is the fate of everything. Despite what anyone might believe, the Nephandi currently have the upper hand in the War for Reality. They need only prod here and guide there, and they will be in the position soon enough to sunder hope itself and scatter its ashes in a cold, meaningless tomb.
If you choose to walk this way, be careful. You are about to betray everything you ever believed about the Ascension War and humanity's place in the world of the Awakened. Are you still reading? Good, because this is more than just the story of Ascension's most terrible and merciless enemies. It is the tale of humanity's weakness and the dismal failure of the Awakened to champion the cause of enlightenment and give Ascension to the Sleepers.
—"Hell On Earth," Mage: The Ascension - Ascension
"For those of you of weaker constitutions
For those of you who may be faint of heart
This is a tale of revenge and retribution
So if you're smart
Before we start
You'd best depart.
You'd best depart.
An usher fainted in the asile
A nun from Lester lost her wits
You might avoid the first or second row.
Blood may spill
And spines may chill
It's ghastly still
We thought you ought to know
It's only just past eight
It's not too late
For God's sake
For God's sake
For God's sake go!"
"This 'movie' you're making... you know how it ends? I believe there's a pretty big twist at the end. I doubt you'll like it. In fact, I don't think anyone will. ... Maybe you ought to get out before it's too late?"
— Richard, Hotline Miami 2: Wrong Number
Why? In God's name, why? What can you possibly hope to gain? Stop now. Before it's too late.
— Seeking Mr. Eaten's Name, Fallen London
So I have to admit: the next episode of Cowboy Bebop is... kinda depressing. Very depressing, actually. The only characters that show up are a bunch of musty old guys. I hate to say this, but it's kinda heavy-handed. Children shouldn't watch it. Ladies should avoid it too. On top of that, it's better if you young guys don't tune in either. Next episode, "Black Dog Serenade". Oh, all you old guys, I wouldn't miss this one if I were you.
Look, I didn't want to be a half-blood. If you're reading this because you think you might be one, my advice is: close this book right now. Believe whatever lie your mom or dad told you about your birth, and try to lead a normal life. Being a half-blood is dangerous. It's scary. Most of the time, it gets you killed in painful, nasty ways. If you're a normal kid, reading this because you think it's fiction, great. Read on. I envy you for being able to believe that none of this ever happened. But if you recognize yourself in these pages—if you feel something stirring inside—stop reading immediately. You might be one of us. And once you know that, it's only a matter of time before they sense it too, and they'll come for you.
—Percy Jackson, Percy Jackson and the Olympians: The Lightning Thief
"DO NOT OPEN THIS BOOK!
Please, don't even think about it. Don't make the same mistake that Kerri and her sister Erin made. Stop before it's too late –– or else you'll be doomed just like Kerri and Erin to face the terror that comes alive on page after page after page. It's not worth it! Don't read this book. This is your last warning! The monsters and mayhem that creep out the girls will turn around and come to your house and creep out you. No one is safe from the page turning terror. There's no escape once the book is open.
FEED THIS BOOK TO THE WORMS..."
Please, don't even think about it. Don't make the same mistake that Kerri and her sister Erin made. Stop before it's too late –– or else you'll be doomed just like Kerri and Erin to face the terror that comes alive on page after page after page. It's not worth it! Don't read this book. This is your last warning! The monsters and mayhem that creep out the girls will turn around and come to your house and creep out you. No one is safe from the page turning terror. There's no escape once the book is open.
FEED THIS BOOK TO THE WORMS..."
— Back Cover Blurb for Shivers (M. D. Spenser)'s "The Terrible Terror Book "
