Quotes / Hide Your Lesbians

"Queen Victoria didn't even believe we existed (though I don't believe in monarchy, so I guess we're even)."

— Vice Magazine

Thus, Lenny the Shark can act just as gay as Jack in “Will & Grace,” but remember—this is a children’s film. The fact that Jack likes men is fine, but men liking men is a decidedly adult narrative element in Hollywood, and “Will and Grace” is marketed to adults. It’s fine that Angelina Jolie’s fish in Shark Tale is explicitly presented as a gold-digging, sexually charged vixen, but Hollywood fears that the mere mention of, say, Lenny the shark liking boy sharks would send parents into a popcorn-throwing outrage.

— "The Outing of an Animated Shark"

It's a pleasure to meet you my friend
Come take a seat at my desk
I gotta tell you kid
The whole team is more than impressed
Your melodies soar and all of your choruses shine
The lyrics are sound and your voice is fundamentally fine
But face it if you wanna make it on the radio kid
You gotta do as I say
Change all the hims into hers And just don't tell the world that you're shh
Happy to help, take my card, please think about what I've said
But this is an industry where people make money
So your art has to sell
And you should never seek to challenge to an audience
They buy what they're told and we never get it wrong
Go write us a non-offensive tasteful conventional song
Like this one
Girls like boys and boys like girls and that's the way it should be forever
Welcome to Tinseltown kid I'm gonna make you a star
You got the fire in your gut and everything that you need to go far
You're a talented guy, you can shake Hollywood to the ground
And with us on your side plus your looks you're gonna conquer this town
But face it if you wanna break into this business kid you gotta play the part
And you'll never play a leading man if you let onto your fans the truth about who you are
Just remember that girls like boys and boys like girls and that's the way it has been forever
Girls like boys and boys like girls and that's the way it will be forever

—Matt Fishel, Radio-Friendly Pop Song

Scootaloo: <How do we know Cheerilee's not gay?>
Apple Bloom: No, Scootaloo, this is a kid's show! I mean, I get that they're trying to be accepting of all ponies, and that's good. But I doubt they'll actually put any gay ponies in.
Sweetie Belle: Yeah, Scootaloo, the gays and the Mexicans don't exist.

—Ultra Fast Pony

"Captain, we may be experiencing a phenomenon known as Roddenberry's Paradox. I believe it was Seven of Nine's sudden attraction to an individual of the same gender that caused her to disappear. Although homosexual liaisons are supposed to occur on Starfleet vessels, for some reason we never actually see them. It is theorised that gay people are being pulled into a parallel universe where they can engage in such activities openly. This theory was verified by one Major Kira of the Bajoran Militia, who witnessed her bisexual self in an alternative version of Deep Space Nine."

— The Alternative Factor, a Star Trek: Voyager Parody Fic

OPERATION: PROCRASTINATE!

In accordance with the ideals of universal tolerance, Archer decides to recruit Starfleet's first homosexual crewmember. But his superiors, fearing a conservative backlash, order him to delay the appointment until a more appropriate time. Subsequently the mysterious Daniels sends Archer two hundred years into the future where he meets Captain Picard, who has decided to recruit Starfleet's first homosexual crewmember. However his superiors, fearing a conservative backlash, order Picard to delay the appointment until a more appropriate time. Archer's travels then take him to Deep Space Nine, where Captain Sisko has decided to recruit Starfleet's first homosexual crewmember. But fearing a conservative backlash, his superiors order Sisko to delay the appointment until a more appropriate time. On leaving DS9 Archer is thrown 70,000 light years across the galaxy by the Caretaker. There he encounters the starship Voyager, whose captain has decided to recruit Starfleet's first homosexual crewmember. But fearing a conservative backlash...

— Next Week on Enterprise

Thomas: "And now, I Thomas, will continue with the special friend ceremony. As for the bride (?). Leia, do you promise to love [name] for life?"
Leia: "I swear"
Thomas: "Great! As for the groom (?). Do you promise to love Leia for life?"
Protagonist: [nod]
Leia: "Let's be happy together"
Thomas: "I now recognize you as two very special friends! Special friends... seems almost like a wedding ceremony, doesn't it?"

—Best Friend ceremony with Leia, Japanese version of Harvest Moon DS Cute

We can't be together Rarity. You can't be gay in children's media other than by implication or an after the fact social media post.

—Applejack, My Little Pony: Totally Legit Recap "Rainbow Rocks (Part 3)"

"They seem to be good friends."

— Popular YouTube meme

Michael: Obviously I love all my water-brothers.
Jill: BUT DON'T WORRY, IT'S THE SIXTIES SO WE'RE GONNA PRETEND HE'S STRAIGHT

—Overly Sarcastic Productions on Stranger in a Strange Land

"My sister, in real life, unlike my mother, is gay. She always told me she was gay, but for some reason, I always pictured her with a man. She's been my rock, and I would not have made it this far without her."

—Roseanne Conner about Jackie Harris, Roseanne (before the 2018 retcon revival)

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